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I don't know what this means: He told me he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, yet isn't sure he wants to be with me

divegrl

By divegrl
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divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
Posted

Hi!

I started dating a man a couple of months ago. Things are going well or I guess going well. 
 

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me. What does that even mean?

I have heard that guys fall in love quickly, so does this mean this guy will never feel more deeply for me?

 

Feeling a bit lost, at the moment and would appreciate any advice. 
 

Thank you friends!

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, divegrl said:

Hi!

I started dating a man a couple of months ago. Things are going well or I guess going well. 
 

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me. What does that even mean?

I have heard that guys fall in love quickly, so does this mean this guy will never feel more deeply for me?

Feeling a bit lost, at the moment and would appreciate any advice. 
Thank you friends!

Hi divegrl, I think the person you should be asking is him and wondering why you didn't, immediately after he said it?  I certainly would have, and not even thought twice about it.  

All any of us can do is speculate, the only person who truly knows what it means is him.

How did you respond after he said it?

 

 

  • Like 5
littleblackheart Established Member

littleblackheart

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, divegrl said:

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me.

Are you planning on waiting around until he's sure?

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi girl: you broke up from your last relationship (of 1 year) Dec 20th. You didn't take any break if you've dated this one 2 months, or is it the same guy, because a couple of months would mean both relationships  overlaped. Can you give us more context.

Edited by Gaeta
  • Like 4
winny Established Member

winny

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, divegrl said:

Hi!

I started dating a man a couple of months ago. Things are going well or I guess going well. 
 

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me. What does that even mean?

I have heard that guys fall in love quickly, so does this mean this guy will never feel more deeply for me?

 

Feeling a bit lost, at the moment and would appreciate any advice. 
 

Thank you friends!

That means he is not sure. And who knows when he will be sure. You should start talking to other guys and going on new dates. Don't stop dating him, just make him a lower priority. And if you meet someone who wants to be with you before this guy decides then forget this guy.

Guys are so weird! LOL

Edited by winny
  • Like 5
poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Hi girl: you broke up from your last relationship (of 1 year) Dec 20th. You didn't take any break if you've dated this one 2 months, or is it the same guy, because a couple of months would mean both relationships  overlaped. Can you give us more context.

Yeah context would be good.  I just checked your last thread divegrl; you ended a significant relationship less than two months ago, jmo but give yourself some time, I just ended a significant relationship also, and I am no where near ready to date and don't expect I will be for a VERY long time.

I used to be a bit of a monkey brancher but I've learned it's not the way to heal, and negative patterns tend to repeat.

Does this new guy know you're still in the process of recovering from your ex?  

 

 

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divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
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Posted
3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Hi girl: you broke up from your last relationship (of 1 year) Dec 20th. You didn't take any break if you've dated this one 2 months, or is it the same guy, because a couple of months would mean both relationships  overlaped. Can you give us more context.

Hi Gaeta!

So yes... when my ex cheated on me I started talking to this guy. Nothing emotional or personal. Just as friends. Then when my ex and I broke up, we started dating. 
 

No break in between. I know, I know. Thank you so much for your reply friend.

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divegrl Established Member

divegrl

Posted
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Posted
3 hours ago, winny said:

That means he is not sure. And who knows when he will be sure. You should start talking to other guys and going on new dates. Don't stop dating him, just make him a lower priority. And if you meet someone who wants to be with you before this guy decides then forget this guy.

Guys are so weird! LOL

Thank you so much Winny!

I agree with this... and I am taking a huge step back. Hopefully I will be able to evaluate this more clearly. 
 

Thank you friend. 

  • Like 1
snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, divegrl said:

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me. What does that even mean?

I have heard that guys fall in love quickly, so does this mean this guy will never feel more deeply for me?

You're making assumptions about what "all guys" are like. 

Only he can say what that means - you have no idea what's going through his head. He could have recently got out of a relationship, had a bad experience in one or simply doesn't feel ready for a relationship. And whatever experiences he's had in the past could result in him not falling in love as quickly as you're expecting.

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Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, divegrl said:

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful.

Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me. What does that even mean?

Sorry this happened. Very confusing. 

It seems like he's confused either on/off with an ex or talking to others or simply can't handle exclusive dating.

All you can do is pull back when you get nonsense like this and let them sort themselves out while you move forward.

  • Like 3
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted

Maybe he is not sure b/c you are fresh out of a relationship and he knows he's a rebound.

  • Like 5
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

Did I know after two months that I wanted to be with my partner? In the, “I want to be with you forever” context. I don’t think I did...

I know we hadn’t said “I love you yet.”

Give it more time... And keep talking. 

  • Like 4
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
Posted

I'll go the more pessimistic route. I think he's signaling that he wants to break up and that he sees no future in this relationship. He likes you as a person, but has concluded you and he aren't a good fit.

You're asking the wrong question btw. The question isn't "what does he mean?" The question is, "how do you feel after hearing that?"

 

  • Like 6
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, divegrl said:

No break in between. I know, I know. Thank you so much for your reply friend.

My heart goes to you. Breakups are hard and being cheated on adds to the pain. It's important to take the time to rest our heart and our head after such a loss & betrayal. I know I am there right now. What you've done is self-medicate with this man to not feel the pain and loneliness and it's not good. We don't stop loving someone because they betrayed us. You have to deal with working through the left over feelings for the ex and what happened, otherwise each man crossing your path will only be used as a band-aid to ease your wounds. It's hard at first, the emptiness is so deep you'd use anything to fill it, in your case you filled it with this guy. 

