Catch up? updated

[Britney25]

3 minutes ago, winny said:

Are you dating for the first time in life? He will do what he thinks.. not according to what you think. He may ask you out tomorrow, next week or next month. Completely up to him and there is nothing wrong with it. You are expecting him to move according to your expectations and wishes. Sorry but right now you should have zero expectations. If what he does is not meeting your needs, you are completely free to stop communicating with him and find someone else that better suits you. 

I'm sorry I guess I'm anxious as to why no plan to set up a 3rd date yet that's all .

[winny]

1 minute ago, Britney25 said:

I'm sorry I guess I'm anxious as to why no plan to set up a 3rd date yet that's all .

You need to learn how not to be anxious. What the worst that would happen? You will never hear from him again. So? Who cares. You will find someone else. Chill. It Valentine’s day weekend.. pamper yourself and enjoy the weekend. Some guy’s date invite is not so important to feel anxious. Be confident.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, winny said:

You need to learn how not to be anxious. What the worst that would happen? You will never hear from him again. So? Who cares. You will find someone else. Chill. It Valentine’s day weekend.. pamper yourself and enjoy the weekend. Some guy’s date invite is not so important to feel anxious. Be confident.

Yeah plus now I'm not sure if he's that interested in me .

[Lotsgoingon]

Again, I think he's going through the motions. I don't think he really wants to see you again. Or ... if he does, he doesn't have his act together.

Again though, do you really want to see him again?! Don't put this all in his hands. If you really wanted to see him again, you could do some initiating if you wanted to. The benefit of initiating is you would more quickly get an answer to whether or not he is interested.

[Britney25]

4 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Again, I think he's going through the motions. I don't think he really wants to see you again. Or ... if he does, he doesn't have his act together.

Again though, do you really want to see him again?! Don't put this all in his hands. If you really wanted to see him again, you could do some initiating if you wanted to. The benefit of initiating is you would more quickly get an answer to whether or not he is interested.

Why do you think he doesn't want to see me again?

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Again, I think he's going through the motions. I don't think he really wants to see you again. Or ... if he does, he doesn't have his act together.

I understand losing the spark after 2nd date but why contacting her after then?

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

I understand losing the spark after 2nd date but why contacting her after then?

Exactly 

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Why do you think he doesn't want to see me again?

Relax. Don't jump to conclusion. Not all men enjoy an aggressive chase like bombarding you with text and inviting you to dates as soon as one is over.

Edited February 14, 2021 by Gaeta

[Lotsgoingon]

Why do I think he doesn't want to see you again? Because if he did--and if he were socially competent--you would have no doubt that he wants to see you again. 

I've been on both sides of cliffhangers like this. When I was the ambivalent one, I sent signals of mild interest. When I was interested but the other person was ambivalent, they sent me mild signals of interest. You send just enough to keep the person on the hook, but not enough to really commit to wanting to see the person again. 

Usually when I sent signals of mild interest of people sent them to me, I later figured out that I liked the person, couldn't find anything glaringly wrong with them, but just was not feeling excited. So I was giving myself time to feel better, feel stronger. Feeling stronger never came. I became friends later with one of my ambivalent exes, and she said the same thing I'm saying here. She wanted to like me, but just wasn't feeling it strongly.

[winny]

14 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Relax. Don't jump to conclusion. Not all men enjoy an aggressive chase like bombarding you with text and inviting you to dates as soon as one is over.

Guys who send too many texts and love bomb you generally want to sleep with you only. 

[Ami1uwant]

5 hours ago, Britney25 said:

I'm always confused what to do at the beginning of courtship, you know 2 dates in only. Should the Man always initiate first? And I just respond warmly? Tell me please. I always scree this part up.

 

 

After 2 dates there shouldn’t be a game of who initiates....

[Gaeta]

@Lotsgoingon you're mentionning exs so you're talking dating.  l would not call 2 dates *dating*. Those few first dates are critical and many men are afraid of coming on too strong.

What is this guy suppose to do? Set a date now  for next saturday in 8 days?

[Britney25]

8 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

After 2 dates there shouldn’t be a game of who initiates....

I'm not trying to play games just dont want to seem needy

[Gaeta]

12 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

After 2 dates there shouldn’t be a game of who initiates....

Unfortunately yes, if a man shows lots of interest the woman will be flattered. If the woman shows lots of interest it will be seen as cligny. 

[Britney25]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Unfortunately yes, if a man shows lots of interest the woman will be flattered. If the woman shows lots of interest it will be seen as cligny. 

So I guess I should stay cool and wait to see if he will text me Monday? If he doesnt then I can make contact with him Tuesday?

[Lotsgoingon]

Gaeta, 

An interested man would call her up and talk to her. Build on the conversation of the first two dates. The guys I know would find some way to make clear their interest. That can be done in a thousand different ways. Putting out an estimated date is one of them. The guys I know would all immediately be looking at their calendars and thinking about a fun next date to propose. Absolutely they would lock that in. And they'd feel great doing so. 

I don't think I've ever not proposed or thought about an upcoming date after meeting a woman I'm interested in. I mean, another step would be to talk to her and throw out a range of possibilities, see what she's interested in as well. 

