Honey

[Britney25]

11 minutes ago, winny said:

Dating has to be fun even if you are looking for a serious relationship eventually. No one wants to go on a date and be serious. 

I don't find him saying "lets have fun" as a red flag. But I do find the words "honey" and "alpha dog" offensive.

I'm just getting confusing messages on him. One person tells me it's ok another no hes sexist. That's my problem I dont know if I am being too scared, too serious, it seems I dont judge Mens intentions clearly.  All I know he didnt really tell me that he wants something long term like I told him I do. Plus asking for my height and photos,  everyone said that's another red flag. Honestly I dont care about going to meet him I just am confused if I'm misjudging most Men at the beginning.  Am I being too scared. I'm always thinking that most Men just want me for sex. I dont know how to change my mindset. I want to meet a gentleman, a cool guy and it seems I'm not having this luck.

[Britney25]

20 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

lol, if she wants to do it for sport or for toying with him, it might be funny and educational....but I agree, seems like she would not be up to the task.  

I'd be the most concerned that she doesn't "hold her own" and it'd turn from playing a game with him (argument that it's not HIS game if you can play it as well) into her getting chewed up and spit out---as evidence by the fact that she is still allowing contact in a helpless, entertaining way.  She has more power than she thinks but only if she actually believes that and uses it.

I'm tired of games. I want something real. I want a Man to court me. Doesnt that happen nowadays? It's either hop with me to bed or not asking me for a 3rd date and that's it. Am I too serious??? I guess I am getting disheartened because I'm a one Mans woman. I'm very old traditional. I am a very fund woman but not with everyone. 

[basil67]

7 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I want a Man to court me. Doesnt that happen nowadays?

Broadly speaking, in the Western world, it hasn't happened since we stopped having chaperones.  Certainly not in the 1980's/early 90's when I was dating.    And even my grandmother's diary from the 1930's speaks of swatting away a date's wayward hands.   And family trees being full of shotgun marriages are definitely a thing.  

Edited February 24, 2021 by basil67

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

It hasn't happened since we stopped having chaperones.  Certainly not in the 1980's/early 90's when I was dating.    And even my grandmother's diary from the 1930's speaks of swatting away a date's wayward hands.   And family trees being full of shotgun marriages are definitely a thing.  

So how do Men court women now? By texting non stop?

[Britney25]

I guess I am anxious I will never meet my romantic partner. I want kids. I am ready and yet everyone around me is finding their love, getting engaged,  pregnant and me? Still no where. I love my life yes but I do want that man. I am lonely, my clock is ticking too. It seems so easy for others. I'm just mind blown. 

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I'm tired of games. I want something real. I want a Man to court me. 

Then pick them wisely and drop them fast when they act like overly confident rude condescending players. 

Next is to stop aiming at men that can be your father. There is not one man above 45 that will take you seriously. Yes yes there are couples with 30 years difference but you're not Celine Dion or Mariah Carey. Truth is these men are divorced, they were locked in unhappy marriages for years, they're happy to be free now and won't go back into raising kids and be stock home.

Aim at men under 45. Someone you can better relate to. 

How do you present yourself online? What type of pictures you have? What site you're using? Using provocative pictures on apps like Tinder will bring you wannabe alpha dogs like this guy. 

[Versacehottie]

11 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I'm tired of games. I want something real. I want a Man to court me. Doesnt that happen nowadays? It's either hop with me to bed or not asking me for a 3rd date and that's it. Am I too serious??? I guess I am getting disheartened because I'm a one Mans woman. I'm very old traditional. I am a very fund woman but not with everyone. 

You never answered my last question: is this an entertainment thread?  Lol, I have better things to do.

I stayed off your last one because I thought it might be: usually if it goes on and on forever or down a rabbit hole that's what we are looking at.

Idk, are you seriously that naive?  Don't you have friends? I ask that because usually from what your friends are doing you can tell if you are in the norm or outside the norm.  The naivety seems outside the norm (and perhaps like it's an entertainment thread, if you know what I mean).

Ok, well assuming for a second that you are serious and we should take you serious, a one man woman, would realize this guy is nonsense and move on.  Keep it simple.  I don't think you are equipped for the more complicated types of relationships atm.

BTW, you won't get disheartened if you don't allow this. Tell yourself: there is better out there for me & I'm sure I'll find and block this nonsense.  By still allowing it in your life, you open yourself to the possibility that you're open to this person and he's not giving you what you want (therefore you are losing in essence).  Be proactive and decide "this is not for me" is enlightening.  Also if you are traditional, this guy is showing you he won't give you what you want.  Cut him off and keep looking.  Look in a variety of ways, not just online.

Lastly, lots (all?) of guys, even traditional want to sleep with you.  Some want to date you as well.  Be flattered but say "no thank you" to the ones that all they want to do with you is sleep with you.  No reason to get offended.

Edited February 24, 2021 by Versacehottie

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

Then pick them wisely and drop them fast when they act like overly confident rude condescending players. 

