Britney25 Posted February 1, 2021 Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) Hi guys, So I went on a first date with this guy but then we both got caught up with out busy schedules and some time passed. Yesterday he messages me how have I been and said " we need to catch up" I said sounds good yes we should this week and then he just liked my message and didn't even set a time and date? Was he waiting for me to tell him which day? I'm used to a Man planning of course. Should I just wait to hear from him? Edited February 14, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator combined threads
amygirl908 Posted February 1, 2021 Posted February 1, 2021 I mean you both agreed that you want to catch up so I'm not sure what the hold up is, but I'd just text him and say "When are you free?" and you could also add when you're available to speed up the process. I think we've gotten into the horrible dating habit of treating it like a complicated precise formula. So we dissect every single detail to make sure we get it right and constantly agonizing whether or not each step is right. There's literally no judgement here I am super guilty of this too. Relationships are not as complicated as we make them If we like someone we should talk to them and spend time with them. 2 2
Author Britney25 Posted February 1, 2021 Author Posted February 1, 2021 11 minutes ago, amygirl908 said: I mean you both agreed that you want to catch up so I'm not sure what the hold up is, but I'd just text him and say "When are you free?" and you could also add when you're available to speed up the process. I think we've gotten into the horrible dating habit of treating it like a complicated precise formula. So we dissect every single detail to make sure we get it right and constantly agonizing whether or not each step is right. There's literally no judgement here I am super guilty of this too. Relationships are not as complicated as we make them If we like someone we should talk to them and spend time with them. Well yes it should be easy and why isn't he asking what day I am free? I want to be in my feminine energy not masculine. 1
amygirl908 Posted February 1, 2021 Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Well yes it should be easy and why isn't he asking what day I am free? I want to be in my feminine energy not masculine. I’m not a mind reader but you guys have only been out on one date. There probably isn’t some specific reason why he just didn’t. I promise asking him when he’s free isn’t going to remove your feminine energy. I think you really have to consider what your priorities are here. IMO if you really like him this is something kind of petty to be caught up on. If this happened every single time or if you have the burden of planning and communicating every step of the way then you need to consider if you’re a good match. You are still getting to know each other and I think your expectations might be too high for this point in the courtship. Edited February 1, 2021 by amygirl908 5
dramafreezone Posted February 1, 2021 Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 43 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Hi guys, So I went on a first date with this guy but then we both got caught up with out busy schedules and some time passed. Yesterday he messages me how have I been and said " we need to catch up" I said sounds good yes we should this week and then he just liked my message and didn't even set a time and date? Was he waiting for me to tell him which day? I'm used to a Man planning of course. Should I just wait to hear from him? No harm in just nudging him to say what did you have in mind. Maybe he got distracted with something and forgot to get back to you. I understand the man is supposed to take the lead but sometimes women take this too far. You like the guy right? You're willing to abandon a guy you're interested in because the dating setting process isn't going exactly according to plan? Just nudge him and make it easy for him to set the date. If he's still dragging his feet then forget about it. Edited February 1, 2021 by dramafreezone 4
dramafreezone Posted February 1, 2021 Posted February 1, 2021 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Britney25 said: Well yes it should be easy and why isn't he asking what day I am free? I want to be in my feminine energy not masculine. You obviously have done some reading on gender roles and energy with this type of statement. I can appreciate you wanting the man to be the man and you wanting to reside in your natural essense, so to speak. That said, I don't think just saying, "what did you have in mind," is masculine energy. It's you showing interest. Edited February 1, 2021 by dramafreezone 3
Author Britney25 Posted February 1, 2021 Author Posted February 1, 2021 3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: You obviously have done some reading on gender roles and energy with this type of statement. I can appreciate you wanting the man to be the man and you wanting to reside in your natural essense, so to speak. That said, I don't think just saying, "what did you have in mind," is masculine energy. It's you showing interest. Yes but saying what do you have in mind now is a little too late when We had this discussion yesterday
Author Britney25 Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 3 hours ago, amygirl908 said: I’m not a mind reader but you guys have only been out on one date. There probably isn’t some specific reason why he just didn’t. I promise asking him when he’s free isn’t going to remove your feminine energy. I think you really have to consider what your priorities are here. IMO if you really like him this is something kind of petty to be caught up on. If this happened every single time or if you have the burden of planning and communicating every step of the way then you need to consider if you’re a good match. You are still getting to know each other and I think your expectations might be too high for this point in the courtship. I understand but of he really wanted to see me shouldn't he just shoot a date suggestion? The first time he did that.
