I don't tell the men I date what I'm looking for in a man. Is this a good strategy?

[Candacesims]

I am just wondering if I tell a guy and always noticed they will pretend to be guys that I want but I know some guys that are [...] idiots always are attractive to me and I don't want them so I decide not tell them what I want in man and they should figure out. I think this why most of my relationship as fail for reason.

Edited February 16, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Thread title and inappropriate language

[Trail Blazer]

It depends what you're looking for.  Are you hoping to find a long-lasting relationship?

It can work both ways.  If you don't tell guys what you're after, you'll attract guys from all spectrums - it could become a little bit of a free-for-all.

On the other hand, if you say you're just after a relationship, you may attract the more insidious guys who'll just tell you what you want to hear.

At the end of the day, I believe in being honest, whithout over-sharing information initially.  If it's a relationship, FWB or just casual sex you're after - in my opinion, it's better to be straight up.

[Candacesims]

11 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

It depends what you're looking for.  Are you hoping to find a long-lasting relationship?

It can work both ways.  If you don't tell guys what you're after, you'll attract guys from all spectrums - it could become a little bit of a free-for-all.

On the other hand, if you say you're just after a relationship, you may attract the more insidious guys who'll just tell you what you want to hear.

At the end of the day, I believe in being honest, whithout over-sharing information initially.  If it's a relationship, FWB or just casual sex you're after - in my opinion, it's better to be straight up.

yet I seem to be found the unwanted guys and crazy guys always are attractive to me when I do tell guys when I want a  long term relationship and every single relationship end in a bad breakup . my last relationship ended because he become too toxic and other ex boyfriend has cheated .  this why what I throught 

[Wiseman2]

You don't need to tell them that.

[snowboy91]

Yes and no.

Ideally you should be open and honest and say what you're looking for - that way the guy can work out whether it's compatible with what he wants.

Unfortunately in practice guys could try to fit what the girl is looking for and end up being untrue to themselves, or just pretend to fit what she's looking for just to get some action.

Although when I think about it, either way you're better off being honest and seeing how things unfold - the truth has a habit of showing eventually.

[Candacesims]

4 minutes ago, snowboy91 said:

Yes and no.

Ideally you should be open and honest and say what you're looking for - that way the guy can work out whether it's compatible with what he wants.

Unfortunately in practice guys could try to fit what the girl is looking for and end up being untrue to themselves, or just pretend to fit what she's looking for just to get some action.

Although when I think about it, either way you're better off being honest and seeing how things unfold - the truth has a habit of showing eventually.

Some of my ex boyfriend  did pretend- to guy that I want and yep they did change into toxic relationship. this why I don't seen to tell the truth unless i get know them better . 

[World Peace Guy]

Telling people what you want, can push away a lot of them, and make you seem to be a lot less popular. On the other hand, it will also keep you available when the right one comes along. So, it will likely increase your chances of meeting the right person, but in the mean time, will likely make you feel more lonely and depressed. So, if you do, you'll need to learn emotional self reliance, learn to feel good about yourself without needing others to make you feel good. That is one of the most important keys to happiness anyway.

[Fletch Lives]

Everything will come out in normal conversation, and following your gut feelings.

[Miss Spider]

I think it’s fine. If you say you want an honest person, a liar will say they are honest. If you say you want a sense of humor, most guys I know honestly think they’re hilarious People don’t often have a clue what they are anyway, even if they are trying to be honest about it haha.

 

You think you’re looking for could be completely different than what you really want too . It’s good to have a general list of hard deal breakers but best to figure out as you go. 

Edited February 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes