Lisa West Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 (edited) Even with my friends today, I love them, but I've never felt 100% close with them. They're so different from me and I hate to say it but pretty immature. I feel like I place more emphasis on working my way up in life and they just seem to want to have fun. I'm very happy on my own and can't really see how friends could contribute to my life at all- though I do enjoy contributing to others when I get the chance. I just want to hear other people's experiences of feeling like this. Do you consider it a problem? Advice would be cool too Edited February 21, 2021 by Lisa West
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 (edited) Sounds like maybe you need a few new friends that better align with where you are in your life and your priorities now. I have always had few friends but very good ones. I do understand about the ease you feel in being alone as I am like that too. I think friends are very important. It is natural to outgrow friends as life takes you in different directions. How old are you? Sometimes after graduating from school/college you may find yourself go in different directions. I remember after I had spent a year in college abroad, I had a hard time relating to my college friends as they seemed so limited in their thinking. Edited February 21, 2021 by ClearEyes-FullHeart
basil67 Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 Hi Lisa, it's normal to have friends come and go through our lives as we grow and change, and yes, we can sometimes find that we have little in common anymore and wish to move on. But before you make any decisions, can I give you some thoughts to ponder? These are just random thoughts...there's no right or wrong answer. You're working your way up in life and they just want to have fun. Is this literally true? You are all work and no play....while they are flipping burgers with no view to the future? I mean, if it is true, not only are you very mismatched, but both your lives and theirs are sorely lacking in balance. I can't help but wonder if the reality is somewhere in between. Being happy to live without your friends would suggest that you don't love them anymore. It's OK, that goes hand in hand with enjoying time together...but give yourself permission to question whether or not you do love them Our friends can contribute to our lives in many ways. You've posed a relationship question not long back - this is exactly the stuff we talk about with our friends. We support each other and give advice. Do you share your issues with them? Friends also give us a safe space to relax and let troubles go. I'm guessing you don't feel this way with them? Like you, I'm happy on my own. Other friends may be out doing their fun stuff together and I'm content sewing things on my own. But what happens when you have a breakup and find yourself with literally no one? This happened to me when my first marriage broke down - I had nobody. Choosing alone time when you need it can be rewarding...but having nobody at all can be desperately lonely. Reading back over this, I guess my takeaway is to consider if you want to have no friends, or if these are the wrong friends. And whether or not you really want to be all work and no play. It's really not a healthy way to be.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 It's good to have supportive friends when.the chips are down. There are many other reasons I like having good friends, but that's the most practical reason. Hey, you do you
Author Lisa West Posted February 21, 2021 Author Posted February 21, 2021 1 hour ago, basil67 said: Hi Lisa, it's normal to have friends come and go through our lives as we grow and change, and yes, we can sometimes find that we have little in common anymore and wish to move on. But before you make any decisions, can I give you some thoughts to ponder? These are just random thoughts...there's no right or wrong answer. You're working your way up in life and they just want to have fun. Is this literally true? You are all work and no play....while they are flipping burgers with no view to the future? I mean, if it is true, not only are you very mismatched, but both your lives and theirs are sorely lacking in balance. I can't help but wonder if the reality is somewhere in between. Being happy to live without your friends would suggest that you don't love them anymore. It's OK, that goes hand in hand with enjoying time together...but give yourself permission to question whether or not you do love them Our friends can contribute to our lives in many ways. You've posed a relationship question not long back - this is exactly the stuff we talk about with our friends. We support each other and give advice. Do you share your issues with them? Friends also give us a safe space to relax and let troubles go. I'm guessing you don't feel this way with them? Like you, I'm happy on my own. Other friends may be out doing their fun stuff together and I'm content sewing things on my own. But what happens when you have a breakup and find yourself with literally no one? This happened to me when my first marriage broke down - I had nobody. Choosing alone time when you need it can be rewarding...but having nobody at all can be desperately lonely. Reading back over this, I guess my takeaway is to consider if you want to have no friends, or if these are the wrong friends. And whether or not you really want to be all work and no play. It's really not a healthy way to be. Yes they seem pretty stagnant right now. They were going to college but never really started what there ultimate goal was. Most people have some vague idea at the very least. Now they're working, but are still into buying stuff they don't really need. I'm definitely not a workaholic by any means but they were going to disneyland once a month up until the pandemic hit...We don't really talk about any issues in our lives..I'll ask about stuff they bring up but they usually just give short answers. I can't stand that mentality of just escaping life through shows, movies, disneyland, etc. Maybe I do need "right" friends but I need to work up the motivation to give new people a chance
basil67 Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 Sweetie, your friends are still young. Short of retiring on a fortune, this is the time to be buying frippery. It's the time to be enjoying movies, and escapism and all the fun stuff. They know that in 10-15 years when they are having babies and paying a mortgage, these fun times will be but a distant memory. There's nothing wrong with enjoying youth while it lasts. Try not to judge them for enjoying the youth that they have. 1
ShyViolet Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 It's totally normal to outgrow friends. There's nothing wrong with it. If you feel that they are immature and focused on things that you have little interest in, then you're not obligated to keep spending time with them. Maybe you will make some new friends who you have more common interests with.
Syd8 Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 12 hours ago, Lisa West said: Even with my friends today, I love them, but I've never felt 100% close with them. They're so different from me and I hate to say it but pretty immature. I feel like I place more emphasis on working my way up in life and they just seem to want to have fun. I'm very happy on my own and can't really see how friends could contribute to my life at all- though I do enjoy contributing to others when I get the chance. I just want to hear other people's experiences of feeling like this. Do you consider it a problem? Advice would be cool too I cut every so called "friend" I had out of my life for good. People suck and they say they care about you but they don't. It's not a problem. You're better off without friends.
TheEternalPessimist Posted February 21, 2021 Posted February 21, 2021 I don't consider it a problem, I very much think like you, suffice to read about my friendship experiences, I've written about them extensively here.
Recommended Posts