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Britney25

By Britney25
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

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Britany, you're getting a lot of conflicting advice, so maybe just do what you think is best, what feels right for you.

I don't think it's a test to expect men to follow through after they ask you out.  I think it's pretty standard.

If you start picking up their slack, not allowing them to follow through, they have a tendency to become lazy, which is not good.  These early stages sets a precedence.

I also think asking him four days in advance of the date to confirm time and place sounds desperate, it's got anxiety written all over it. 

Relax!  Again, trust that HE will be in touch!  It's only Monday.

JMO Britany, again do what you feel is best, what feels right for you.

 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted

Britany, I will say I see nothing wrong with shooting him a quick text today saying hi and asking how his weekend was, and letting him know you're looking forward to Thursday.

That is something I might do.  

What I would not do is ask him to confirm time and place, to me that is for him to do.  He asked you out, let him plan the date.  Again, pretty standard in my experience.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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17 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Britany, I will say I see nothing wrong with shooting him a quick text today saying hi and asking how his weekend was, and letting him know you're looking forward to Thursday.

That is something I might do.  

What I would not do is ask him to confirm time and place, to me that is for him to do.  He asked you out, let him plan the date.  Again, pretty standard in my experience.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

Yeah I will definitely shoot him a text after work today. 

Thanks!

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

What I would not do is ask him to confirm time and place, to me that is for him to do.  He asked you out, let him plan the date. 

IMO there is only a vague plan if no time has been established & the OP has no idea where they're going.  It is nicer when men plan but when the details are lacking somebody has to clarify things.  Sitting around in limbo doesn't help. 

@Britney25 Reach out tonight to say hi.  See if he follows through with more details if that is how you want to play it.  I fear you will be led on & at best get something thrown together last minute which teaches him he doesn't have to plan because you will jump when he snaps his fingers or on Thursday with only this vague passing mention of a possible day, but no time or place, he will really drop the ball & leave you hanging.  I'm more assertive than many so I'd get this handled sooner rather than later.  

 

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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18 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

IMO there is only a vague plan if no time has been established & the OP has no idea where they're going.  It is nicer when men plan but when the details are lacking somebody has to clarify things.  Sitting around in limbo doesn't help. 

@Britney25 Reach out tonight to say hi.  See if he follows through with more details if that is how you want to play it.  I fear you will be led on & at best get something thrown together last minute which teaches him he doesn't have to plan because you will jump when he snaps his fingers or on Thursday with only this vague passing mention of a possible day, but no time or place, he will really drop the ball & leave you hanging.  I'm more assertive than many so I'd get this handled sooner rather than later.  

 

I will text him today and see where the convo will lead..at best I will mention the date if he doesn't. 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
25 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

IMO there is only a vague plan if no time has been established & the OP has no idea where they're going.  It is nicer when men plan but when the details are lacking somebody has to clarify things.  Sitting around in limbo doesn't help. 

 

Well, I must be different because I wouldn't be sitting around in limbo needing clarification about time and place four days in advance.  Just because the time hasn't been set, in my mind we still have a date for Thursday and I would have faith and trust that he will confirm all those details closer to the date.  Unless and until he proves otherwise by not following through.

I show interest by what I suggested, reach out with a quick text saying hi and letting him know I am looking forward to seeing him on Thursday!  Let him take it from there.

Early stages, once you get into regularly dating, then it becomes more reciprocal.  When that happens I would have no problem asking for confirmation of time.  But these early stages are different imo, let him show her what he's made of so she develop trust that he's a man of his word and follows through after asking a woman out or with anything really.

Has always worked for me anyway.  If a more assertive, take charge approach worked for you when you were single, or with your DH, then that's fine too. 

No wrong or right as far as I am concerned.

 

Edited by poppyfields
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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I show interest by what I suggested, reach out with a quick text saying hi and letting him know I am looking forward to seeing him on Thursday!  Let him take it from there.

This is what I would do too.

And if no concrete plans happen by Thursday night, forget about him and move on.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
29 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well, I must be different because I wouldn't be sitting around in limbo needing clarification about time and place four days in advance.

See, I see it as she has a busy schedule and if he wants to take her out on a date she needs to freeze that time in her agenda because last minute won't do. Does he want to meet at 6pm, 8pm that makes a difference. Where does he want to go, is it a date on the beach or a fancy restaurant if so she'll need to get that dress to the dry cleaner. 

Edited by Gaeta
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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

See, I see it as she has a busy schedule and if he wants to take her out on a date she needs to freeze that time in her agenda because last minute won't do. Does he want to meet at 6pm, 8pm that makes a difference. Where does he want to go, is it a date on the beach or a fancy restaurant if so she'll need to get that dress to the dry cleaner. 

Gaeta, if you or others need or require those details four days in advance, cool.  I never did.  We have a date for Thursday so I leave the night open.

I am busy, but not that busy.  I never really stressed about it because they always got in touch at least a day prior, or sometimes even the day of. 

Or more likely is we would be texting each other until the date.  And the day before or the day of, together we would decide on the time and place.   It all flowed pretty naturally.

I suppose if I got flaked on a lot, my attitude would be different, but I never did much OLDing, the men I dated I met IRL (with the exception of my recent ex who I did meet on line) so never experienced all the flaking that goes on in today's OLD environment.

 

 

 

Edited by poppyfields
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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

Posted
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Posted
2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Gaeta, if you or others need or require those details four days in advance, cool.  I never did.  We have a date for Thursday so I leave the night open.

I am busy, but not that busy.  I never really stressed about it because they always got in touch at least a day prior, or sometimes even the day of. 

