Lisa West Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 My ex and I didn't kiss until the fifth or sixth date. I had to kiss him lol. He was just really inexperienced and had Asperger's. Our relationship lasted a year and a half. My current bf and I didn't kiss until the third date and once again I and to kiss him. This was someone with whom I was friends with and gave semi awkward hugs but is now very natural and loves physical affection. Sometimes people just need time, to feel secure in themselves, etc. If someone is into you, they'll express it in some way or another. It's up to you if you want to work with how they are. Best of luck! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: If you like him, go on a third date with him. If by the third date he is still taking this totally platonic approach... no kiss, no flirty talk, nothing... then I'd stop seeing him. I wouldn't be cool with that. It's like he just sees you as a friend and nothing more.... or maybe he's not an affectionate person which is a problem. oh come on... give the guy a chance by taking action. just say - "hey were you planning on kissing me today cause I cannot wait anymore LOL" say it like a joke.. that should do it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 4 hours ago, d0nnivain said: But common sense must. Going for a lusty kiss should not override the idea that you can get a potentially deadly virus from said kiss Get covid tested every week.. if negative...you are good to go... thats how i am continuing to kiss thru this pandemic LOLOL Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 (edited) 15 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said: So I've been on two dates with a guy I met on bumble. He's 26, I'm 25. He's very nice, kinda shy in person in a way. He's easy to talk to but definitely doesn't come off as an overly physical person? So our first time out we got drinks, the second we went to this park near the river and went on a walk for a couple hours and I got to meet his dog. We had a great time, he said he had a good time and wants to see me again. BUT we're 2 or 2 on just getting a sorta quick hug afterwards. Also he hasn't said anything especially (directly) flirty but jokes around with me a lot. And between the dates he has stayed in contact with me everyday. So I FEEL like it's going well, but also am semi doubting that he is interested on deeper than a friend level? Or is he just the only patient guy I've ever dated who just wants to get to know me first? I really can't tell. How long should I wait before I bring that up? I don't want to rush him because I am completely fine taking it slow if the interest is there. Nothing wrong with building up to romance. Or maybe he is a bit shy. Touch more, make it clear that more phyiscal contact is ok, or hell just go in for the kiss yourself. No guy is going out with you multiple times as a platonic thing. Just give it time and stop thinking there's something wrong. Edited February 15, 2021 by dramafreezone 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted February 15, 2021 Share Posted February 15, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, ShyViolet said: If you like him, go on a third date with him. If by the third date he is still taking this totally platonic approach... no kiss, no flirty talk, nothing... then I'd stop seeing him. I wouldn't be cool with that. It's like he just sees you as a friend and nothing more.... or maybe he's not an affectionate person which is a problem. You have people in this very thread saying that they didn't kiss their SO until the 4th, 5th date. I don't think this is a reason to stop seeing someone, at least not yet. People are too quick these days to give up on others they're dating. I don't think this is a platonic thing I've had women kiss me first. Nothing wrong with that, and if it is a platonic thing then she'd find out there. When it happened to me I thought it was hot, and certainly didn't think less of her. Edited February 15, 2021 by dramafreezone 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cersei Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 10 hours ago, smackie9 said: And your reaction to it? For the OP's sake that maybe this is the course she needs to take if she want's to try something different. I have done the same thing. And it went over well. Guys are scared sometimes or misread us. Nothing wrong with helping them out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 12 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Well, I don't see the point in recommending the girl go for the first kiss - I just suspect most won't. Omg what???!! i have initiated the first kiss 2 times and the results were absolutely fantastic..!! I say go for it girl..! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 There may be so many reasons why he hasn't. Plus, you do not know how he's going to respond or feel if you just plant one. It may make him uncomfortable for all you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
princessaurora Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Alpaca said: There may be so many reasons why he hasn't. Plus, you do not know how he's going to respond or feel if you just plant one. It may make him uncomfortable for all you know. That's why I think she should just go for a cheek kiss. She can even slip it in after he does something gentlemanly, like open a door or something. It is a non threatening gesture that will let him know she is open to physical affection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CollinW Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 On 2/15/2021 at 9:43 AM, ShyViolet said: If you like him, go on a third date with him. If by the third date he is still taking this totally platonic approach... no kiss, no flirty talk, nothing... then I'd stop seeing him. I wouldn't be cool with that. It's like he just sees you as a friend and nothing more.... or maybe he's not an affectionate person which is a problem. This comes off as manipulative to me. To completely disregard what he may be comfortable with just because you're too insecure to develop a bond without sexual energy? It's no wonder people don't like dating anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Share Posted February 16, 2021 On 2/15/2021 at 4:49 AM, Wiseman2 said: Do you like him? After 2 dates you are both talking to and meeting others. With Covid, do you really want him sharing saliva with everyone? What exactly is the issue? Are you afraid he doesn't find you attractive? He keeps asking you out so that is the best indicator of interest. I do really like him a lot. I think he's great. And I definitely don't have an issue with going slow as long as he's interested. And that is my main concern here. But I guess the staying in contact and seeing each other multiple times is a good indicator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Share Posted February 16, 2021 51 minutes ago, CollinW said: This comes off as manipulative to me. To completely disregard what he may be comfortable with just because you're too insecure to develop a bond without sexual energy? It's no wonder people don't like dating anymore. I agree. If it really comes down to it I'll just ask him. I'm definitely not interested in being pushy and making him uncomfortable 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Share Posted February 16, 2021 14 hours ago, Alpaca said: There may be so many reasons why he hasn't. Plus, you do not know how he's going to respond or feel if you just plant one. It may make him uncomfortable for all you know. Yeah that's my issue. I definitely don't want to make him uncomfortable and I'm perfectly fine with taking it slow if he's interested. It's