Gaeta Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: Omg stop with the damn its 2021. Our brains dont think like that when it comes to recreating and courtship. Our brain? Look how many women on here tell you you've got to be a little more pro-active here. Look, scheduling a time and place for the date will not make you look desperate, or make you look like you're chasing. It will make you look like a woman that needs to know ahead of time because her agenda books itself pretty fast and that's something men respect. 3
Author Britney25 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's called equality. If you want to be equal in pay & responsibility, you can't rely on a 1950s style of dating by only letting men chase you. Your brain may not think in modern terms but everybody else does. So perhaps it's time for you to catch up. Modern men have been traumatized a bit. They are told that being too aggressive is practically assault so they hang back waiting for unmistakable signs out of fear that they will accused of being a predator otherwise. In your case, when he suggested catching, you responded enthusiastically IMO but apparently it wasn't enough for him. You needed to make that green light much brighter especially if you are not willing to be a modern woman & take the laboring oar. When he didn't come back to you with a date & time, you would have been better served giving him a nudge: "Hey. When you said let's catch up. Did you have a date, time & place in mind?" Technically that still makes him the asker / the pursuer / "the man" if you will but clearly you would be driving the bus. The fastest way to catch a man is to let him chase you but you have to give the poor guy irrefutable evidence that you are open to being caught. Sadly once you have the meet up / date set, you would be well served to have at least 1 interim conversation / confirmation of the date so you don't get stood up. Men get scared too. Be more reassuring & sensitive to how much he's risking by asking / chasing. Ok I understand now. So in order for me not to get stood up I should text him the day before if he has a place and time ?
Author Britney25 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 11 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Our brain? Look how many women on here tell you you've got to be a little more pro-active here. Look, scheduling a time and place for the date will not make you look desperate, or make you look like you're chasing. It will make you look like a woman that needs to know ahead of time because her agenda books itself pretty fast and that's something men respect. Ok. I apologize. So I should text the day before and ask him for the place and time? Thanks 1
peach302 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Ok. I apologize. So I should text the day before and ask him for the place and time? Thanks . I have a feeling this sort of attitude will come up again at some point. You need to relax a bit more and stop thinking everytime you text him means you're going after him. 1
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Ok. I apologize. So I should text the day before and ask him for the place and time? Thanks If I were you I would not wait the day before because it kind of say you're free all day with nothing else to book. The date is Thursday? I would text him tonight or tomorrow. I would do like D0nnivain said, say something like *do YOU have time an place in mind so I book my time*. (Said in a better way in English :-)) Edited February 8, 2021 by Gaeta 1
sushiandtacos Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 23 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's called equality. If you want to be equal in pay & responsibility, you can't rely on a 1950s style of dating by only letting men chase you. Your brain may not think in modern terms but everybody else does. So perhaps it's time for you to catch up. I see what you did there @d0nnivain 4
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 14 minutes ago, Britney25 said: So I should text the day before and ask him for the place and time? Thanks Yes, but until he gives you a place & time, you don't have a date. Some general mentions of possibly Thursday is not a date. It's a speculation. You need a concrete plan. Doing what it takes to nail that down & confirm everything is showing you are a confident busy person who doesn't have time to waste, which is the opposite of clingy or weak. Once you have scheduled the date, IMO you need to verify the day before or the morning before, the same way you would verify any other meeting. 1
poppyfields Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) Britany, I'm glad you stepped up and told him when you were free. And scheduled a date for Thursday. After which he ended the conversation with a kiss emoji. I'm not quite understanding what you are wound up about. You have a date scheduled for Thursday! . Trust that he will be in touch prior with time and place. I disagree with others advising that you should be the one to follow up. Sure I'm all for equality in business, but romance? I say follow his lead in these very early stages. When and if you begin regularly dating, it becomes more 50/50. If he doesn't follow through with time and place, move on. Men are great but many have become lazy because women insist on picking up their slack. Not good. He scheduled the date, relax and allow him to follow through. As I said, if he doesnt, move on. It really is that easy. Trust in the process and enjoy the journey. Edited February 8, 2021 by poppyfields 1
winny Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Britney25 said: That's not true. Masculine and feminine energy is not BS. The more a woman chases the Men the more he runs away during courtship. Why do you think its always the Men I dont care for that come to me? Because I'm vague with them, I never text first I dont chase and they still come after me. Wanting anyone to chase after you is an unhealthy mindset to begin with. No one needs to chase anyone in a healthy relationship. They come after you because of their low self esteem. Not because you are vague with them. And by being vague with them, you are showing you have no empathy for people. It sucks when someone strings you along instead of being direct and cutting you off when they are not into you. High quality men will never come after a woman who is being vague. They will move on. Edited February 8, 2021 by winny 1
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: I disagree with others advising that you should be the one to follow up. Sure I'm all for equality in business, but romance? I say follow his lead in these very early stages. It's because he did chase her initially but she shut him down, did not answer his text etc etc. Now he's back and being cautious, she should give him a big green light and stop being passive. 1
winny Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, sushiandtacos said: OP I thought you sent the last text but he sent the emoji? I would send a text asking where he was thinking of going and you make some suggestions. After he sent the emoji, immediately I would ask him to lock down a date and time in that same conversation - " Hey can we fix a date/time/location now so I can plan my week better? I would love to go to <insert date idea>.. thoughts? Do you have another suggestion?" If he doesn't respond or is vague.. then you can simply move on and know for sure he is not interested. And you can maybe find another date. There is no chase happening here. You as an adult are trying to make the best use of your time and resources by weeding out uninterested men as early as possible. Edited February 8, 2021 by winny 2
winny Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: It's because he did chase her initially but she shut him down, did not answer his text etc etc. Now he's back and being cautious, she should give him a big green light and stop being passive. She is watching way too many dating advice videos on YouTube LOL 1
winny Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 4 minutes ago, winny said: After he sent the emoji, immediately I would ask him to lock down a date and time in that same conversation - " Hey can we fix a date/time/location now so I can plan my week better? I would love to go to <insert date idea>.. thoughts? Do you have another suggestion?" If he doesn't respond or is vague.. then you can simply move on and know for sure he is not interested. And you can maybe find another date. There is no chase happening here. You as an adult are trying to make the best use of your time and resources by weeding out uninterested men as early as possible. Oh you can even say - "Why don't you give me a call tomorrow at 7 pm so we can discuss what we wanna do for the date?" If he calls, great. If not - you have your answer. This also allows him to make an effort of calling you.
