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Britney25

By Britney25
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
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Just now, Britney25 said:

What about dating apps?

You won't survive on dating apps. You'll be played, they'll waste your time, they'll lie to you. It will be a huge waste of your time. You are too naïve, and I say that with the most respect. 

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted (edited)
50 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I dont judge Mens intentions clearly.  * * *  I just am confused if I'm misjudging most Men at the beginning.  

And therein lies your problem.  You have a lousy picker. You don't see the red flags & you don't trust yourself. 

You need to change your mindset, from "I want a man" to "I'm ready to settle down with a good man so show me why you are worthy."   You need to be the buyer in this situation.  You do not say any of this out loud.  It's just your attitude while you are looking around for someone to date  

When the world opens up again, find a niche that fits you.  I went to an event in NYC back in the day called Leashes & Lovers.  It wasn't about kink but rather you could bring your dog.  I brought my Dalmatian & got tons of male attention because I was one of the few women there with a dog bigger than my purse.  When I was first learning to date again as an adult I needed the emotional security of having my dog around.  Animals may not be your thing but there used to be tons of these groups:  

wine lovers

book lovers 

investment groups 

real estate singles 

medical singles 

groups where you could play board games (a very low stress way to get to know somebody) 

I signed up for a golf one where the organization created a foursome -- 2 men, 2 women -- for 9 holes so even if the company wasn't ideal I got some exercise.  

Just find something you are interested in.  Stop trolling social media.  

 

34 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I'm not on a dating app. I dont believe in them. I meet Men through instagram or facebook. 

Sorry but social media platforms are no better than dating apps.  At least the apps have filters.  I suggest you try something expensive & time consuming like e-harmony.  Take your time & fill out that questionnaire of theirs.  They will do some of the pre-screening for you.  When asked what you are want on the questionnaire, stick to narrow answers like leading to marriage.  That will weed out the guys who only want casual. 

I agree with the suggestion that you could use a dating coach / matchmaking agency.  There are plenty in NYC.  Google them & see which one strikes your fancy & is within your budget.  Other than due to Covid I'm not talking about some app or online thing but an honest to goodness person who can help you & screen for you. 

Edited by d0nnivain
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winny Established Member

winny

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

I guess I am anxious I will never meet my romantic partner. I want kids. I am ready and yet everyone around me is finding their love, getting engaged,  pregnant and me? Still no where. I love my life yes but I do want that man. I am lonely, my clock is ticking too. It seems so easy for others. I'm just mind blown. 

You cannot find a man from a place of desperation 

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winny Established Member

winny

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

I'm tired of games. I want something real. I want a Man to court me. Doesnt that happen nowadays? It's either hop with me to bed or not asking me for a 3rd date and that's it. Am I too serious??? I guess I am getting disheartened because I'm a one Mans woman. I'm very old traditional. I am a very fund woman but not with everyone. 

You are trying to nail down men on first meeting and understand all about them thru their initial texts and too scared of someone taking advantage of you by sleeping with you and dumping you. 
 

Instead why don’t you chill out a bit.. go and meet the men.. have fun (not sexual fun) and see which one you end up liking the most.. no one can sleep with you unless you let them! There are so many fun activities to do. Make a list.. do them with these men.. keep it simple.. 


Make another list of what are you looking for in a man. What are your deal breakers. What are your boundaries. So then anyone not meeting these criteria you can reject. What I find offensive.. someone else may not. So you decide what are YOUR boundaries. Do you feel okay being called honey? Its about you. It doesn’t matter how others feel. Do some homework on who you are.. what you want.. what are your deal breakers and then go on dates. 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

I guess I am anxious I will never meet my romantic partner. I want kids. I am ready and yet everyone around me is finding their love, getting engaged,  pregnant and me? Still no where. I love my life yes but I do want that man. I am lonely, my clock is ticking too. It seems so easy for others. I'm just mind blown. 

