Single and happy?

[Phallacy]

Also, I don’t know 2 couples that are happily married.

The message I’ve learned in my life is that relationships don’t last.

Have fun but don’t go broke

[MsJayne]

28 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Just being surrounded by friends who are in long term relationships and seeing so many people getting engaged on social media. Despite being in my 20s, I feel like many girls my age still think of being married as a life goal and something to achieve before they are 30. 

I can remember being there, (except there was no social media, just word of mouth), and being the one who hadn't settled down and got married or engaged. A flurry of weddings happened, followed by a bunch of friends having kids, and all the time I felt like the odd one out. But....10-15 years later, when the first round of divorces started, I was having a great time. While friends were bellyaching about their wayward teenage kids and their financial problems I was travelling and still going out all weekend and having fun. They're hauling four kids around to school, sports, etc, in the Econovan, and I'm in the two seater sports car with the roof down heading to the coast for the weekend. Marriage and motherhood are not the be all and end all of female happiness, and nor is finding a partner.  Now, another 10 years later, the second round of divorces are happening, and I've only just moved my partner into my house. 

[sushiandtacos]

4 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Marriage and motherhood are not the be all and end all of female happiness, and nor is finding a partner.  

Thank you @MsJayne, I know that deep down. I think knowing this just got lost in the back of my head, with seeing people around me getting engaged or talking about getting engaged in their long therm relationship. NGL it's hard seeing a lot of people around me finding their person early on, but I would also be lying when I say a lot of them are settling for the sake of getting married soon. Thanks for the reminder  

[Phallacy]

8 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

I can remember being there, (except there was no social media, just word of mouth), and being the one who hadn't settled down and got married or engaged. A flurry of weddings happened, followed by a bunch of friends having kids, and all the time I felt like the odd one out. But....10-15 years later, when the first round of divorces started, I was having a great time. While friends were bellyaching about their wayward teenage kids and their financial problems I was travelling and still going out all weekend and having fun. They're hauling four kids around to school, sports, etc, in the Econovan, and I'm in the two seater sports car with the roof down heading to the coast for the weekend. Marriage and motherhood are not the be all and end all of female happiness, and nor is finding a partner.  Now, another 10 years later, the second round of divorces are happening, and I've only just moved my partner into my house. 

Amen sista.

I’ve detached from the Matrix...

[MsJayne]

9 minutes ago, Phallacy said:

Also, I don’t know 2 couples that are happily married.

The message I’ve learned in my life is that relationships don’t last.

Have fun but don’t go broke

I thought hard about this, and I can think of one couple I know who are truly happy, but I honestly can't think of another. Literally, most couples I know, especially older couples, are miserable together. They may not say it but you can tell. You just know that if they had no kids they would have gone their separate ways years ago, so I agree that most relationships don't last. They turn into something stale but familiar, and sometimes you can almost smell the desperation of whichever partner is screaming with boredom inside. What's worse, being older, single, and a bit lonely, or being trapped in a relationship that you secretly hate and a lot lonely? 

[Phallacy]

Just now, MsJayne said:

I thought hard about this, and I can think of one couple I know who are truly happy, but I honestly can't think of another. Literally, most couples I know, especially older couples, are miserable together. They may not say it but you can tell. You just know that if they had no kids they would have gone their separate ways years ago, so I agree that most relationships don't last. They turn into something stale but familiar, and sometimes you can almost smell the desperation of whichever partner is screaming with boredom inside. What's worse, being older, single, and a bit lonely, or being trapped in a relationship that you secretly hate and a lot lonely? 

Familiarity breeds contempt...

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, Buckeyestrong45 said:

The OP is getting old, she has to date in order to get married.

Does she want to grow old by herself???

I know and understand for a fact that the woman that I am trying to reveal my past to will forgive me for my misdeeds and accept me.

I don’t understand how people enjoy single life unless they want to grow old by themselves.

Just stating facts.

Life isn't black or white.  There are positives and negatives in both being single and in a relationship. 

Just because someone is single and enjoying their freedom, that does not imply that they intend to remain single forever.

People who have come out of long relationships or marriages experience liberation often not felt since their youth.

[deepthinking]

single and happy? yes

My looks have gone and while old age seemed really horrible when I was young, I enjoy my me-time, friendships, hobbies, privacy,  my bad habits with no one to judge ...

I had to do a 180 on my values {vanity-based} once I got old -  old is not a dirty word, but an okay truth - and I am here to tell you that.  

Edited February 22, 2021 by deepthinking

[Calmandfocused]

10 hours ago, MrPlop said:

Definitely, as someone in their very late 20s I live under constant pressure of achieving goals and making something out my life, and have no time, nor will put up with a partner that is still trying to figure things out. Being there, done that.

Ofc, don't ever date for self gains. I just think it's harder for introvert or "lonely" people to communicate and sometimes you get frustrated and give up. And you only have yourself to blame for your own social shortcomings honestly.

