Gaeta Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 I really want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you're too eager at this point in the game? Quick starts are often not the best and don't really live through time. 4
peach302 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: He still didnt reply if the weekend works for him. I don't know about him if we match at all. I think you're probably a little too overly anxious. You need to chill out and go with the flow. If it doesnt work then it doesn't work. 3
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 12 minutes ago, peach302 said: I think you're probably a little too overly anxious. You need to chill out and go with the flow. If it doesnt work then it doesn't work. Yes ok
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 43 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I really want to give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you're too eager at this point in the game? Quick starts are often not the best and don't really live through time. Maybe I am too eager.
basil67 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 3 hours ago, Britney25 said: He still didnt reply if the weekend works for him. I don't know about him if we match at all. The weekend is ~5 days away With all due respect, it's not usual for someone to get this wound up over the timing of when a new date makes plans. I worry that you have an anxiety related condition. Is anxiety something which impacts other parts of your life? Or perhaps is this anxiety because you're feeling out of control? 3
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 15 minutes ago, basil67 said: The weekend is ~5 days away With all due respect, it's not usual for someone to get this wound up over the timing of when a new date makes plans. I worry that you have an anxiety related condition. Is anxiety something which impacts other parts of your life? Or perhaps is this anxiety because you're feeling out of control? More like what if he's silent until Friday and I make plans with someone else when he finally decides to let me know. Am I supposed keep the weekend open for him? It just worries me that he's still undecided if the weekend works.
Alpacalia Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 Why can't just you make other plans? If he gets back to you after making alternate plans tell him you already made plans and ask for a raincheck. 3
winny Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 5 minutes ago, Britney25 said: More like what if he's silent until Friday and I make plans with someone else when he finally decides to let me know. Am I supposed keep the weekend open for him? It just worries me that he's still undecided if the weekend works. How would you deal with this in a outside of dating situation? Do the same. As an adult I am pretty sure you have made and canceled and rescheduled weekend plans numerous times with friends. Whats special about this? Do what you always do. 2
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 6 minutes ago, Alpaca said: Why can't just you make other plans? If he gets back to you after making alternate plans tell him you already made plans and ask for a raincheck. I understand but it makes me feel like he's being passive in getting together.
introverted1 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 25 minutes ago, basil67 said: The weekend is ~5 days away With all due respect, it's not usual for someone to get this wound up over the timing of when a new date makes plans. I worry that you have an anxiety related condition. Is anxiety something which impacts other parts of your life? Or perhaps is this anxiety because you're feeling out of control? ^ This. We have 15 pages to discuss what has been 2 dates! Britney, live your life. Make whatever plans you would normally make. If he reaches out and you're busy, you can suggest an alternate time. If he doesn't reach out, then you will have an enjoyable weekend regardless. This level of anxiety about whether a guy is going to make plans for a 3rd date is not healthy. 4
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 4 minutes ago, winny said: How would you deal with this in a outside of dating situation? Do the same. As an adult I am pretty sure you have made and canceled and rescheduled weekend plans numerous times with friends. Whats special about this? Do what you always do. I agree totally but it makes me feel like he doesn't care that much after all.
basil67 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 10 minutes ago, Britney25 said: More like what if he's silent until Friday and I make plans with someone else when he finally decides to let me know. Am I supposed keep the weekend open for him? It just worries me that he's still undecided if the weekend works. If he's silent till Friday and you make other plans, then he misses out. Seriously though, this isn't worth the anxiety which you're giving it. Is anxiety something which generally troubles you? If not, why are you so worried about this guy? 3
basil67 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: I agree totally but it makes me feel like he doesn't care that much after all. It's only been a couple of dates. Why do you think he'd care that much so early in? You're still very much getting to know each other. 2
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: ^ This. We have 15 pages to discuss what has been 2 dates! Britney, live your life. Make whatever plans you would normally make. If he reaches out and you're busy, you can suggest an alternate time. If he doesn't reach out, then you will have an enjoyable weekend regardless. This level of anxiety about whether a guy is going to make plans for a 3rd date is not healthy. Yes I guess I have control issues..I like to know ahead of time if we have a date or not. I let him know , as before I didn't suggest a time when he asked to get together, now I actually let him know and he's silent.
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 1 minute ago, basil67 said: If he's silent till Friday and you make other plans, then he misses out. Seriously though, this isn't worth the anxiety which you're giving it. Is anxiety something which generally troubles you? If not, why are you so worried about this guy? I guess I have control issues. Yes anxiety.
winny Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 Just now, Britney25 said: I understand but it makes me feel like he's being passive in getting together. Then find someone who isn’t passive. Why should you be anxious about it? Although your definition of what is passive comes from a place of anxiety and fear of rejection so for someone like me I don’t see his behavior as passive. Its possible you will find every guy as passive if they are not constantly texting you and reassuring you of their interest in you - multiple times a day .. every day. 3
winny Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I agree totally but it makes me feel like he doesn't care that much after all. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t.. why does it matter so much??!!