Next is to stop aiming at men that can be your father. There is not one man above 45 that will take you seriously. Yes yes there are couples with 30 years difference but you're not Celine Dion or Mariah Carey. Truth is these men are divorced, they were locked in unhappy marriages for years, they're happy to be free now and won't go back into raising kids and be stock home.

Aim at men under 45. Someone you can better relate to. 

How do you present yourself online? What type of pictures you have? What site you're using? Using provocative pictures on apps like Tinder will bring you wannabe alpha dogs like this guy. 

I'm not on a dating app. I dont believe in them. I meet Men through instagram or facebook. I dont talk to everyone just those that somewhat interest me. And I dont agree what you say about older Men. I do know older Men with no kids before settling with younger Women. 

[basil67]

I had to look up the definition of 'court' to answer your question.  I found "Courtship is when a man is attempting to “woo” a woman, (to win her over) with the end result being marriage".   

I'm older than the guy who is the subject of this thread, and in all that time a man has not expected to "woo" a woman.  Rather, establishing a relationship involves expressing mutual interest in each other and both parties taking a proactive approach.   

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

You never answered my last question: is this an entertainment thread?  Lol, I have better things to do.

I stayed off your last one because I thought it might be: usually if it goes on and on forever or down a rabbit hole that's what we are looking at.

Idk, are you seriously that naive?  Don't you have friends? I ask that because usually from what your friends are doing you can tell if you are in the norm or outside the norm.  The naivety seems outside the norm (and perhaps like it's an entertainment thread, if you know what I mean).

Ok, well assuming for a second that you are serious and we should take you serious, a one man woman, would realize this guy is nonsense and move on.  Keep it simple.  I don't think you are equipped for the more complicated types of relationships atm.

BTW, you won't get disheartened if you don't allow this. Tell yourself: there is better out there for me & I'm sure I'll find and block this nonsense.  By still allowing it in your life, you open yourself to the possibility that you're open to this person and he's not giving you what you want (therefore you are losing in essence).  Be proactive and decide "this is not for me" is enlightening.  Also if you are traditional, this guy is showing you he won't give you what you want.  Cut him off and keep looking.  Look in a variety of ways, not just online.

Lastly, lots (all?) of guys, even traditional want to sleep with you.  Some want to date you as well.  Be flattered but say "no thank you" to the ones that all they want to do with you is sleep with you.  No reason to get offended.

Please dont make fun of me. I am dead serious. My dad was never a role model to me..he treated me like a little girl all my life. He past away too soon God rest his soul. I do have self esteem issues no matter how beautiful people tell me I am. I have rejection issues as my father rejected me all my life. Never told me I'm beautiful. I was never enough. Yes I guess I am naive because I dont understand how this courtship is supposed to look like. I never had a boyfriend. I'm not on a dating app. I'm not dating random Men. I dont date a lot either, but when I do it's a big deal for me. All my friends are married and with children. 

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I'm not on a dating app. I dont believe in them. I meet Men through instagram or facebook. I dont talk to everyone just those that somewhat interest me. And I dont agree what you say about older Men. I do know older Men with no kids before settling with younger Women. 

So you are on facebook and Instagram and you approach men because they look attractive to you but you don't even know if they're single? How is that working for you so far? because your success rate seem to be very low as in inexistant. 

You want children, you think a 55 year old man wants to make babies again? You want your 10 year old child to have a father of 65?

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I had to look up the definition of 'court' to answer your question.  I found "Courtship is when a man is attempting to “woo” a woman, (to win her over) with the end result being marriage".   

I'm older than the guy who is the subject of this thread, and in all that time a man has not expected to "woo" a woman.  Rather, establishing a relationship involves expressing mutual interest in each other and both parties taking a proactive approach.   

Yes I meant courtship. I seem to not meet men who want to go out with me on fun dates and not telling me let's go to my place ect. I want to sleep with a Man when I'm exclusive with him.

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Please dont make fun of me. I am dead serious. My dad was never a role model to me..he treated me like a little girl all my life. He past away too soon God rest his soul. I do have self esteem issues no matter how beautiful people tell me I am. I have rejection issues as my father rejected me all my life

That's called daddy issues. You're trying to to find a man that will replace your father and will show you love the way your father never has. 

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So you are on facebook and Instagram and you approach men because they look attractive to you but you don't even know if they're single? How is that working for you so far? because your success rate seem to be very low as in inexistant. 

You want children, you think a 55 year old man wants to make babies again? You want your 10 year old child to have a father of 65?

Not all Men I date are that old. The last guy who I posted on the catch up thread is my age and he isnt texting me.

[Britney25]

Just now, Gaeta said:

That's called daddy issues. You're trying to to find a man that will replace your father and will show you love the way your father never has. 

Like I said I went out with the guy my age who I didnt like and he texted me for a while and then silence. I dont get it.

