She wants to be my wing women

[Wiseman2]

I would stop hanging out with her. She is not your friend and not your GF.

She is just getting male attention from you at your expense.

When you focus on women who are interested, you'll stop wasting time on women like this.

[poppyfields]

After reading your last, to me it sounds like she was trying to have some fun with you, you took it too seriously.

You could have responded "lol, yeah right, you could never be my wing woman haha, you're too jealous for that," with a couple of wink emojis or something like that.

I dunno it's hard to know for sure but to me it sounds like she may have been messin with ya, just to have some fun.

You took her seriously, got insecure  ugh.

You failed that shyt test, man. 🤣

 

[Mrin]

Just a thought here but if it comes up again steer the conversation towards, "well what sort of woman should I be dating in your opinion?" and listen to who she describes. If she describes somebody very much like herself you can get playful with her and say things like, "how in the world will I ever find a woman like that?!? At this hour?" See how she responds. 

[SumGuy]

On 2/8/2021 at 4:10 AM, lionheart153 said:

So my crush who I've been talking to for awhile now offered to be my wing women. Says she can help me find a girl. 

I thought it was pretty clear we were flirting back and forth. But I guess not. I'm assuming this is a bad sign?

A wing woman is a great thing to have.

A bad sign?  Well she wasn't into you that way anyway so this is the very best alternative.  Go with it, don't be all needy and thirsty that it has to be her.  It's unlikely she'll change her mind and start thinking of you that way, but for certain she will never think of you that way if inside you do not accept her as friend, wing woman.   Being centered and able to really have a good looking woman as your friend makes you more attractive to women.

[SumGuy]

20 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

Well she is very confusing, and honestly its kind of annoying. We became friends and she flirts. She tells me that I'm cute or handsome. We've talked bout our past before and we both talked about how its nice to get to know someone, being friends first. She mentioned that her last relationship failed because she believe they weren't friends and she eventually fell out of love and had nothing to go on, hence leaving the relationship. so she felt that its important to become friends and if something more comes from it great. She told me she gets frustrated that guys can't be friends first with her and will tell her things like "I don't need more friends, if you arent interested then we are done"

She sends me selfies and even though I comment that she probably sends them to everyone she made it clear that she just sends it to me. We have phone calls and last usually 1 hour or even 3 hours depending on the call. I make her laugh and all that. I guess it should be worthy to note we have not met in person because of COVID. 

But at this point I'm kind of just annoyed, what is the best way to handle this? I kind of want to just tell her that I'm interested in her and see her reaction. Worst case she says she isn't interested and I tell her I probably need to back off for myself so I don't become those guys she gets frustrated with that stops talking to her when she can't commit to anything. 

I don't know, this all started when she and I got close and talked alot, I kind of backed off and stopped msging her because I realized I was starting it alot. She then started to msg me first send me snaps or comment on my snaps to start conovs. I thought I was making progress but I guess not. 

How is this confusing?  Are you not hearing her?  She is telling you exactly where she is coming from yet you want to filter all her behavior through what it means to you and not what she is telling you, up front, it means to her. 

Seriously "she can't commit to anything" you are just not getting it, you are putting your trip onto her.  Same with people who say she is playing a game, she is being very real with you and telling you exactly where she is coming from.  That it can't be grasped, or handled or fall into one's preconceived notion of how men and women are suppose to interact doesn't make it a game.  So she is not acting the way you think women should act, that is why it seems confusing to you and no wonder you can't pigeon hole her.  You need more pigeon hoels or to get rid of them all together.

I'm not confused one bit by her, she is making a lot of sense to me.

Also, you have never met her?  Way too ahead of yourself here, a wing woman offer is pretty amazing from someone you have never met.

I have been in this situation, with these signals, and if you can be cool with having an attractive female friend it can turn into something, has happened for me more than once and even if it doesn't other women find you more attractive when you have attractive female friends.   It's not like she is asking you to orbit and keeping you off the market, very much the opposite.

Of course you will get all sorts of views that this can't happen because most it seems cannot grasp it, they cannot see beyond thirst as the dynamic, so it never works for them and they often do exactly what the woman says you should not do.

You only have a chance here, in my view, if you can change your world view on this and really see where she is coming from.  If you can..."Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,  And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!" 

[SumGuy]

7 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

...

After she sent me her selfie of her winking at me, I told her she has a cute wink and asked how she was able to get that because when I wink I look like I have a tic (true story). she replied with saying that she bet I looked cute doing it and that I could probably pick up girls doing it. I replied with saying I have no other girls (because I don't I havent been actively looking and she sort of just came into my life) 

To reply to that she just said "I'll be your wing women"

I reacted just normally I assume. I said no thanks and that she couldn't help. She kept pressing and saying that she could try until I said "why do you have someone to introduce me to?" and she replied no and just said she was my cheerleader. I kinda just changed the top and said good night cuz I was going to bed. 

I know many of you just jump to friendzone right away and that's fine. If that is the case I don't know if there is a point to be friends because like Drama had mentioned, this friendship would be temporary. if she started dating someone she would stop talking to me cuz she mentioned that when dating she is really loyal and wouldn't feel comfortable talking to other guys. Same for me. I would expect my future gf to be like WTF as well

...

