Is this guy interested or just keeping me around?

[ashleymt555]

Alright so I met this guy on a dating app and we started snapchatting. We weren't talking a ton, just mainly talked about when to hang out, he almost was standoffish on text, so I went over to his place last week and he was so much better in person, so obviously he's not into texting. We had sex and then cuddled afterwards, he was really sweet even after the sex as well, he walked me out to my car and we talked about hanging out again soon. So since than I've messaged him and he does answer but it's always really short-again I know he doesn't like texting but so let's try to plan a time to hang out-but his replies are always I'm busy or soon. So I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel like he just wants me around for his convenience, but I mention that I'm really interested in seeing him again cause I thought he was cool and he says he thought I was really cool as well. So then I say that I'm typically forward person and some people don't like that, and he said he didn't mind at all which I felt like a guy just wanting a hook up or something wouldn't be into that. So I guess I'm just hoping for a guy to help me understand this behavior, I'm not sure if he's just that busy or like I said, just waiting for his own convenience.

[trident_2020]

You were another notch on his belt, nothing more. 

[MRSR31]

What did you expect? A guy on dating app shows low interest so you have sex straight away with him. Sounds like he doesn't want to have sex with you again. 

[sushiandtacos]

Yeah ashley girl it's not looking too good. If you wanted something more maybe it would've been smarter to not hookup the first time meeting. 

[d0nnivain]

Alas. He was only in it for the sex you gave him without much effort on his part.  He's not into you.  He used you.  

If you liked the sex you could probably convince him to come to your place for a repeat performance -- i.e. a booty call -- if you are DTF.  It sounds like you were hoping for a relationship.  that's not gonna happen.  He has little to no respect for you & is not interested.  He thinks you are promiscuous & not GF material.  

Sorry.  Hopefully it's a lesson learned.  When they put in no effort, don't go to their house & have sex.  

[peach302]

2 hours ago, ashleymt555 said:

Alright so I met this guy on a dating app and we started snapchatting. We weren't talking a ton, just mainly talked about when to hang out, he almost was standoffish on text, so I went over to his place last week and he was so much better in person, so obviously he's not into texting. We had sex and then cuddled afterwards, he was really sweet even after the sex as well, he walked me out to my car and we talked about hanging out again soon. So since than I've messaged him and he does answer but it's always really short-again I know he doesn't like texting but so let's try to plan a time to hang out-but his replies are always I'm busy or soon. So I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel like he just wants me around for his convenience, but I mention that I'm really interested in seeing him again cause I thought he was cool and he says he thought I was really cool as well. So then I say that I'm typically forward person and some people don't like that, and he said he didn't mind at all which I felt like a guy just wanting a hook up or something wouldn't be into that. So I guess I'm just hoping for a guy to help me understand this behavior, I'm not sure if he's just that busy or like I said, just waiting for his own convenience.

Take it from someone who's experienced  this. 

Replies such as "im busy" or "soon" are far from positive. 

I can't see much coming  from this. Sorry.

[winny]

Have had similar experiences. Forget this guy. And don't go around having sex on a first date, that too when you go to the guy's place yourself. 

Unless you wants a casual hook up or one night stand. If you don't want these things then don't repeat this. 

He is just stringing you along at this point. Cut the string.

[Watercolors]

2 hours ago, ashleymt555 said:

So I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel like he just wants me around for his convenience, but I mention that I'm really interested in seeing him again cause I thought he was cool and he says he thought I was really cool as well. So then I say that I'm typically forward person and some people don't like that, and he said he didn't mind at all which I felt like a guy just wanting a hook up or something wouldn't be into that. So I guess I'm just hoping for a guy to help me understand this behavior, I'm not sure if he's just that busy or like I said, just waiting for his own convenience.

Your first mistake was having sex with a random stranger you met through a dating app. Your second mistake was expecting that to turn into an exclusive relationship. 

I am a forward person, but I don't randomly have sex with guys I meet online. I'm forward in other ways; through my opinions, what jewelry I wear, how I style my hair, how I verbally express myself. So, I wouldn't accurately say that you are a "forward" person. I would surmise, that you are someone who has no boundaries. This guy - he could see that about you so he took 100% advantage of that, and had sex with you. 

His behavior is: he saw you as an easy lay. Nothing more. His actions speak louder than his words. By ghosting you, he's telling you that after sex with you, that he's moved on. I'm sorry. Don't do that anymore. 

[dramafreezone]

 

 

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Alas. He was only in it for the sex you gave him without much effort on his part.  He's not into you.  He used you.  

If you liked the sex you could probably convince him to come to your place for a repeat performance -- i.e. a booty call -- if you are DTF.  It sounds like you were hoping for a relationship.  that's not gonna happen.  He has little to no respect for you & is not interested.  He thinks you are promiscuous & not GF material.  

Sorry.  Hopefully it's a lesson learned.  When they put in no effort, don't go to their house & have sex.  