Or more likely is we would be texting each other until the date.  And the day before or the day of, together we would decide on the time and place.   It all flowed pretty naturally.

I suppose if I got flaked on a lot, my attitude would be different, but I never did much OLDing, the men I dated I met IRL (with the exception of my recent ex who I did meet on line) so never experienced all the flaking that goes on in today's OLD environment.

 

 

 

Well I texted him and asked about his weekend, he said looking forward to seeing you but nothing else about Thursday.  No details. Wtf?

sushiandtacos Established Member

sushiandtacos

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Well I texted him and asked about his weekend, he said looking forward to seeing you but nothing else about Thursday.  No details. Wtf?

Ok could be a couple of things -

a) maybe he's still trying to think of what you guys can do aka still in the planning process and will get back to you 

b) maybe he's trying to gauge your interest levels and seeing if you will help with suggesting the date details 

c) maybe he is planning to plan/confirm all at once the day before on Wed 

Did he ask you how your weekend was? 

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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7 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Ok could be a couple of things -

a) maybe he's still trying to think of what you guys can do aka still in the planning process and will get back to you 

b) maybe he's trying to gauge your interest levels and seeing if you will help with suggesting the date details 

c) maybe he is planning to plan/confirm all at once the day before on Wed 

Did he ask you how your weekend was? 

Never mind he set a cocktail lounge to meet. Not sure if that's good. Is it so casual?

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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Posted
8 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

Ok could be a couple of things -

a) maybe he's still trying to think of what you guys can do aka still in the planning process and will get back to you 

b) maybe he's trying to gauge your interest levels and seeing if you will help with suggesting the date details 

c) maybe he is planning to plan/confirm all at once the day before on Wed 

Did he ask you how your weekend was? 

Yes he has asked me how my weekend was. And that he is excited to see me as well.

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sushiandtacos Established Member

sushiandtacos

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Never mind he set a cocktail lounge to meet. Not sure if that's good. Is it so casual?

LOL Britney, GURL, see he set the place! Now you're overthinking again whether it's casual or not, honestly think it sounds like a really good time!

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

Posted
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Posted
7 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said:

LOL Britney, GURL, see he set the place! Now you're overthinking again whether it's casual or not, honestly think it sounds like a really good time!

Yeah I need to chill the f**cm out lol 

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sushiandtacos Established Member

sushiandtacos

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yeah I need to chill the f**cm out lol 

Go pour yourself a nice glass of wine😂

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Well I texted him and asked about his weekend, he said looking forward to seeing you but nothing else about Thursday.  No details. Wtf?

 

12 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Never mind he set a cocktail lounge to meet. Not sure if that's good. Is it so casual?

This is now moving in the right direction.  A cocktail lounge is not "so casual".  Check out the website for the venue so you know what to wear.  Be sure to take appropriate Covid precautions. 

@poppyfields  When I was dating I WAS that busy.  I had just started my own business.  I also had a part time job.  I served on 2 boards of Trustees. I volunteered for another organization & I was the sole care giver to my elderly parents.  Plus I had a ton of friends & an active social life.  If anybody wanted to spend time with me, they needed to bend around my schedule or pencil me in 2+ weeks in advance.  So this open ended I'll get back to you with a time & place on Thursday vagueness did not fit into my life.  I usually work until at least 6 in the office & often brought work home.  I often had meetings at 8 pm or that were 2+ hours away from my house.  In college I was more free with my time & I have since simplified my life since my parents died but back then I could not have dealt with what @Britney25 was facing.  Then again I would not have.  The minute the guy mentioned Thursday I would have dragged details out of him or supplied them but again I am far more assertive than many people.  If that didn't work for some guy -- & it didn't for many -- he wasn't my guy.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
17 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Never mind he set a cocktail lounge to meet. Not sure if that's good. Is it so casual?

Depends, did he give you the place so you can look it up? Some can be casual but others are pretty fancy. 

 

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winny Established Member

winny

Posted
Posted (edited)
5 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

The minute the guy mentioned Thursday I would have dragged details out of him or supplied them but again I am far more assertive than many people.  If that didn't work for some guy -- & it didn't for many -- he wasn't my guy.

I would do the same. I have no energy to do all these back and forth LOL

I would just have a phone call sometimes to decide the details... so much easier and done in few mins. 

I think part of it is because I met so many flakey guys (about whom I made posts here back in 2013-14) LOL 

Edited by winny
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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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29 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Depends, did he give you the place so you can look it up? Some can be casual but others are pretty fancy. 

 

Yes I looked it up. It is pretty fancy after all.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

Yes I looked it up. It is pretty fancy after all.

Are you comfortable with these places? 

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Britney25 Established Member

Britney25

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26 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Are you comfortable with these places? 

Yes I dont mind at all.

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

A cocktail lounge is too casual??? What kind of date do you want, an opera. 

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StrongHands Established Member

StrongHands

Posted
Posted

LOL^^....what is a casual date.  Meeting for coffee or dessert?  Is going out to a nice dinner considered to be casual?  

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted (edited)
10 minutes ago, StrongHands said:

LOL^^....what is a casual date.  Meeting for coffee or dessert?  Is going out to a nice dinner considered to be casual?  

Casual = jeans are fine.  A traditional cocktail lounge evokes something more upscale IMO.  As a woman I would wear a skirt or nice dress & heels to such a place even if it meant I carried the shoes in my purse & changed out of my snow boots in the entry way.   Where as I would wear something more everyday & flat or wedge shoes (depending on the weather)  to a casual place.  

Have fun @Britney25  Let us know what you decide to wear & how it goes.  

Edited by d0nnivain
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