sadfish Posted October 30, 2005 Posted October 30, 2005 JohnJohn, i, too, was in a relationship for 4 months (a very intense for months, i felt) and it's been over almost 4 months now and i'm *still* trying to get over it. Like a lot of people here say, it all depends on the situation, what you put into it, how YOU were affected to determine how long it should take. I know some of my friends think i'm crazy to still be thinking about it/him, should be dating someone new like the ex is already, but that's just not me. I do still put forth the effort to date, just not having any luck there either right now, but i know it's alright cos i'm just not "there" yet. I've realised it's ok to still be bothered by things--after all this is EXACTLY where the universe wants me to be right now, even though it sucks being lonely and frustrated. There are no expiration dates on feelings or delivery dates on being "healed"...lol.
Author JohnJohn Posted October 30, 2005 Author Posted October 30, 2005 My question is...how does one decipher between missing the relationship or missing the person? I think after enough time invested the 2 become intertwined, no? Just the fact that you're thinking of your ex while dating another kind of tells me that you're actually missing the person?? Great point. You're right....they are intertwined. You can't draw a line in the sand one way or another. I do miss the person to some extent but I miss the situation a whole lot more. Also I miss the part of the person I thought I knew in the beginning, but not the real person she is after her true colors came a shinin' through. It's voiding the image of the person you thought they were in the beginning that is tough. Perhaps because that's when you became emotionally attached and your feelings developed? I know some of my friends think i'm crazy to still be thinking about it/him, should be dating someone new like the ex is already, but that's just not me. I do still put forth the effort to date, just not having any luck there either right now, but i know it's alright cos i'm just not "there" yet. I've realised it's ok to still be bothered by things--after all this is EXACTLY where the universe wants me to be right now, even though it sucks being lonely and frustrated. There are no expiration dates on feelings or delivery dates on being "healed"...lol. Yeah it's always tough if you find out that your ex is involved with someone and you are not. I'm fortunate not to know in my case. I stick to the "outta sight outta mind" principle as much as I can. There's some things in life that are better not known. And you will know when the time is right to date again. If an ex can rush into a relationship so soon after, that should say that he/she wasn't all that into it in the first place. At which point you have more validation that it's best it ended.
downcydeguy Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 You all keep mentioning that you miss the situation because the other person was emotionally cruel or abusive. So what about when the person was wonderful? My ex was the most amazing person I had ever met in my entire life! She just happened to go through a major change while studying abroad and no longer wanted me to be part of her life. We were very serious for 2 1/2 years at that point. I miss EVERYTHING about her AND the relationship. So although some of you had bad experiences with your exes, there are some of us who simply became disposable overnight. Also, there is no time frame on how long it takes to get over somebody. I don't care if you dated them 4 months or 4 years! As Joe Dirt would say, "you just have to keep on keepin' on" and one day you will wake up and realize that you're finally over him/her.
heartnsoul Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 I got another Joe Dirt quote "Life's a Garden, Dig It"
patwheel Posted October 31, 2005 Posted October 31, 2005 hey downcy, i hear you man. Of course I miss the person, however, in my case, she is the dumper, and I was madly in love. We drifted apart now that I look at it, and I still think she is great and all that, but just not the right one. Remember there's loving and being in love. as john said, the person and the situation are intertwined, and I still get a little queasy whenever I hear a certain song or a certain situation, just because we had a great time together, and she'll always be in my heart, just like i know ill be in hers. but whatever is not meant to be cant be forced. my ex wasnt abusive or anything either, but now that i look back to how i was acting when i was with her, i really missed out on a lot: starting to denigrate friends, going out less with the guys, not meeting new people. All those things that I should have kept doing while i was in there, I refused, because I was blinded by the love. but now, hey, halloween is here! parties, bar, clubs, anywhere is a good excuse to meet new people and start feeling better for yourself.
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