Catch up? updated

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Gaeta, 

An interested man would call her up and talk to her. Build on the conversation of the first two dates. The guys I know would find some way to make clear their interest. That can be done in a thousand different ways. Putting out an estimated date is one of them. The guys I know would all immediately be looking at their calendars and thinking about a fun next date to propose. Absolutely they would lock that in. And they'd feel great doing so. 

I don't think I've ever not proposed or thought about an upcoming date after meeting a woman I'm interested in. I mean, another step would be to talk to her and throw out a range of possibilities, see what she's interested in as well. 

Any hesitation in doing this ... in my experience of dating, in my friends' experiences of dating, in the experiences of the men and women I know ... means lack of interest, mild interest.  What goes through a guy's mind is something like, I gotta show interest. This woman is great, I like her. Other guys will be interested. I gotta set up another meeting. And then there's the simple feeling of I had a blast with her. I want to see her again because she's so much fun to be with. 

I can be totally disorganized and semi in a funk and I would make more effort than this guy if I was interested in someone. 

Ok but doesn't it count that he chose to text after the date and the next day? Why would he do so if he's loosing interest? I'm so disappointed if thats the case because it seems that everytime I open up to someone this seems to happen.  I could be wrong about him but it is odd he's not talking about the next date yet.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Interesting Gaeta,

There is a fine line between showing high interest because you really like someone and showing high interest to get quick sex with someone. 

But there is a distinct difference. Let me see if I can identify that difference. Well first, the guy interested in dating won't rush to have sex. And actually he doesn't have to rush. But the guy who is interested will always make sure the woman knows he's interested. So if he hasn't come up with plans, he'll say why he hasn't come up with plans or at least he'll throw out a tentative date for a meetup.

A guy interested in sex will flirt harder sexually early on. The guy interested in a relationship can let his enthusiasm do his flirting. And yes, the guy interested in romance might go slower, but in between, he'll let the woman know he's thinking of her and what he's thinking about for their next date. 

 

So what's your advice for me please? Let him be? Wait and see if the next time he texts that he asks me out? Do I say something?

[Britney25]

I literally don't understand how Men operate.  I reject they come. I open up the start loosing interest? What the hell is wrong with me? I genuinely though he likes me very much.  Maybe I'm panicking too early,  maybe he likes to slow pace, maybe V day scared him so he's laying low? Ugh

[sushiandtacos]

In my honest opinion, he wouldn't have texted you after the date and the day after if he wasn't interested. Maybe he's waiting for you to take the initiative for the third date? 

Or like you said, maybe he's waiting until after V day is over to contact you. It's way to early to be freaking out Britney, I would not worry at this point yet and wait until the weekend is over. 

[basil67]

@Britney25 what have you done to show interest after the second date?   Have you initiated any contact?

[poppyfields]

45 minutes ago, Britney25 said:

I literally don't understand how Men operate.  I reject they come. I open up they start loosing interest? What the hell is wrong with me? I genuinely though he likes me very much.  Maybe I'm panicking too early,  maybe he likes to slow pace, maybe V day scared him so he's laying low? Ugh

Britney, bolded -  that used to happen to me too, til I learned it was the type of men I attracted.

Men who enjoy the chase, thrive on it.  My previous ex chased me for six years and we were in a committed relationship!  Don't ask me how I managed to pull that off but I did. Lol

Was after me to marry him for years too, then shortly after I accepted and we were planning the wedding, it all fell to pieces (long story).

Even my recent ex did the "gentle push back" and I went chasing and we were together almost 3 years until I ended it last week. But he was manipulative and controlling, in retrospect. 

It's all such a game, I'm so exhausted from it.

Some are saying he's waiting for you to reach out, good luck with that!

A confident secure man would not be waiting, needing you to reach out, he'd be pursuing you and you'd be enthusiastically responding, and accepting his date invites. And being sexy and fun, showing high interest on your dates.

That is how a confident secure man knows your're interested. 

He doesn't shyt test you by intentionally not contacting you, to see if you will.  That's bull shyt imo.

Avoid men who pull that crap and you'll be much better off imo.

Like you said, once you've been dating awhile, you can start reciprocating but heavens you've only had two dates! 

Just my $.02 fwiw.

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

And yes, the guy interested in romance might go slower, but in between, he'll let the woman know he's thinking of her and what he's thinking about for their next date. 

Isn't it what this guy is doing though? 

They had a date Thursday and he contacted her after the date, then he contacted her the following day. I would identify that as interest on his part. No he has not spoken about their next date but we're on the weekend with V day tomorrow so I don't think it's unusual he's not planning a date yet. Usually people will bring up next date 3-4 days before. 

He could be a little more pro-active, maybe it's not his style of dating.

If he was uninterested he wouldn't have contacted her Thursday AND Friday. I've come across uninterested. He  might be after the chase? yes but then I think he would give it a little more effort. 

[Britney25]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Britney that used to happen to me too, til I learned it was the type of men I attracted.

