amygirl908 Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 Just now, HopefullyLove said: It was a conversational tone. When I assess everything I think I have been more of a listening ear to him, when I met him his parent was terminally ill, they did transition and I have been there for him during that time. When we met he seemed so fun but getting to know him, he complains about the traffic, Complains about snow, complains about people moving to slow with his orders, he has issues going on at work, he talks so much and sometimes repeat the same stories over and over. How draining. I mean it's up to you but this behavior is only going to get worse the more he gets comfortable with you. 2
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 5 minutes ago, HopefullyLove said: We met in February of last year. I hope that helps. no lol How long have you been dating exclusively? In September you were not dating him you were single. You may have known him I understand.
Author HopefullyLove Posted February 15, 2021 Author Posted February 15, 2021 Just now, amygirl908 said: How draining. I mean it's up to you but this behavior is only going to get worse the more he gets comfortable with you. It has been draining because I am introverted I don’t talk a lot but it’s like he needs constant attention and validation.
Author HopefullyLove Posted February 15, 2021 Author Posted February 15, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: no lol How long have you been dating exclusively? In September you were not dating him you were single. You may have known him I understand. We never had an exclusive talk, well he told me he wasn’t seeing anyone but me. Im Just going from when we started communicating.
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 Just now, HopefullyLove said: Just going from when we started communicating. Ok so this is a online romance?
Author HopefullyLove Posted February 15, 2021 Author Posted February 15, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: Ok so this is a online romance? We are long distance so we communicate via phone daily and see each other about once a month. Mainly when it fits his schedule.
Gaeta Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 Just now, HopefullyLove said: We are long distance so we communicate via phone daily and see each other about once a month. Mainly when it fits his schedule. Ok got ya. So, what are you getting out of this? From where I sit he's pretty unpleasant, self-centered, passive-aggressive. You're not in an official relationship, and you get to have sex with him once a month. I think you are putting up with a lot of BS fromt his man for very little. 2
basil67 Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 Moving on from the timing of the relationship..... Can you imagine being with him long term? Listening to his endless talk and turning the conversations towards himself all the time? 1
dramafreezone Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 3 hours ago, HopefullyLove said: I told my bf he dominates conversations. He was telling me I don't talk much, I told him it is hard to talk when you have a tendency to dominate the conversation, he love talking about himself, his family, his career, his plans, etc... he told me i am telling him he talk too much and he told me he don't have to talk to me at all then, and hung up on me. I called back and explain to him I am not trying to hurt his feelings, but when I mention my kid, or certain things, its like he don't even hear it, just doesn't acknowledge it and keep on talking. He also told me I don't reach out to him enough, I will admit I am used to him calling me, I don't not reach out to him to be rude, but because I don't want to interrupt him if he is busy, I was always taught let a man call, but he says it feels one sided. He said I don't express myself and he not used to this, so I don't know what to say or do at this point. Then when I said ok, I can reach out to you more, I typically always text him at work to check on him, I don't call due to the nature of his work, he normally calls me even at work so I don't know why all of the sudden it is such a problem. Help me ladies please, I am not extremely talkative but he has known me for a year. His reaction to a criticism was immature. But there's no "rule" against you calling him. If he wants you to call more and you want to speak more, then call more.