 

Agreed. Wise words. 
 

Mr Plop, is your username in reference to going to the toilet? Hilarious . 
 

 

[Fletch Lives]

It's fun being in love. However, real happiness comes from within.

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

It's fun being in love. 

I dislike the most the beginning of relationships, like the first 3 months. A lot of people enjoy that infatuation phase, I hate it! It's like being on moving ground constantly searching for something to hold on. 

[Miss Spider]

33 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I dislike the most the beginning of relationships, like the first 3 months. A lot of people enjoy that infatuation phase, I hate it! It's like being on moving ground constantly searching for something to hold on. 

That’s def my favorite part 

[sushiandtacos]

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

It's fun being in love. However, real happiness comes from within.

Love this  

[sushiandtacos]

2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I dislike the most the beginning of relationships, like the first 3 months. A lot of people enjoy that infatuation phase, I hate it! It's like being on moving ground constantly searching for something to hold on. 

Interesting, what makes you think it's constantly searching for something? I just thought everyone, including myself, enjoyed the honeymoon phase the most!

[Gaeta]

@sushiandtacos: To me the first 3 months are a period of probation. I don't invest too much of myself even if I feel very excited about my date. I know the excitement, the butterflies, infatuation is keeping me from seeing this man's true nature. It's also in the first 3 months you'll discover what's behind and his nice façade. After that period of probation, when you make it on the other side and you know he's genuine, trust worthy, I can finally put my trust in him and invest my feelings, that's the most enjoyable time for me. 

[Allupinnit]

While I'm glad I waited to marry the right person I wish we had met when I was younger.  I have been single, I have lived with boyfriends, and I have dated, but what has changed me at a core and spiritual level has been my marriage.  I love being married.  

I was forced to face and heal a lot of emotional damage I was carrying around from past relationships, as well.  

[Miss Spider]

27 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

While I'm glad I waited to marry the right person I wish we had met when I was younger.  I have been single, I have lived with boyfriends, and I have dated, but what has changed me at a core and spiritual level has been my marriage.  I love being married.  

I was forced to face and heal a lot of emotional damage I was carrying around from past relationships, as well.  

Nice to hear from someone here who is happily married. But actually, the only place I know of people that are not happily married are online... which makes sense, though. People are more likely to come here when they have a prob. At least in my family, everyone seems very happy married until they divorce and there is very little of that as well. My mom and dad have six brothers and sisters each and only two out of the 12 have ever been divorced...And they are both happily remarried. Many people are much happier in relationships or married . And I guess the one complaint that they have is that they met their partner sooner. But that is a good complaint to have as far as they go

 

 

Edited February 22, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Gaeta]

26 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

While I'm glad I waited to marry the right person I wish we had met when I was younger.  I have been single, I have lived with boyfriends, and I have dated, but what has changed me at a core and spiritual level has been my marriage.  I love being married.  

You probably have a good marriage exactly because you were older, wiser, had experience and made better choice for yourself. Had you married young the result would probably be different.

[Allupinnit]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

You probably have a good marriage exactly because you were older, wiser, had experience and made better choice for yourself. Had you married young the result would probably be different.

That, and I learned the hard way that marriage isn't always about feelings and most of the time we are in service to each other when we're happiest.

[winny]

I have spent more time being single than being in any relationship or dating. I love being single. Thats when I have accomplished the most in my life. As I can put my entire focus on my career. 

I have never compared my life to those of my friends who are married or in relationships because I know relationships are way more challenging than being single. They take a lot of work. Even the best relationships need work. 

Having said that, I am always open to meeting new people and forming friendships and dating etc. But I don’t actively look for other people to make me happy. I can keep myself happy. 

I also believe that not everyone is destined to be with someone. And thats okay! 

[MrPlop]

10 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

Agreed. Wise words. 
 

Mr Plop, is your username in reference to going to the toilet? Hilarious . 
 

 

Sort of I used to play a lot of video games a few years ago. And I'd type "plop" into the chat window every time I dropped someone dead, referencing the sound a certain organic compound makes when it hits the water , and it just stuck

 

Back on topic. OP, you mentioned everyone around you seemed happy and in a relationship. Remember, most couples keep their dirty laundry to themselves. I have close friends that act very different from social media, to the point I feel embarrassed going to their place.

[dramafreezone]

On 2/21/2021 at 3:55 PM, sushiandtacos said:

Hey fam,

I know many of these threads are focused on relationships and dating, but just wanting to know if there's anyone out there enjoying the single life? Are there new things you're learning about yourself that you didn't know when you were in relationships/dating? I know when I came out of a relationship almost a year and a half ago, it took a long adjustment period being on my own and learning to be self-dependent. Now that I'm starting to date for the past few months and trying out OLD this year, dating has gotten to be something I find a chore/exhausting not sure how you guys think about that. Maybe it's just the modern way of dating now and the thought that if one doesn't work out, then onto the next in a matter of a second with just a swipe. That honestly doesn't sound special to me but with a pandemic, seems to be the main way of trying to find someone. 

It also doesn't help that most of my friends are in serious relationships. I find that I miss my old relationship with my ex more now when I've been trying to date than when I took some time after our breakup to focus on myself. I also keep reminding myself that I need to learn how to be happy/whole on my own so that when the perfect person comes, then they just enhance my life not complete it. That's good in theory, but it's also hard sometimes when you spend some nights alone when your friends are with their SO's. It seems that everyone is trying so hard to find someone that it's easy to give in to the pressure that a SO is that missing piece in our lives. Just some things I've been reflecting on. Just wanted to know ya'll's thoughts on singlehood and how you find happiness being on your own before finding the right person?

I haven't been in a serious relationship for 7 years.  Haven't really been looking.  I would say that I'm happy just dating now that I've gained what I think is a better understanding of why dating is the way it is.

Dating shouldn't be a chore or a race to get to a relationship.  That's really why dating can be messed up.  So few people are in the moment and enjoying the other person, it's about employing strategies they read in a book or saw in a video, and deciphering hidden meanings or messages from a person's actions, or treating them like a job interview.

If I were a woman, the first thing I'd do is ditch the OLD apps.  It's too much for anyone to bear.  Too many options prevents women from giving guys a chance, because you can just log on to your app and see 30 more guys today if the guy on the date doesn't check all of your boxes.  Nose a bit too crooked?  His teeth aren't the perfect shade of white?  You're on to the next.  I'm being facetious, but the point is I basically think these apps hurt your chances more than they help them.

Stop looking for a man.  Just go out and do things you like to do.  That way the evening isn't a success or failure just because this particular date didn't knock your socks off.  If you don't particularly like bars, then obviously you won't want to go there to meet a guy for drinks.  Instead if you like art, go to an art show (when things open back up) dress your best and have a good time.  I would even say going alone is a good idea, though I know a lot of women hate to do this.  If you meet a guy even better, because he's probably likes art too.  Just my opinion.

I really don't think someone is good relationship material until they're ok being alone.  When you're ok being alone, that doesn't mean that you love it, but you're not trying to fill a void in your life.

Edited February 23, 2021 by dramafreezone

[sushiandtacos]

1 hour ago, winny said:

I have spent more time being single than being in any relationship or dating. I love being single. Thats when I have accomplished the most in my life. As I can put my entire focus on my career. 

I have never compared my life to those of my friends who are married or in relationships because I know relationships are way more challenging than being single. They take a lot of work. Even the best relationships need work. 

Having said that, I am always open to meeting new people and forming friendships and dating etc. But I don’t actively look for other people to make me happy. I can keep myself happy. 

I also believe that not everyone is destined to be with someone. And thats okay! 

That is exactly the place where I want to be currently with my singlehood. Being happy on my own and focusing on propelling myself forward in regards to my career. 

[sushiandtacos]

1 hour ago, MrPlop said:

Back on topic. OP, you mentioned everyone around you seemed happy and in a relationship. Remember, most couples keep their dirty laundry to themselves. I have close friends that act very different from social media, to the point I feel embarrassed going to their place.

That is very true, many people say relationships displayed on social medias aren't always accurate representations. I think recently it hit home a little because many of my friends are getting engaged or soon to be engaged

[sushiandtacos]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

I haven't been in a serious relationship for 7 years.  Haven't really been looking.  I would say that I'm happy just dating now that I've gained what I think is a better understanding of why dating is the way it is.

Dating shouldn't be a chore or a race to get to a relationship.  That's really why dating can be messed up.  So few people are in the moment and enjoying the other person, it's about employing strategies they read in a book or saw in a video, and deciphering hidden meanings or messages from a person's actions, or treating them like a job interview.

If I were a woman, the first thing I'd do is ditch the OLD apps.  It's too much for anyone to bear.  Too many options prevents women from giving guys a chance, because you can just log on to your app and see 30 more guys today if the guy on the date doesn't check all of your boxes.  Nose a bit too crooked?  His teeth aren't the perfect shade of white?  You're on to the next.  I'm being facetious, but the point is I basically think these apps hurt your chances more than they help them.

Stop looking for a man.  Just go out and do things you like to do.  That way the evening isn't a success or failure just because this particular date didn't knock your socks off.  If you don't particularly like bars, then obviously you won't want to go there to meet a guy for drinks.  Instead if you like art, go to an art show (when things open back up) dress your best and have a good time.  I would even say going alone is a good idea, though I know a lot of women hate to do this.  If you meet a guy even better, because he's probably likes art too.  Just my opinion.

I really don't think someone is good relationship material until they're ok being alone.  When you're ok being alone, that doesn't mean that you love it, but you're not trying to fill a void in your life.

Literally read this multiple times, thanks so much @dramafreezone