You are way out of your depth here, or more just in an incompatible world where this can't happen.   

[poppyfields]

Again JMO, but I think you could have had this woman if you played it differently.

More confidently, boldly.  You could still have her if you upped your game a bit, imo.  

She sounds like she may be a bit of a smart a** in a fun way, she gets a lot of attention from men and can afford to be.  Plus it can be fun if a guy is a bit smart assy back.  Again, all in good fun. 🤣

I really feel people can be too darn serious when on line chatting, have some fun!  

Granted you can't achieve that type of rapport with every woman, it takes a certain chemistry between you. 

I could be projecting, possibly but that's how it reads to me.

Why have you never asked her out?  Or met her?  A walk, something?   Just to see her in person? 

Have you ever suggested that?

Edited February 9, 2021 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

15 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

 

 

 

Ya I don't know about the rest of you but I'm thinking dramafreezone is more accurate here.

Personally if you think she is "hot" then that is attraction already, sleeping with them is different imo. Based on your morals or comfortability but you can be attracted to them. 

Girls that are married or in relationships or whatever also fall into a different category as again, it is based on your own morals. If you are a good person you automatically would rule these women out as I have. I have a few "girl friends" because they are married to my best friend or whatever so I don't feel anything for them because I morally believe to not break that code. However some people would disregard this. If I see an attractive girl and I try to hit on her and she has a bf or husband I usually back off as I lose interest instantly. 

So to be friends, as drama was saying, like close friends to a girl that I am interested in makes it very hard to happen realistically. And like I said before, we have been flirting, its been pretty obvious. I often overthink and or I am just oblivious. But showing my friends our convos they all think she is interested so this comment about being a wingwomen defiantly irked me a bit. For example one thing she did recently was tell me that her and her gf talk and have funny convos and she sent me a snapshot and it was pretty explicit, talking about how she has nice big lips that would be good for sucking dick. I made a comment and she got embarrassed but laughed it off. It just felt odd to send me something like that my friends felt. Or sending me selfies through out the day winking and stuff. 

Your situation sounds exactly like what I thought was happening with me. We started talking a few months ago and we talk a lot. She mentioned she had been hurt so she wanted to be friends and always added that if something were to come of it that would be great. So in my head I just thought that at least she is open to the idea. I had no issue taking it slow and getting to know her because I also was recovering from a heart break so taking it slow was fine with me. But this incident has thrown me for a look and I just wonder if I should back off now all together. I know I've caught feelings but I could just spare myself from full on heart break again if I back off now. 

After she sent me her selfie of her winking at me, I told her she has a cute wink and asked how she was able to get that because when I wink I look like I have a tic (true story). she replied with saying that she bet I looked cute doing it and that I could probably pick up girls doing it. I replied with saying I have no other girls (because I don't I havent been actively looking and she sort of just came into my life) 

To reply to that she just said "I'll be your wing women"

I reacted just normally I assume. I said no thanks and that she couldn't help. She kept pressing and saying that she could try until I said "why do you have someone to introduce me to?" and she replied no and just said she was my cheerleader. I kinda just changed the top and said good night cuz I was going to bed. 

I know many of you just jump to friendzone right away and that's fine. If that is the case I don't know if there is a point to be friends because like Drama had mentioned, this friendship would be temporary. if she started dating someone she would stop talking to me cuz she mentioned that when dating she is really loyal and wouldn't feel comfortable talking to other guys. Same for me. I would expect my future gf to be like WTF as well

I guess based on the experience and our interactions I am questioning what this means. She mentioned before that when she was on tinder she dragged out the talking phase back and forth on the app for 6 months before finally meeting him and giving him chance. Part of me wonders if she is just testing me. 

It's quite obvious to me by now that she was very hurt in a past relationship and is insecure about dating. She mentioned being cheated on from the same guy many times and just didn't leave him until realizing she didn't love him and they weren't friends and she felt she stayed way to long before having the courage to leave him (7 years). Hence why at the beginning of the conversations he said she wants to be friends first and if it grows from there she would prefer to happen that way. Which to me just sounds like she wants to take the time to get to know someone. Fair game I thought but maybe I am wrong

You're not going to be able to be friends with this woman, unless and until you have a girlfriend of your own.  I can tell she absolutely adores you as a person, but that doesn't translate into respect as the type of man that she would ever date, at least not right now.  And I know this by a very simple observation; if she thought you were so great, she would want you for herself.  Women that view a man as a catch are selfish, they're not going to want someone else to get him.

Maybe some day you will graduate from the friendzone.  It happens, many men have graduated out of the friendzone.  I'm just saying don't spend time waiting around for it.  Trust me, you don't want to spend years pining after one girl.  Start circulating and get out there.  Just put yourself in position to meet women, and it'll happen.  Someday she may see you with another woman and think that she messed up by passing over you.

[dramafreezone]

21 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

 

 

 

Ya I don't know about the rest of you but I'm thinking dramafreezone is more accurate here.

Personally if you think she is "hot" then that is attraction already, sleeping with them is different imo. Based on your morals or comfortability but you can be attracted to them. 