There could be tons of reasons why he's not ready to be with you. My little finger tells me it might be because it started too soon too fast for the wrong reasons and he wants to withdraw. Let him. You will be fine, you will get over this, be kind to yourself and heal your wounds then this summer you'll be stronger to get back to dating. 

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You're asking the wrong question btw. The question isn't "what does he mean?" The question is, "how do you feel after hearing that?"

Respectfully, I think the question is - “Can you clarify?”

There could be many reasons why he may say they are not sure they want to be with you. Perhaps she was thinking more about the short term (yes, I want to be with you!) and he is thinking about a more serious/long term commitment (or vice versa). It could be that it hasn’t been enough time. She has children, perhaps that gives him pause. She just ended a relationship, maybe he is taking it slow as a precaution. It could be so many things... 

I wouldn’t make any assumptions. The man said he loved you, I think it’s perfectly fine to ask him to have another discussion and ask him what his intentions are for the future of the relationship (recognizing the fact that it’s only been a few months). He doesn’t have to make a commitment, but you need to know if he is hoping to find a serious long term relationship or not. 

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

The man said he loved you

Yes but what's the quality of an ILY after 2 months dating. It's said during infatuation phase. I would not give it too much value. On top of that he says I love you but I can't be with you, that's not how true love operates.

Edited by Gaeta
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SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, divegrl said:

....

We had a conversation today, that he loves me and thinks I am beautiful. Yet, he is not sure he wants to be with me. What does that even mean?

...

Translation: I love being with you but not sure I want to stop playing the field...either because I am a player, don't know myself, or insecure that you don't meet my needs for status, etc..

OR he is just saying stuff he thinks you want to hear without commitment, or he is watching too much Bachelor.

The positive interpretation is he is in to you, does love you (as he understands these things) but just uncertain about what that means, uncertain about the commitment that means to him...perfectly understandable if he is young, like under 30. :)  or the first time he has felt this way.

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes but what's the quality of an ILY after 2 months dating. It's said during infatuation phase. I would not give it too much value. On top of that he says I love you but I can't be with you, that's not how true love operates.

I don’t disagree with you, two months is to early for “I love you” or “I want to be with you” is any kind of a real, serious, and committed way.

Respectfully, he didn’t say he “can’t” be with her... he said “I’m not sure...” Which I think is actually very reasonable at this stage of dating - assuming we are considering the phrase “be with you” to mean anything more than “I would like to see you again on Saturday night.” 

I’m just saying, I wouldn’t read to much into that statement without asking for further clarification... and I would consider it in the context of the fact that this is a very new relationship. Keep your expectations reasonable... is my humble opinion. 

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Just now, BaileyB said:

Respectfully, he didn’t say he “can’t” be with her... he said “I’m not sure...” Which I think is actually very reasonable at this stage of dating - assuming we are considering the phrase “be with you” to mean anything more than “I would like to see you again on Saturday night.” 

Oops you're right. 

I still find this contradictory. Usually when we're in love it comes with the certainty we want to be with this person and are ready to move mountains to make it happen. It doesn't mean you're ready to move in together, but it means I have this strong urge to be with you emotionally and physically. 

  • Like 1
Fletch Lives Established Member

Fletch Lives

Posted
Posted

When they confuse you, it means they are just not into you

  • Like 7
SumGuy Established Member

SumGuy

Posted
Posted (edited)
6 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

When they confuse you, it means they are just not into you

Perhaps, or he could be just being open and honest and vulnerable with his feelings, I thought men were supposed to do that?   As much as I am about gender egalitarianism, it is still a minefield as a man to honestly share emotions (let alone confusion or uncertainty, gasp) with out them being dissected and judged.

In fact, a lot of guys can be very confusing when they are into a woman, they get discombobulated and have no idea how to deal with and express these feelings...which leads to uncertainty and them hedging what they say.  

Edited by SumGuy
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FMW Established Member

FMW

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, divegrl said:

We had a conversation today

Did he initiate the conversation or did you?  If you asked what he was feeling/where things were going then maybe he was just playing it safe.  But if he brought it up out of the blue, then I would take it more seriously and pull back on your investment in him and have very low expectations going forward.    

  • Like 1
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted (edited)
34 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Oops you're right. 

I still find this contradictory. Usually when we're in love it comes with the certainty we want to be with this person and are ready to move mountains to make it happen. It doesn't mean you're ready to move in together, but it means I have this strong urge to be with you emotionally and physically. 

I would agree. Which is why, I think more conversation and some clarification would be helpful. 

I’m just saying, I wouldn’t end the relationship without asking for clarification. Give the guy a chance to explain, and ask (generally speaking) what his intentions are long term...

I think this kind of statement raises everyone’s suspicions... but, it could just be a very honest reflection of where they are - two months into the relationship. I like you, but I want to see where this goes... I’m just not sure yet. 

You don’t know what he meant by that statement, unless you ask him...

Edited by BaileyB
  • Like 5
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

If some one I was dating said that to me, I would immediately ask exactly what the hell they were getting at. The red flag is his opening buttering you up comment "Love you, you are so beautiful." That is what people do to soften the blow/diverting tactic. That's why you are confused...he's being so passive aggressive and not being straight forward with you. Go back to him and get the real explanation. Don't get distracted by his flattering comments.

  • Like 7
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

I'm not sure I want to be with you is a pretty different statement then this is going too fast, I need space, my feelings aren't there yet. I'm not sure I want to be with you = I am considering breaking this relationship. He's not doubting the dynamic of the relationship, he's doubting being in that relationship. 

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