Honey

February 25, 2021

1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

Thank you. He texted me again after I didnt reply and I decided to have coffee with him this weekend. I figured why not. It's just a coffee.

Bad decision.

February 25, 2021

1 minute ago, winny said:

Bad decision.

Why? It's just a random coffee.

February 25, 2021

48 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Why? It's just a random coffee.

You will come back and continue the thread with more questions instead of closing this chapter here and finding a better guy.

February 25, 2021

4 hours ago, poppyfields said:

@TB, if you're vibing really well, it can be pretty cool!

I've mentioned before my ex kissed me within 30 minutes after meeting. The tension had been building for two weeks before meet and it all seemed perfectly natural.

He didn't just blurt out "I want to have sex with you"! Lol But he made it known, and for some reason, I knew that's not all he wanted.

It was our vibe, our energy/chemistry however one wishes to define it.

Nice memory.

It was slightly different for me when I met my girlfriend.

Our first date was within 12 hours of connecting on Bumble as there was a matter of urgency given that I was about to fly interstate for work for a whole month, so the choice was to meet up straight away or wait a month. I gave her the option and she decided to meet straight away.

There was zero tension as we'd hardly even spoke before the date. I knew very little about her. I was actually expecting very little to come from our date as I'd had two girls who stood me up within the same week.

When we met it was amazing. She was so much more beautiful in person than the photos she put up online. It was like she deliberately undersold herself. When she walked into the bar I was, "holy f*#k this chick is cute!"

Our first date went amazingly well and we connected like nobody else I've ever comnected with before. The rest is history as we're still together, happier than ever, 16 months on.

Alas, I almost innocently asked her to come back to my place just because I was enjoying her company so much. I stopped short of doing so because I knew what message that would have sent and I saw this one as a keeper.

The funny thing is that I'd told my girlfriend a few months later that I'd thought of asking her back to my place after that first date. She was like, "Oh really? I so would have said yes!"

Edited February 25, 2021 by Trail Blazer

February 25, 2021

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

I think that for a guy for whom a date is simply a conduit to a mattress, it makes sense to say what he wants to do. A woman who feels the same way will suggest "naughty fun, I hope". A woman who's not into it will next him. He's got nothing to lose.

In this case, he's lost the OP. But from his perspective, he's saved himself from a date which wasn't going to deliver the goods.

Yes, of course. My post was said in the same context which the post I'd quoted was said. that is, to not assume that a guy who jus asks for sex is just after sex.

You've kind of made my point here because what I was saying was that for guys who are just looking for sex, they're not generally inclined to waste time and are more likely to cut to the chase.

A woman on a date really has no way to know if a guy is saying it in parellel to a relationship because he really does see more to her than just a night of fun, or if he's just viewing her as a "conduit to a mattress."

I haven't always looked for a relationship, but generally the hook ups and FWBs I've had have made it clear before we've even met that their intentions are not to find something serious.

February 25, 2021

4 hours ago, princessaurora said:

You're right, but like @poppyfields said, it's all about the vibe. If there's a chemistry, attraction, connection it basically turns you on, but if not, it's like ew, check please! So it can definitely go either way and may even get some guys slapped or a drink thrown in their face. But if you're vibing, it just adds to the excitement.

And just for the record we hadn't even gone on a date yet. We met at a party I was with another guy at, but he knew my name so he contacted me anyway and we started talking. It was during that first week of convo he just suddenly said that and in my mind I was like " oh yes, I totally want to get it on with you too, but first I have to get rid of my current boyfriend."

I under stand and like yourself, @poppyfields agreed and also said it was hot. Hey, as it turned out, my girlfriend probably would have found it hot, too! I just wasn't willing to take the risk. I knew she really liked me, so I just played it cool and the rest fell into place.