Of your friends who are finding love etc, was their approach to dating different to yours?   If so, how?

 

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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Britney25 said:

Thank you so much. Are dating apps good? If so which ones? I dont want a bunch of weirdos messaging me .

you are already dealing with weirdos who message you through Insta or FB!  

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winny Established Member

winny

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Thank you so much. Are dating apps good? If so which ones? I dont want a bunch of weirdos messaging me .

Why isn’t your attitude like.. if weirdos message me I will deal with them like a boss lady.. why is everything you do from a place of fear.?

Why cannot you go and try different dating apps and decide for yourself which one you like.. 

Anyways, you probably should go for Bumble as I have heard there a woman initiates the first message. 

 

Edited by winny
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
23 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Why would he say let's have some fun?

Honey, there is only one reason why a 50 year old man wants to take a 25 year old young woman to dinner... it’s not because he is seeking conversation. 

Edited by BaileyB
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
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1 hour ago, winny said:

You cannot find a man from a place of desperation 

No, it’s puts you at risk of making a poor decision. 

How exactly does agreeing to go out with a 50 year old help you to get closer to your goal of finding love, marrying, and having a family? 

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Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted

I'm not sure how open to the idea of a complete stranger referring to myself by the name of "honey" either, OP. 

There is no written rule that states you have to like it, dislike it, respond to it, or accept it. You can sit on it for a while then decide how it makes you feel.

 

princessaurora Established Member

princessaurora

Posted
Posted

This guy has been divorced 3 times for a reason. He is not a good candidate for a potential partner. 

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princessaurora Established Member

princessaurora

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3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

is up to YOU whether that happens or not but don't shoot him down or assume he's some misogynistic player because he is sexually attracted to you and expresses that.  Just respectfully tell him no, it's too soon, you only have sex when exclusive.

Hopefully, he will respect that and you can move forward.  If not, next him.  But heck if you dismiss every man because he wants to have sex with you, you will be dismissing virtually every man you go out with!

Some men will wait a bit before expressing sexual interest, but those men are few and far between in my experience.

Even my ex (the one I just broke up with) expressed sexual interest on our very first meet, but we didn't actually have sex until our 8th-9th date.  HE wanted to wait if you can believe that!

This! 

Just because some guys can be really blunt and tell you straight up they want to sleep with you doesn't mean that's all they want. 

My now husband blurted out in the middle of one of our first conversations " you know I totally wanna have sex with you." I was extremely flattered because I felt the same way about him cause he was so freakin hot 🔥 , but I just gave him a sultry laugh and changed the subject. We still didn't have sex till we had been dating for 3 months. 

But his comment didn't bother me. He was just being honest and who wants to date a guy who doesn't find them sexy? 

So, guys who admit their sexual interest are not necessarily jerks who just want to get laid. They just call it like they see it and aren't afraid to go there. 

 

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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37 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

This! 

Just because some guys can be really blunt and tell you straight up they want to sleep with you doesn't mean that's all they want. 

My now husband blurted out in the middle of one of our first conversations " you know I totally wanna have sex with you." I was extremely flattered because I felt the same way about him cause he was so freakin hot 🔥 , but I just gave him a sultry laugh and changed the subject. We still didn't have sex till we had been dating for 3 months. 

But his comment didn't bother me. He was just being honest and who wants to date a guy who doesn't find them sexy? 

So, guys who admit their sexual interest are not necessarily jerks who just want to get laid. They just call it like they see it and aren't afraid to go 

I agree with you

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Trail Blazer Established Member

Trail Blazer

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, princessaurora said:

This! 

Just because some guys can be really blunt and tell you straight up they want to sleep with you doesn't mean that's all they want. 

My now husband blurted out in the middle of one of our first conversations " you know I totally wanna have sex with you." I was extremely flattered because I felt the same way about him cause he was so freakin hot 🔥 , but I just gave him a sultry laugh and changed the subject. We still didn't have sex till we had been dating for 3 months. 

