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guy I made an appointment with is acting weird

Savannah1990

By Savannah1990
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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

Posted
Posted

hi everyone, 

 

so I've know this guy for about 2 years. we had a few meetings (5) which where more kind of hookups. I enjoyed them and I wasnt in a place where I really wanted to pursue a relationship with him. we also lived at a great distance from eachother. Last year november, he intensified our contact, claiming  he is feeling more for me. we tried to meet each other, but it didnt work out because of corona restrictions. we kept texting, and even had some Phone calls. 2 weeks ago, we both said we feel more thanjust being attracted and that we would like to see if theres something more in this. 

so, tomorrow he'll be in my town again. He asked me if i would like to see him and I told him that I would really like that. He also asked if I would like him to stay over for sleeping/having sex. I told him that I don't feel at ease with that right now, because I'm in highriskgroup for corona. He told me thats totally fine with him and that he understands. That we would text each other to make solid plans for tomorrow.

So, yesterdaymorning (which is like 30hours ago) I sent him a short message with a funny short movie. And since then, I had no reply from him at all, even though I saw him online. There is no plan for tomorrow. Am I being inpatient and should I just wait until tomorrow? Ifeel kind of ignored, because he usually responds pretty quickly. Could he be irritated that I dont want to have sex with him this time? Or is he playing games? or am i overreacting?I dont want to text him again since he's the one not responding to my initial text.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

So he is suppose to come over and keep his 2 meter distance? 

You took the sex off the table and went MIA so I think that says it all. 

  • Like 3
peach302 Established Member

peach302

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

hi everyone, 

 

so I've know this guy for about 2 years. we had a few meetings (5) which where more kind of hookups. I enjoyed them and I wasnt in a place where I really wanted to pursue a relationship with him. we also lived at a great distance from eachother. Last year november, he intensified our contact, claiming  he is feeling more for me. we tried to meet each other, but it didnt work out because of corona restrictions. we kept texting, and even had some Phone calls. 2 weeks ago, we both said we feel more thanjust being attracted and that we would like to see if theres something more in this. 

so, tomorrow he'll be in my town again. He asked me if i would like to see him and I told him that I would really like that. He also asked if I would like him to stay over for sleeping/having sex. I told him that I don't feel at ease with that right now, because I'm in highriskgroup for corona. He told me thats totally fine with him and that he understands. That we would text each other to make solid plans for tomorrow.

So, yesterdaymorning (which is like 30hours ago) I sent him a short message with a funny short movie. And since then, I had no reply from him at all, even though I saw him online. There is no plan for tomorrow. Am I being inpatient and should I just wait until tomorrow? Ifeel kind of ignored, because he usually responds pretty quickly. Could he be irritated that I dont want to have sex with him this time? Or is he playing games? or am i overreacting?I dont want to text him again since he's the one not responding to my initial text.

Don't text again and wait for his response.

If he truly likes you and its more than a physical thing he will message you soon.

If he doesn't, you'll know where you stand.

 

  • Like 1
Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

So, yesterdaymorning (which is like 30hours ago) I sent him a short message with a funny short movie. And since then, I had no reply from him at all

Be more specific and direct:  "So when would you like to get together?" is better than cryptic memes and monitoring him online.

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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

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Posted
4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Be more specific and direct:  "So when would you like to get together?" is better than cryptic memes and monitoring him online.

I already told him on which 2 moments I could meet him and that I dont have a specific preference for one. He then said 'ok, let's text about it then'

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

He then said 'ok, let's text about it then'

That translate into: If I find nothing better I'll be in touch. 

Nothing kept him from choosing 1 of the 2 time slots you offered him. 

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poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You took the sex off the table and went MIA so I think that says it all. 

This.

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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

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Posted (edited)
7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That translate into: If I find nothing better I'll be in touch. 

Nothing kept him from choosing 1 of the 2 time slots you offered him. 

yeah, that's what I thought as well. Though he does wants to combine it with a visit to his mother, so I can slightly understand if he just wants to see what the day brings. But it doesnt feel like he's fully enthusiastic, leaving it up to the same day. And than also, just dont respond to a text for more than 30 hours is also pretty weird. dont get it. There's a part of me that thinks that he hopes that I'll change my mind if he waits/ignores me long enough

Edited by Savannah1990
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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

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Posted
Just now, poppyfields said:

This.

yeah but I dont get this, because last time we spoke he said he just wants to see me, even if theres no sex involved. Was he just lying? Im storting to get a bit pissed off at him 

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

yeah but I dont get this, because last time we spoke he said he just wants to see me, even if theres no sex involved. Was he just lying? Im storting to get a bit pissed off at him 

My feeling is he said that so it would help him book a 'sex date' with you. He knows once he's at your place there will be sex, covid or not. Now he's thinking you might be serious about no-sex, so he's a no show, too much trouble for him.

Edited by Gaeta
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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My feeling is he said that so it would help him book a 'sex date' with you. He knows once he's at your place there will be sex, covid or not.

yeah, it might be true that thats why he said it. But for real, there is absolutely gonna be no sex, and maybe he realizes that now

peach302 Established Member

peach302

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

yeah, it might be true that thats why he said it. But for real, there is absolutely gonna be no sex, and maybe he realizes that now

Move on

Don't bother 

poppyfields Established Member

poppyfields

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

yeah but I dont get this, because last time we spoke he said he just wants to see me, even if theres no sex involved. Was he just lying? Im storting to get a bit pissed off at him 

Judge by actions, not words. 

