inLovewitTheWrongGuy Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 Me and my Boss have obvious feelings for each other and he flirts every chance he gets he even tells people that I'm his wife.He's been married for more than two years-no kids.He's still young but is 9 years older than me and we have so much in common that it freaks us out.The flirting,eye contact,body lanugage and talks are intense.He even tells me about problems with the wife.His wife doesn't like me for some stupid reason and because he talks about me to her all the time.I haven't made a move and will never because I'm not a homewreacker and I have been in the situation where a hoodrat seduced my man...so I would never intentionally hurt the wife even though she "hates" me. However me and my Boss work so well together and are a good combination in and outside the work...(yes I've hung out with him outside of work with a group of friends and co-workers) He's been having a lot of problems with his wife lately and alot of people agree she's no good for him...because of these facts should I pursue this relationship and let him get futher or is it a dead end street? Any thoughts or comments are appreciated.
allaboutchoices Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 My suggestion is to wait for him to sort out his marriage situation. You will prevent your self and others from a lot of pain coming later. There are success stories, but there are many more heart-breaking stories. Read some of the posts, you might see things you don't see now. Be nice to your self and don't get into the situation. Just my opinion. Good Luck! P.S. getting involved with your boss might result in one of you loosing the job. It is a dangerous path to walk....be very careful!
slubberdegullion Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 You already know the answer to this one. He's your boss. He's married. 'nuff said.
curly Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 This has a HUGE RED FLAG all over it. Stop the flirting immediately. Don't cross over the line anymore. If this man is interested in you and wants to end his marriage, the best option is to come right out and tell him that you don't think it's appropriate for you to be with him. Whether it's physical or just emotional, you've become confidants and he's betraying his wife on a couple of levels. She knows it and that's why she doesn't like you. She feels her H's attraction to you and you are a threat. However, you need to be prepared that once you say something, he will go into major chase mode. You MUST stand strong. He feels the same things that you are. If they are real to him, he will end his marriage and be with you. But know that you can never back down. NEVER. Be a woman he can respect. Don't be the other woman. Trust me, I know how it feels and it's a true horror show. Lots of anxiety and drama and 99.9% of the time, you're the one that will bear the pain. Also, he sounds like he's harassing you. This is no good. Get out very quickly.
whichwayisup Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 You're putting yourself in a very stupid position. I'm not saying you are stupid, but you are about to make a huge mistake. 1) He is your boss. Think about that. The fallout, the gossip, the "special" treatment others are going to think cuz you're with the boss. 2)He is married. So don't do this to yourself. You will regret it one day, probably not only have your heart broken but lose your job too. 3)Same as 1 and 2.
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Me and my Boss have obvious feelings for each other and he flirts every chance he gets he even tells people that I'm his wife.He's been married for more than two years-no kids.He's still young but is 9 years older than me and we have so much in common that it freaks us out.The flirting,eye contact,body lanugage and talks are intense.He even tells me about problems with the wife.His wife doesn't like me for some stupid reason and because he talks about me to her all the time.I haven't made a move and will never because I'm not a homewreacker and I have been in the situation where a hoodrat seduced my man...so I would never intentionally hurt the wife even though she "hates" me. However me and my Boss work so well together and are a good combination in and outside the work...(yes I've hung out with him outside of work with a group of friends and co-workers) He's been having a lot of problems with his wife lately and alot of people agree she's no good for him...because of these facts should I pursue this relationship and let him get futher or is it a dead end street? Any thoughts or comments are appreciated. Quote taken from your other post in business section... I have the same problem...me and my Boss have had eyes for each other since the first day we met.And the flirting has increased he even jokes to his friends that I'm his wife.He talks to me about his problems with his wife and personal things, and his wife doesn't like me because he's always talking about me to her. I'm not a homewreaker and would never make the first move but it's starting to get hard because we have so much in common and we act like a couple and everyone around us knows it but we don't do things couples do (intimate things) I just don't want to get too attached because he's married!!!! But from what I've witnessed his wife can't make him happy even though they have been married more than two years.People's advice is obviously leave the cheating scumbag alone but it's hard to do when he's your Boss,Friend and you got feelings for him.