Single and happy?

[Miss Spider]

7 minutes ago, CollinW said:

Hmmm, this specimen has;

blonde hair, check. Blue eyes, check. 6 feet tall, check. Well groomed, check. Clothes don't look cheap so maybe has a good job, check. Says they want a relationship, check.

Let's try it on *imagines the speciman on their arm* - it fits good, check. Time to check out (swipes right). 

We're seriously a few years away from having customer reviews on dating sites. 

Nuh it should say his occupation in a certain section or in bio 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Trail Blazer]

7 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

Hmm I'm not too sure. When we became official I was actually too comfortable if anything, I just assumed it would work out.

It's strange that you felt this way when you also posted this:

1 hour ago, Thunder27 said:

And in my case I was so nervous about telling my family and friends that I was in a relationship in case it fell apart. And guess what? 2 months later she breaks up with me. It's embarrassing. 

I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  Your situation is hard to get a take on.

[Thunder27]

3 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

It's strange that you felt this way when you also posted this:

I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.  Your situation is hard to get a take on.

Lol idk I was nervous about telling people in case it fell apart initially, but afterward I never felt insecure within the relationship until she went cold. 

[poppyfields]

2 hours ago, Thunder27 said:

And in my case I was so nervous about telling my family and friends that I was in a relationship in case it fell apart. And guess what? 2 months later she breaks up with me. It's embarrassing. 

Why was it embarrassing?  That is not a rhetorical question.  

I don't get that. There was another poster who posted that they never want the object of their affection to know they like/love them, they felt embarrassed by it.

Why should liking/loving another human being be embarrassing?

Or if that person ends things and/or breaks your heart, why is that embarrassing?

One should never be embarrassed for loving another person, it's certainly nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Feel proud that you have the capacity to love!  Some people don't.  

I have never felt ashamed to express my "like" to someone or my love.  When I feel it, I'm like "I really like you"!!

No man has ever been scared off by that, so long as I don't start becoming this overly-anxious clinger who wants to drain the life out of him.  Which would never happen anyway. 

If I have any advice, it's to stop being so scared and don't allow fear to drive your ship.

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

4 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

Lol idk I was nervous about telling people in case it fell apart initially, but afterward I never felt insecure within the relationship until she went cold. 

I don't generally tell people what I'm doing or who I'm dating until I feel secure about where things are headed.  Even then, if someone wants to know, I'll say that I'm seeing someone but only just recently.

There's no obligation to divulge anything to anyone until you're ready to do so.  And even then, most normal people understand that relationships often don't last.  At least you're giving it a shot!

[Thunder27]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Why was it embarrassing?  That is not a rhetorical question.  

I don't get that. There was another poster who posted that they never want the object of their affection to know they like/love them, they felt embarrassed by it.

Why should liking/loving another human being be embarrassing?

Or if that person ends things and/or breaks your heart, why is that embarrassing?

One should never be embarrassed for loving another person, it's certainly nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about.

Feel proud that you have the capacity to love!  Some people don't.  

I have never felt ashamed to express my "like" to someone or my love.  When I feel it, I'm like "I really like you"!!

No man has ever been scared off by that, so long as I don't start becoming this overly-anxious clinger who wants to drain the life out of him.  Which would never happen anyway. 

If I have any advice, it's to stop being so scared and don't allow fear to drive your ship.

 

Well just because I was always the cousin among my large family that never had someone to bring to family events. Always the person without a partner when we would play board games, watch a movie etc. And I would get teased sometimes by family. And so being broken up with 2-3 months after finally finding someone and being so proud of her just stings. Just not a good look but I try to not think about it. 

[Thunder27]

11 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

I don't generally tell people what I'm doing or who I'm dating until I feel secure about where things are headed.  Even then, if someone wants to know, I'll say that I'm seeing someone but only just recently.

There's no obligation to divulge anything to anyone until you're ready to do so.  And even then, most normal people understand that relationships often don't last.  At least you're giving it a shot!

You're right and neither would I, that's why I was hesitent. Both of us just agreed that we would be official so there was no reason not to. And a part of me just wanted to show her off, she was very pretty and smart, and I was very proud of her. 

Edited February 23, 2021 by Thunder27

[Versacehottie]

29 minutes ago, CollinW said:

Hmmm, this specimen has;

blonde hair, check. Blue eyes, check. 6 feet tall, check. Well groomed, check. Clothes don't look cheap so maybe has a good job, check. Says they want a relationship, check.

Let's try it on *imagines the speciman on their arm* - it fits good, check. Time to check out (swipes right). 