But his comment didn't bother me. He was just being honest and who wants to date a guy who doesn't find them sexy? 

So, guys who admit their sexual interest are not necessarily jerks who just want to get laid. They just call it like they see it and aren't afraid to go there. 

 

I've never understood the sense in telling a woman on a first date that I want to have sex with her.  I guess I'm just not that blunt.  Wouldn't it be an assumption that a guy would want to have sex with you if he's there on a date? 

I mean, I'm a red-blooded male and if I'm sitting across from a female I'm going on a date with, I am on a date with her because, a) I find her attractive, and b) I want to have sex with women I find physically attractive.

I guess for mine, the risk of coming across to a potential suitor as only being after sex is there when you blurt it out.  However, not saying, "hey, I really wanna bonk you" doesn't imply that I'm not sexually interested.

You are right, men who are so open and blunt don't necessarily just want sex.  However, the tac that most guys who do indeed just want sex adopt probably wouldn't differentiate much from those who want sex and maybe open to more.

Edited by Trail Blazer
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)

@TB, if you're vibing really well, it can be pretty cool! 

I've mentioned before my ex kissed me within 30 minutes after meeting. The tension had been building for two weeks before meet and it all seemed perfectly natural.

He didn't just blurt out "I want to have sex with you"! Lol  But he made it known, and for some reason, I knew that's not all he wanted.  

It was our vibe, our energy/chemistry however one wishes to define it.

Nice memory.

Edited by poppyfields
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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted (edited)
42 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

I've never understood the sense in telling a woman on a first date that I want to have sex with her. 

I think that for a guy for whom a date is simply a conduit to a mattress, it makes sense to say what he wants to do.    A woman who feels the same way will suggest "naughty fun, I hope".  A woman who's not into it will next him.  He's got nothing to lose.    

In this case, he's lost the OP.  But from his perspective, he's saved himself from a date which wasn't going to deliver the goods. 

Edited by basil67
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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Posted

I'm confused, Brit did he tell you he wants to have sex with you?  That bluntly?  

Or is this about his "alpha dog" comment which seriously could have been a joke/tease?

I think a lot of assumptions are being tossed around about this man, with no real basis in fact.

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princessaurora Established Member

princessaurora

Posted
Posted
50 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

You are right, men who are so open and blunt don't necessarily just want sex.  However, the tac that most guys who do indeed just want sex adopt probably wouldn't differentiate much from those who want sex and maybe open to more.

You're right, but like @poppyfields said, it's all about the vibe. If there's a chemistry, attraction, connection it basically turns you on, but if not, it's like  ew, check please! So it can definitely go either way and may even get some guys slapped or a drink thrown in their face. But if you're vibing, it just adds to the excitement. 

And just for the record we hadn't even gone on a date yet. We met at a party I was with another guy at, but he knew my name so he contacted me anyway and we started talking. It was during that first week of convo  he just suddenly said that and in my mind  I was like " oh yes, I totally want to get it on with you too, but first I have to get rid of my current boyfriend." 😅

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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted (edited)

Britney, I've only read part of the thread but do want to say, I'd have gone to dinner with him and had a blast! Don't be concerned if men call you honey, babe, or whatever. BE a sweetie, BE a honey, in that you can be kind and gentle and also tough as nails, Dress, behave, and talk like a lady and match wits with any man you go out with.  Just make sure they finish the evening with respecting you. And you can do that by dressing, talking and behaving like a lady.

You are not defined by what a man calls you.

Yes, he may have wanted sex, many men do. But, you can make him respect you by your behavior and drawing boundaries.

Btw, at some point as I aged I began to call people, "Honey." When I do it to someone for the first time, I apologize and tell them the truth, that the older I get the more I find myself calling people "Honey." It has to do with as some of us age we realize the world has plenty of harshness and calling others sweet names is a soft touch.

I know it has come to the point where many women regard, "Honey" "Sweetie," etc., as condescending. Too bad. It's a harsh world and I've watched it grow harsher over the decades.