Words - he wants to see you even if no sex.

Actions - you took sex off the table and he goes MIA.

What does this say to you?  To me it's quite obvious, but I get how when feelings are involved we often don't see what's obvious to everyone else.

I could be wrong, and hope I am! 

 

 

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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

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Posted (edited)
3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Judge by actions, not words. 

Words - he wants to see you even if no sex.

Actions - you took sex off the table and he goes MIA.

What does this say to you?  To me it's quite obvious, but I get how when feelings are involved we often don't see what's obvious to everyone else.

I could be wrong, and hope I am! 

 

 

yeah, it says the same to me as it does to you. But I'm baffled, bc he was the one intensifying the contact, starting about having feelings. so I didnt see this one coming.. Im actually thinking about sharing my disappointment with him, but I dont want to come over as too agressive and there might be a chance that he still texts me tomorrow. 

Edited by Savannah1990
Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted (edited)

It is suggested not to believe anything a man says or does before you are physically intimate  (if/when you decide of course) with regards to "feelings."

Believe what he says/does, after.

Edited by Alpaca
  • Like 1
peach302 Established Member

peach302

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Savannah1990 said:

yeah, it says the same to me as it does to you. But I'm baffled, bc he was the one intensifying the contact, starting about having feelings. so I didnt see this one coming.. Im actually thinking about sharing my disappointment with him, but I dont want to come over as too agressive and there might be a chance that he still texts me tomorrow. 

He's faking it then. His so called feelings. A man who has feelings for you wouldn't  treat you that way.

Hence why i said dont bother. I wouldn't share the disappointment either. Delete and move on.

Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said:

yeah but I dont get this, because last time we spoke he said he just wants to see me, even if theres no sex involved. Was he just lying? Im storting to get a bit pissed off at him 


 

there is a difference in seeing someone vs a socially distant meeting

 

I don’t know how much you communicate between these to know his lifestyle.

 

if I trust a friend I don’t have a problem meeting with them.

 

you can’t control for random stuff like you still going to the store to buy food

 

 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Savannah1990 said:

 but I dont want to come over as too agressive and there might be a chance that he still texts me tomorrow. 

Why bother holding out for this, though?

It's clear he's just after sex. He wasn't serious about having feelings for you, or he'd have taken the chance to see you anyway. Let this be your indication that this is a dead-end. 

  • Like 1
Menara Member

Menara

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

Judge by actions, not words. 

Words - he wants to see you even if no sex.

Actions - you took sex off the table and he goes MIA.

What does this say to you?  To me it's quite obvious, but I get how when feelings are involved we often don't see what's obvious to everyone else.

I could be wrong, and hope I am! 

 

 

This! In my dating experience, if a guy doesn't confirm plans ahead of time, then it's because he doesn't care that much about seeing you. I know how much this realization hurts (been there many times) but it's better to accept it sooner than later. 

I personally would eventually tell him that I see what's going on. When there's nothing left to loose, I like to just tell guys I see their BS. Nothing to do with trying to save things, it's just for my own personal satisfaction and to get some closure. But everyone is different.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted (edited)

This guy was buttering you up with sweet talk in hopes you would have sex with him during a pandemic....men will do and say anything to get into your pants. You put the brakes on, so with quick thought he bs's you that it's ok, but disappears. Well I'm sure he will come back later and say he couldn't make it or something came up, got busy blahblah blah...it's all to pacify you, so that you might be open next time to have sex. Words are easy.

Edited by smackie9
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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yeah he was trying to get laid and since that’s out he doesn’t feel a need to talk anymore, 

Edited by Shortskirtslonglashes
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Savannah1990 Established Member

Savannah1990

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Posted

I texted him, that I'm not gonna use my time to meet a guy who doesnt even takes the effort to text me back. He said he was sorry to hear that, but that he was extremely busy (yeah right) and doesnt get it that I'm angry for him not texting me back immediately. I told him that I wasnt angry he didnt text me back right away, but that his behaviour comes across as rude and it looks like he's not interested once sex is off the table .He didnt reply back to that yet, but I'm kinda over this guy. At the same time, it feels like I ruïned something again by being to harsh/assertive and that I should have been more patient. I feel kinda s***..

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, Savannah1990 said:

 it looks like he's not interested once sex is off the table .

Ok, he's been a drive by hookup in the past. However your instincts seem correct that when the usual arrangements were off the table,he backed out.

Why not eliminate this guy? Date local men who want the type of exclusive dating that you are looking for.

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Savannah1990 said:

 At the same time, it feels like I ruïned something again by being to harsh/assertive and that I should have been more patient. I feel kinda s***..

You can't turn a frog into a prince. You accepted these random hook ups in the past so of course he's surprised you won't go for that this time around. You've lost nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

  • Like 3
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted

I think his "feelings" were being hard up during the pandemic. You didn't agree to another hookup, so he lost interest, simple as that. Not sure why you're second guessing your reaction to insulting behavior from him. He's shown very clearly he doesn't care about you - you're better off without a guy like this anywhere near you. 

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