Zacon Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 Please I would like some advice about my situation, this is all new to me (25m) and I can see that I was the rebound in a relationship with my ex (20f) for 7 months. It's a little long story. Trying to keep things really simple, we were friends before and always got along really well. She had a BF at the time and I didn't think about her like anything more. Last year her BF broke up with her, I know nothing about him, but I believe they had studied together or something like that, they knew each other for a certain time and dated for 2 years. She used to tell me that he was kind of distant and never really payed much attention to her, I don't know if it is true or if it was just her saying things. Anyway, he broke up with her, and 2 months later she told me we always got along so nicely and she asked me on a date. It was amazing, we always liked the same stuff, same goals, same dreams. I never had a GF before and she knew a lot about me. On our first date she invited me over and we had sex, it was my first time and she knew that, I wanted it to be with someone that I really liked. We kept seing each other once a week because I had to drive 1 hour to see her and we would spend the whole day together, had a lot of sex, and between the sex sessions we would cuddle and talk about us. She always told me that I treated her so nicely, that I was so perfect and like a dream to her. I like to cook, so I liked to cook for her and to bring her breakfast. She used to look at me with a smile that went from ear to ear and was always so caring towards me. I was always afraid of being the rebound, but she was always so caring and loving, and she always told me that I wasn't the rebound, because she had other options but she liked me. After infatuation was mostly over I could see her flaws and they didn't bother me, I oppened myself to her and really let myself to fall hard in love. I cared for her so much and was honestly really proud of the things she went through and got over. BUT the thing is, she always wanted to take things slow and not label us even after 6 months. I never knew her family or friends although she would tell me that she talks about me all the time and her mother really wants to meet me. During our 3-4 months mark she was really feeling the pain of her last realtionship that ended and used to cry a lot. I supported her and were there everytime she needed because I started to care a lot, she even told me during one of her cries that she was afraid of hurting me and that I didn't deserve someone so messed like her and also for me to be patient and to don't give up on her. It was the first time I said I loved her.... but she never said that back. While she was crying I told her that I wanted her in my life and that we could go through any problem if we talked about and that I would do my best to make things work. She was in this 'situationship' with me for 7 months and used to dodge my attempts to plan things and to commit further altought I was really bothered and talked that I wanted her to be my girlfriend and wanted to make plans with her. She told me to be a little more patient, but she also became distant and insensitive towards me. She began to post stories that really bothered me and I decided to confront her and stabilish some boundaries. Then her ex regreted dumping her and she broke up with me with that old story of 'it's not you, it's me. We are at different life stages' blah blah blah and got back with her ex and even went travel where I was trying to plan to go with her and that REALLY REALLY hurt me. I was so hurt that i acted like a complete immature and pathetic person. I said she never deserved the way I treated her and she just used me because she couldn't spent time on her own. I was a friend to a friend of hers, and she knew how hurt I was so I was talking to her friend and saying how I missed her and how hearth broken I was. REALLY pathetic, but I was really shattered. It's been 2-3 months that I don't hear from her, blocked everywhere and I don't know how they are, but the last time I saw they were already FB official and posting loving quotes to one another. That destroyed me really hard inside. After all this time I can't stop thinking about her, if she will come back someday or even if She liked me or loved me. She was my first love, my first sex and no one I meet looks like a cheap version of what I felt for her. I want to heal and move on and I'm trying really hard, studying a lot, exercising a lot, reading a lot, but I Can't stop the thinking loop. What should I do? Will she eventually miss me? Our time together was so amazing and I was always so true to her, and she shared many deep personal things from her life with me also. The guilty of saying bad things to her made me text her last week to apologise for my imaturity and to wish her the very best in life, and of course she didn't answer me. I took a quick look on their social media, and it says that they are still in a relationship, but weirdly their photos together are not there anymore. On their Instagram you coudn't say that neither of them are in a relationship. Do you think there is any way she will be back someday? I KNOW I'm diminishing myself to be with someone that treats me badly after all I did, and that I should never think about her again, I guess it's the pain talking louder inside of me. Will their RS last? will she come back someday? Will she miss me? I really treated her with SO MUCH love and care, she acted like she was completely in love with me when we were together... I really miss those times a lot and what we could've been... I just want to know that I was enough and didn't do anything wrong Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 She's not coming back. Sorry. You don't realize it but that is a blessing. You were friends & she leaned on you in a time of need. You probably weren't really friends. Rather you were