February 25, 2021

4 hours ago, Britney25 said:

@Poppy fields

No he didnt say he wanted to have sex with me bluntly. He said let's have some fun. Anyway he texted me again and I decided to have coffee with him this weekend. It's only a coffee and I want to meet him in person to get a feel of him. Coffee is not wasting time.

Just don't tell him this in those exact words. He'll take it literally.

February 25, 2021

12 hours ago, Britney25 said:

everyone around me is finding their love, getting engaged, pregnant and me? I am lonely, my clock is ticking too

Sorry this is happening.

Since you have specific goals and timelines, it may be best to get on some quality dating apps with a good profile and pics and start talking to and meeting more compatible men.

Screening is your friend. Make sure someone is in your age range (30s)and wants kids/a family.

Also screen for location so a relationship can develop. Long distance long shots simply contribute to burnout and despair.

Even if it's "just coffee", it's still wasting your headspace and energy trying to decipher intentions.

Relax. Screen well. Make sure your profile and pics are good and that your matching criteria makes sense as far as age, location, kids, etc.

February 25, 2021

7 hours ago, Britney25 said:

No he doesnt know everything about me. Please it's only coffee. I dont have to see him again after that. Is coffee going to kill me? Is it going to make his ego better? So what???!

You are looking for marriage & babies. You think this full of himself divorced father of 3 50 year old will give you that??

Waste of time. You want to still be looking at 40?

February 25, 2021

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You want to still be looking at 40?

40 is too old for making babies.
Best outcomes for mother and baby is for men to have babies before 35.

February 25, 2021

@elaine567 It's my point. She needs to stop wasting her time with prospect that are not marriage & babies oriented while she's in her best fertile years.

February 25, 2021

8 hours ago, Britney25 said:

No he doesn't know everything about me. Please it's only coffee. I dont have to see him again

He knows you don't have experience and you don't know what you're doing. He's counting on that. When you told him you didn't like to be called Honey instead of coming back to you with a better & kinder attitude he continued with this alpha dog BS. He doesn't care what makes you comfortable, he only cares about what he wants. That's the type of man you want in your life?

Yes it's just a coffee, but he's an experienced predator and he's going to play his game on you. Instead you should be booking a coffee date with someone with more potential.

February 25, 2021

6 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I knew what message that would have sent and I saw this one as a keeper.

That's how I see it. You didn't want to shoot yourself in the foot and you were capable of self control.

February 25, 2021

8 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Why? It's just a random coffee.

Are you really that desperate?

February 25, 2021

Britney, I support you meeting him. He may turn out to be the exact opposite of what some others presume him to be, and I speak from experience saying that.

Or he may not, but you won't know for sure until you meet him.

As I always say, things are often not what they appear to be, proven time and time again on these forums and outside.

You simply cannot judge a man by a few text messages before meeting, people are nervous, it can be awkward.

The guy was trying to be funny, bad joke? Perhaps. Me? I would have laughed and tossed him one back.

I think it's great you told him you're not looking for "fun," and he came back suggesting coffee instead of dinner, something lighter and more casual. Sounds like he wanted to make things more comfortable for you.

I understand you are quite beautiful, men can be total idiots when it comes to beautiful women, tongue tied, nervous.

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt just like some others gave the previous guy the benefit of the doubt, until there was no longer ANY doubt.

It's one coffee. Go for the experience. From what you've posted, you don't have much.

You're right get a feel for him; if it turns out he's an arrogant sexist pig pressuring you for sex, excuse yourself and leave!

But goodness gracious it's one coffee!

You gotta experience things to learn. In fact, imo experience is the BEST teacher.

Positive experiences, negative experiences.

I don't think you give yourself enough credit. Your instincts about the previous guy were spot on, and you initially rejected.

But he contacted you and you chose to give it another shot, you took that risk.

It didn't work out but you learned.

And if this situation doesn't work out, you learn.

But then again, maybe it will work out! You just never know.

IF you had bad feelings about him, I'd say next him now, but hell girl, you want to meet him for coffee in a public place, go meet him for coffee!

