guy I made an appointment with is acting weird

[peach302]

5 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

I texted him, that I'm not gonna use my time to meet a guy who doesnt even takes the effort to text me back. He said he was sorry to hear that, but that he was extremely busy (yeah right) and doesnt get it that I'm angry for him not texting me back immediately. I told him that I wasnt angry he didnt text me back right away, but that his behaviour comes across as rude and it looks like he's not interested once sex is off the table .He didnt reply back to that yet, but I'm kinda over this guy. At the same time, it feels like I ruïned something again by being to harsh/assertive and that I should have been more patient. I feel kinda s***..

Ruined what exactly? Girl..you need to up your  standards. He blanked you for days after you said no to any sexual activity. 

And as people always say on this forum no one is too "busy" for a person they deem important to them.

Also what you said wasn't rude it was the truth. If he cared even a tiny bit it wouldnt put him off he would be trying to make it up to you. 

Im sorry but (atm) it looks like you're nothing but a hook up to him. 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2021 by peach302

[Savannah1990]

thank you all for the replies. I'm actually that fed up that I'm really done with him. He eventually gave me a crappy story that he actually had true feelings for me, but that he was really struggling if he had to see me, because he is afraid to infect me with covid. Since im in a highrisk groep, that would be his 'nightmare', and the last thing he wants to do is to give me covid. He had himself tested shortly before we met, but after he had social contact with friends and he is afraid to infect. he says he reallywants to meet me once i'm vaccinated, but actually I'm done with his BS

[peach302]

4 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

thank you all for the replies. I'm actually that fed up that I'm really done with him. He eventually gave me a crappy story that he actually had true feelings for me, but that he was really struggling if he had to see me, because he is afraid to infect me with covid. Since im in a highrisk groep, that would be his 'nightmare', and the last thing he wants to do is to give me covid. He had himself tested shortly before we met, but after he had social contact with friends and he is afraid to infect. he says he reallywants to meet me once i'm vaccinated, but actually I'm done with his BS

He  wants to meet you so he can try worm his way back in to what you guys used to do.

Why didn't he tell you that instead of blanking you if that  really was the truth. Not that its believable anyway.

 

Edited February 7, 2021 by peach302

[Savannah1990]

2 minutes ago, peach302 said:

He  wants to meet you so he can try worm his way back in to what you guys used to do.

Why didn't he tell you that instead of blanking you if that  really was the truth. Not that its believable anyway.

 

thats exactly what I told him! he then said that he had handled it all wrong and he apologised for that. just like, whatever..

[Gaeta]

*rolling my eyes* at this guy. Block & delete and promise yourself from now on you are a woman worth of men's best behavior. 

[peach302]

12 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

thats exactly what I told him! he then said that he had handled it all wrong and he apologised for that. just like, whatever..

Personally i would start again with someone new. This is just messy to be honest.

Edited February 7, 2021 by peach302

[Savannah1990]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

Personally i would start again with someone new. This is just messy to be honest.

o definitely, I am not gonna give this guy any more of my time and energy

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

o definitely, I am not gonna give this guy any more of my time and energy

Also another thing  if he cared so much about covid and it would be a nightmare for him to pass it on to you ..why even agree at the  time to meet you? That was his time to tell you his opinions..not after you had to prompt him a second time to acknowledge your existence.

Total bs.

 

Edited February 7, 2021 by peach302

[Savannah1990]

3 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Also another thing  if he cared so much about covid and it would be a nightmare for him to pass it on to you ..why even agree at the  time to meet you? That was his time to tell you his opinions..not after you had to prompt him a second time to acknowledge your existence.

Total bs.

 

I agree, I also told him this haha. if he was so afraid to give me covid, why then not decide early on not to meet? 

[peach302]

6 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

I agree, I also told him this haha. if he was so afraid to give me covid, why then not decide early on not to meet? 

At best he's a terrible communicator and immature.