Alpacalia Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 3 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I understand but it makes me feel like he's being passive in getting together. Then stop dating him. 1
introverted1 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 1 minute ago, Britney25 said: I understand but it makes me feel like he's being passive in getting together. Just now, Britney25 said: I agree totally but it makes me feel like he doesn't care that much after all. The above are irrelevant. He is showing you who he is, how he dates. If you are ok with it, then proceed if he asks you out again. If you are not ok with it, write him off and date someone else. Your job is to determine if this is someone you want to date. Your job is NOT trying to mind-read his actions (or inactions) nor is it to get him to conform to how you want him to behave. All you can and should do is observe what he does and make a decision for yourself. If you are not enjoying his dating style, move on. Agonizing over it just creates a lot of unnecessary drama and, worse yet, gets you invested in an outcome for the sake of soothing your anxiety, rather than because you actually like the guy! 6
winny Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: The above are irrelevant. He is showing you who he is, how he dates. If you are ok with it, then proceed if he asks you out again. If you are not ok with it, write him off and date someone else. Your job is to determine if this is someone you want to date. Your job is NOT trying to mind-read his actions (or inactions) nor is it to get him to conform to how you want him to behave. All you can and should do is observe what he does and make a decision for yourself. If you are not enjoying his dating style, move on. Agonizing over it just creates a lot of unnecessary drama and, worse yet, gets you invested in an outcome for the sake of soothing your anxiety, rather than because you actually like the guy! 100% this!!! 1
basil67 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 (edited) @Britney25 let's change this around. Instead of worrying about things which you cannot control, how about looking at what you can control? What practical measures could you use to mitigate the worries you have about whether a date may or may not happen? For instance, I like to know what my diary looks like too. This is the very reason that when dating, I was proactive about being in contact and setting dates. I know you're shocked that women do this, but for a planner such as me, it worked because I knew what was going to happen. If you can't bring yourself to do this, move on from this guy and find a guy who's highly in contact and proactive about planning. Edited February 16, 2021 by basil67 2 1
Author Britney25 Posted February 16, 2021 Author Posted February 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: @Britney25 let's change this around. Instead of worrying about things which you cannot control, how about looking at what you can control? What practical measures could you use to mitigate the worries you have about whether a date may or may not happen? For instance, I like to know what my diary looks like too. This is the very reason that when dating, I was proactive about being in contact and setting dates. I know you're shocked that women do this, but for a planner such as me, it worked because I knew what was going to happen. If you can't bring yourself to do this, move on from this guy and find a guy who's highly in contact and proactive about planning. Yes very true. Now I understand his style more and it makes sense when he asked me out and I didn't immediately tell him when I'm available , he didn't ask himself until I texted him 2 days after. Now he asks to get together again and I actually tell him what days I'm free, he just likes my message and is silent. That is one of my pet peeves as I am a planner and like to know. If it doesnt work for him he should say so, no questions asked. 1
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 2 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes very true. Now I understand his style more and it makes sense when he asked me out and I didn't immediately tell him when I'm available , he didn't ask himself until I texted him 2 days after. Now he asks to get together again and I actually tell him what days I'm free, he just likes my message and is silent. That is one of my pet peeves as I am a planner and like to know. If it doesnt work for him he should say so, no questions asked. So you did not get back to him immediately but he has to? Britney: You don't want to act like an organized woman but you expect organization? An organized woman would have said to him on Sunday during your exchange and he expressed wanting to see you : Sounds great X, I have free time Next Saturday from 6pm, how is that to you? But you don't want to do that, you don't want to manage your time, you leave it to him and look what it does. 1 1
basil67 Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 8 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Yes very true. Now I understand his style more and it makes sense when he asked me out and I didn't immediately tell him when I'm available , he didn't ask himself until I texted him 2 days after. Now he asks to get together again and I actually tell him what days I'm free, he just likes my message and is silent. That is one of my pet peeves as I am a planner and like to know. If it doesnt work for him he should say so, no questions asked. No, you're not getting it. The bolded is you wanting to control the uncontrollable. You have to go inside yourself and ask what YOU can do differently. Relying on others to soothe your need to control and anxiety levels will never work.
poppyfields Posted February 16, 2021 Posted February 16, 2021 (edited) 48 minutes ago, introverted1 said: He is showing you who he is, how he dates. He is also showing her how he communicates, which imo is quite poorly and certainly not reflective of a man who is interested in building a connection and eventually a relationship. Britney, there is no reason on god's green earth why he cannot respond to your text message yesterday. I find the fact he hasn't quite rude. Even if he doesn't know when exactly he's available, he could at least have the courtesy to respond back, perhaps strike up a bit of conversation with you, indicating his interest. There was another poster on this thread (I don't think I am allowed to give names) who has posted previously that an interested man can take five minutes out of his busy day to respond to a text, even if while sitting on the toilet!! I have no problem with taking things slow, but good grief, has there been any sort of substantive communication between you since your date last Thursday? I mean besides an "Happy V-Day love" two hours before the day ended, a "like" on one of your SM posts, and then a lame "let's get together again"? By your own admission, you're not even sure you are all that interested in him anyway, so if I may ask, why bother? My guess, and it's only a guess, is he's playing some sort of game wherein he wants you to chase. Schedule and plan the third date. There is advice to men all over the internet about this. I have nothing against doing that, had I been really interested and he gave me more than the breadcrumbs this guy is tossing you. This man has got you on the edge of your seat Britney, I am sorry to have to disagree with the majority but I say since you were never all that interested in the first place, it's not worth it, toss this one back. I would. Edited February 16, 2021 by poppyfields 2
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