He didn't see a future with me so I walked, but it still hurts so much and

[Emotional_Pop93]

We had a really good day. We haven’t seen each other since the holidays because he was in the East Coast with his family and we didn’t spend New Year’s Eve together because of COVID. We finally got together, watched our show, got take out and slept together. We went on a hike the next day. As he (36M) was driving me (27F) back home, he nonchalantly told me he never wanted to marry again and he didn’t wanna live with “anyone” so domestic partnership isn’t even an option. He wanted to focus on his career. The new year made him think about this, he said. 

I got home and debated for a few hours. I broke it off because what’s the point of a dead end relationship? It hurt and he knew I wanted to get married eventually. It hurt even more when he told me that he didn’t expect me to break up with him. He said he thought he would be honest and nothing would change. He thinks I’m desperate enough to be in a dead end relationship?

7 weeks after the break up, he broke NC to let me know he wanted to give me my Christmas present along with my things I left in his apartment. I suggested he drop it off, but he insisted on meeting. I thought he was trying to revive the relationship because why would he want to meet face to face? 

I agreed to meet. He literally handed me my stuff and that was it. We didn’t converse, he didn’t ask how I’ve been. He dropped it off and it was a 2 second interaction.

Now I know it’s really over. That last interaction hurt a lot, but it killed every single of my last false hope. Reality has settled in.

We broke up January 3rd and I just survived week 7. It will be week 8 tomorrow. NC is the best thing I can do to move forward

TLDR: I (27F) broke up with my boyfriend (36M) of 11 months because he said he didn’t see a future with me 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Emotional_Pop93 said:

he said he didn’t see a future with me

That is a very common reason for a break up, but the fact he thought you would just stick around anyway, whilst he concentrated on his career shows he doesn't really understand women. He wanted your time and support without giving you any commitment... on what planet?
Too many women  IMO stick around under those conditions, because they "love" him, and get badly burnt.
I think there seems to be a lot of divorced men (and women no doubt) who "never" want to get married again, but | have a feeling once they get the divorce out of their system and meet someone really special, they will change their minds... but when and if are the big unknowns and not something anyone should really take a chance on..
You did the right thing here, anyone who tells you they do not see a future with you, is not someone to waste any time with.
Find a man around your own age, without the emotional baggage and  a man who actually wants to marry and have kids.
Leave the bitter divorced people to other divorced people is the best idea.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Good call to end it. He seems bitter and stuck in his ways.

Why was this long distance? That in itself is a deal breaker.

Do you believe 11mos is a good time to bring up marriage or living together? 

[Emotional_Pop93]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Good call to end it. He seems bitter and stuck in his ways.

Why was this long distance? That in itself is a deal breaker.

Do you believe 11mos is a good time to bring up marriage or living together? 

Hi thanks for responding. It wasn’t long distance. He was only in the East Coast for the Holidays. I didn’t think 11 mos was enough time to bring this up because it seems really early so I was shocked when he told me this. I sensed there was something off that night. We usually don’t use condoms because I am on BC, but I told him that I have not been on BC for about a week because my pills ran out so I suggested we use protection. He grabbed the condom from his bag that he hasn’t even unpacked yet. I thought it was sketchy because why is he bringing them in the east coast? His ex wife lives there. 

 

 

[FMW]

I'm a woman, divorced for almost 5 years.  I never want to marry again, nor live with anyone.  I'm not bitter - I just don't want either of those things again.  

I've been involved with someone for over a year that I adore, he's an amazing man.  I want a committed and monogamous relationship with him, but I don't want to marry or live with him.  He knew from early on, while we were still just hanging out as friends, that I never wanted to get married again.  

OP I don't think your ex is necessarily bitter or that anything else is wrong with him, BUT - he absolutely should have communicated his feelings about marriage and cohabitation very early on.  I doubt he just recently realized this was how he felt about the issue in general.  Do you have the feeling for some reason that it's about his feelings for you personally?  I don't see where he actually said he doesn't see a future with you.  Not wanting to marry or live together absolutely does NOT mean I don't see a future with the guy I'm involved with.  But I understand that not marrying or living together is unacceptable to you and therefore means that YOU see no future with HIM.      

[elaine567]

13 minutes ago, FMW said:

Do you have the feeling for some reason that it's about his feelings for you personally? 

I have a feeling the OP thinks this sudden revelation, may be something to do with his ex...     see the condom update..

[Noproblem]

I don't think he doesn't see a future with you. I think some people are pre-occupied with titles .

He said he doesn't like titles and domestic life. He didn't want you to leave him, he wants you in his life but he didn't want to be perfect dad and perfect mom and photos of couple goals on Easter, you know what I mean?

He doesn't care about marriage and such stuff, doesn't mean he doesn't see a future with you. He loves you but he doesn't like the idea of domestic life.

So I don't see he is at fault here, you two looking for different things in life. 

But remember you can get the title of a wife, but will you be happy?

if you let go of someone you love just because he doesn't share the belief in the institution of marriage and domestic life.

and what was he supposed to say to you in your meeting?

Please take me back I'll marry you and give you ring?

There was no point in talking. He stated what he wanted and you ended up the relationship based on that as if he meant nothing to you, so why would talk again?

He is nothing to you.. so he just wanted to see you one last time and that was the end.

Edited February 23, 2021 by Noproblem

[Noproblem]

On 2/22/2021 at 12:15 PM, elaine567 said:

I have a feeling the OP thinks this sudden revelation, may be something to do with his ex...     see the condom update..

no the condoms were used to make she 100% she won't get pregnant and he will be stuck in a domestic life he hates.

BC alone is not enough  .condoms alone are  not enough, gotta be careful!

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Noproblem

[Emotional_Pop93]

3 minutes ago, Noproblem said:

no the condoms were used to make she 100% she won't get pregnant and he will be stuck in a domestic life he hates.

BC alone is not enough  .condoms alone are  not enough, gotta be careful!

 

I was the one who suggested to use the condom. He usually grabs it from his condom stash in his drawer, but that night he grabbed hit from his luggage that he has not unpacked. Why is he bringing condoms to the East Coast? while he is traveling? 

He told me he wanted kids in the beginning. I obvi dont want them now. I left as soon as he said he doesn't want what I want, I left so he doesn't "get stuck in a domestic life he hates". Why should I stick with someone who doesn't want what I want? It is unfair to him too so I set him free.

Edited February 23, 2021 by Emotional_Pop93

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Emotional_Pop93 said:

Why is he bringing condoms to the East Coast? while he is traveling? 

Good call to end it. 

[d0nnivain]

You did the right thing by ending it.