Wholeheartedly disagree with "used."  This was a casual thing from the get go. I don't see where she said he lured her into bed under the pretense of a potential relationship.

Just really don't like how the guy is instantly villified in these situations.  She caught feelings, not his fault.  If a woman (or guy for that matter) can't handle sex without attachment, make the guy wait a while.  The casual hookup guys won't wait it out.

Edited February 11, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, ashleymt555 said:

 So then I say that I'm typically forward person and some people don't like that, and he said he didn't mind at all which I felt like a guy just wanting a hook up or something wouldn't be into that. So I guess I'm just hoping for a guy to help me understand this behavior, I'm not sure if he's just that busy or like I said, just waiting for his own convenience.

Where did you get this idea?

Guys just wanting a hookup generally don't care if you're straightforward, meek, or whatever else. It's just sex so your personality traits don't really factor into the equation. This guy is making excuses not to see you, so you would be wise to take the hint: he's not interested. 

Best to stop texting him.  

[Lotsgoingon]

If you have to ask this question, the answer is clear. He's not interested in anything further.

People make it obvious when they like someone--even shy folks. People compulsively follow up when they want to be with someone.

Let's decode some things ... here:

So since than I've messaged him and he does answer but it's always really short-- this is a basic, clear sign of disinterest. Even folks who hate texting will respond promptly to someone they are really into. Or they would suggest talking on the phone.

again I know he doesn't like texting but so let's try to plan a time to hang out-but his replies are always I'm busy or soon. I don't like texting is so flimsy. Come on now! You need to update your software. A guy who is interested will climb Mount Everest to follow up with you and get together with you. Any sign of the least bit hesitation is a sign of lack of interest.

So I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel like he just wants me around for his convenience ... It's about time you felt that. That's what he's telling you. You gotta update your software to add "actions" to the list ... and "availability." When people are interested, they make themselves available. Period! 

 

 

[lurker74]

I don't know if he was only in it for the sex but the tough thing about having sex quickly with many guys (myself included) is that we, in our heads, hype up the seduction side of things and when we hit paydirt quickly, there isn't anything on the other side. Always match the physical and emotional escalations...don't get too physical too far ahead of the emotional connection and don't get too emotionally attached ahead of the physical connection.

As for the "too busy" stuff, just remember this:

If he wants to be with you, he finds a way. Everything else is an excuse.

[smackie9]

He got what he wanted...sex. That's it. The thing that gets me is...if the guy was stand offish with the texting before you met, then what made you think this was something worth pursing? He only talked about meeting up....that right there is him just looking to hook up. The signs were already there.

[Alvi]

Back in the old days, if a guy was hunting for sex, he would actually have to do something about it. Like hitting some bars or clubs or malls or simply going down the street chatting women up. Chasing a woman in order to bed her. Literally, lifting his behind off the couch and actually doing something , meeting women in real life. Nowadays, judging from your post, this guy has it so easy for him. He wasn't done anything, bare minimum at the best, like writing to this woman infrequently and, poof, a week later she materializes at his door to sex him up. He hasn't even lifted his behind or finger to let it all happen. Did he even cook a you two dinner or something? Lazy, lazy guy. But you have to give kudos to him, it worked like a charm.

Seriously OP,  don't mean to chastise you, but why on earth would on your first date to the stranger's house to sex him up? Especially during the Covid times. You are too reckless, I tell you. This particular guy was looking for sex, he got sex, he has no use for you anymore. It sounds harsh, but that's the reality. What exactly did you find so appealing about him that you want to continue? Is he tall dark and handsome? Is he rich? Is he well-endowed? He has a stellar personality? He sounds terrible from your post but you must see something good in him since you are desperately doing all the chasing and don't take no for an answer.

 

[Amanda141]

Hello ! I'm actually in a very similar situation to yours...

We met on bumble and had a date a week after. The first date actually lasted 6 hours - great chemistry - and we kissed just the last 15 minutes of it. Then he drove me home and said "I will definitely text you". He indeed texted (two days later) but just to arrange another meeting (basically there were 1 or 2 texts per day )- he came to my place to have dinner a few days after, we had sex and then he decided to sleep over, cuddling me all night long. In the morning hugs and sex again and then he left. I texted him two days after and we met up again, always at my place. This was last friday. Then - virtually nothing. I texted him on monday, he replied on tuesday, I told something else and he disappeared. Then, last night I noticed he changed his pics and bio on bumble... I have texted him a few minutes ago asking if we are going to meet this weekend, just because I want a "closure"... I am not expecting anything.

When we met, he told me his priority is work, but that he doesn't like to do casual sex and eventually he wants a family. I said pretty much the same. So I have literally no clue.

I think that the only explanation for our siutations is that these guys just wanted sex. Once they get it, thank you next, they move on to another girl... it's sad but true  

I hope it goes well for you. Keep us posted and good luck

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, ashleymt555 said:

We had sex and then. his replies are always I'm busy or soon. 

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately it seems he just wants hookups. If you're not ok with this pull back, stop texting him and start talking to and meeting men.

