Ladies isn't it easier to ignore a guy who sends who a message online rather than responding and saying thank you?

[poppyfields]

This is an interesting topic.  

So, what feels polite to the responder (saying thank you), feels insulting to the sender.  Or feels like a rejection.  

If she simply ignored, you could tell yourself she never saw your message since she receives so many.

But when she responds with "thank you," you know she received, and is rejecting you in a nice way, which to you isn't so nice.

It's similar to how some people feel about being ghosted.   They'd rather that than the person saying outright they're no longer interested.

Not sure what I'd prefer actually.  Being ghosted sucks, it's confusing, with no real closure, but being told by someone you really like that you're not their cuppa tea would feel like a punch in the gut! 

I'm thinking I might prefer to be ghosted!  Unless it's a LTR where a conversation is warranted.

With on line, if I were the sender, I'd rather the person not respond versus respond with "thank you."  Even though I realize the person was just trying to be polite. 

 

 

[SumGuy]

 

9 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

its not polite its stupid and pointless and a waste of my eyesight

To you, to others it is polite, and they very much want it.  It is also not necessarily pointless, at least wouldn't be to me depending on my initial message.

9 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

if someone is not interested then block me and delete the message

I find that almost an over reaction on her part, but understand men on OLD can bent out of shape and vent at women for nothing, so can see where women who do that are coming from. 

For me, a nothing message is thank you but no, a no response is just a no, a block and delete is a hell no.   Can take any no for an answer but a thank you but no is the most polite to me, amazing she took the time.   

[Trail Blazer]

13 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I think this is one of the most annoying things about online dating sites.    Why go through the trouble of responding to saying nothing rather than just blocking me and deleting my message?

That's what I do when I get a message from someone I am not attracted to.    Why is that so hard?

Trouble?  It's hardly "trouble" to reply with a two word response.  For you, it's annoying.  For them, they obviously feel it's important for whatever reason.

Why does this even bother you?  

[Ruby Slippers]

I only replied to men I saw any inkling of a chance with. I felt bad not replying to some of them at all, but you just can't reply to all of them, and you don't want to get their hopes up. 

I only blocked men who were offensive, because from what I understand, if a profile gets blocked too many times, that person can be barred from the site for some length of time. 

[amygirl908]

Honestly if I replied to everyone who sent me a message I'd never get to talk to people I was actually interested in.

Also I really have an issue with some of the entitlement that comes along with online dating.... I'm sorry because YOU decided to send me a message I'm somehow obligated to reply??

I often feel so uncomfortable because if I don't reply sometimes a guy will get angry about it and sometimes even if I do reply a guy will get angry about being rejected.

Edited February 9, 2021 by amygirl908

[max3732]

What I don't understand is why a woman will match with you, respond to 1 message and then ignore all the other ones. For example, with this one match she put on her profile she'd like to find places around she hasn't visited before. I asked if she'd ever been to such and such. She responds no but she'd love to go. I briefly described the place and asked if she'd like to meet there next weekend. Nothing back. Why match with me in the 1st place and say she'd like to go there? Why not respond she's not interested or block me?

Another one responds and we get a little conversation going. Then she says she is bad at texting so I suggested meeting so she wouldn't have to bother with texting. Then she's gone. No response or indication what happened or what's going on so I'm left wondering.

Yet another took forever to respond after matching and says she had deleted the app. We exchanged 1 message and she never responds again.

Why not respond back with "not interested, but good luck" or something like that and take the guess work out of it for guys?

[vla1120]

17 hours ago, IntBrowser said:

I think this is one of the most annoying things about online dating sites.    Why go through the trouble of responding to saying nothing rather than just blocking me and deleting my message?

That's what I do when I get a message from someone I am not attracted to.    Why is that so hard?

You're darned if you do and darned if you don't. If you ignore someone's message, you run the risk of them calling you out for being rude and ignoring them. If you respond to be considerate, even though you have no interest, and then do not engage in further conversation with them, you're also considered rude. Ideally, a reasonable person is going to understand that a few informal messages back and forth does not make a relationship, and yet, there are those who grasp on to every message and get very offended if someone just drops off the face of the earth after 1 or 2 messages. I have a habit of putting a disclaimer in my profile. Unless we've met in person, do not assume anything or read into anything just because I responded to a few messages. I need person-to-person interaction to determine whether I am interested in maintaining contact. I think most do.

[IntBrowser]

On 2/9/2021 at 6:18 AM, QuietRiot said:

How do you "match" with someone on an app, does that app do that FOR you? I mean, I recall getting emails of "my matches" from match com or actually ANY site that gets you on their email list for that once a week "your matches" email.

 

The sight I was on was an actual dating site not an app.    But its been many of times someone will match will me and disappear after 4 messages lol

[d0nnivain]

2 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

But its been many of times someone will match will me and disappear after 4 messages lol

People on the internet are flakey.  Try not to get invested until you meet a few times.  It will smooth out the highs & the lows.  

[introverted1]

I usually reply to say thanks, but I don't think we're a match (or something like that).  It seems rude not to acknowledge a message, assuming it is sincere and not a copy/paste or something obscene.   If I was out in the world and a man said hello, I wouldn't just ignore him, even if I had no desire to date him.  It seems dehumanizing to receive a message from someone on OLD and to just ignore it. 

I only block when someone is rude or won't stop messaging.

[IntBrowser]

On 2/9/2021 at 8:46 AM, d0nnivain said:

Because she was being polite.  It's not stupid or pointless.  She wasn't leaving you wondering.  Now you know she's not interested, so you don't have to wonder.  It was not a waste of your eyesight. 

There's no sense getting all upset about it.  It wasn't a mean thing.