[dramafreezone]

On 2/6/2021 at 9:27 AM, Savannah1990 said:

hi everyone, 

 

so I've know this guy for about 2 years. we had a few meetings (5) which where more kind of hookups. I enjoyed them and I wasnt in a place where I really wanted to pursue a relationship with him. we also lived at a great distance from eachother. Last year november, he intensified our contact, claiming  he is feeling more for me. we tried to meet each other, but it didnt work out because of corona restrictions. we kept texting, and even had some Phone calls. 2 weeks ago, we both said we feel more thanjust being attracted and that we would like to see if theres something more in this. 

so, tomorrow he'll be in my town again. He asked me if i would like to see him and I told him that I would really like that. He also asked if I would like him to stay over for sleeping/having sex. I told him that I don't feel at ease with that right now, because I'm in highriskgroup for corona. He told me thats totally fine with him and that he understands. That we would text each other to make solid plans for tomorrow.

So, yesterdaymorning (which is like 30hours ago) I sent him a short message with a funny short movie. And since then, I had no reply from him at all, even though I saw him online. There is no plan for tomorrow. Am I being inpatient and should I just wait until tomorrow? Ifeel kind of ignored, because he usually responds pretty quickly. Could he be irritated that I dont want to have sex with him this time? Or is he playing games? or am i overreacting?I dont want to text him again since he's the one not responding to my initial text.

It sounds like hookups are the extent of your relationship.

I don't think he's playing games, just that he's not interested unless sex is on the table.  Very few men are just going to come out and say that though.

Edited February 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

At the same time, it feels like I ruïned something again by being to harsh/assertive and that I should have been more patient. I feel kinda s***..

What exactly did you ruin?

This guy wasn't trying to date you. Just have sex with you. There was nothing to ruin, even if you didn't realize it until now. At least now you know he wasn't sincerely interested in anything more than getting between the sheets and didn't have "true feelings" for you. He's not worried about Covid or he wouldn't have asked to come and sleep over to begin with. 

He's a terrible liar. 

Edited February 7, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[Savannah1990]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What exactly did you ruin?

This guy wasn't trying to date you. Just have sex with you. There was nothing to ruin, even if you didn't realize it until now. At least now you know he wasn't sincerely interested in anything more than getting between the sheets. 

i think that thats where it stings: he literally told me he would like to see if this has potential for something serious. he even told me: I dont neceserally need to have sex with you, just seeing you for an hour to chat would be great. And yeah, i believed him, bc he seemed sincere. Was I wrong..

[Miss Spider]

1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said:

i think that thats where it stings: he literally told me he would like to see if this has potential for something serious. he even told me: I dont neceserally need to have sex with you, just seeing you for an hour to chat would be great. And yeah, i believed him, bc he seemed sincere. Was I wrong..

Not wrong, but you gotta know, people...lie to get what they want.  I’ve done it, you’ve probably done it, and my dad warned me that guys might do it... esp to a woman they find sexually attractive 

 

Which is why people often say to look at the “actions”, moreover,  consistency and plausibility of what they say/do. And your ‘intuition’ can tell you those things are lacking, even when you can’t see it on the surface.  E.g. you know that would love to just see you for an hour  just to chat would probably not keep bringing up sex and disappear when you take off the table. So being bothered by that is not unusual and you shouldn’t let yourself and anyone else make you feel it is. 
 

Sorry. It is always disappointing when someone turns out to not be who you think they are. But removing them is for the best and gives space for better things. Tc

Edited February 7, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[peach302]

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

It sounds like hookups are the extent of your relationship.

I don't think he's playing games, just that he's not interested unless sex is on the table.  Very few men are just going to come out and say that though.

They should though

[dramafreezone]

1 minute ago, peach302 said:

They should though

I agree.  Men should be more upfront in these situations.  Women should also be upfront in situations, like tell a guy that they're not attracted to him, instead of ghosting.

[peach302]

Just now, dramafreezone said:

I agree.  Men should be more upfront in these situations.  Women should also be upfront in situations, like tell a guy that they're not attracted to him, instead of ghosting.

The latter  i find difficult to do so avoid it.

This guy went above and beyond though lying and saying he had feelings for her. Theres a difference between not saying anything at all and direct  lies.

[dramafreezone]

10 minutes ago, peach302 said:

The latter  i find difficult to do so avoid it.