Girls that are married or in relationships or whatever also fall into a different category as again, it is based on your own morals. If you are a good person you automatically would rule these women out as I have. I have a few "girl friends" because they are married to my best friend or whatever so I don't feel anything for them because I morally believe to not break that code. However some people would disregard this. If I see an attractive girl and I try to hit on her and she has a bf or husband I usually back off as I lose interest instantly. 

So to be friends, as drama was saying, like close friends to a girl that I am interested in makes it very hard to happen realistically. And like I said before, we have been flirting, its been pretty obvious. I often overthink and or I am just oblivious. But showing my friends our convos they all think she is interested so this comment about being a wingwomen defiantly irked me a bit. For example one thing she did recently was tell me that her and her gf talk and have funny convos and she sent me a snapshot and it was pretty explicit, talking about how she has nice big lips that would be good for sucking dick. I made a comment and she got embarrassed but laughed it off. It just felt odd to send me something like that my friends felt. Or sending me selfies through out the day winking and stuff. 

Your situation sounds exactly like what I thought was happening with me. We started talking a few months ago and we talk a lot. She mentioned she had been hurt so she wanted to be friends and always added that if something were to come of it that would be great. So in my head I just thought that at least she is open to the idea. I had no issue taking it slow and getting to know her because I also was recovering from a heart break so taking it slow was fine with me. But this incident has thrown me for a look and I just wonder if I should back off now all together. I know I've caught feelings but I could just spare myself from full on heart break again if I back off now. 

After she sent me her selfie of her winking at me, I told her she has a cute wink and asked how she was able to get that because when I wink I look like I have a tic (true story). she replied with saying that she bet I looked cute doing it and that I could probably pick up girls doing it. I replied with saying I have no other girls (because I don't I havent been actively looking and she sort of just came into my life) 

To reply to that she just said "I'll be your wing women"

I reacted just normally I assume. I said no thanks and that she couldn't help. She kept pressing and saying that she could try until I said "why do you have someone to introduce me to?" and she replied no and just said she was my cheerleader. I kinda just changed the top and said good night cuz I was going to bed. 

I know many of you just jump to friendzone right away and that's fine. If that is the case I don't know if there is a point to be friends because like Drama had mentioned, this friendship would be temporary. if she started dating someone she would stop talking to me cuz she mentioned that when dating she is really loyal and wouldn't feel comfortable talking to other guys. Same for me. I would expect my future gf to be like WTF as well

I guess based on the experience and our interactions I am questioning what this means. She mentioned before that when she was on tinder she dragged out the talking phase back and forth on the app for 6 months before finally meeting him and giving him chance. Part of me wonders if she is just testing me. 

It's quite obvious to me by now that she was very hurt in a past relationship and is insecure about dating. She mentioned being cheated on from the same guy many times and just didn't leave him until realizing she didn't love him and they weren't friends and she felt she stayed way to long before having the courage to leave him (7 years). Hence why at the beginning of the conversations he said she wants to be friends first and if it grows from there she would prefer to happen that way. Which to me just sounds like she wants to take the time to get to know someone. Fair game I thought but maybe I am wrong

There's not a point to it dude.  It's not a real, true friendship on a couple of fronts.  First, you're not respecting yourself if you settle for an arrangment that's less than what you want.  Then it's deceptive to her because you're saying that it's ok that something more than friendship is off the table.

Next, when she gets a boyfriend she will see you even less, and will only call you up when he's being a jerk and not giving her the attention she wants.  She's got to get that attention from somewhere so if you're still her "friend" you'll fill that emotional void.  But the boyfriend gets all of the other benefits.

You don't have to delete her number and give her the cold shoulder, just find other women to fill your time.  Find women that have the courage to take a chance on a guy and not just go after the same guy that 30 other women are going after, the guy that's been "preapproved" by other women.  She's out there, but you can't find her if you're hung up on this one woman.  Maybe you're a penny stock as far as your overall market value right now that has the potential to grow into a blue chip.  Just start respecting yourself, believing you deserve good things, and the right woman will feel very lucky that she got in on the ground floor.

Edited February 10, 2021 by dramafreezone

[lionheart153]

17 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

There's not a point to it dude.  It's not a real, true friendship on a couple of fronts.  First, you're not respecting yourself if you settle for an arrangment that's less than what you want.  Then it's deceptive to her because you're saying that it's ok that something more than friendship is off the table.

Next, when she gets a boyfriend she will see you even less, and will only call you up when he's being a jerk and not giving her the attention she wants.  She's got to get that attention from somewhere so if you're still her "friend" you'll fill that emotional void.  But the boyfriend gets all of the other benefits.

You don't have to delete her number and give her the cold shoulder, just find other women to fill your time.  Find women that have the courage to take a chance on a guy and not just go after the same guy that 30 other women are going after, the guy that's been "preapproved" by other women.  She's out there, but you can't find her if you're hung up on this one woman.  Maybe you're a penny stock as far as your overall market value right now that has the potential to grow into a blue chip.  Just start respecting yourself, believing you deserve good things, and the right woman will feel very lucky that she got in on the ground floor.

 

  no worries I actually am already doing, even though she told me she got upset that she found a guy she was talking to was talking to lots of people and I did admit to her I wasn't talking to anyone before because she told me she isn't talking to any other guys but me and just her 2 female bffs. but now i'm talking to a few girls and i'm just gonna do my own thing. pretty much doing the last part of your suggestion but thanks for the insight

13 hours ago, SumGuy said:

How is this confusing?  Are you not hearing her?  She is telling you exactly where she is coming from yet you want to filter all her behavior through what it means to you and not what she is telling you, up front, it means to her. 

Seriously "she can't commit to anything" you are just not getting it, you are putting your trip onto her.  Same with people who say she is playing a game, she is being very real with you and telling you exactly where she is coming from.  That it can't be grasped, or handled or fall into one's preconceived notion of how men and women are suppose to interact doesn't make it a game.  So she is not acting the way you think women should act, that is why it seems confusing to you and no wonder you can't pigeon hole her.  You need more pigeon hoels or to get rid of them all together.

I'm not confused one bit by her, she is making a lot of sense to me.

Also, you have never met her?  Way too ahead of yourself here, a wing woman offer is pretty amazing from someone you have never met.

I have been in this situation, with these signals, and if you can be cool with having an attractive female friend it can turn into something, has happened for me more than once and even if it doesn't other women find you more attractive when you have attractive female friends.   It's not like she is asking you to orbit and keeping you off the market, very much the opposite.

Of course you will get all sorts of views that this can't happen because most it seems cannot grasp it, they cannot see beyond thirst as the dynamic, so it never works for them and they often do exactly what the woman says you should not do.

You only have a chance here, in my view, if you can change your world view on this and really see where she is coming from.  If you can..."Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,  And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!" 

Sorry but your advice just is narrow minded and honestly you dont know the the side that I see. I mean no offense nor am I trying to start an argument but you wouldn't get any of it as I can only lay out so much on a single post. I get you are trying to sound tough or whatever but like I had mentioned she showed some clear signs of interest before and pretty  much yo-yos around. I'm not an idiot or a complete noob at the dating scene, there are subtle signs that are easy ques to pick up. it was not until getting to know her that she admitted she was still recovering from being cheated on, to not get into to much detail she found some someone she was seeing a year ago was dating multiple people and she seemed to have felt used. up until this inceident it was all fun and flirt then she kinda did a 180. and then back again another 180 after more things happen to which I don't need to get into. Not gonna lie I am getting tired of it but I know I am not crazy or the only one confused. My friends who know about her also look at a more complete picture and say the same thing. I also don't need a wing women as I am fine to find someone on my own. 

Your comment about not meeting is not true at all. I know people that have met online, got to know someone married and then meet and then they are still together and in a happy marriage. Infact I argue that not having to focus on the physical aspect of each other allows for better communication to get to know someone's personality. Meeting them in person is important but its bulls*** if you think getting to know someone without that cannot produce something genuine. We live in an age where people are literally at your finger tips to communicate with you.

5 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

You're not going to be able to be friends with this woman, unless and until you have a girlfriend of your own.  I can tell she absolutely adores you as a person, but that doesn't translate into respect as the type of man that she would ever date, at least not right now.  And I know this by a very simple observation; if she thought you were so great, she would want you for herself.  Women that view a man as a catch are selfish, they're not going to want someone else to get him.

Maybe some day you will graduate from the friendzone.  It happens, many men have graduated out of the friendzone.  I'm just saying don't spend time waiting around for it.  Trust me, you don't want to spend years pining after one girl.  Start circulating and get out there.  Just put yourself in position to meet women, and it'll happen.  Someday she may see you with another woman and think that she messed up by passing over you.

its been suggested based on the conversations that she simply was hurt and doesn't trust people easy. At point I am going to give myself space and go with the old saying, if it comes back then it was meant to be if not then I am better off. She has been msging me first and quite frequently ever since I stopped trying but Im sure eventually she will get the hint. I wont be rude but I don't owe her anything nor does she owe me anything. That would be the best way if I were to want to actually have a friendship with her in the future

13 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Again JMO, but I think you could have had this woman if you played it differently.

More confidently, boldly.  You could still have her if you upped your game a bit, imo.  

She sounds like she may be a bit of a smart a** in a fun way, she gets a lot of attention from men and can afford to be.  Plus it can be fun if a guy is a bit smart assy back.  Again, all in good fun. 🤣

I really feel people can be too darn serious when on line chatting, have some fun!  

Granted you can't achieve that type of rapport with every woman, it takes a certain chemistry between you. 

I could be projecting, possibly but that's how it reads to me.

Why have you never asked her out?  Or met her?  A walk, something?   Just to see her in person? 

Have you ever suggested that?

I didn't play it off as confidently as I wanted because it caught me off guard but I will probably pay more attention going forward because I've started to move on a bit which is probably a good thing. 

yes we haven't meant due to covid as restrictions here are really strict. People were ticketed $1000 for being in a gathering and were ID'd to not have the same address. On top of that she takes care of her 80 yr old dad who is sick so getting covid could possible end her dads life. So understandable for a germaphobe as well. We talk on the phone few times a week and its light and fun, or it can be very deep, but yea that's bout it. At this point 

Ya I gonna back off a bit but i will keep that in mind, its more fun to be a smart ass anyway. 