(not to mention he's so dam sexy! ) (yes I feel guilty even though I didn't do anything) I've "bolded" some thing you've said in the above posts of yours...Really read them. First of all, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. You don't know their dynamtic, their family, their life together. You only see what he wants you to see, and in the frame of mind you're in (in LUST and sexual attraction mode) you aren't seeing things clear minded at all. These are where logical thinking gets thrown out the window. YOU are in a very dangerous place right now...You aren't thinking, yet you say "he's a cheating scumbag" DO you mean that he's cheated before? Many MM will say their life at home sucks and that the wife won't put out, or she is crabby and doesn't understand him, treats him poorly...blahblahblah... ALL he is missing probably from his marriage is the crush like intense feelings and you bring that out in him. He is flirting and having fun - Maybe thinking of sleeping with you, maybe not...Either way DO not put yourself in a position where you're tempted. You may not be able to say no, so why go there knowing he is married, has a wife, possibly they are trying for kids (He'll never tell you that though), and he is your boss. He is out of line professionally, already he is giving you special treatment, far and beyond which is unfair to your co-workers. Do some thinking about consquences and how badly this could turn out. Take a good look at some OW threads and their stories, the pain they've been through. I'm all for healthy crushes once in a while, but once it takes off to the level you're feeling it and wanting it to go (You're too involved with him emotionally already) further, it becomes a very dangerous situation.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 As long as you allow yourself to be the OW, he will use you as the OW. Why end his marriage, when he can have you while he's married? If you want to see what his intentions are in leaving his marriage and how unhappy he really is in his marriage, then let him know that you are not interested in being his OW, you are interested in being his ONLY WOMAN. Quit your job, and get a new one. Let him know when he is divorced, and has his own place you will be more than happy to talk to him. Refuse any and all contact to or from him, until he is fully divorced and has his own place. Don't wait around for that though. You'll eventually get tired of waiting. If you refuse to remove yourself in this way and continue to work there and be with him, then understand that you are in a dead end OW situation, and your choices are limited to accepting your place as OW, or leaving the relationship.
JayKay Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 You seem to be answering your own questions as you go; "His wife doesn't like me for some stupid reason..." and then, "...he talks about me to her all the time...." Well, maybe that's the 'stupid reason' for her not liking you. Women are pretty sharp. Don't underestimate your own sex. They can often sniff out trouble brewing before anything physical has taken place. And boy, she's got the two of you figured out to a 'T'. The 'intense' eye contact and flirting, as you've pointed out yourself. So she has a perfect right not to like you. I'll tell you something about the early years of marriage; I'd say about 95% of my friends have been married or ARE married. The first few years are pretty tough. THere are a lot of adjustments that go on. The honeymoon phase ends the couple has to re-negotiate their relationship. If you don't have any fighting going on during years 1-2, you're not being honest with each other. I'm not saying couples need to treat each other horridly, but many find that they are often disillusioned by the changes in their relationship. If the couple is mature, they learn to sit down, talk things out, adjust, make compromises and re-strengthen their bond. If the couple is not mature and both have poor relationship skills, an affair usually results. Hon, I hate to break this to you.....but you are likely NOT the love of this guy's life. You are available, you are willing to flirt with him and you make him feel attractive. You also don't have to deal with day-to-day things together, like paying bills, planning a family, dealing with home repair, laundry, chores, etc. His wife probably knows him a lot better than you do. You two get to indulge each other's fantasies about 'what if' and 'oh if we could only' and 'oh if only the timing were different' So it's easy to idealize how compatible you are. I'd walk away from this situation ASAP. I'd also spend time reading lots of the OW/MM threads and see the similarity between them.
Author inLovewitTheWrongGuy Posted October 18, 2005 Author Posted October 18, 2005 First I would like to Thank everyone who took the time out to respond to my post. To be perfectly honest a lot of the things that were mentioned I hadn't really thought about and it gave me chills to read what some of you had to say, because....well.....because it was the Truth.By reading your comments I was able to take myself out of the equation and look at my situation as an outsider looking in, how my co-workers see it, how his wife sees it and how he see me and the situation. I'm going to answer everyone's questions in one: He's known his wife since highschool so she does know him better than I do, I'm definitely not the love of his life and nor is he mine. Yes, he's told all of us about their plans of trying to have kids, has he cheated before? I've heard from some co-workers that he's admitted to cheating on his wife but you all know how rumor's are. I've come to the realization that the only reason I've become attached to him is because he's the first guy that I've connected to on a personal level since the passing of my first/true love, maybe I'm trying to fill a void, and on his part like someone on here said:"ALL he is missing probably from his marriage is the crush like intense feelings and you bring that out in him. He is flirting and having fun" He always comments on how other guys are attracted to me and are always flirting...who knows, maybe he's trying to see if he's still got "it" if he can get a younger women. Either way thank you all again for your comments...they really did help, since the line hasn't been crossed yet there's still time, so there's definitely going to be changes, you all have spared the heartache for everyone involved ... and my job!
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