Men who enjoy the chase, thrive on itm. My previous ex chased me for six years and we were in a committed relationship!  Don't ask me how I managed to pull that off but I did. 

Was after me to marry him for years, shortly after I accepted and we were planning the wedding, it all fell to pieces (long story).

Even my recent ex did the "gentle push back" and I went chasing and we were together almost 3 years until I ended it last week. 

It's all such a game, I'm so exhausted from it.

Some are saying he's waiting for you to reach out, good luck with that!

A confident secure man would not be waiting, needing you to reach out, he'd be pursuing you and you'd be enthusiastically responding, and accepting his date invites.  That is how a confident secure man knows your're interested. 

He doesn't shyt test you by intentionally not contacting you, to see if you will.  That's bull shyt imo.

Avoid men who pull that crap and you'll be much better off imo.

Like you said, once you've been dating awhile, you can start reciprocating but heavens you've only had two dates! 

Just my $.02 fwiw.

 

Thank you Poppy! Exactly my logic as well. If he's not going to step up I'm done because that's not the kind of Man I want anyway. I will wait till Monday and see if he contacts me.

And yes I can't believe you got s committed relationship from that.  Wow. 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

A confident secure man would not be waiting, needing you to reach out, 

He doesn't shyt test you by intentionally not contacting you, to see if you will. 

 

Maybe he's not secure or confident. That doesn't mean he wouldn't be a loving and faithful boyfriend to her.

When did he not contact her? He contacted her after their date and the following day. They had 2 dates, they don't have to make daily contact yet. 

[Britney25]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Maybe he's not secure or confident. That doesn't mean he wouldn't be a loving and faithful boyfriend to her.

When did he not contact her? He contacted her after their date and the following day. They had 2 dates, they don't have to make daily contact yet. 

You're right as well. I guess I should wait till Monday for him then? 

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Maybe he's not secure or confident. That doesn't mean he wouldn't be a loving and faithful boyfriend to her.

When did he not contact her? He contacted her after their date and the following day. They had 2 dates, they don't have to make daily contact yet. 

Men who are insecure and lack confidence do not make good partners, if I've learned anything from my past two long term relationships it's that.

They will forever test you, and have a tendency to manipulate. My experience.

I am not ruling him out yet, I'm hoping he reaches out tomorrow, V-Day.  Nothing heavy, just a text saying hi, something.  And suggests a third date. 

My last post was in response to the suggestion that he is waiting for her to reach out, which is such a game.

It's a shyt test, one I usually failed. 

I did pass that test with my recent ex, by messaging him after he ghosted for 4 days. 

Yeah, that's what he needed, but I set a bad precedent because he continued to "test" and try to manipulate me for 3 years. 

Edited February 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

Britney25 it's not like you're putting everything on hold for him right? We're all gonna get to Monday no matter what. Meen while you do your thing, you're not bf/gf, if you have another invite go ahead,

Edited February 14, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

It's a shyt test, one I usually failed. 

I did pass that test with my recent ex, by messaging him after he ghosted for 4 days. 

Yeah, that's what he needed, but I set a bad precedent because he continued to "test" and try to manipulate me for 3 years. 

Lets take this slowly. The guy text Britney25 yesterday. He's not testing her yet. Even 2 days in a row with no communication is ok if you only had 2 dates. If he doesn't contact her for 3-4 days then she can block him, but we're not there yet.

There are men that are less confident, or are nervous, or need a push during dating and they make good partners. Not everything is black and white

[Lotsgoingon]

My advice: tune into your own style. If you have a great feeling about the guy, consider calling him. This guy might lack social skills.

I don't like to tell a woman to sit back because it seems women get too much of a message encouraging them to be passive. But I'm just telling you that in my experience, any guy really interested in you would be pushing for the next meeting. So I think you ought to go on dates with other people, stop yourself from investing hopes in this guy. You don't owe him to sit home. 

If you have the confidence, call him. If you're open to dating a guy who is pretty scared, reach out to him. If that's not your style, arrange dates with other people. Just don't hopelessly, passively wait for anyone. 

I could be wrong, as others are saying here. But I'm not a traditional guy in ANY sense. I embrace my mother's feminism pretty strongly. I don't follow traditional masculine expectations in many ways--and even I feel like a guy who is interested would be talking about the next date. In fact, that's the ONLY thing to really do. What is there to wait for? 

 

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Lotsgoingon

[sushiandtacos]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Lets take this slowly. The guy text Britney25 yesterday. He's not testing her yet. Even 2 days in a row with no communication is ok if you only had 2 dates. If he doesn't contact her for 3-4 days then she can block him, but we're not there yet.

There are men that are less confident, or are nervous, or need a push during dating and they make good partners. Not everything is black and white

Yes, especially since Britney rejected him initially, it would make more sense he's not laying down all his cards since this is only after 2 dates. I don't think he's testing her either, but only time will tell. I think he would also like to know there's some sort of mutual interest from her so that he knows it's not one-sided which be felt before. 