This guy went above and beyond though lying and saying he had feelings for her. Theres a difference between not saying anything at all and direct  lies.

Well, "feelings" is vague.  I would imagine he does like spending time with her.  Guys aren't 100% sexually driven, we do prefer to have sex with women that we also like on a personal level.

It does sound like he made other plans once she took sex off the table, and yes he's lying about not wanting to infect her, but it's born of the same thing that I mentioned about women ghosting.  Women ghost because somehow they think that's kinder than just telling a guy outright that they're not attracted.  This guy he doesn't want to outright hurt her feelings and say that I made plans with another woman because that woman offered sex and she didn't.

[peach302]

6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, "feelings" is vague.  I would imagine he does like spending time with her.  Guys aren't 100% sexually driven, we do prefer to have sex with women that we also like on a personal level.

It does sound like he made other plans once she took sex off the table, and yes he's lying about not wanting to infect her, but it's born of the same thing that I mentioned about women ghosting.  Women ghost because somehow they think that's kinder than just telling a guy outright that they're not attracted.  This guy he doesn't want to outright hurt her feelings and say that I made plans with another woman because that woman offered sex and she didn't.

Depends on the guy. Some don't need to like the woman on a personal level. They're fine with hooking  up with  strangers.

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

i think that thats where it stings: he literally told me he would like to see if this has potential for something serious. he even told me: I dont neceserally need to have sex with you, just seeing you for an hour to chat would be great. And yeah, i believed him, bc he seemed sincere. Was I wrong..

Yes, I can see why you're hurt. His words don't match his actions. 

But you have now learned that he was not sincere, and doesn't deserve another moment of your time. You calling him out didn't change the ultimate outcome here. 

[introverted1]

On 2/6/2021 at 12:27 PM, Savannah1990 said:

 He asked me if i would like to see him and I told him that I would really like that. He also asked if I would like him to stay over for sleeping/having sex. I told him that I don't feel at ease with that right now, because I'm in highriskgroup for corona.

 

I have a slightly different take. I am not convinced that it was solely the prospect of no sex that made him disinterested, but that (if I am reading the above correctly), OP would not have wanted him in her home at all, due to her high risk for covid.  Her statement above implies that, if they were to see each other, it would have to be outdoors, masked, and at a 6' distance. I am wondering if he knew about these restrictions when he planned his trip.

[Fletch Lives]

Sex is a requirement for him and you turned him down.

[Savannah1990]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

I have a slightly different take. I am not convinced that it was solely the prospect of no sex that made him disinterested, but that (if I am reading the above correctly), OP would not have wanted him in her home at all, due to her high risk for covid.  Her statement above implies that, if they were to see each other, it would have to be outdoors, masked, and at a 6' distance. I am wondering if he knew about these restrictions when he planned his trip.

Well actually I did wanted to have him in my home. He agreed upon testing himself the day before our meeting. He then actually had friends over for that evening spontaneoulsy (as he said), which made him nervous for maybe contracting covid and passing it to me. He himself is not afraid of covid, but he was anxious to contract it after his testresult and than passing it to me by talking and being in my home.. And that seems ‘sweet’ but I think if he really had good intentions he could just straight up tell me that, or decline the visit of his friends. And then there’s still the case of just ignoring my message

Edited February 8, 2021 by Savannah1990

[peach302]

9 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

Well actually I did wanted to have him in my home. He agreed upon testing himself the day before our meeting. He then actually had friends over for that evening spontaneoulsy (as he said), which made him nervous for maybe contracting covid and passing it to me. He himself is not afraid of covid, but he was anxious to contract it after his testresult and than passing it to me by talking and being in my home.. And that seems ‘sweet’ but I think if he really had good intentions he could just straight up tell me that, or decline the visit of his friends. And then there’s still the case of just ignoring my message

He didnt tell you any of that though till you said he was rude.

And his response was he was "busy"...and after you double texted right?

No one says they were too  busy to someone they like. Especially when you could  see him online for those  few days.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said:

Well actually I did wanted to have him in my home.

So you were going to have him in your home, but maintain 6' distance and wear masks?

Edited February 8, 2021 by introverted1