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Does he want his ex back? I'm flying out to be with him for VDAY tomorrow.

Cappygyal

By Cappygyal
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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Don't listen to advice which suggests that people who feel X always do Y.  People do all different things for different reasons.    He could very easily be doing the things with you which he wishes he was doing with her.  

 

I just figured since he’s spending time with me and taking me out he does have feelings for me. I’m not saying he’s in love with me or anything, but he does like me/have feelings for me. What do you think? 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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6 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I just figured since he’s spending time with me and taking me out he does have feelings for me. I’m not saying he’s in love with me or anything, but he does like me/have feelings for me. What do you think? 

One of my very first lessons in love was the realization that the fact a guy spent time with me didn't indicate that he had feelings for me.   Mostly, it indicated that they had an itch to scratch and I was the scratcher.   

Edited by basil67
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I just figured since he’s spending time with me and taking me out he does have feelings for me. I’m not saying he’s in love with me or anything, but he does like me/have feelings for me. What do you think? 

Respectfully, he can count on one hand the number of months he has known you... and during that entire time, he has been thinking about another girl. If he does have feelings for you, they aren’t deep. He would drop you in a heartbeat if she gave him any hope... and then, he will be telling her that you meant nothing to him...

I’m sorry, but the reality here is that you offered a weekend of sex and he took you up on it. Lesson learned, hopefully. 

Edited by BaileyB
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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Posted (edited)
43 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

If we were official it would definitely be a hell no that he texted her.

It should be a hell no for you that he texted her on Valentine’s Day. And by that I mean, I’m gone home. This is done. 
Trust blindly, and you will get hurt. 

Edited by BaileyB
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

  He could very easily be doing the things with you which he wishes he was doing with her.  

Well since he is sending her heart emojis on Valentine's day, that I guess is not a big stretch of the imagination...

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amygirl908 Established Member

amygirl908

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8 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I just figured since he’s spending time with me and taking me out he does have feelings for me. I’m not saying he’s in love with me or anything, but he does like me/have feelings for me. What do you think? 

Fickle feelings. I'd still be skeptical if the ex wasn't in the picture but that is the glaring detail.

I had a guy spend everyday with me for a month and a half. Called me everyday after work, we slept together every night (without sex), literally spent everyday together, when the girl he liked became available he disappeared so fast I literally didn't even know what happened.

We are all telling you this guy is using you whether or not he has feelings is kind of irrelevant. If he does have "feelings" they are all for all the wrong reasons and IMO he absolutely doesn't have feelings for you.

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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18 hours ago, amygirl908 said:

Fickle feelings. I'd still be skeptical if the ex wasn't in the picture but that is the glaring detail.

I had a guy spend everyday with me for a month and a half. Called me everyday after work, we slept together every night (without sex), literally spent everyday together, when the girl he liked became available he disappeared so fast I literally didn't even know what happened.

We are all telling you this guy is using you whether or not he has feelings is kind of irrelevant. If he does have "feelings" they are all for all the wrong reasons and IMO he absolutely doesn't have feelings for you.

But I’ve been here since Friday. That’s a lot of time. If he didn’t have feelings for me then why would I be her so long?

FMW Established Member

FMW

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He probably has feelings for you, but not the kind you are thinking/hoping.  I'm sure he likes you and enjoys your company.  Spending time with you does NOT mean he feels anything more than that.  

Anything is possible, but with what you've written it's very likely he wants his ex back.  That doesn't mean he can't enjoy spending time with another woman in the meantime.  Keep seeing him if that's what you want, just don't have any expectations at this point.  

Men can be very attentive and affectionate with one woman while still wanting to be with another.  Most don't stay celibate and withdraw from dating just because they can't have the woman they really want.  

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introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

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1 hour ago, Cappygyal said:

But I’ve been here since Friday. That’s a lot of time. If he didn’t have feelings for me then why would I be her so long?

Don't you have a trusted friend or sister who can help you see this situation clearly? Because you're not listening to us.

This guy is clearly not over his ex, clearly is still pining for her, clearly would like to get back together with her. This is obvious to everyone in this thread except you.

He's content to spend time with you because you represent easy sex and you don't make demands:  you're willing to go along with his needs/whims without asking for exclusivity, ad you don't make a fuss when he spends time messaging his ex or viewing her SM. 