Edited February 10, 2021 by lionheart153

[Cookiesandough]

21 hours ago, SumGuy said:

How is this confusing?  Are you not hearing her?  She is telling you exactly where she is coming from yet you want to filter all her behavior through what it means to you and not what she is telling you, up front, it means to her. 

Seriously "she can't commit to anything" you are just not getting it, you are putting your trip onto her.  Same with people who say she is playing a game, she is being very real with you and telling you exactly where she is coming from.  That it can't be grasped, or handled or fall into one's preconceived notion of how men and women are suppose to interact doesn't make it a game.  So she is not acting the way you think women should act, that is why it seems confusing to you and no wonder you can't pigeon hole her.  You need more pigeon hoels or to get rid of them all together.

I'm not confused one bit by her, she is making a lot of sense to me.

Also, you have never met her?  Way too ahead of yourself here, a wing woman offer is pretty amazing from someone you have never met.

I have been in this situation, with these signals, and if you can be cool with having an attractive female friend it can turn into something, has happened for me more than once and even if it doesn't other women find you more attractive when you have attractive female friends.   It's not like she is asking you to orbit and keeping you off the market, very much the opposite.

Of course you will get all sorts of views that this can't happen because most it seems cannot grasp it, they cannot see beyond thirst as the dynamic, so it never works for them and they often do exactly what the woman says you should not do.

You only have a chance here, in my view, if you can change your world view on this and really see where she is coming from.  If you can..."Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,  And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!" 

I agree. I don’t know how you can be confused about this, 0P. Denial is a very strong medicine. This is part of why it’s so hard having male “friends” because they won’t hear what you’re kindly saying at all. This is the most cut-and-dry case of being of friend zone I have seen in a long time. She said the most cliché things,  it hurt.  She doesn’t wanna date you . She told you she wants to help you get other women to help make that clear  , because for some reason, there was still confusion. On the plus side, female wing woman done right might not be the worst thing in your situation

Edited February 10, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Ami1uwant]

On 2/9/2021 at 3:09 AM, lionheart153 said:

 

 

 

Ya I don't know about the rest of you but I'm thinking dramafreezone is more accurate here.

Personally if you think she is "hot" then that is attraction already, sleeping with them is different imo. Based on your morals or comfortability but you can be attracted to them. 

Girls that are married or in relationships or whatever also fall into a different category as again, it is based on your own morals. If you are a good person you automatically would rule these women out as I have. I have a few "girl friends" because they are married to my best friend or whatever so I don't feel anything for them because I morally believe to not break that code. However some people would disregard this. If I see an attractive girl and I try to hit on her and she has a bf or husband I usually back off as I lose interest instantly. 

So to be friends, as drama was saying, like close friends to a girl that I am interested in makes it very hard to happen realistically. And like I said before, we have been flirting, its been pretty obvious. I often overthink and or I am just oblivious. But showing my friends our convos they all think she is interested so this comment about being a wingwomen defiantly irked me a bit. For example one thing she did recently was tell me that her and her gf talk and have funny convos and she sent me a snapshot and it was pretty explicit, talking about how she has nice big lips that would be good for sucking dick. I made a comment and she got embarrassed but laughed it off. It just felt odd to send me something like that my friends felt. Or sending me selfies through out the day winking and stuff. 

Your situation sounds exactly like what I thought was happening with me. We started talking a few months ago and we talk a lot. She mentioned she had been hurt so she wanted to be friends and always added that if something were to come of it that would be great. So in my head I just thought that at least she is open to the idea. I had no issue taking it slow and getting to know her because I also was recovering from a heart break so taking it slow was fine with me. But this incident has thrown me for a look and I just wonder if I should back off now all together. I know I've caught feelings but I could just spare myself from full on heart break again if I back off now. 

After she sent me her selfie of her winking at me, I told her she has a cute wink and asked how she was able to get that because when I wink I look like I have a tic (true story). she replied with saying that she bet I looked cute doing it and that I could probably pick up girls doing it. I replied with saying I have no other girls (because I don't I havent been actively looking and she sort of just came into my life) 

To reply to that she just said "I'll be your wing women"

I reacted just normally I assume. I said no thanks and that she couldn't help. She kept pressing and saying that she could try until I said "why do you have someone to introduce me to?" and she replied no and just said she was my cheerleader. I kinda just changed the top and said good night cuz I was going to bed. 

I know many of you just jump to friendzone right away and that's fine. If that is the case I don't know if there is a point to be friends because like Drama had mentioned, this friendship would be temporary. if she started dating someone she would stop talking to me cuz she mentioned that when dating she is really loyal and wouldn't feel comfortable talking to other guys. Same for me. I would expect my future gf to be like WTF as well

I guess based on the experience and our interactions I am questioning what this means. She mentioned before that when she was on tinder she dragged out the talking phase back and forth on the app for 6 months before finally meeting him and giving him chance. Part of me wonders if she is just testing me. 

It's quite obvious to me by now that she was very hurt in a past relationship and is insecure about dating. She mentioned being cheated on from the same guy many times and just didn't leave him until realizing she didn't love him and they weren't friends and she felt she stayed way to long before having the courage to leave him (7 years). Hence why at the beginning of the conversations he said she wants to be friends first and if it grows from there she would prefer to happen that way. Which to me just sounds like she wants to take the time to get to know someone. Fair game I thought but maybe I am wrong

 

you are missing what I’m getting at.