You're 30 years old, not a child.

It's your life, no one else's.

Keep an open mind, have fun and stay safe!

Edited February 25, 2021 by poppyfields

February 25, 2021

56 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Britney, I support you meeting him. He may turn out to be the exact opposite of what some others presume him to be, and I speak from experience saying that.

Or he may not, but you won't know for sure until you meet him.

As I always say, things are often not what they appear to be, proven time and time again on these forums and outside.

You simply cannot judge a man by a few text messages before meeting, people are nervous, it can be awkward.

The guy was trying to be funny, bad joke? Perhaps. Me? I would have laughed and tossed him one back.

I think it's great you told him you're not looking for "fun," and he came back suggesting coffee instead of dinner, something lighter and more casual. Sounds like he wanted to make things more comfortable for you.

I understand you are quite beautiful, men can be total idiots when it comes to beautiful women, tongue tied, nervous.

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt just like some others gave the previous guy the benefit of the doubt, until there was no longer ANY doubt.

It's one coffee. Go for the experience. From what you've posted, you don't have much.

You're right get a feel for him; if it turns out he's an arrogant sexist pig pressuring you for sex, excuse yourself and leave!

But goodness gracious it's one coffee!

You gotta experience things to learn. In fact, imo experience is the BEST teacher.

Positive experiences, negative experiences.

I don't think you give yourself enough credit. Your instincts about the previous guy were spot on, and you initially rejected.

But he contacted you and you chose to give it another shot, you took that risk.

It didn't work out but you learned.

And if this situation doesn't work out, you learn.

But then again, maybe it will work out! You just never know.

IF you had bad feelings about him, I'd say next him now, but hell girl, you want to meet him for coffee in a public place, go meet him for coffee!

You're 30 years old, not a child.

It's your life, no one else's.

Keep an open mind, have fun and stay safe!

That's all very well, but doesn't @Britney25 want a family? As she's said, her biological clock is ticking, and a 50-year-old man with as many divorces as children is hardly going to be the man to give her what she needs in the long-term.

At the end of the day, if OP wishes to chase men in their 50s, what will come from it will be on her. It's her choice at the end of the day and she'll have to live (and hopefully learn) from whatever the outcome of her choices are.

Edited February 25, 2021 by Trail Blazer

February 25, 2021

2 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

That's all very well, but doesn't @Britney25

Dosen't @Britney25 what?

February 25, 2021

Just now, poppyfields said:

Dosen't @Britney25 what?

You're too quick, poppy! I dropped my phone and it submitted my reply and you didn't give me enough time to ninja edit!

February 25, 2021

4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

You're too quick, poppy! I dropped my phone and it submitted my reply and you didn't give me enough time to ninja edit!

Lol, ok sorry! I'll try to be more patient.

February 25, 2021

I get that some are too hasty in dismissing people who may turn out to be perfectly acceptable and suitable partners but urging Britney to give this guy a chance is not sensible.
She is a 30 year old woman who is looking to start a family ASAP and he is a 50yo divorced father of 3...
How is that really going to turn out?
He could be dead by the time the first reaches junior school...
Why bother dealing with no hopers?
Fine if she didn't want kids or was looking for a good time or a Sugar Daddy, but her goal is serious, she should not waste any of the time she has messing around.
This guy could potentially waste a good few years of her life. A woman 20 years younger is a prize... He is unlikely to really want more kids but will no doubt string her along anyway.
If he manages to grab her attention, then unless he is an experienced player, he will want to hold onto her like grim death... or maybe more appropriately until grim death...

February 25, 2021

12 hours ago, Britney25 said:

I figured why not. It's just a coffee.