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 8 minutes ago, winny said: If he doesn't respond or is vague.. then you can simply move on and know for sure he is not interested. Exactly!! This way you eliminate them faster. 1
winny Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: Exactly!! This way you eliminate them faster. Yep! thats one lesson i have learnt.. LOL
Author Britney25 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: Britany, I'm glad you stepped up and told him when you were free. And scheduled a date for Thursday. After which he ended the conversation with a kiss emoji. I'm not quite understanding what you are wound up about. You have a date scheduled for Thursday! . Trust that he will be in touch prior with time and place. I disagree with others advising that you should be the one to follow up. Sure I'm all for equality in business, but romance? I say follow his lead in these very early stages. When and if you begin regularly dating, it becomes more 50/50. If he doesn't follow through with time and place, move on. Men are great but many have become lazy because women insist on picking up their slack. Not good. He scheduled the date, relax and allow him to follow through. As I said, if he doesnt, move on. It really is that easy. Trust in the process and enjoy the journey. Thank you poppy. I mean that's my logic as well but almost everyone here is telling me I need to contact him again. I'm confused.
Author Britney25 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 48 minutes ago, winny said: After he sent the emoji, immediately I would ask him to lock down a date and time in that same conversation - " Hey can we fix a date/time/location now so I can plan my week better? I would love to go to <insert date idea>.. thoughts? Do you have another suggestion?" If he doesn't respond or is vague.. then you can simply move on and know for sure he is not interested. And you can maybe find another date. There is no chase happening here. You as an adult are trying to make the best use of your time and resources by weeding out uninterested men as early as possible. Ok but it's too late for that, so now what do I do? Text him randomly asking about Thursday? @Poppy fields tells me to wait for him to follow up.
peach302 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 12 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Ok but it's too late for that, so now what do I do? Text him randomly asking about Thursday? @Poppy fields tells me to wait for him to follow up. Say you'll let him choose a time and place. That way you're showing interest and at the same time leaving the ball in his court. 1
Author Britney25 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 3 minutes ago, peach302 said: Say you'll let him choose a time and place. That way you're showing interest and at the same time leaving the ball in his court. Can you put it in a sentence for me as you were the one texting this? I dont want to make a mistake haha
sushiandtacos Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Can you put it in a sentence for me as you were the one texting this? I dont want to make a mistake haha OP just be yourself, you don't have to orchestrate texts. Just type it in a way you would normally message!
peach302 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Can you put it in a sentence for me as you were the one texting this? I dont want to make a mistake haha you won't make a mistake think positive and that will automatically come across in your messages. Start it by saying you hope he is well ( something along those lines)..and about your upcoming date you're really looking forward to it and that you'll leave the time and venue up to him. Edited February 8, 2021 by peach302
Crazelnut Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 Jeez, just text him and say, hey, you want to pick a time & place for Thursday, So I can plan my week? What did you have in mind? Stop making it so hard. 4
winny Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 35 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Can you put it in a sentence for me as you were the one texting this? I dont want to make a mistake haha Oh man! Britney! You are a confident woman... act like one! LOL You got this! Its just a text! 1
poppyfields Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: It's because he did chase her initially but she shut him down, did not answer his text etc etc. Now he's back and being cautious, she should give him a big green light and stop being passive. She did, she told him when she was free, and he chose Thursday and scheduled a date. Yes she originally shut him down but HE is the one who chose to return regardless, asking her out. I still say since he asked her out, he should be following up. No need for her to pick up his slack just because she originally shut him down. No one forced him to return and try again. This is pretty standard in my experience. I don't think I have ever had a man ask me out, choose the day but then expect ME to follow through with time and place? I have never heard of that and actually pretty surprised at the advice for her to do his job for him, to pick up his slack. Like I said, once they begin regularly dating, it's becomes more reciprocal, but damn he asked her out, let him follow through with time and place, and if he doesn't, that speaks volumes imo and not in a good way. Edited February 8, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Gaeta Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 Just give the guy a break Britney, you want a boyfriend or you want to spend your time testing men? 4
Recommended Posts