 

1 men and women can just be friends. You might have some interest in her to start but looks alone doesn’t do it for me. In college, I met a girl through friends. I talked with her and found out a few things that would be a long term problem for me. With someone else, they’d be fine with it.  These weren’t things that would change. I’m still friends with her 20+ yrs later.

 

2.relationships is a big part about timing such as both available and ready to date for something long term. You could be at similar ages but at different points in life. To peop,e mid 30s. One wants to get married and have children, the other, they had kids around 21 and they are teenagers now and they are looking forward to them going off to college.  Or you are in your late 20s, one finished grad school and looking to Perdue a career which means moving, the other is looking to settle down, buy a house, and start a family..  you met the person 10 yrs later or 10 yrs earlier things coukd be very different.

 

she might still not be ready to date, or there are things she likes about you but she has seen your place and saw how you live and your style. She sees a difference.

 

she was what married for 7 but they were together since what high school?  She doesn’t know how to date today and not sure what she wants and can’t trust peop,e.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

In order to be neutral, here is the definition, so you can assess for yourself if it applies:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_zone

[lionheart153]

  

On 2/10/2021 at 7:42 AM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I agree. I don’t know how you can be confused about this, 0P. Denial is a very strong medicine. This is part of why it’s so hard having male “friends” because they won’t hear what you’re kindly saying at all. This is the most cut-and-dry case of being of friend zone I have seen in a long time. She said the most cliché things,  it hurt.  She doesn’t wanna date you . She told you she wants to help you get other women to help make that clear  , because for some reason, there was still confusion. On the plus side, female wing woman done right might not be the worst thing in your situation

 

On 2/10/2021 at 2:14 PM, Ami1uwant said:

 

you are missing what I’m getting at.

 

1 men and women can just be friends. You might have some interest in her to start but looks alone doesn’t do it for me. In college, I met a girl through friends. I talked with her and found out a few things that would be a long term problem for me. With someone else, they’d be fine with it.  These weren’t things that would change. I’m still friends with her 20+ yrs later.

 

2.relationships is a big part about timing such as both available and ready to date for something long term. You could be at similar ages but at different points in life. To peop,e mid 30s. One wants to get married and have children, the other, they had kids around 21 and they are teenagers now and they are looking forward to them going off to college.  Or you are in your late 20s, one finished grad school and looking to Perdue a career which means moving, the other is looking to settle down, buy a house, and start a family..  you met the person 10 yrs later or 10 yrs earlier things coukd be very different.

 

she might still not be ready to date, or there are things she likes about you but she has seen your place and saw how you live and your style. She sees a difference.

 

she was what married for 7 but they were together since what high school?  She doesn’t know how to date today and not sure what she wants and can’t trust peop,e.

 

 

 

On 2/10/2021 at 3:37 PM, Wiseman2 said:

In order to be neutral, here is the definition, so you can assess for yourself if it applies:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friend_zone

 

On 2/9/2021 at 10:08 AM, poppyfields said:

Again JMO, but I think you could have had this woman if you played it differently.

More confidently, boldly.  You could still have her if you upped your game a bit, imo.  

She sounds like she may be a bit of a smart a** in a fun way, she gets a lot of attention from men and can afford to be.  Plus it can be fun if a guy is a bit smart assy back.  Again, all in good fun. 🤣

I really feel people can be too darn serious when on line chatting, have some fun!  

Granted you can't achieve that type of rapport with every woman, it takes a certain chemistry between you. 

I could be projecting, possibly but that's how it reads to me.

Why have you never asked her out?  Or met her?  A walk, something?   Just to see her in person? 

Have you ever suggested that?

 

Hello, I thought I'd just come back and give an update for anyone that stumbles on this thread and wonders where and what happened between me and said friend.

Turns out, all of you were wrong except for maybe @poppyfields. She was infact trying to make fun of me. 

Anyway after that happened I decided to move on and that meant distancing myself a bit. And to do that I tried to not talk to her as much. Well that ended up upsetting her. 

She kept trying to msg me first and I didn't even notice that it was frustrating her that we had slowed our talks. She blocked me snap and IG and she ended responding very coldly to one of my msgs and when I asked what's wrong she kinda tried to brush it off but I noticed and called her out on it. I was also dealing with some other personal things that I felt to embarrassed to tell her so in this time I pretty much avoided talking to her. She ended up letting all out there and felt that I was rude, and was not the person she thought I was. And that I had been lying and just being fake this whole time. So I convinced her to give me a call and I could explain what's going on. After some convincing she said ok and called me later that night. I pretty much let it all out, about what was going on in my life, the stress and the things I was dealing with; and finally how I felt about her, that I was crushing on her hard. And while I knew that she wasn't  ready for anything, and that she was also working on herself I felt guilty for liking her and thought that I would lose our friendship. So I was trying to distance myself to lose those feelings. 

Well turns out... she likes me to. And she too was wrestling with the idea and her feelings because she knows she still isn't ready. And she admitted that she over reacted by blocking me because she had feelings for me to. 