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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Posted (edited)

@Poppy fields

No he didnt say he wanted to have sex with me bluntly. He said let's have some fun. Anyway he texted me again and I decided to have coffee with him this weekend. It's only a coffee and I want to meet him in person to get a feel of him. Coffee is not wasting time.

Edited by Britney25
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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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6 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Britney, I've only read part of the thread but do want to say, I'd have gone to dinner with him and had a blast! Don't be concerned if men call you honey, babe, or whatever. BE a sweetie, BE a honey, in that you can be kind and gentle and also tough as nails, Dress, behave, and talk like a lady and match wits with any man you go out with.  Just make sure they finish the evening with respecting you. And you can do that by dressing, talking and behaving like a lady.

You are not defined by what a man calls you.

Yes, he may have wanted sex, many men do. But, you can make him respect you by your behavior and drawing boundaries.

Btw, at some point as I aged I began to call people, "Honey." When I do it to someone for the first time, I apologize and tell them the truth, that the older I get the more I find myself calling people "Honey." It has to do with as some of us age we realize the world has plenty of harshness and calling others sweet names is a soft touch.

I know it has come to the point where many women regard, "Honey" "Sweetie," etc., as condescending. Too bad. It's a harsh world and I've watched it grow harsher over the decades.

Thank you. He texted me again after I didnt reply and I decided to have coffee with him this weekend. I figured why not. It's just a coffee.

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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13 minutes ago, princessaurora said:

You're right, but like @poppyfields said, it's all about the vibe. If there's a chemistry, attraction, connection it basically turns you on, but if not, it's like  ew, check please! So it can definitely go either way and may even get some guys slapped or a drink thrown in their face. But if you're vibing, it just adds to the excitement. 

And just for the record we hadn't even gone on a date yet. We met at a party I was with another guy at, but he knew my name so he contacted me anyway and we started talking. It was during that first week of convo  he just suddenly said that and in my mind  I was like " oh yes, I totally want to get it on with you too, but first I have to get rid of my current boyfriend." 😅

Yeah I decided to have coffee with him. At least I get to know him. In person better.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)

I don't think Britney wants to go on a date with a man that she will have to *make* him respect her. There are plenty of men who know how to behave around a woman and  especially how to watch their mouth. 

The man isn't smart enough, or sensitive enough to recognize OP does not reciprocate his style of flirting. Not only that, after she shut him down for calling her honey he comes back with *he's an alpha dog* ?? 

The man is 50, and he knows he's talking to a 30 yo woman who never had a boyfriend, who wants marriage and babies and that's the best he can do??

This guy saw in Britney the same things we did,  a young naive woman with no experience. Shame on him.

He told you who he is, beleive him. 

Edited by Gaeta
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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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24 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I don't think Britney wants to go on a date with a man that she will have to *make* him respect her. There are plenty of men who know how to behave around a woman and  especially how to watch their mouth. 

The man isn't smart enough, or sensitive enough to recognize OP does not reciprocate his style of flirting. Not only that, after she shut him down for calling her honey he comes back with *he's an alpha dog* ?? 

The man is 50, and he knows he's talking to a 30 yo woman who never had a boyfriend, who wants marriage and babies and that's the best he can do??

This guy saw in Britney the same things we did,  a young naive woman with no experience. Shame on him.

He told you who he is, beleive him. 

No he doesnt know everything about me. Please it's only coffee. I dont have to see him again after that. Is coffee going to kill me? Is it going to make his ego better? So what???! 

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winny Established Member

winny

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I'm confused, Brit did he tell you he wants to have sex with you?  That bluntly?  

Or is this about his "alpha dog" comment which seriously could have been a joke/tease?

I think a lot of assumptions are being tossed around about this man, with no real basis in fact.

If that was a joke then I wouldn’t go out with a man with such a poor sense of humor.. I cannot imagine who will find such a comment funny.

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