MsJayne Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 Could it be possible that the reason you don't talk much is that he's actually a bit of a bore? So busy talking about himself that he's actually killing the conversation? Conversation is a two-way thing, he should be talking to you, not at you. He sounds very self-absorbed and immature, and the last thing you should have done when he hung up on you was to call him back to explain yourself. People who love the sound of their own voice are always a crashing bore, and they're always offended if someone points out their rudeness. Ignore his feeble attempts to make you the bad guy, it's him. 1 2
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 1 hour ago, HopefullyLove said: it’s so weird to me that all of a sudden my not talking a lot bothers him. Does it really bother him or is he simply trying to distract you and deflect attention away from himself? 2
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2021 Posted February 15, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, HopefullyLove said: it’s like he needs constant attention and validation. And you feel this way about a man that you see once a month... just imagine how it would feel if you lived together! Edited February 15, 2021 by BaileyB 2
HadMeOverABarrel Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 3 hours ago, HopefullyLove said: It has been draining because I am introverted I don’t talk a lot but it’s like he needs constant attention and validation. Kind of sounds like narcissism of the clinical variety. Perhaps you should read up on it and see if it rings any bells. 2
Watercolors Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 40 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: Kind of sounds like narcissism of the clinical variety. Perhaps you should read up on it and see if it rings any bells. Agree with HMOAB about the narcissism variety. He does seem to act like one, the way he manipulates you and gaslights you by hanging up the phone when you try to have a normal relationship conversation with him. He's in his 40s, yet can't have any kind of discussion with you about how his behavior affects you. And you've put up with this kind of disrespect for a year now, OP? Why? 1
Roxy Pitter Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 Why don't you just leave him for good?! 1
Fletch Lives Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 Those long distance relationships are hard to begin with. I'm sure he does talk to much but I wonder if you could have given him the message more gently? Anyway, I'm sure this will blow over and you'll get back to normal after he cools down. 1 1
smackie9 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 Meet another introvert so you both can go off in your corners to decompress happily before the next interaction without judgement. 1
SumGuy Posted February 17, 2021 Posted February 17, 2021 On 2/15/2021 at 2:55 PM, BaileyB said: Is this how he typically deals with conflict? If so, ...next. 1
Author HopefullyLove Posted February 17, 2021 Author Posted February 17, 2021 On 2/15/2021 at 5:43 PM, MsJayne said: Could it be possible that the reason you don't talk much is that he's actually a bit of a bore? So busy talking about himself that he's actually killing the conversation? Conversation is a two-way thing, he should be talking to you, not at you. He sounds very self-absorbed and immature, and the last thing you should have done when he hung up on you was to call him back to explain yourself. People who love the sound of their own voice are always a crashing bore, and they're always offended if someone points out their rudeness. Ignore his feeble attempts to make you the bad guy, it's him. yes it is boring i stopped doing things like "ok", "un huh" so I think that is what did it.
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2021 Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) The busy thing is eh... Sure, there are people on the far sides of the spectrum (wants to talk 24/7 and someone who can’t ever talk), but I don’t think tends to be an issue of ‘busy” . This is especially apparent if they had no problem doing it in the beginning but it has dropped off significantly, right. . Look, people make time for what matters to them. For spending their leisure time with who they enjoy being with. And with an SO I think you want that to be you? I hate to (kind of) evoke Godwin’s law here, but I was just reading a book about food and Nazis. It talked about Eva Braun, Hitler’s long term partner near the end of his life. She had a diary where she wrote how he was so busy and ignoring her. She found out he was seeing other women and at that time he honestly just wasn’t that into her by most accounts. She attempted suicide, some say to get his attention, and he started getting more serious about her, moving her into the apt, calling her every day and spending more time together. I’m just saying a man who was trying and almost succeeded taking over the world could make time for a chick, I am sure your guy could if he wanted. Edited February 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 2
Author HopefullyLove Posted February 17, 2021 Author Posted February 17, 2021 11 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Those long distance relationships are hard to begin with. I'm sure he does talk to much but I wonder if you could have given him the message more gently? Anyway, I'm sure this will blow over and you'll get back to normal after he cools down. Perhaps.... On 2/15/2021 at 5:20 PM, Gaeta said: Ok got ya. So, what are you getting out of this? From where I sit he's pretty unpleasant, self-centered, passive-aggressive. You're not in an official relationship, and you get to have sex with him once a month. I think you are putting up with a lot of BS fromt his man for very little. Yes, when you put it like that... On 2/15/2021 at 8:30 PM, HadMeOverABarrel said: Kind of sounds like narcissism of the clinical variety. Perhaps you should read up on it and see if it rings any bells. When I googled he does have a lot of the traits. On 2/15/2021 at 5:49 PM, BaileyB said: And you feel this way about a man that you see once a month... just imagine how it would feel if you lived together! oh man lol On 2/15/2021 at 5:48 PM, BaileyB said: Does it really bother him or is he simply trying to distract you and deflect attention away from himself? I didn't think of it like that
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