So we deiced since we are both working on ourselves that we just keep letting things go with the flow, don't force it. But we do like each other and that we aren't interested in anyone else. See what happens.

Moral of the story is, don't ask people on the internet. Because people are so hurt and jaded from life that they immediately go to negative thoughts. But thanks @poppyfieldsfor trying to look at the glass half full.

I hope all the nay sayers and negative people that posted a reply will take this to understand that not everything is as negative as you make it seem. And sometimes its ok to have a bit of hope or look at it from a positive angle. Not everything is a textbook answer, especially when it comes to emotions. People do strange things when they are in an emotional state. Cuz you might just miss out on something great. Just saying. 

Edited February 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Formatting.

[poppyfields]

I'm glad it worked out lionheart. 😂

I can be 'glass half empty' with the best of em lol, but in your case, reading the context, it really did sound like a playful tease. 

Perhaps a bit of a "shyt test" too, to gauge your reaction, since she was uncertain about you.  It's not uncommon in situations like this.  All in good fun, nothing malicious.

Anyhoo, just another sitch where 'things are not always what they appear to be.'

Best of luck to you both! 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 17, 2021 by poppyfields

[Cookiesandough]

On 2/17/2021 at 4:04 AM, lionheart153 said:

  

 

 

 

 

Hello, I thought I'd just come back and give an update for anyone that stumbles on this thread and wonders where and what happened between me and said friend.

Turns out, all of you were wrong except for maybe @poppyfields. She was infact trying to make fun of me. 

Anyway after that happened I decided to move on and that meant distancing myself a bit. And to do that I tried to not talk to her as much. Well that ended up upsetting her. 

She kept trying to msg me first and I didn't even notice that it was frustrating her that we had slowed our talks. She blocked me snap and IG and she ended responding very coldly to one of my msgs and when I asked what's wrong she kinda tried to brush it off but I noticed and called her out on it. I was also dealing with some other personal things that I felt to embarrassed to tell her so in this time I pretty much avoided talking to her. She ended up letting all out there and felt that I was rude, and was not the person she thought I was. And that I had been lying and just being fake this whole time. So I convinced her to give me a call and I could explain what's going on. After some convincing she said ok and called me later that night. I pretty much let it all out, about what was going on in my life, the stress and the things I was dealing with; and finally how I felt about her, that I was crushing on her hard. And while I knew that she wasn't  ready for anything, and that she was also working on herself I felt guilty for liking her and thought that I would lose our friendship. So I was trying to distance myself to lose those feelings. 

Well turns out... she likes me to. And she too was wrestling with the idea and her feelings because she knows she still isn't ready. And she admitted that she over reacted by blocking me because she had feelings for me to. 

So we deiced since we are both working on ourselves that we just keep letting things go with the flow, don't force it. But we do like each other and that we aren't interested in anyone else. See what happens.

Moral of the story is, don't ask people on the internet. Because people are so hurt and jaded from life that they immediately go to negative thoughts. But thanks @poppyfields for trying to look at the glass half full.

I hope all the nay sayers and negative people that posted a reply will take this to understand that not everything is as negative as you make it seem. And sometimes its ok to have a bit of hope or look at it from a positive angle. Not everything is a textbook answer, especially when it comes to emotions. People do strange things when they are in an emotional state. Cuz you might just miss out on something great. Just saying. 

 

 

Sorry… But this is how Internet advice forums work: You give your scenario. You asked for peoples opinions. They give you their opinions.
 

There is no need to get so defensive about it. Why are you spinning it that is negative? You made a friend. I’m sorry, but reality is not always the way that you want it to be. This chick doesn’t seem into you. I’d love to be wrong about this. Perhaps you’re right that I am so bitter from reading all the posts online about this topic that 99.99% end the same way, my male ‘friends’ who’ve all been here before, and my own experience friendzoning men, that I would love to that little shining silver of diversion from that...
 

but you are going to have to do a little bit better. Even with  this additional information,  she gives another excuse as to why she can’t date you, with more sugar coating to keep you on the hook. And you bought it, of course. If you want to live in a delusional La La Land where this girl  is actually into you, you’re more than welcome, but maybe don’t post about it on the internet asking for opinions then getting annoyed when people give you their honest assessment?. Makes no sense 

Edited February 18, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[dramafreezone]

Hey, I did throw this out there on the first page, so don't I get any credit?

Quote

I suppose it's possible that she said it as a defense mechanism because she really does like him. 

That said, wait until you actually seal the deal to say everyone's wrong.  Everyone here has been on both sides of this situation that you're describing, so we're just giving you our experiences.  Women will sometimes give you false hope because they think that's kinder than just telling you they aren't into you. When they *really* like you, they don't like to go with the flow.  If it was Bradley Cooper or Ryan Gosling she wouldn't be going with the flow.

Honestly, based on all you wrote about how she blocked you and was cold, she seems manipulative.  How does she know you weren't busy with something or had some emergency to tend to?  That's how she responds?  I think that was also a "shyt test" as poppy mentioned and you blew it.

Like I said in another thread, sometimes you can't pay attention to what they say, watch what they do.  When you're making out with her and about to have sex, then I'm sure everyone here will happily say that we were wrong.

