EAM19 Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 Hi, young woman here with not a lot of male friends to ask their opinion! I'm new to hookup culture, but don't want a relationship right now as I don't have the time for it and want to just focus on myself. But I do enjoy hooking up, Usually its just a one night stand though. I met this guy on tinder and after a few days of messaging he came over for some drinks and we hooked up. We spoke every day for a week after this and then hooked up again a week after the first. After this, he messaged me again, but then his messages became inconsistent and stopped. I was a bit stressed about this (just the changing in messaging and again, I'm new to this). Anyway I left it and we've spoken once since on his birthday. I saw him in the street the other day and we said hi quickly and he hugged me but I was in a rush so didn't chat. I think he got worried that messaging too much would give the wrong impression, and his friends all moved in to his house so had a busy week and didn't want to message. We had good s*x, and he is knew to hooking up as well having had 2 long relationships so I know he doesn't want anything serious either. Anyway, I really want to hookup again but I don't know how to approach it. I feel like my message needs to be straight up as I don't want to give the wrong impression to him and he think I want anything more. Any tips on what kind of message you would want to receive in this situation? Or would you not want to hookup with a girl again after a couple of times? I've assumed that because we had a good time and we get along when we are together that he would want to sleep together again. But the change in the messages a couple of weeks ago has put a little bit of doubt in me that he isn't interested.
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 13 minutes ago, EAM19 said: , but then his messages became inconsistent and stopped. I was a bit stressed about this. It's seems like you are not cut out for "the hookup culture" if you're stressing out and treating hookups like dating or relationships. Why not consider FWB? It may be safer and you could have regular NSA sex with (theoretically) no emotional complications. If hookups are stressful for you, do some soul-searching.
Fletch Lives Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 Only with relationships, with love, do you get guarantees. With those half-baked relationships, count on nothing. 2
Author EAM19 Posted February 22, 2021 Author Posted February 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: It's seems like you are not cut out for "the hookup culture" if you're stressing out and treating hookups like dating or relationships. Why not consider FWB? It may be safer and you could have regular NSA sex with (theoretically) no emotional complications. If hookups are stressful for you, do some soul-searching. Hi, Thank you. Yeah I got a bit stressed at first, simply because the messages became so inconsistent. But I can get like that about friends also (I know its just myself). FWB would be good, but I wouldn't want to limit myself or him to just each other (being safe of course). As I say, I am nee to this so I can imagine hooking up can be stressful for anyone who's not been doing it for long. I just don't know what kind of message to send a guy. Usually I asked if they want to have some drinks etc but that feels to date-like.
Author EAM19 Posted February 22, 2021 Author Posted February 22, 2021 22 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: Only with relationships, with love, do you get guarantees. With those half-baked relationships, count on nothing. Very true, thank you. I guess even a hookup isn't guaranteed
cleverusername Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 You- "Wanna bangout" Him- "you mean hangout?" You- "I mean we can hangout afterwards" He'll get the picture 2
Happy Lemming Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 2 hours ago, EAM19 said: I just don't know what kind of message to send a guy. Sext him... maybe add "Wanna play??" I do remember one woman used to sext me some GREAT pics. My response was always... "Can I come over and play with that?" 1
smackie9 Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 If the messages taper off that usually means he's a one, or two and done type of guy. He's not interested in FWB or commit to sleeping with one person. And he knows girls get attached easily so he's avoiding that, probably has had to deal with that in the past. You can try and hit him up for sex again....like hey got nothing going on tonight, U feel like having more fun?
Author EAM19 Posted February 22, 2021 Author Posted February 22, 2021 36 minutes ago, smackie9 said: If the messages taper off that usually means he's a one, or two and done type of guy. He's not interested in FWB or commit to sleeping with one person. And he knows girls get attached easily so he's avoiding that, probably has had to deal with that in the past. You can try and hit him up for sex again....like hey got nothing going on tonight, U feel like having more fun? Hi, thanks for this! I'm not looking to only sleep with him either, its just easy when you know the person and know its good and I'm busy at the minute so don't have the time to spend a whole evening and night meeting someone new haha. But that makes so much sense. I have a friend with a FWB who only speak when they arrange a hookup and it seems like the ideal situation hahah
Author EAM19 Posted February 22, 2021 Author Posted February 22, 2021 3 hours ago, cleverusername said: You- "Wanna bangout" Him- "you mean hangout?" You- "I mean we can hangout afterwards" He'll get the picture Hahaha love that. I'm used to guys messaging first and always had the view of waiting for them to come to me but that seems to just throw off my inner power and control over what I want 1
sushiandtacos Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 Maybe just say "Any plans tonight?" lol
divegrl Posted February 22, 2021 Posted February 22, 2021 1 hour ago, EAM19 said: Hahaha love that. I'm used to guys messaging first and always had the view of waiting for them to come to me but that seems to just throw off my inner power and control over what I want Text him .... “mmmmmmmmmmmmm”. That will give him the right message. If you are just looking to hookup, you need to add more men to your list. Having multiple guys in your rotation will give you that sense of inner power and control that you are seeking. Have a beautiful day friend! 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23, 2021 Posted February 23, 2021 On 2/22/2021 at 12:16 PM, EAM19 said: .I think he got worried that messaging too much would give the wrong impression, and his friends all moved in to his house so had a busy week and didn't want to message. What led you to believe that's why he hasn't messaged you? I"m not sure if you heard that through a mutual friend or something, or if this is just your own theory as to why you haven't heard from him. As the others have said, drop him a line to see if he wants to get together. You'll have your answer soon enough. But if this is the same guy as the last thread, tread cautiously - will you be hurt if he declines? Or is wishy-washy? Or sleeps with you and then goes quiet again?
Miss Spider Posted February 23, 2021 Posted February 23, 2021 (edited) “Hey bb u want sum f*k? or at least that’s how I would Edited February 23, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
smackie9 Posted February 23, 2021 Posted February 23, 2021 (edited) 23 hours ago, EAM19 said: Hi, thanks for this! I'm not looking to only sleep with him either, its just easy when you know the person and know its good and I'm busy at the minute so don't have the time to spend a whole evening and night meeting someone new haha. But that makes so much sense. I have a friend with a FWB who only speak when they arrange a hookup and it seems like the ideal situation hahah Well that comes with direct communication of expectations. Have that conversation with him. Edited February 23, 2021 by smackie9 1
princessaurora Posted February 23, 2021 Posted February 23, 2021 If all you're looking for is pure sex, just be blunt. "Are you dtf tonight? Cause I sure am. "
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