To the extent that you are overreacting & getting soooooo hot under the collar about this, I recommend you think about why you are so bitter before you try continuing to date.  Geeesshhhh

In the past I would send something back inappropriate for wasting my time but since it lead to me getting banned from OKC i now take the high road and move on

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad you now occupy the high road.  Especially because the woman who sent you the rejection message did so out of what she viewed as politeness.  See the post above by @introverted1

[IntBrowser]

23 hours ago, poppyfields said:

This is an interesting topic.  

So, what feels polite to the responder (saying thank you), feels insulting to the sender.  Or feels like a rejection.  

If she simply ignored, you could tell yourself she never saw your message since she receives so many.

But when she responds with "thank you," you know she received, and is rejecting you in a nice way, which to you isn't so nice.

It's similar to how some people feel about being ghosted.   They'd rather that than the person saying outright they're no longer interested.

Not sure what I'd prefer actually.  Being ghosted sucks, it's confusing, with no real closure, but being told by someone you really like that you're not their cuppa tea would feel like a punch in the gut! 

I'm thinking I might prefer to be ghosted!  Unless it's a LTR where a conversation is warranted.

With on line, if I were the sender, I'd rather the person not respond versus respond with "thank you."  Even though I realize the person was just trying to be polite. 

If she ignored me I would not know because I sent out over 20 messages and dont remember them all.    I cant believe a woman would think she is the only person on OKCupid to think I am sitting there waiting for her reply

 

[IntBrowser]

22 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

I only replied to men I saw any inkling of a chance with. I felt bad not replying to some of them at all, but you just can't reply to all of them, and you don't want to get their hopes up. 

I only blocked men who were offensive, because from what I understand, if a profile gets blocked too many times, that person can be barred from the site for some length of time. 

why would you feel bad when you are not the only woman online?

[IntBrowser]

20 hours ago, max3732 said:

What I don't understand is why a woman will match with you, respond to 1 message and then ignore all the other ones. For example, with this one match she put on her profile she'd like to find places around she hasn't visited before. I asked if she'd ever been to such and such. She responds no but she'd love to go. I briefly described the place and asked if she'd like to meet there next weekend. Nothing back. Why match with me in the 1st place and say she'd like to go there? Why not respond she's not interested or block me?

Another one responds and we get a little conversation going. Then she says she is bad at texting so I suggested meeting so she wouldn't have to bother with texting. Then she's gone. No response or indication what happened or what's going on so I'm left wondering.

Yet another took forever to respond after matching and says she had deleted the app. We exchanged 1 message and she never responds again.

Why not respond back with "not interested, but good luck" or something like that and take the guess work out of it for guys?

sound like it wasn't a legit person.    So those situations shouldnt bother you.    Disappearing means red flags

[poppyfields]

22 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

why would you feel bad when you are not the only woman online?

Agree, I never felt bad for not responding to an initial message.

Many if not most of these guys send out 100s of messages, often boilerplate, like tossing darts at a blackboard to see which one sticks.

My "thank you" wouldn't mean a hill of beans to them.

The very few that took the time to write a thoughtful message based on my profile, I wrote back and would chat a bit. That's how I ended up connecting with my recent ex.

But most messages were standard boilerplate and those went straight to delete. 

 

Edited February 10, 2021 by poppyfields

[IntBrowser]

50 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

People on the internet are flakey.  Try not to get invested until you meet a few times.  It will smooth out the highs & the lows.  

I have learned that the casino apps and dating apps are very similar

[Ruby Slippers]

31 minutes ago, IntBrowser said:

why would you feel bad when you are not the only woman online?

Basic human empathy.

[peach302]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

In the past I would send something back inappropriate for wasting my time but since it lead to me getting banned from OKC i now take the high road and move on

Why you so bothered that these women  ghost you when you acknowledge blocking and ignoring women also. 

They obviously aren't interested enough to carry on speaking ..just like you wernt interested in the ones you didn't acknowledge.

Double standards

 

Edited February 10, 2021 by peach302

[elaine567]

Since you get upset about a simple "Thank you", how are you with "F off" or other more  offensive ways of saying no?

[Alpacalia]

Can you put a disclaimer in your profile? I.E. uninterested parties, please do not respond.

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, IntBrowser said:

I have learned that the casino apps and dating apps are very similar

Ha Ha.  Love the insight.  

[IntBrowser]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Ha Ha.  Love the insight.  

you just dont know what's going to happen  lol

[SumGuy]

On 2/9/2021 at 1:41 PM, max3732 said:

...

Why not respond back with "not interested, but good luck" or something like that and take the guess work out of it for guys?

There is no guess work when they don't respond, no response clearly means no interest at this time.    As I have heard from women, some men will get bent out of shape when told no, or not interested.  If they said what you suggest to such men they will likely get a tirade about how they never should have matched or endless questions why not.

Now there is always the possibility life got crazed and they changed their mind about the whole thing or they met someone else.  If either of those are the case then you chances have not gone to zero. 

In cases when this has happened to me (and it is worth the effort to me, fairly often) I send out a message along those lines letting them know no worries, these things happen etc. and look me up if they change their mind.  Be understanding, confident, strong heart.  

In every case I get back a positive reply, sometimes simply thank you.  Other times a longer reply saying why, basically how I am a breath of fresh air etc.  In one case she did look me up later, :thumbs up:

[poppyfields]

My first day OLDing, I received 100+ messages.  Out of those, maybe 3-4 I had some interest and responded back. 

It is completely unrealistic to expect a woman to reply "thank you" or "not interested" to 100+ messages, that's insane, a full time job in and of itself. 

Plus as I said, most were standard boilerplate, my "thank you" would have meant nothing. 

I save my empathy for those who truly need, not a bunch of guys sending messages to random woman hoping something sticks.