Any hesitation in doing this ... in my experience of dating, in my friends' experiences of dating, in the experiences of the men and women I know ... means lack of interest, mild interest.  What goes through a guy's mind is something like, I gotta show interest. This woman is great, I like her. Other guys will be interested. I gotta set up another meeting. And then there's the simple feeling of I had a blast with her. I want to see her again because she's so much fun to be with. 

I can be totally disorganized and semi in a funk and I would make more effort than this guy if I was interested in someone. 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[Gaeta]

5 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

So I guess I should stay cool and wait to see if he will text me Monday? If he doesnt then I can make contact with him Tuesday?

I say you initiate a communication Monday.  People letting 3-4 days between messages are not that interested. 

Do you have an idea for a mid week date/meeting?

[poppyfields]

49 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I understand losing the spark after 2nd date but why contacting her after then?

As Lots said, going through the motions until he decides what if anything he wants to happen. 

Brit, I know everyone was like "oh he must really like you!" after you rejected him and he reached out again. 

But think about it?  What man would do that?  Reach out after being rejected?  

A man who is into the chase, that's who.  And once there is no more chase, or not as much, you become a little less intriguing.

Which may have happened here.  

Agree with winny, try and chill.  I know easier said than done when we really like someone, but try.  

I hope he reaches out soon, maybe tomorrow he will surprise you?

[Gaeta]

@Lotsgoingon: You might be right, i'm staying open to what you're saying. OP will know in less than 48 hours.

During my dating years men that pulled the type of interest you're describing were aiming at bedding me.  All in my face at beginning then poof!

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@Lotsgoingon: You might be right, i'm staying open to what you're saying. OP will know in less than 48 hours.

During my dating years men that pulled the type of interest you're describing were aiming at bedding me.  All in my face at beginning then poof!

Gaeta, per my last post, do you have any thoughts about what type of man reaches out (continues to chase/pursue) a woman after she rejected him?  Like Britney's guy did? 

I would not have good feelings about such man.  Again, to me that says he's all about the chase, getting me to respond, not about being into me.

Once I started positively responding and accepting dates, like Britney did, I became a little less intriguing.

There are men like this, Britney's guy may be one.

I agree with Lots, he's lost some interest otherwise he'd be texting, calling, asking you out again. 

Not chasing, but pursuing.  Before he was chasing, because you were running away. 

You're not running away anymore, and where is he? 

Not texting and no third date. 

I hope I'm wrong and he reaches out soon!  Or you could next week.

Keep us posted! 

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Gaeta, per my last post, do you have any thoughts about what type of man reaches out (continues to chase/pursue) a woman after she rejected him?  Like Britney's guy did? 

It's a possibility, yes.

We see on here male posters that really like a woman after a first date and can't take a rejection and will give it another shot. Some men don't even recognize a rejection. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Interesting Gaeta,

There is a fine line between showing high interest because you really like someone and showing high interest to get quick sex with someone. 

But there is a distinct difference. Let me see if I can identify that difference. Well first, the guy interested in dating won't rush to have sex. And actually he doesn't have to rush. But the guy who is interested will always make sure the woman knows he's interested. So if he hasn't come up with plans, he'll say why he hasn't come up with plans or at least he'll throw out a tentative date for a meetup.

A guy interested in sex will flirt harder sexually early on. The guy interested in a relationship can let his enthusiasm do his flirting. And yes, the guy interested in romance might go slower, but in between, he'll let the woman know he's thinking of her and what he's thinking about for their next date. 

 

[Ami1uwant]

53 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Unfortunately yes, if a man shows lots of interest the woman will be flattered. If the woman shows lots of interest it will be seen as cligny. 

I’m a guy....

 

there is a difference in stalker texting and regular texting.

 

for me I look at her initiation texting at a higher level of interest.

 

if I have to constantly initiate communication it turns me off.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

I say you initiate a communication Monday.  People letting 3-4 days between messages are not that interested. 

Do you have an idea for a mid week date/meeting?

Well so far it's been 2 days he didnt contact me. I have nothing in mind no.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Gaeta, per my last post, do you have any thoughts about what type of man reaches out (continues to chase/pursue) a woman after she rejected him?  Like Britney's guy did? 

I would not have good feelings about such man.  Again, to me that says he's all about the chase, getting me to respond, not about being into me.

Once I started positively responding and accepting dates, like Britney did, I became a little less intriguing.

There are men like this, Britney's guy may be one.

I agree with Lots, he's lost some interest otherwise he'd be texting, calling, asking you out again. 

Not chasing, but pursuing.  Before he was chasing, because you were running away. 

You're not running away anymore, and where is he? 

Not texting and no third date. 

I hope I'm wrong and he reaches out soon!  Or you could next week.

Keep us posted! 

 

Maybe so but he texted me after the date and then he texted again the next day. So how is he loosing interest for not texting 1 day or maybe 2 days tomorrow if he doesnt say Happy Valentines day or something like that. But the time he did text me he didnt ask to meet, only told me about his day, asked about mine and said goodnight with a kiss. I'm thinking he's still interested but also wondering why not mentioning another meeting? Or I'm too anxious.