[Gaeta]

 

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Like I said I went out with the guy my age who I didnt like and he texted me for a while and then silence. I dont get it.

So?

Because 1 man your age dropped you then ALL  men your age will drop you? 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

 

So?

Because 1 man your age dropped you then ALL  men your age will drop you? 

Problem is I dont get asked out on dates that often since I'm not on a dating app.

[HiCrunchy]

Dating apps are another avenue to try. At least on the app you can for the most part assume they are single and looking to mingle. By not being on apps, you are limiting your own options.

[Gaeta]

@Britney25: Now I have a better understanding of you here's my advice. 

Reach to a SERIOUS meeting agency. They will meet with you, they will take note of all your requirements and they will match you with a man that is what you want. Those men have to pay thousands of dollars to be in those agencies so they're not looking for 'fun', they're looking for a wife. 

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes I meant courtship. I seem to not meet men who want to go out with me on fun dates and not telling me let's go to my place ect.

I want to sleep with a Man when I'm exclusive with him.

Then tell them that.  Britney, when a man is attracted to you, he wants to have sex with you.  The sooner the better.  It is not necessarily a bad or negative thing imo, although some posters here believe it is.

It is up to YOU whether that happens or not but don't shoot him down or assume he's some misogynistic player because he is sexually attracted to you and expresses that.  Just respectfully tell him no, it's too soon, you only have sex when exclusive.

Hopefully, he will respect that and you can move forward.  If not, next him.  But heck if you dismiss every man because he wants to have sex with you, you will be dismissing virtually every man you go out with!

Some men will wait a bit before expressing sexual interest, but those men are few and far between in my experience.

Even my ex (the one I just broke up with) expressed sexual interest on our very first meet, but we didn't actually have sex until our 8th-9th date.  HE wanted to wait if you can believe that!

My advice is try to be more open.  Learn to trust your own instincts.  We can give our opinions based on our personal experiences, but we haven't talked to this guy or interacted with him.  

Learn to trust men a bit more, and be open to the possibility of him.  Not every guy is an evil manipulator ONLY after sex, give them a chance.  They might tease you, joke with you, all in good fun.

To be honest, yes I do think you are a bit too serious.  Try lightening up a bit, learn to become a bit playful, have some laughs!

Dating really should be fun!  Not this anxiety ridden minefield wherein you're analyzing each and every word trying to determine what it means.

Try having fun with all of it.  

That's my advice anyway, good luck!

 

 

Edited February 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

Problem is I dont get asked out on dates that often since I'm not on a dating app.

Back in the olden days before dating apps, we didn't sit around waiting for men to ask us out.  We were proactive.  We'd meet a man at a party/event/via friends.  It was quite acceptable to go up to a stranger at an event and start chatting "so, how do you know the host?"   If they liked us, and were single, a date could well have happened.  But they didn't have to do any courtship because we didn't need to be lured in if we were interested   Thing is, all this courting and wooing sits on the premise that a woman needs to be lured in....but it wasn't a thing.  

 

[Britney25]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Then tell them that.  Britney, when a man is attracted to you, he wants to have sex with you.  The sooner the better.  It is not necessarily a bad or negative thing imo, although some posters here believe it is.

It is up to YOU whether that happens or not but don't shoot him down or assume he's some misogynistic player because he is sexually attracted to you and expresses that.  Just respectfully tell him no, it's too soon, you only have sex when exclusive.

Hopefully, he will respect that and you can move forward.  If not, next him.  But heck if you dismiss every man because he wants to have sex with you, you will be dismissing every man you go out with!

Some men will wait a bit before expressing sexual interest, but those men are few and far between in my experience.

Even my ex (the one I just broke up with) expressed sexual interest on our very first meet, but we didn't actually have sex until our 8th-9th date.  HE wanted to wait if you can believe that!

My advice is try to be more open.  Learn to trust your own instincts.  We can give our opinions based on our personal experiences, but we haven't talked to this guy or interacted with him.  

Learn to trust men a bit more, and be open to the possibility of him.  Not every guy is an evil manipulator ONLY after sex, give them a chance.  They might tease you, joke with you, all in good fun.

 

I

Thank you so much. Are dating apps good? If so which ones? I dont want a bunch of weirdos messaging me .

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@Britney25: Now I have a better understanding of you here's my advice. 

Reach to a SERIOUS meeting agency. They will meet with you, they will take note of all your requirements and they will match you with a man that is what you want. Those men have to pay thousands of dollars to be in those agencies so they're not looking for 'fun', they're looking for a wife. 

What about dating apps?

[HiCrunchy]

With dating apps you will have to do more of the weeding by yourself. I would suggest bumble since its a female orientated app where the woman messages first and Hinge because its very relationship orientated (they have prompts about your personality for your profile). Stay away from Tinder, its garbage.

[HiCrunchy]

You can also try Coffee Meets Bagel, which is also more relationship oriented. You get a handful of bagels to "like" everyday based on your preferences, and then if they liked you back you can message them.