an orbiter & she lapped up the attention. A rebound is sticking a new warm body into the hole in one's heart created by the departure of the EX. You were that warm body but you wanted more than she could give She was never fully into you. She always wanted him. You were just the fill in while she healed. She was never invested in being your GF or making you happy. It was all about what you could do for her. You really shouldn't want her back. She took advantage of your kind nature & your inexperience. She was not a nice person to you. She used you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zacon Posted February 10, 2021 Author Share Posted February 10, 2021 1 minute ago, d0nnivain said: She's not coming back. Sorry. You don't realize it but that is a blessing. You were friends & she leaned on you in a time of need. You probably weren't really friends. Rather you were an orbiter & she lapped up the attention. A rebound is sticking a new warm body into the hole in one's heart created by the departure of the EX. You were that warm body but you wanted more than she could give She was never fully into you. She always wanted him. You were just the fill in while she healed. She was never invested in being your GF or making you happy. It was all about what you could do for her. You really shouldn't want her back. She took advantage of your kind nature & your inexperience. She was not a nice person to you. She used you. The worst part is that she hardly denies it. I can't believe she would act like this because she really acted so in love... I questioned her about this and she really got mad saying that I wasn't just a "filler". I know I shoudn't want her back, it's just so crazy for me how you give someone your heart, spend so much time together and in the end it's like I'm nothing, literraly like we never had anything. All the sex, the cuddles, the smiles. When she was facing a minor depression I really gave her a hand and did everything for her to pass through it and now I don't deserve even an answer. I'm so confuse... No one never treated me like she did when we were together and I've never felt happier. We were REALLY compatible as far as interests, desires, goals, family goes... I'm felling like an idiot Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 You are not an idiot. This was simply all new to you. You learned that the highs of "falling in love" are wonderful. That's why we all do stupid things sometimes in the name of love. Due to your inexperience you let those wonderful happy emotions overwhelm what your logical brain was telling you She's upset now because while she may not have meant to be cruel to a nice guy like you, she knows she did you wrong. Instead of owning up to it, she's deflecting & telling you not to trust yourself. It's a form of a gaslighting. Take some time. Lick your wounds. Disconnect from her on all platforms. That means social media & taking her out of your phone. Give yourself time to heal. Then go find a nice girl who is emotionally available to date you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zacon Posted February 10, 2021 Author Share Posted February 10, 2021 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You are not an idiot. This was simply all new to you. You learned that the highs of "falling in love" are wonderful. That's why we all do stupid things sometimes in the name of love. Due to your inexperience you let those wonderful happy emotions overwhelm what your logical brain was telling you She's upset now because while she may not have meant to be cruel to a nice guy like you, she knows she did you wrong. Instead of owning up to it, she's deflecting & telling you not to trust yourself. It's a form of a gaslighting. Take some time. Lick your wounds. Disconnect from her on all platforms. That means social media & taking her out of your phone. Give yourself time to heal. Then go find a nice girl who is emotionally available to date you. The worst part about it is the feeling of finally living these feelings that were REALLY wondeful, the felling that I finally found my other half, someone that I could be the best version of myself and help her be the best version of her's and see this person quickly in the arms of another person and turning into someone complete different, it is a pain that I have never felt before. I swear to god that I know I did everything right and I was the best version of me that I could, why do I feel like it was everything my fault? Why do I feel that I was not good enough? Why she acts like I was the one to blame for whatever happened? All I had to give her was love, care and I was really proud of everything she was doing and handling things. Then REALLY QUICKLY I was tossed asside. It's really crazy, I'm doubting my own memory and my own experience and feeling like I was the wrong one Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2021 Share Posted February 10, 2021 1 minute ago, Zacon said: why do I feel like it was everything my fault? Why do I feel that I was not good enough? Why she acts like I was the one to blame for whatever happened? We always blame ourselves when we are good people. She blames you because she doesn't want to own up to her own fault here. She knows she used you but doesn't want to admit it. Again, read up on gas lighting Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 Steer clear of people fresh out of relationships, especially when they were not the ones who ended it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 13, 2021 Share Posted February 13, 2021 After 7 mos she simply decided to be free, (as she should be at that age) to explore the world, explore dating, explore men. It's not about you. It's not about any "version" of you. However it's curious you keep using this terminology of "versions" What exactly is that? You need to be the real you, not some "version" of yourself some dating gurus talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts