ExpatInItaly Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 2 hours ago, lisaden said: It was only when a friend of mine yesterday asked me how are things with this guy that I give it more thought. My friend says he is playing games, see if I go and chase him, and also giving me some crumbs of attention to keep me on the hook. I don't like this. I don't agree with your friend. I think he's probably currently distracted by someone else and is slowly letting this fizzle.
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 1 hour ago, lisaden said: Right ok. But what do I do now? Don’t text first, respond very briefly, not say anything at all? I’m confused. Send something light & flirty so he knows there is no pressure to go deep
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 if the guy falls off the face of the earth you go find fun somewhere else simple as that. Whatever the reason, no one knows. It's gonna happen like this from time to time...people flake/get weird/turn cold, distant.
josedelamuerte Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 I don't think the waning texts have anything to do with your comment about your last relationship. You just ran out of momentum. 39 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: But what do I do now? Don’t text first, respond very briefly, not say anything at all? I’m confused. As for "what to text" - don't try to be anyone else. Text as you normally would. Just release the expectation that things will be as they were, and rather accept them as they are. Hope your lockdown ends soon. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 He’s not playing a game. He won the chase and lost interest. 3
amygirl908 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 4 hours ago, lisaden said: I also have been busy with work and texting other guys I meet online. It's not a game. He's probably just doing the same thing you are doing and you don't have his full attention anymore. There's likely no reason for it other than he is currently more interested in someone else and giving them more of his bandwidth. 3 hours ago, lisaden said: Right ok. But what do I do now? Don’t text first, respond very briefly, not say anything at all? I’m confused. I think we spend way too much time getting anxious about a GD text message. I used to be the same way but now I just write what I want when I want to. I don't think about who text first, who text last, who's texting next, what they text me last week... get that garbage out of your head if you want to text him, just text him. If you want to text one of the other guys text them... do what YOU want to and what makes YOU happy. This is casual and nothing to lose sleep over. In case you didn't know this there are LOTS of men who would be happy to take you up on your offer. This guy doesn't have anything magic or special you can't get from someone else. 1
dramafreezone Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 3 hours ago, lisaden said: Yes but there was sexting and banter before and it changed abruptly. That is my question here. With a casual relationship, there are going to be ebbs and flows, because he's probably dating other women and at times he'll be devoting time to them. It'll probably swing back around to more attention towards you sometime soon. But there will not be consistency, because you're not in a committed relationship.
Author lisaden Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 13 minutes ago, dramafreezone said: With a casual relationship, there are going to be ebbs and flows, because he's probably dating other women and at times he'll be devoting time to them. It'll probably swing back around to more attention towards you sometime soon. But there will not be consistency, because you're not in a committed relationship. Yes you are right, I haven’t thought about that. Of course, he is talking with other women, that makes sense.
Wiseman2 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, lisaden said: one day we got a bit more emotionally vulnerable where I told him my last relationship ended a bit badly Unfortunately, it sounds like he would rather keep things in the hookup zone. Start talking to other guys who would like a relationship, however dating is not for therapy and talking about exes is pretty much a universal turn off. Edited February 8, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
poppyfields Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 1 hour ago, amygirl908 said: I think we spend way too much time getting anxious about a GD text message. I used to be the same way but now I just write what I want when I want to. I don't think about who text first, who text last, who's texting next, what they text me last week... get that garbage out of your head if you want to text him, just text him. If you want to text one of the other guys text them... do what YOU want to and what makes YOU happy. Amen sista! However, this does require a certain level of self-comfort, feeling comfortable in your own skin. And not being too attached to the outcome, and being okay no matter what happens. I think there is a name for that, in french, cannot think of it now. But it's how I do things, and have no regrets no matter what the outcome. Disappointments, yes! Regrets, no. Watercolors posted something to me a couple of days ago written by Shakespeare that I will share with the OP: "To thine own self be true." As long as you speak your truth, it really doesn't matter what anyone else says.
peach302 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 24 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Amen sista! However, this does require a certain level of self-comfort, feeling comfortable in your own skin. And not being too attached to the outcome, and being okay no matter what happens. I think there is a name for that, in french, cannot think of it now. But it's how I do things, and have no regrets no matter what the outcome. Disappointments, yes! Regrets, no. Watercolors posted something to me a couple of days ago written by Shakespeare that I will share with the OP: "To thine own self be true." As long as you speak your truth, it really doesn't matter what anyone else says. C'est la vie?
