Gaeta Posted February 24, 2021 Posted February 24, 2021 38 minutes ago, prettyinpink67 said: He said since he is a man, they don't really plan in advance and only think about what to get you one day in advance. is this even true? Another excuse. Yes a man can get busy with work and other responsibility and be last minute, happened to all of us but it's not his case right? All he had a a bike ride planned.
Gaeta Posted February 24, 2021 Posted February 24, 2021 44 minutes ago, prettyinpink67 said: I've ignored you twice now since you're being rude to me. Do you think he's just a paypal to me? Or that I'm a teenager with an online love? We're separated for now. His city is still in a lockdown. He sent me money because he doesn't know what I want (since I always told him I don't want anything). He knew I liked to invest, so he said I can invest it instead if I don't spend it on anything. Also, I sent him money too. His question was legitimate. To properly advise you we need context. How do we know you're not 17 and he's a penpal? You have to give us context, how long dating, ages, etc etc. 2
Versacehottie Posted February 24, 2021 Posted February 24, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, prettyinpink67 said: Hi Versace, He did asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told him I want nothing. I didn't expect anything from him honestly, just for him to be excited to celebrate my birthday with me. I had expected for him to at least give me a proper birthday wish, and spend some time with me. He felt bad since I was so sad, he said he knew I will get even madder if he just sent me money at that time but he said he still wanted to get me something. The transaction somehow got cancelled and he kept telling me he would send it again, but never did. I wasn't trying to guilt him really, it took him a lot of convincing to help me open up since he noticed I had been crying for days. I wouldn't be expecting anything if he hadn't said them himself, what makes me mad is him not following through with promises that he kept throwing at me. I know that if I asked he will most likely fulfill it, there is nothing that I wanted but he kept saying he will get me something or do something for me but ended up not following through. We had this conversation in the past, each time he would say sorry and give me excuses such as being busy or being distracted. Other than being unreliable, he is a lovely person though. Hi, I'm confused....have you EVER met? If you've never met, he's playing you and you have far bigger problems than him not following through on a gift. Bolded above is a mixed message from your end. If you warm up to receiving a gift and WANT him to follow through, don't say the opposite and play coy and then be disappointed when he doesn't do it. That part is partially on you (and slightly what I expected). You've basically given him an out in your discussion of the gift and when it came to it he took the EASIER route since you'd given him that alternative initially. How did you "expect" him to spend your birthday with you? On the phone or FT? Like I said in my first post, guilting someone or making them feel sorry for you is not very effective way of managing your relationship. It makes you the lesser person, the broken person, the needy person in the relationship. Especially when it comes to gifts, and other nice gestures, guys tend to be much more motivated to give gifts and shower attention when they are trying to impress you, win your approval or affection. Your tactic has you showing you are all needy and all IN and need him to prop you up--not motivating, an obligation. It goes the same way with friendships really if you think about it--do you want to hang out with the friend who is broken and problem after problem and prop them up or do you want to hang out with the person who is a lot of fun and brings out the best in you and makes life fun and you want to keep up with that. If you are feeling like a pit of despair inside, you need to deal with it, rather than hide it but function subpar. These are not problems to visit on the people in your life if you've been crying for days--something is wrong. Depending on length of, seriousness of the relationship, he might not even have/feel that level of responsibility toward you. Guessing if you've never met and this is some pandemic, lockdown online romance, that is exactly what is happening. It's become only burdensome. Pro tip (lol), the moment he threw out the idea of "getting something" for him, you should have run with the idea. Like start saying, "like what did you have in mind?" And playful tease him about it (then it's less of obligation and a nuisance but fun and a way to keep your interest). also you would show that you were cheered up by the sentiment and his effort in thinking of that NOT the gift itself. Key difference. 50/50 on the excuses of being busy/distracted. So it says a couple of things. He is not prioritizing this relationship the way you do. Dial it back then. Secondly, he might not weight following through or gifts as highly as you do--again speaks to how serious he sees this relationship, how seriously he takes YOU, the mixed messages you've given him on the subject AND perhaps just his character about this stuff. Why is it a running joke of guys running to the store last minute to buy things? um, because they DO! Not all of them. But probably more than women in general. One thing that I would stereotype of guys who 'cycle' as a hobby. Aren't they usually 40-60 years old? and if I could pick a character trait of the guys who do this as a hobby, they seem more straight-laced and slightly uptight (like the type who would follow through and can get organized). So then if that fits him, you have to ask yourself, why can't he get his sh*t together for you, if you indeed have a relationship that warrants that amount of responsibility, like a serious one. If let's say his age is in this age range, his character trait otherwise is organized, except when it comes to you, and you've been led to believe and length of time together seems like you should be serious, then he's not your guy whatsoever. He's not serious about you. I think if you've never met--you are taking this relationship too seriously DESPITE whatever promises have been made. Edited February 24, 2021 by Versacehottie 1
introverted1 Posted February 24, 2021 Posted February 24, 2021 @prettyinpink67 Can you please clarify the relationship: How & when did you meet? Have you met in person? If so, how often/how long? Are you currently in the same location? 3
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