I agree with that sentiment, but the issue I see with it in your situation is that you had so many questions from the beginning. If you were able to approach things casually you may have had a few questions but wouldn't have had the level of anxiety about it that your posts indicate. You seem very serious, and nothing wrong with that, but be aware that most guys you come across are going to want to take a lighter, more casual approach. They aren't going to want a lot of serious questions on the first meeting and yes, they are going to want to see if you can have fun together - as in enjoy the company, laugh, etc.

Approaching things casually doesn't mean being willing to have NSA sex, it means just meeting to see if you have any interest and attraction in person. Make sure you meet somewhere safe and in public and If the guy is pushing for sex you just say no and leave.

All that being said, it's likely this guy is NOT going to be someone you will have much of a connection with, for all the reasons that have already been mentioned in the responses.

February 25, 2021

12 hours ago, Britney25 said:

he didnt say he wanted to have sex with me bluntly. He said let's have some fun. Anyway he texted me again and I decided to have coffee with him this weekend. It's only a coffee and I want to meet him in person to get a feel of him. Coffee is not wasting time.

11 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Why? It's just a random coffee.

It's a bad decision because he's going to lure you in. He's looking for fun & games, no strings attached, no commitment. You don't want that so it's a waste of your time to meet him.

He's a suave PLAYER. He's going to be dapper, charming & persuasive. He's going to say & do exactly what you need to hear to fall into his bed. How do you think he got 3 previous women to marry him? He's divorced that many times because he can't make a commitment. He likes the excitement of the chase

Maybe you need the experience to prove that we are all right & you are not up to the task of dealing with a master manipulator like him. I fear for your emotional safety. I wish you all the best on this coffee date.

I bet you are going to come back & report one of two things:

1. We had coffee & then I went home. Now he's not returning my calls, why?

or

2. I met him & he was so wonderful, handsome, funny. You guys were wrong about him. We met & it was like we've known each other forever. The afternoon flew by so we decided to have dinner together. It was like a fairytale. He was so easy to talk to; he even bought champagne. The next morning he kissed me good-bye so tenderly after the best night of love making. I've never met anybody like him. He said he had to go into the office which is why he couldn't make me breakfast, so I went home early but he paid for my cab fare. <sigh> I think he might be the one. A few days or weeks after that he'll be bored & on to the next sucker.

February 25, 2021

Op’s gonna Op.

February 25, 2021

12 hours ago, winny said:

Ba

19 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

It's a bad decision because he's going to lure you in. He's looking for fun & games, no strings attached, no commitment. You don't want that so it's a waste of your time to meet him.

He's a suave PLAYER. He's going to be dapper, charming & persuasive. He's going to say & do exactly what you need to hear to fall into his bed. How do you think he got 3 previous women to marry him? He's divorced that many times because he can't make a commitment. He likes the excitement of the chase

Maybe you need the experience to prove that we are all right & you are not up to the task of dealing with a master manipulator like him. I fear for your emotional safety. I wish you all the best on this coffee date.

I bet you are going to come back & report one of two things:

1. We had coffee & then I went home. Now he's not returning my calls, why?

or

2. I met him & he was so wonderful, handsome, funny. You guys were wrong about him. We met & it was like we've known each other forever. The afternoon flew by so we decided to have dinner together. It was like a fairytale. He was so easy to talk to; he even bought champagne. The next morning he kissed me good-bye so tenderly after the best night of love making. I've never met anybody like him. He said he had to go into the office which is why he couldn't make me breakfast, so I went home early but he paid for my cab fare. <sigh> I think he might be the one. A few days or weeks after that he'll be bored & on to the next sucker.

Stop everyone just stop. I'm not expecting anything from him. I know this will go nowhere and no I'm not even going to report back on how it went because some of you are mocking me for writing all the details here. Its just a coffee. I had plenty of one dates that didnt lead anywhere. I what the hell is that meeting going to do to me? I see having dinner with him more intimate. Yes and it is in a public place of course. People relax please because nothing is going to happen.

February 25, 2021

I'm not mocking you. I am afraid that manipulative people are going to take advantage of you.

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