amygirl908 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) 56 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Amen sista! However, this does require a certain level of self-comfort, feeling comfortable in your own skin. And not being too attached to the outcome, and being okay no matter what happens. I think there is a name for that, in french, cannot think of it now. But it's how I do things, and have no regrets no matter what the outcome. Disappointments, yes! Regrets, no. Watercolors posted something to me a couple of days ago written by Shakespeare that I will share with the OP: "To thine own self be true." As long as you speak your truth, it really doesn't matter what anyone else says. I think the French word might be YOLO jk jk jk But for real I know it does. This whole do whatever I want to mindset/concept is pretty new to me, but it is so freeing which is why it's the advice/inspiration that I try to give I like that Shakespeare quote and to add another quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” I used to constantly worry about everything I said or did and how other people were going to perceive me or that one small wrong move was going to ruin everything and it literally made me sick and tired. I was so unhappy and my unhappiness would make me more desperate to try harder and be even more perfect... toxic vicious cycle. When you're ready to say IDGAF anymore... it's the best feeling ever hahah. I stopped thinking about everything and said what was on my mind and threw all of my expectations away. I've never been more happy and content in my life it's crazy. I realized that the people I was catering to weren't people I cared to nor wanted to have in my life. The people who love and care about you and your authentic self will not go away because you sent a text at the wrong time or for saying the wrong thing. Those are the kind of people you want to keep around. Disappointment is inevitable and it's ok, but if you always love who you are today you can't regret what came yesterday. Edited February 8, 2021 by amygirl908
Author lisaden Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 5 minutes ago, amygirl908 said: I think the French word might be YOLO jk jk jk But for real I know it does. This whole do whatever I want to mindset/concept is pretty new to me, but it is so freeing which is why it's the advice/inspiration that I try to give I like that Shakespeare quote and to add another quote: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” I used to constantly worry about everything I said or did and how other people were going to perceive me or that one small wrong move was going to ruin everything and it literally made me sick and tired. I was so unhappy and my unhappiness would make me more desperate to try harder and be even more perfect... toxic vicious cycle. When you're ready to say IDGAF anymore... it's the best feeling ever hahah. I stopped thinking about everything and said what was on my mind and threw all of my expectations away. I've never been more happy and content in my life it's crazy. I realized that the people I was catering to weren't people I cared to nor wanted to have in my life. The people who love and care about you and your authentic self will not go away because you sent a text at the wrong time or for saying the wrong thing. Those are the kind of people you want to keep around. Disappointment is inevitable and it's ok, but if you always love who you are today you can't regret what came yesterday. Totally agree. That is why I said that to him about my last relationship. I didn’t give a shyt to what he would think of it, I didn’t give a shyt if we are just casual and so I shouldn’t be talking about relationships, I didn’t give a shyt if he wouldn’t like it. In the context of the conversation we were having, it made sense to me to say that. I don’t have a set of rules that if we are casual, there are off topics. I say and talk about anything I want. If he decided to withdraw because of that, it’s his choice. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 It's obvious to me he sees you as hookup material and not girlfriend material. By backing off when you mentioned anything other than sex, he's made it clear that's all he cares about in this situation. Even though you say you're OK with casual, I'm guessing it will feel very demoralizing to have sex with a guy who treats you as useful for nothing beyond that. He'll text you now and then when he's got nothing else going on, in hopes of getting sex without much effort. I think you can find a better candidate elsewhere. 1
amygirl908 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 (edited) I don’t have a set of rules that if we are casual, there are off topics. I say and talk about anything I want. *on my phone quote not working right And you shouldn’t and if he can’t handle that he’s a baby anyways. We all have pasts casual or not we’re all human beings we should be able to listen to someone without reacting like a child. Especially if your in like a FWB situation. People forget about the F lol friends can talk about those things Edited February 8, 2021 by amygirl908
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2021 Posted February 9, 2021 I don't think it's anything more dramatic other than having found someone else to occupy his time.
winny Posted February 9, 2021 Posted February 9, 2021 Maybe he wants a relationship and realized that you don't so he is backing off.
Recommended Posts