We're seriously a few years away from having customer reviews on dating sites. 

Lol. 

Apparently there was a site with "reviews" on guys.  I forgot what it was called.  Not sure that it is still in existence but Juuuuuicccy.   As you can imagine, the reviews were mostly from disgruntled customers  

[Miss Spider]

 you mean don’t datehimgirl.com? That site had such great potential to be juicy , but when I checked it , it was full of a bunch of trashy guys  no one would want to date anyway

Edited February 23, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[poppyfields]

10 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

Well just because I was always the cousin among my large family that never had someone to bring to family events. Always the person without a partner when we would play board games, watch a movie etc. And I would get teased sometimes by family. And so being broken up with 2-3 months after finally finding someone and being so proud of her just stings. Just not a good look but I try to not think about it. 

Well, sorry but I just cannot relate to that at all.  I agree it stings but still don't get why it's embarrassing.

As far as attending family or other events solo, this goes back to what I and I think Trail Blazer posted earlier, try and adopt an "I don't give a f**k" attitude and you'll be much happier, I promise you.

Stop caring what others or society thinks and start dancing to your own drummer, you will attract more people, more women, to you that way as well, guaranteed!

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

6 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

You're right and neither would I, that's why I was hesitent. Both of us just agreed that we would be official so there was no reason not to. And a part of me just wanted to show her off, she was very pretty and smart, and I was very proud of her. 

Yes, but our mentalities are different.  You're scared to tell family incase it breaks up and you feel embarassed. 

I just don't feel the need to tell people either way, and couldn't give a cr@p about what they'd think if the relationship went awry. 

 

[Thunder27]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well, sorry but I just cannot relate to that at all.  I agree it stings but still don't get why it's embarrassing.

As far as attending family or other events solo, this goes back to what I and I think Trail Blazer posted earlier, try and adopt an "I don't give a f**k" attitude and you'll be much happier, I promise you.

Stop caring what others or society thinks and start dancing to your own drummer, you will attract more people, more women, to you that way as well, guaranteed!

 

I get what you mean, and I agree. I don't dwell on it or anything, just hurts sometimes. 80% of me has the I don't care attitude. Ill work towards this more for sure though. Thanks for the response. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Thunder27

[Thunder27]

4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

Yes, but our mentalities are different.  You're scared to tell family incase it breaks up and you feel embarassed. 

I just don't feel the need to tell people either way, and couldn't give a cr@p about what they'd think if the relationship went awry. 

 

Ah, I get what you mean. Yeah I'll try to adopt that mindset more. Thanks for the advice. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Thunder27

[poppyfields]

3 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

I get what you mean, and I agree. I don't dwell on it or anything, just hurts sometimes. 80% of me has the I don't care attitude. Ill work towards this more for sure though. 

I am not suggesting you stop caring, caring is good.  Just make sure you're caring about the right things.

Caring what others or society thinks is not something you should give a rat's rear end about.

[Thunder27]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I am not suggesting you stop caring, caring is good.  Just make sure you're caring about the right things.

Caring what others or society thinks is not something you should give a rat's rear end about.

For sure, that's how I took it. And I agree, caring what other people think is a waste of time/energy. That's how I attracted her in the first place I'm pretty sure, I was confident just being myself. 

[Gaeta]

22 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

 And so being broken up with 2-3 months after finally finding someone and being so proud of her just stings. Just not a good look but I try to not think about it. 

I get you Thunder. For 5 years I told everyone how amazing my bf was, that I had finally found happiness in a relationship and then at the end I had to tell them this man I had put on a pedestal was a cheater. It was so embarrassing. I am still embarrassed. Of course my family don't want me to feel embarrassed. 

[poppyfields]

At the risk of sounding preachy, all I am going to say is one should never feel embarrassed for loving another human being, never feel embarrassed about trusting them, having faith in them, believing in them and/or counting on them.

If it turns out they were not who you thought they were, then be hurt, be sad, be angry AF, but don't ever feel shame or embarrassed by it.

If anything, they are the ones who should feel shame and embarrassment not you.

 

Edited February 24, 2021 by poppyfields

[Trail Blazer]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I get you Thunder. For 5 years I told everyone how amazing my bf was, that I had finally found happiness in a relationship and then at the end I had to tell them this man I had put on a pedestal was a cheater. It was so embarrassing. I am still embarrassed. Of course my family don't want me to feel embarrassed. 

You shouldn't feel embarassed about that.  He's the one who should feel embarassed and ashamed about his behavior.  