You can keep pushing back on what everyone is saying, but it won't change the outcome.   

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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1 hour ago, FMW said:

He probably has feelings for you, but not the kind you are thinking/hoping. I'm sure he likes you and enjoys your company.  Spending time with you does NOT mean he feels anything more than that.  

Anything is possible, but with what you've written it's very likely he wants his ex back.  That doesn't mean he can't enjoy spending time with another woman in the meantime.  Keep seeing him if that's what you want, just don't have any expectations at this point.  

Men can be very attentive and affectionate with one woman while still wanting to be with another.  Most don't stay celibate and withdraw from dating just because they can't have the woman they really want.  

So basically he has feelings for me in a platonic way? He likes me as a friend?

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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6 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

So basically he has feelings for me in a platonic way? He likes me as a friend?

NO, his "feelings" are likely centred below the waist...

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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4 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

But I’ve been here since Friday. That’s a lot of time. If he didn’t have feelings for me then why would I be her so long?

Because you're offering companionship and sex with no strings attached, essentially. 

Most single men are not going to turn that down, if they're attracted to the woman. It's not a sign of deeper feelings. 

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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6 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

He likes me as a friend?

Are you really this naive? Do you really believe that he either likes you as a friend, or he has feelings for you and wants to be your boyfriend? Is there no place in your world where a man could want a woman for sex, with nothing offered or expected in return? 

 

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jspice Established Member

jspice

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Cappygyal said:

But I’ve been here since Friday. That’s a lot of time. If he didn’t have feelings for me then why would I be her so long?

Because not only are you offering sex without commitment, YOU flew to HIM. He had to put in no effort whatsoever to get laid. 

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princessaurora Established Member

princessaurora

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Posted

He is using you to fill the void she left. This is what guys do when they're still hooked on their last girlfriend.  They find a pretty girl and bang the heck out of her until they're ready to move on or get back with the ex.  I have seen it played out so many times and I can almost guarantee you this is what is happening. You are fooling yourself if you think it will ever be anything more. Unless you're just looking for casual sex, you are going to get your heart broken very soon. 

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Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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Posted
2 hours ago, princessaurora said:

He is using you to fill the void she left. This is what guys do when they're still hooked on their last girlfriend.  They find a pretty girl and bang the heck out of her until they're ready to move on or get back with the ex. 

There is a lot of truth to this, sadly.

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amygirl908 Established Member

amygirl908

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I feel bad OP you are in so much denial that there is no getting through to you. You are young and you will learn but if you listened to some people who have been in your shoes/LS community you could save yourself some heartache. This guy has no desire to be with YOU he just wants someONE to be around so he doesn’t have to be alone. You are a Valentine’s Day stand in. Hate to be harsh but it’s the truth.

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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Well here’s the latest update:

 

He dropped me off at the airport around 9:30am. Apparently he made reservations at this really nice restaurant  where he took her to on their first date. Screenshot the reservations, sent it to her, and asked she wanted to go, and texted this to her by 10 am...

Apparently he’s “so happy” that he’s seeing her🙄.
 

I think he’s playing her.

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

I think he’s playing her.

No, he played you...

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Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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Posted
3 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

No, he played you...

Agreed. I mean this was what everyone was telling her.

OP: question - how do you know all of this?

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Just now, Mrin said:

Agreed. I mean this was what everyone was telling her.

OP: question - how do you know all of this?

I guess from the cousin who is his best friend.

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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1 minute ago, elaine567 said:

I guess from the cousin who is his best friend.

Yea, that’s how.


My cousin, the ex, and he all met in college. My cousin and the ex are good friends still and they are all in group chat. My cousin updated me and has been telling me to be cautious. I think she told me about this as a way to say, “see I told you”.

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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12 minutes ago, Cappygyal said:

He dropped me off at the airport around 9:30am. 

texted this to her by 10 am...

If dropped you at the airport how did you manage to read his messages? Whose being played here?

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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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Posted (edited)
24 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

No, he played you...

How come you don’t think he’s playing her? He asked her to see her the moment I left. Which sounds like he’s trying to have his cake and eat it too. 

Edited by Cappygyal
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Cappygyal Established Member

Cappygyal

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

If dropped you at the airport how did you manage to read his messages? Whose being played here?

I got dropped off at the airport almost 4 hours ago. I found out after I landed.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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