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Why is my friend hiding her new friend from me?


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Posted

I'm so bad at friendships. I thought I had a good and honest friend in her. Lately we haven't seen each other much, but we kept in touch. I accidentally met a woman who is, as I found out from her, a new friend of my friend. She told me they had known each other for quite a while now and are hanging out often. They are close. 

I was in shock. I asked my friend how is her social life and she said there was nothing new and nothing to say. Why did she lie to me? Should I confront her? Or should I distance myself from such friendship?

Posted

Just tell her you met this other friend.  I don't think there's anything odd about her not telling you about every person she spends time with, especially if you haven't seen her much lately.  Unless there is more than what you've written here, I don't see a reason to think she was lying.  

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Posted

Umm, what?  You are reacting to this a bit strangely.  She is allowed to have other friends besides you.  She didn't "lie" to you.  You yourself admit that you hadn't seen her much lately.  So it makes sense that you might not know everything that she has been doing.  She doesn't have to report to you about everything she does or everyone she spends time with.  You are being a bit over the top and controlling here.  If you choose to distance yourself from her because of this, then you're doing her a favor because she doesn't need controlling friends like this.

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Posted
4 hours ago, ohso said:

Lately we haven't seen each other much, but we kept in touch.

That's ok. She does not have to report to you about all her old or new friends or acquaintances. Just distance yourself and focus more on your other friends.

  • Like 1
Posted

This is nothing.  She may not even think it's anything to really talk about.  Even still, I have different friends that don't know each other, so whats the point in bringing it up?

Posted
On 2/11/2021 at 6:57 AM, ohso said:

I'm so bad at friendships. I thought I had a good and honest friend in her. Lately we haven't seen each other much, but we kept in touch. I accidentally met a woman who is, as I found out from her, a new friend of my friend. She told me they had known each other for quite a while now and are hanging out often. They are close. 

I was in shock. I asked my friend how is her social life and she said there was nothing new and nothing to say. Why did she lie to me? Should I confront her? Or should I distance myself from such friendship?

I have had this happen to me many times. I say confront her then tell her to f off. You don't need her and she's not your friend anymore. She's moved on from you for some reason. People are just a holes. You don't need someone like that in your life. She clearly doesn't want to be around you. And when you do confront her she'll put the blame on you instead of her. Trust me on this. 

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Posted

I have lots of friends. I have friends who are very different from my other friends.

Prepandemic:

When I want to go skating I reach out to  B or K. If i want to go walking I reach out to E, M or K. If I want to play online video games I reach out  to D, P or E.. B has no PS4.

P likes eating out at restaurants. M has food allergies and does not get invited.

P does not like K. So so when P reaches out K is not included. M does not like video games.  See my point??

 

I can be friends with whomever I want. Some of my friends like each other, some do not. Stop being possessive of your friends, it makes for too much drama and you won't have any friends before you know it.

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