dprelz Posted October 15, 2005 Posted October 15, 2005 It seems like there are people, not specific to any sex, that are just never happy and always searching for someone better. They are always searching for that perfect relationship or that "effortless love". A couple people close to me are nearing their 30's and still haven't found what they are looking for. They have been in 4-5 serious relationships and still haven't committed. I found a girl I really loved and was ready to commit no matter what her other problems were. To me, that doesn't make any sense. Is my way of thinking too traditional and not modern enough.. is there anyone out there that looks at this type of thing like me? When is someone ever going to be good enough? There were a lot of things about my ex that were not on my "list" of qualities, but all those things weren't even considered because I loved her. No matter what problems we had, or circumstances I would do anything in my power to make it work.. How is that wrong? If you are happy with your 1985 truck, and don't know what it's like to drive a 2005 Mercedes, then you are happy; plain and simple. You know right when you drive the new car you will want something better, and it is human nature never to be satisfied with what you have. My parents have been married for 25+ years and they continue to say that love is torture, love is hard work and it is painful. But they will not get a divorce because they love each other. Are those people that are looking for effortless love, do they really have their feet on the ground or their head in the sky? Doesn't it seem kind of an unnecessary risk to leave someone you truly love and are extremely compatible with just to find someone that may or may not even exist? It could be a figment of her imagination and she could regret this decision her entire life, yet she still left... How the hell can someone take that risk? Am I weaker because I just "settled" for my happiness, or am i stronger because I ignored the stupid thoughts and tricks your mind plays when you are truly happy?
Nubemeister Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I agree with you on this.. A friend of mine and I were actually talking about this once and we were like if you are always trying to find someone better it's just...never ending. There has to be a point where something better doesn't matter I believe...when you have found that one person then I guess it stops, but if the mentality persists then it just doesn't make sense to keep searching for a better something that can possibly only exists in ones head. (shrugs) Don't know...
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 Those kinds of people are always in search of a new "better" partner, because what they are actually craving is the chemical endorphine rush of falling in love -- not committed love, which affects our brains very differently than the initial chemical changes in the brain when we are "falling" in love. It's all very scientific. For me personally, I'd much rather have the kinds of sustained feelings that come with a committed relationship, even if it is more work...to me it's all worth it.
HokeyReligions Posted October 16, 2005 Posted October 16, 2005 I have a theory that people who keep searching for someone 'better' are really missing something in their own life. Something that has to come from within. Its not that the other people are better or worse, but that the searcher is attributing their own lack of 'whatever' to others. They are looking in the wrong place - they should be looking within, not without. They are their own worst enemy in a relationship. No matter what problems we had, or circumstances I would do anything in my power to make it work.. How is that wrong? Its not necessarily wrong, but ask yourself -- could this be bordering on co-dependence? My parents have been married for 25+ years and they continue to say that love is torture, love is hard work and it is painful. But they will not get a divorce because they love each other. Are those people that are looking for effortless love, do they really have their feet on the ground or their head in the sky? It IS hard work and it CAN be very painful -- but if one loves enough then its worth it to put in the effort and tears. If its codependence then its not healthy.
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