Be clear on the type of situation you prefer. hookups, FWB, exclusive dating, etc. Keep in mind since you're both talking to and meeting others he may be having sex with new people all the time.

[BaileyB]

21 hours ago, ashleymt555 said:

We weren't talking a ton
He was almost standoffish on text...

So, I went over to his place last week and we had sex.

Since than I've messaged him and he does answer but it's always really short
I say let's try to plan a time to hang out-but his replies are always I'm busy or soon.

I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel like he just wants me around for his convenience,

To be fair, he’s put little to no effort into this.

A few short texts, you went to him, you had sex... sure, he cuddled after and walked you to your car because that is the kind thing to do after a woman has sex with you... But now, he’s not texting you, his replies are short, and he’s too busy to get together again. 

I don’t even get the sense that he wants you around. I’m sorry, but I feel like you are pursuing him based on what you have described and while he’s never going to turn down sex, he’s also not putting any effort into seeing you again.

You really need to expect more from the men you date. 

Edited February 11, 2021 by BaileyB

[trident_2020]

1 hour ago, Alvi said:

why on earth would on your first date to the stranger's house to sex him up? Especially during the Covid times. You are too reckless, I tell you. This particular guy was looking for sex, he got sex, he has no use for you anymore. It sounds harsh, but that's the reality. What exactly did you find so appealing about 

Lots of people are looking for nothing more than one nighters, whether it's at someones house or in the back of an SUV in a parking lot. There are entire dating sites that cater to this sort of crowd. Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it reckless. As far as COVID goes, for young people it's no more dangerous than any number of diseases that have been floating around for years.

This situation is a bit different in that the Op seems to be looking for some sort of connection or even a relationship and can't seem to understand why the guy isn't seeing her as anything more than a cheap whore.

Edited February 11, 2021 by trident_2020

[BaileyB]

25 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it reckless.

Nah, I’d say that it’s pretty reckless behavior. With, or without covid, it’s pretty reckless to go a man’s home and have sex with a virtual stranger.

If one is going to do it, I would hope that they would be safe and tell a friend where they are going, call to check in, and take other precautions. 

[trident_2020]

11 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Nah, I’d say that it’s pretty reckless behavior. With, or without covid, it’s pretty reckless to go a man’s home and have sex with a virtual stranger.

You're right it IS reckless. I think what I meant to say is that it isn't uncommon. A large group of people consider quick hookups with strangers to be normal.

Edited February 11, 2021 by trident_2020

[Interstellar]

Ask him when he’s gonna take you out on a date, see if he gives you a specific time and date, if he says, “umm, well...uh “ then adios baby!

[peach302]

1 hour ago, trident_2020 said:

Lots of people are looking for nothing more than one nighters, whether it's at someones house or in the back of an SUV in a parking lot. There are entire dating sites that cater to this sort of crowd. Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it reckless. As far as COVID goes, for young people it's no more dangerous than any number of diseases that have been floating around for years.

This situation is a bit different in that the Op seems to be looking for some sort of connection or even a relationship and can't seem to understand why the guy isn't seeing her as anything more than a cheap whore.

It is reckless though. Its a global pandemic. Started  a year ago and still hasn't  ceased! Im young but no way in hell would  i engage in casual activities during this period.

Edited February 11, 2021 by peach302

[trident_2020]

34 minutes ago, peach302 said:

It is reckless though. Its a global pandemic. Started  a year ago and still hasn't  ceased!

Neither has the Flu, HIV, HPV, Syphillis, Gonorrhea, and a host of other diseases. Doesn't stop the parking lot sex addicts from getting their thrills.

.

Edited February 12, 2021 by trident_2020

[peach302]

3 hours ago, trident_2020 said:

Neither has the Flu, HIV, HPV, Syphillis, Gonorrhea, and a host of other diseases. Doesn't stop the parking lot sex addicts from getting their thrills.

.

Well they're just crazy then

[spiderowl]

If all you want is a hook-up, then fine, sleep with the guy, but please take safety precautions.  Don't go to his place unless you know him fairly well.  Do you know this guy is safe to be alone with?  What do you know about him?  Do your friends know him - can anyone vouch for his character?

If you are not looking for a hook-up but something more lasting, then don't rush into sex.  Yes, he will most likely want it and you may well want it, but he won't respect a woman who makes it easy for him.  It just seems to be nature; we don't value what we find easy.  If you want a guy to value you, treat you as precious, and spend his time getting to know you properly, then leave the sex until you both know each other well.  By that time, you will have got a good idea of what kind of person he really is.

A guy who is really interested in you will make an effort to text, phone, or whatever.  He will go at your pace and will not pressure you into something you don't want.  He will be keen to make sure he can see you again and will not drift away with excuses of being 'busy' or with 'family'.  He will become more interested in seeing you because he will be getting to know you as a person and the sexual tension will be building too.  Rushing into sex is unlikely to result in a relationship - it happens sometimes but people get attached to personalities not just bodies.