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 Maybe he didn't feel enough of your feminine energy, like a little flirtiness, excited to hear from him, giving him encouragement he made the right decision to contact you. If you don't throw a guy a bone, he got nothing to grab onto. 8
Author Britney25 Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 13 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Maybe he didn't feel enough of your feminine energy, like a little flirtiness, excited to hear from him, giving him encouragement he made the right decision to contact you. If you don't throw a guy a bone, he got nothing to grab onto. Nope that is definitely not it. He knows I'm interested.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Britney25 said: Nope that is definitely not it. He knows I'm interested. Well, then, just wait and see what he says. I also would encourage you to ask when he's free, but you've indicated you're not going to do that. Fair enough. But what's the alternative other than just seeing if you hear anything back? Edited February 2, 2021 by ExpatInItaly
winny Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 I would have texted - Lemme know what day works for you. 2
josedelamuerte Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 Internet dating advice is getting in the way of your ability to communicate. I've seen articles advising both men and women to keep their responses short and always text about a third of what their romantic interest is texting. "Makes you appear mysterious, so busy with other suitors that you don't have the time to respond" - they'd say. Well, while both sides are out there looking mysterious and desirable, what you're getting is radio silence. I say tell him what you want. Just like you told us. "I'd like for us to meet again. I'm free on Monday eve. How does that work for you?". Sure, he may not respond, and you'll feel rejected. But you're already feeling that way now, trying to guess how he's feeling. Might as well take a chance asking for what you really want. Might just get it. 6
basil67 Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Britney25 said: Well yes it should be easy and why isn't he asking what day I am free? I want to be in my feminine energy not masculine. How about focusing on being a good communicator instead of being "feminine"? When you replied that you could do this week, what stopped you from adding "I could do X and Y days"? Good communication and going after what we want is not a gendered thing. Edited February 2, 2021 by basil67 6 1
littleblackheart Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 3 hours ago, Britney25 said: Nope that is definitely not it. He knows I'm interested. If he already knows you're interested, it makes the decision to get in touch with him simpler. An interested guy will be pleased you're not one to play games and are willing to act on your interest, and a good guy who isn't interested will let you know in a nice way that his mind is elsewhere. Not getting any reply one way or the other will also give you a good sense of who the guy actually is. In all scenarios, it's better than to just wait on his good will. It's easier than it looks, and can also be quite feminine depending on how you play it . 2
Wiseman2 Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 16 hours ago, Britney25 said: he messages me how have I been and said " we need to catch up" I said sounds good yes we should this week and then he just liked my message and didn't even set a time and date? Weird. Sounds like he's bored. 2 1
Gaeta Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) 17 hours ago, Britney25 said: So I went on a first date with this guy but then we both got caught up with out busy schedules and some time passed. How long passed? After the first date did you text him thank you? Sounds like neither of you were very impressed with each other otherwise no one would have dropped the ball like you both did. Edited February 2, 2021 by Gaeta 2
smackie9 Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 11 hours ago, Britney25 said: Nope that is definitely not it. He knows I'm interested. Before he knew you were interested...but that was then. People can lose interest.
Author Britney25 Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: How long passed? After the first date did you text him thank you? Sounds like neither of you were very impressed with each other otherwise no one would have dropped the ball like you both did. No it's not like that. I wasnt showing him enough interest back because I wasnt in to him at all. He kept chasing, then went silent and now he's back again.
Author Britney25 Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 9 hours ago, basil67 said: How about focusing on being a good communicator instead of being "feminine"? When you replied that you could do this week, what stopped you from adding "I could do X and Y days"? Good communication and going after what we want is not a gendered thing. I guess I was waiting for him move.
Author Britney25 Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 9 hours ago, josedelamuerte said: Internet dating advice is getting in the way of your ability to communicate. I've seen articles advising both men and women to keep their responses short and always text about a third of what their romantic interest is texting. "Makes you appear mysterious, so busy with other suitors that you don't have the time to respond" - they'd say. Well, while both sides are out there looking mysterious and desirable, what you're getting is radio silence. I say tell him what you want. Just like you told us. "I'd like for us to meet again. I'm free on Monday eve. How does that work for you?". Sure, he may not respond, and you'll feel rejected. But you're already feeling that way now, trying to guess how he's feeling. Might as well take a chance asking for what you really want. Might just get it. I understand your point, but why is it hard for him to set up the date ? I mean he initiated the " let's catch up " Is this how it looks nowadays? Women are supposed to lead men and hold their hands?!
Gaeta Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Britney25 said: No it's not like that. I wasnt showing him enough interest back because I wasnt in to him at all. He kept chasing, then went silent and now he's back again. Here is your answer. He felt you didn't have much interest so he did not get back to you after all that chasing he did. Now he's decided to give this another shot and test your interest, in case he had misread you the first time around. Then this time around you again didn't show much interest. You need to decide if you are interested or not. If you are then give him your free time. Edited February 2, 2021 by Gaeta 1
josedelamuerte Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 8 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I understand your point, but why is it hard for him to set up the date ? I mean he initiated the " let's catch up " Is this how it looks nowadays? Women are supposed to lead men and hold their hands?! Oh, it's not just the men. I did a bit of the online-dating thing recently, and 5 out of 6 times the conversations I have with girls there feel like an investigation. Like I'm questioning them and they're giving me short and vague answers instead of trying to get to know me and have a conversation. Funny thing is - these are usually girls that initiated contact with me. I think we're just in a point in time where everyone's so caught up in making an impression that they forget how to just chat. Whatever it is, I can't wait for the bars to reopen so I can escape this lunacy. Here's a far-out idea: you could try calling him... 3
Gaeta Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 19 minutes ago, Britney25 said: I understand your point, but why is it hard for him to set up the date ? I mean he initiated the " let's catch up " Is this how it looks nowadays? Women are supposed to lead men and hold their hands?! He chased you and you didn't reciprocate, what do you expect from him? He did the manly thing already. Now if you are interested give this guy a green light. Nowadays the dating games are over. If you are interested you show it, if you're not you leave the guy alone. 8
Crazelnut Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 (edited) It isn't unfeminine to say, after he says he wants to get together, "That would be great. I'm free Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Just let me know." That signals real interest. The equivalent of "yeah, sure" does not. If you think acting disinterested is feminine, then good luck with online dating. Edited February 2, 2021 by Crazelnut 4
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