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Not everything is black and white

I realize that, I preach about it all the time.  I also talk about how things are not always what they appear to be.

Not sure why you dispute my posts, I agree with you, it's only been two days.  Not long enough to make a judgment call either way.

Again, my only issue was the "suggestion" that he is intentionally not calling/texting, waiting for Britney to initiate.

I don't know if that's what he's doing, I was only responding to the suggestion he might be.

Let's say he is. What if Brit doesn't initiate?  She failed the test, so that's it?  He's done?

Yes some men will dump a woman for that, there are a few on this forum!

I think that mindset is wrong, it's a shyt test and manipulative imo.

But again, we don't know if that's what he's doing, let's hope not.

Brit, fingers crossed he reaches out soon! Keep us posted. 

 

 

[Gaeta]

If l remember well Britney you put yourself  through the same worry before date 2. He suggested to catch up but no definite plan. That's when you started this thread.  You were offended he had no date invitation right there. Then he called and boom!! You had a date, time and place. Right. 

Thar's how the guy works.

Edited February 14, 2021 by Gaeta

[LivingWaterPlease]

2 hours ago, Britney25 said:

Maybe so but he texted me after the date and then he texted again the next day. So how is he loosing interest for not texting 1 day or maybe 2 days tomorrow if he doesnt say Happy Valentines day or something like that. But the time he did text me he didnt ask to meet, only told me about his day, asked about mine and said goodnight with a kiss. I'm thinking he's still interested but also wondering why not mentioning another meeting? Or I'm too anxious. 

I think Valentine's Day is an issue here. Relax and get past V day. V Day can mess with momentum in a new R, seems to me.

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Maybe he's not secure or confident. That doesn't mean he wouldn't be a loving and faithful boyfriend to her.

When did he not contact her? He contacted her after their date and the following day. They had 2 dates, they don't have to make daily contact yet. 

Valentine’s Day is like Christmas...you don’t want these holidays very early in the dating process.

 

if I do too much too soon she runs.  If I do something to simple or small she runs.

[smackie9]

HAHAHA I know what he's doing....whether you would admit it or not, .....girl this guy has you on the edge of your seat! lol. He's doing the fine art of pickup....the push and pull method. #1....keep her guessing. You are biting your nails awaiting his next move. You keep saying "if he doesn't do this....by this time...I'm done!!" but you are actually doing " Should I send him a text? what should I say? I heard from him. He didn't mention the date! omg! I'm so confused!"  He's got you girl, eating right out of his hand. Good play on his part. This thread is now 10 pages long...he's got you chasing him.

Edited February 14, 2021 by smackie9

[poppyfields]

36 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

HAHAHA I know what he's doing....whether you would admit it or not, .....girl this guy has you on the edge of your seat! lol. He's doing the fine art of pickup....the push and pull method. #1....keep her guessing. You are biting your nails awaiting his next move. You keep saying "if he doesn't do this....by this time...I'm done!!" but you are actually doing " Should I send him a text? what should I say? I heard from him. He didn't mention the date! omg! I'm so confused!"  He's got you girl, eating right out of his hand. Good play on his part. This thread is now 10 pages long...he's got you chasing him.

Spot on @push/pull smackie, have you read my posts?  

Coming forward showing lots of interest (pull), then the "gentle push back" throwing her off (push) so she comes chasing.  That's exactly what push/pull is.  And it's intentional. 

Such a freakin game, however it often works so the game continues.

Like I said, can't be 100% certain that's what he's doing, it's quite possible he has genuinely lost interest; that's happened to me too, and it can happen suddenly with no warning.  

I'm guilty of doing this myself and have no regrets, but I don't advise chasing (texting him) as that sets a bad precedent for if you ever get into a relationship.  

It sends him the message that you can be easily manipulated which is never a good message to send and makes for a very unbalanced relationship imo.  

My hope for you Britney is it's neither of those two scenarios, and he will reach out today or tomorrow asking for a third date!

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

She doesn't have to text him to show she needy/vulnerable/chasing...he knows she's on pins and needles.

[Britney25]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

HAHAHA I know what he's doing....whether you would admit it or not, .....girl this guy has you on the edge of your seat! lol. He's doing the fine art of pickup....the push and pull method. #1....keep her guessing. You are biting your nails awaiting his next move. You keep saying "if he doesn't do this....by this time...I'm done!!" but you are actually doing " Should I send him a text? what should I say? I heard from him. He didn't mention the date! omg! I'm so confused!"  He's got you girl, eating right out of his hand. Good play on his part. This thread is now 10 pages long...he's got you chasing him.

If that's what he's doing then my intuition was right about him and thus why I rejected him for a long time. Immature at best. That turns me off completely.  I'm done with games. At this point now I really dont care if he texts me again. If he does I will just get back to him the next day. Whatever. 

[Britney25]

35 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

She doesn't have to text him to show she needy/vulnerable/chasing...he knows she's on pins and needles.

He doesnt know that. Hes assuming. He might think I dont care.

[Gaeta]

He has not done anything wrong yet.