Edited February 18, 2021 by dramafreezone

[lionheart153]

On 2/18/2021 at 9:59 AM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Sorry… But this is how Internet advice forums work: You give your scenario. You asked for peoples opinions. They give you their opinions.
 

There is no need to get so defensive about it. Why are you spinning it that is negative? You made a friend. I’m sorry, but reality is not always the way that you want it to be. This chick doesn’t seem into you. I’d love to be wrong about this. Perhaps you’re right that I am so bitter from reading all the posts online about this topic that 99.99% end the same way, my male ‘friends’ who’ve all been here before, and my own experience friendzoning men, that I would love to that little shining silver of diversion from that...
 

but you are going to have to do a little bit better. Even with  this additional information,  she gives another excuse as to why she can’t date you, with more sugar coating to keep you on the hook. And you bought it, of course. If you want to live in a delusional La La Land where this girl  is actually into you, you’re more than welcome, but maybe don’t post about it on the internet asking for opinions then getting annoyed when people give you their honest assessment?. Makes no sense 

Wow. Just wow. 

We both agreed to take it slow because that is what I want as well. I had control in that decision and you take that for whatever you want that to be. I never said I wanted to date this girl right this second in any of my post if i recall and if I did that was the wrong intent. It was always meant to be somewhere in the future if at all. Liking someone and just wondering if that person likes you back was what my concern was.

Rather than go into the details of where things stand right now, I'll just leave that it got physical between the two of us. Seriously, try to have a less bitter outlook on life, and whatever hurt you in the past I hope you figure it out and find a way to be at peace with yourself. Cause honestly having dealt with depression in the past it's not fun. Yes I came to look for advice on the internet so maybe that is my own stupidity. Lesson learned.

18 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Hey, I did throw this out there on the first page, so don't I get any credit?

That said, wait until you actually seal the deal to say everyone's wrong.  Everyone here has been on both sides of this situation that you're describing, so we're just giving you our experiences.  Women will sometimes give you false hope because they think that's kinder than just telling you they aren't into you. When they *really* like you, they don't like to go with the flow.  If it was Bradley Cooper or Ryan Gosling she wouldn't be going with the flow.

Honestly, based on all you wrote about how she blocked you and was cold, she seems manipulative.  How does she know you weren't busy with something or had some emergency to tend to?  That's how she responds?  I think that was also a "shyt test" as poppy mentioned and you blew it.

Like I said in another thread, sometimes you can't pay attention to what they say, watch what they do.  When you're making out with her and about to have sex, then I'm sure everyone here will happily say that we were wrong.

Sorry @dramafreezone, credit where credit is due my apologies. 

Just going to say I was simply coming back to point out that sometimes you can have a different outlook. it was not meant to be defensive. It's so common everyone here minus the 1-2 people said that "maybe you are seeing it wrong" and pile on top of the "you're friendzoned, no chance, move on blah blah blah" It's not being defensive, I simply wanted to update anyone that stumbles on to the this thread and hope it gives them hope. Does that mean every situation will be like this? Absolutely not and I hope that anyone in a situation like this comes out on top. All I do was be honest with her and got the answer I wanted and it just so happened to be  a happy answer and not a sad one. So take that with a grain of salt and however you want.

Edited February 19, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inappropriate comments.

[Johnjohnson2017]

14 hours ago, lionheart153 said:

Wow. Just wow. 

We both agreed to take it slow because that is what I want as well. I had control in that decision and you take that for whatever you want that to be. I never said I wanted to date this girl right this second in any of my post if i recall and if I did that was the wrong intent. It was always meant to be somewhere in the future if at all. Liking someone and just wondering if that person likes you back was what my concern was.

Rather than go into the details of where things stand right now, I'll just leave that it got physical between the two of us. Seriously, try to have a less bitter outlook on life, and whatever hurt you in the past I hope you figure it out and find a way to be at peace with yourself. Cause honestly having dealt with depression in the past it's not fun. Yes I came to look for advice on the internet so maybe that is my own stupidity. Lesson learned.

Sorry @dramafreezone, credit where credit is due my apologies. 

Just going to say I was simply coming back to point out that sometimes you can have a different outlook. it was not meant to be defensive. It's so common everyone here minus the 1-2 people said that "maybe you are seeing it wrong" and pile on top of the "you're friendzoned, no chance, move on blah blah blah" It's not being defensive, I simply wanted to update anyone that stumbles on to the this thread and hope it gives them hope. Does that mean every situation will be like this? Absolutely not and I hope that anyone in a situation like this comes out on top. All I do was be honest with her and got the answer I wanted and it just so happened to be  a happy answer and not a sad one. So take that with a grain of salt and however you want.

 

 That's awesome OP. It's very difficult to read minds. The best way is to be direct with your crush that way you know for sure whether the feelings are mutual.

Great to hear that it worked out for you!!!

[dramafreezone]

Quote

I'll just leave that it got physical between the two of us

What does that mean?  You had sex?

Have you even dated this woman?  What's the context?

[poppyfields]

8 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

What does that mean?  You had sex?

It would appear so (or close to) but my take was he didn't wish to elaborate out of respect for her, respect for their relationship and for privacy reasons, which is actually admirable imo..

Hope it all works out!  

Edited February 22, 2021 by poppyfields