[Thunder27]

27 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I get you Thunder. For 5 years I told everyone how amazing my bf was, that I had finally found happiness in a relationship and then at the end I had to tell them this man I had put on a pedestal was a cheater. It was so embarrassing. I am still embarrassed. Of course my family don't want me to feel embarrassed. 

I'm truly sorry you had to experience that, and I understand where you're coming from. But I agree with the others, he's the one who should feel embarrassment. I'd shame any of my friends if they did something like that, never the victim. 

Edited February 24, 2021 by Thunder27

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, Thunder27 said:

I'm truly sorry you had to experience that, and I understand where you're coming from. But I agree with the others, he's the one who should feel embarrassment. I'd shame any of my friends if they did something like that, never the victim. 

Thank you. I insist nobody shames me. It's something I feel deep inside me in silence. It will pass. It's actually normal to feel that way for a victim of cheating, victim of domestic violence, victim of a scam. They all experience embarrassment. 

[Thunder27]

20 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Thank you. I insist nobody shames me. It's something I feel deep inside me in silence. It will pass. It's actually normal to feel that way for a victim of cheating, victim of domestic violence, victim of a scam. They all experience embarrassment. 

You're right, in time it will pass. While I can only understand a tiny fraction of what you must feel, I'm confident that you will recover from this experience. Take care. 

[poppyfields]

43 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Thank you. I insist nobody shames me. It's something I feel deep inside me in silence. It will pass. It's actually normal to feel that way for a victim of cheating, victim of domestic violence, victim of a scam. They all experience embarrassment. 

Gaeta, I certainly would never invalidate your feelings, they're your feelings and you are entitled to feel however you feel.

But if I may ask, what is it you feel embarrassed (shamed) about?

Serious question, because I was deceived in a previous long term relationship, led to believe one thing when it was actually another.  It went on for years, we were planning our wedding!

Upon discovery, not right away but a short time thereafter, I ended it, walked away. I was hurt and extremely angry, but I never felt embarrassed.

I loved him and trusted him, HE was the one who deceived me, why should I have felt shame or embarrassment even within myself?

I am remembering back like it was yesterday, and no I never felt embarrassed.  Devastated and angry, yes, but not embarrassed.

That said, I respect how you feel, I am just curious what you feel embarrassed about, again even if it's only within yourself.

 

 

[Versacehottie]

2 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 you mean don’t datehimgirl.com? That site had such great potential to be juicy , but when I checked it , it was full of a bunch of trashy guys  no one would want to date anyway

lol, i don't think that was the name.  The couple times I went on it, is was basically girls trashing guys who basically did them wrong.  If I'm remembering right you could look up by zip code or city

[Gaeta]

On 2/21/2021 at 6:55 PM, sushiandtacos said:

Now that I'm starting to date for the past few months and trying out OLD this year, dating has gotten to be something I find a chore/exhausting not sure how you guys think about that.

Yes OLD is exhausting after a while. After Covid will coincide 6 months post breakup for me so I will get back to dating then. This time I will not use OLD. I was joking with my daughters tonight that when I'm ready to date I will go spend time where men are: Home Depot (lol). I hope IRL will be lighter to handle, no profile to go through, not checking if he's online, if he's read my messages, no dealing with the usual OLD irritants. Until then I enjoy being single. I'm back having control of the tv remote, spoiling myself to new skin care, make up, clothes, as soon as they open traveling I will take a little trip probably by myself, I try to make my singlehood as enjoyable as possible so when dating comes again I am 'renewed' as a person. 

[sushiandtacos]

43 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes OLD is exhausting after a while. After Covid will coincide 6 months post breakup for me so I will get back to dating then. This time I will not use OLD. I was joking with my daughters tonight that when I'm ready to date I will go spend time where men are: Home Depot (lol). I hope IRL will be lighter to handle, no profile to go through, not checking if he's online, if he's read my messages, no dealing with the usual OLD irritants. Until then I enjoy being single. I'm back having control of the tv remote, spoiling myself to new skin care, make up, clothes, as soon as they open traveling I will take a little trip probably by myself, I try to make my singlehood as enjoyable as possible so when dating comes again I am 'renewed' as a person. 

LOL so funny I recently saw a tiktok about picking up guys at home depot Honestly I do agree and love how being single means more ways of treating yourself because our time is our own.

Reading all these posts made me realize that life isn't linear. Everyone's trajectory path is different, whether that includes being in a relationship or being single at various points in time. There is no single way to do life, life isn't as simple as falling in love, getting married, having kids, then living happily ever after. That's why it's important to love yourself regardless wherever you're at in life in the present tense. 

You guys make me smarter