Is my therapist wrong in these cases?

[ironpony]

So I went to a therapist since I have some issues.  One of those issues being that I want to make a feature film to try to get noticed in the filmmaking business.  But people said it was foolish of me and to not waist my money on such things.

The other thing was how I am only sexually aroused by women who are more shall we say, dominatrixes in bed, and I thought it was quite shallow of me to only get sexually aroused by that quality in a woman, and was hoping the therapist could help give me some more depth to be aroused by.

But the therapist says I should make the movie and that if I won't I will regret it for the rest of my life and keep looking back.  He also said there is nothing wrong with wanting a dominatrix and if that's what I need, that's what I need.

But I feel the therapist is basically saying be shallow and materialistic when he tells me to go for these things and embrace them rather than help be rid me of them?  Unless not everything is about depth and it's okay to be materialistic sometimes?

[Wiseman2]

No one can second guess your therapy sessions. If you are not getting anywhere, go back to your physician and get a referral to a qualified therapist you are more confident in.

[d0nnivain]

You have been wanting to make a movie as long as I have "known" you on these boards.  Make the damn movie already.  Going to therapy is not going to cause you to give up a life long dream.  Giving up will only cause it to haunt you for the rest of your life.  You can't shut it off so find a way. 

[Cookiesandough]

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. It’s just your therapist opinion. Doing something or not doing something like making a film is a d*mned if you do/don’t thing, sometimes. Iif you never try ,he’s right you’ll probably regret it. But if you do it and lose everything and fail you’ll probably regret that too. Unless you can let go of regrets realizing that looking at things in hindsight is a little unfair. That’s just the way life goes

 

It’s my opinion that sans anything harmful to yourself and others, if you are one of the rare people who really knows what they want ... go after those dreams. We only live once

Edited February 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ShyViolet]

9 hours ago, ironpony said:

The other thing was how I am only sexually aroused by women who are more shall we say, dominatrixes in bed, and I thought it was quite shallow of me to only get sexually aroused by that quality in a woman, and was hoping the therapist could help give me some more depth to be aroused by.

 

This is not a "problem" that you need to go to therapy to "fix."  There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sexual preference for more dominant women in bed.  There are tons and tons of men who are into that, it's fine.  It's 100% within the realm of normal sexual behavior.  It's not "shallow", I don't know where you got that idea from.  Your sexual preferences are your sexual preferences.

[ironpony]

11 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

This is not a "problem" that you need to go to therapy to "fix."  There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a sexual preference for more dominant women in bed.  There are tons and tons of men who are into that, it's fine.  It's 100% within the realm of normal sexual behavior.  It's not "shallow", I don't know where you got that idea from.  Your sexual preferences are your sexual preferences.

Well it just feels so shallow because I throw away good women who would be potential for a good relationship, all because of bedroom dominance.  That's like breaking up with a gf, because her breasts aren't that big or something like that.  Isn't that shallow?

[dramafreezone]

10 hours ago, ironpony said:

So I went to a therapist since I have some issues.  One of those issues being that I want to make a feature film to try to get noticed in the filmmaking business.  But people said it was foolish of me and to not waist my money on such things.

The other thing was how I am only sexually aroused by women who are more shall we say, dominatrixes in bed, and I thought it was quite shallow of me to only get sexually aroused by that quality in a woman, and was hoping the therapist could help give me some more depth to be aroused by.

But the therapist says I should make the movie and that if I won't I will regret it for the rest of my life and keep looking back.  He also said there is nothing wrong with wanting a dominatrix and if that's what I need, that's what I need.

But I feel the therapist is basically saying be shallow and materialistic when he tells me to go for these things and embrace them rather than help be rid me of them?  Unless not everything is about depth and it's okay to be materialistic sometimes?

 

It's fine to question your therapist, but do that WITH HIM.  Ask your therapist why he came to his conclusions.   He does this all the time.  He might be off but I certainly would give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he can give you a deeper understanding of yourself.

Ultimately I think he's telling you that you need to accept yourself and go for what you want.  Ambition is what gives a man life, so why would he tell you to not pursue your passions?

Your sexual preferences are nothing to be ashamed of (as long as they're legal).  The healthiest thing to do is embrace it instead of trying to suppress it, which will bring you nothing but misery.  Your sexual preferences are not a choice, so if you think that one day you will not be aroused by dominatrix-type women, you're mistaken.

I don't understand where you get "shallow and materialistic" from.

Edited February 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ironpony]

1 minute ago, dramafreezone said:

 

It's fine to question your therapist, but do that WITH HIM.  Ask your therapist why he came to his conclusions.   He does this all the time.  He might be off but I certainly would give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he can give you a deeper understanding of yourself.

Ultimately I think he's telling you that you need to accept yourself and go for what you want.  Ambition is what gives a man life, so why would he tell you to not pursue your passions?

Your sexual preferences are nothing to be ashamed of (as long as they're legal).  The healthiest thing to do is embrace it instead of trying to suppress it, which will bring you nothing but misery.

I don't understand where you get "shallow and materialistic" from.

Oh okay, I just thought it was shallow and materialistic because I should choose a women for deeper qualities rather than her bedroom performance, shouldn't I?

[dramafreezone]

15 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay, I just thought it was shallow and materialistic because I should choose a women for deeper qualities rather than her bedroom performance, shouldn't I?

Everyone has a sexual preference, and they're all "shallow and materialistic" by that standard. 

No man chooses a woman for deeper qualities.  That's not how attraction works.  No man looks at a woman for the first time walking down the street and says "wow, I bet she's really caring and empathetic."  We're attracted to what we're attracted to and then if a woman has those deeper qualities then our brain maps that onto why we chose them.  It's rationalization, but the sexual attraction must be there first, and for your that's dominaxtrix type of treatment.

As far as films go, you need to find a balance between purusing that and maintaining a living for yourself.  I think if it's your passion you should always keep it in your life.  Who cares if you never make some huge feature film.  It's about doing what you love and what gives you life.  Giving up films and working a 9-5 may be the "responsible" thing to do but you're never going to feel that you're at your best.  So you have to find a balance. 

I would never advocate what a couple of people are saying on here, that you should give up your passion.  But you have to be a responsible man too.   Get a skill/trade, and then devote resources to your passion if you choose to.

Edited February 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Well it just feels so shallow because I throw away good women who would be potential for a good relationship, all because of bedroom dominance.  That's like breaking up with a gf, because her breasts aren't that big or something like that.  Isn't that shallow?

No.  It's not shallow.  Sexual compatibility is a very real and legitimate thing.  You need to be sexually compatible with anyone you date and that is just as important as compatibility on other levels like personality and life goals.  You need to be honest with yourself about what your sexual preferences are, and not shame yourself for them.  Because there's simply no reason for that.  It's not that difficult to find a woman who is more dominant in the bedroom.  That is actually a pretty common and normal thing.  When you start dating women you will need to tell them early on that this is something you're into.

[World Peace Guy]

Wanting to make a movie is not an "issue", not crazy or any sign of anything wrong. Nor is is any more a "waste of money" than the typical things people do with money, like buy a fancy car or fancy cloths or whatever. Sure, it may seem like a waste, afterwards, and likely very few people will watch it. But if that is what you want to do, do it.

Your asking your therapist to fix you, when there's nothing wrong. Ignoring the old "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" (there's always danger in fixing things).

If you want to change, you are better of changing yourself. Obviously, the movie thing is not so much of an "issue" as you think it is, because you are having hesitation about it. You aren't sure you want to do that. As for the dominaxtrix thing, there is probably something that makes you want that. If you can figure that out, you might change that.