just hard for my insecurity to believe that he is 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Share Posted February 16, 2021 21 hours ago, dramafreezone said: You have people in this very thread saying that they didn't kiss their SO until the 4th, 5th date. I don't think this is a reason to stop seeing someone, at least not yet. People are too quick these days to give up on others they're dating. I don't think this is a platonic thing I've had women kiss me first. Nothing wrong with that, and if it is a platonic thing then she'd find out there. When it happened to me I thought it was hot, and certainly didn't think less of her. Oh I'm definitely not planning on giving up yet. I really like him a lot. Its just confusing when guys are usually a lot more pushy. Which I very much appreciate that he isn't, but then I also have that inner voice saying it's only because he doesn't really like me. It's a mess Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Share Posted February 16, 2021 21 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Nothing wrong with building up to romance. Or maybe he is a bit shy. Touch more, make it clear that more phyiscal contact is ok, or hell just go in for the kiss yourself. No guy is going out with you multiple times as a platonic thing. Just give it time and stop thinking there's something wrong. Thank you. I know deep down that the contact plus wanting to see me multiple times probably isn't platonic. It's just weird when every other guy I've dated has been semi forceful with that stuff. (Which I love that he isnt) its just strange to process that it could work this way. I'll definitely work on some casual touch and see how he takes it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spicydicey449 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Share Posted February 16, 2021 On 2/15/2021 at 11:38 AM, winny said: oh come on... give the guy a chance by taking action. just say - "hey were you planning on kissing me today cause I cannot wait anymore LOL" say it like a joke.. that should do it. I love this 😂😂 Honestly I might use this if I feel like it's going well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 1 hour ago, CollinW said: This comes off as manipulative to me. To completely disregard what he may be comfortable with just because you're too insecure to develop a bond without sexual energy? It's no wonder people don't like dating anymore. This is a judgmental comment. A person has every right to stop seeing someone if they are starting to realize that the other person doesn't have a compatible personality or approach to dating. If the guy doesn't make any attempts to kiss or show any affection whatsoever after three dates, not even any flirty talk, nothing, then that shows that he is either very conservative/reserved, extremely shy, or emotionally cold. For a lot of people this is not compatible with the type of person that they are. Many people are sexually open and are looking for someone who is the same. There is nothing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Spicydicey449 said: But I guess the staying in contact and seeing each other multiple times is a good indicator It could be, time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
CollinW Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: This is a judgmental comment. A person has every right to stop seeing someone if they are starting to realize that the other person doesn't have a compatible personality or approach to dating. If the guy doesn't make any attempts to kiss or show any affection whatsoever after three dates, not even any flirty talk, nothing, then that shows that he is either very conservative/reserved, extremely shy, or emotionally cold. For a lot of people this is not compatible with the type of person that they are. Many people are sexually open and are looking for someone who is the same. There is nothing wrong with that. I own up to it being a judgemental comment because it's a response to a toxic comment, and you need to own up to that. It has nothing to do with being sexually open or even incompatibility because you don't know him. You don't know if he's cold, conservative, or shy. All we know is that they're relative strangers and he hasn't kissed her yet. He could have mono, could have eaten onions right before, have a canker sore, literally anything. But to instead of advising communication you advise she coldly drops for not slobbing her down after 2 dates disregarding his expectations, comfort levels or what he's going through is dehumanizing and childish. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 1 hour ago, Spicydicey449 said: I love this 😂😂 Honestly I might use this if I feel like it's going well Yeah.. chill out.. don’t take life so seriously..! If he rejects a kiss from a beautiful woman.. his loss LOL Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 2 hours ago, CollinW said: I own up to it being a judgemental comment because it's a response to a toxic comment, and you need to own up to that. Toxic comment? You need to chill out. You are a bit much. My comment was directed at the OP, not to you. She is free to take whatever advice from this thread that she feels best works for her. I never claimed that I know the guy, I was commenting based on what I would do if I were in the situation. Direct your comments to the OP and do not go back and forth with me "correcting" my comments. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted February 16, 2021 Share Posted February 16, 2021 My girlfriend made the first move on our second date. We both felt the urge, but it was her who lent in first. Of course, I didn't hesitate for a nanosecond at that point! Perhaps it's different for different guys, but for someone I really like, I may sometimes be more reserved, as to potentially not scare them off thinking I only want one thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 (edited) This happened to me a few times. Perhaps he’s not sure of himself/shy and wants to be careful. I know this stage can be annoying, but I say give it a couple more dates or give more signals/initiative if you really like him. Edited February 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 5 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: Perhaps it's different for different guys, but for someone I really like, I may sometimes be more reserved, as to potentially not scare them off thinking I only want one thing. It's interesting you say that because taking it further, I sexually came on to my ex first (I had a few too many that night, lol) and he turned me down, telling me he wanted us to build an emotional connection first because he really liked me. But perhaps now I am thinking that he didn't want me to think he was only in it for the sex? I didn't feel rejected because there was more than plenty of physical affection (kissing, etc) and I knew how attracted to me he was (and vice versa) but I gotta admit, being turned down was a first for me! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 It was my first post on loveshack - the guy was asking me out and we had been out several times - but no kiss. I had no idea what to make of it... I had several people who told me to end it, we were in the dreaded friend zone... but, I knew we were not because he kept asking me out! Turns out, he says he wasn’t sure that I was interested. Men! I know now that he is terrible at picking up subtle signs... But - five years later, we are living together and all is well. It’s agony, waiting and wondering. But it’s sweet agony. Enjoy the experience and don’t be a fair to give him hints... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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