mark clemson Posted February 9, 2021 Posted February 9, 2021 (edited) On 2/8/2021 at 9:03 AM, usa1ah said: Do you see how that type of thinking automatically puts it on the other spouse? It makes the BS at fault for the WS’s actions. This is a fair point. Some couples don't communicate their needs particularly well, others try and get rebuffed. Certainly it makes more sense (logically) to try to work on a relationship and (in theory) leave it if that doesn't work. Unfortunately people's brains don't necessarily run on logic, they are more like chemical stews. There are kids, intertwined lives to untangle, etc. Unhappy chemicals at home vs. happier chemicals off on the side, and the stresses involved with potentially separating. So people make the decisions they do, not always the wise or logical ones. But yes, the decision to cheat isn't really the BS's fault per se unless they are somehow coercing the WS to stay (in which case the WS probably has bigger problems to solve). Edited February 9, 2021 by mark clemson
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 10, 2021 Author Posted February 10, 2021 12 hours ago, mark clemson said: This is a fair point. Some couples don't communicate their needs particularly well, others try and get rebuffed. Certainly it makes more sense (logically) to try to work on a relationship and (in theory) leave it if that doesn't work. Unfortunately people's brains don't necessarily run on logic, they are more like chemical stews. There are kids, intertwined lives to untangle, etc. Unhappy chemicals at home vs. happier chemicals off on the side, and the stresses involved with potentially separating. So people make the decisions they do, not always the wise or logical ones. But yes, the decision to cheat isn't really the BS's fault per se unless they are somehow coercing the WS to stay (in which case the WS probably has bigger problems to solve). Fight or flight mechanism. Let's keep the TLA's to a min. plz.
mark clemson Posted February 10, 2021 Posted February 10, 2021 Hmm. I think the fight or flight response is more a response to a direct physical threat, which an unhappy marriage or friendly attention from a new person are not. However, there are definitely some neurotransmitters getting activated in both situations, that is certainly true. The WS and BS acronyms are standard around here. Hovering your mouse will provide definitions, although I'm not sure about how that works with phones.
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 10, 2021 Author Posted February 10, 2021 5 hours ago, mark clemson said: Hmm. I think the fight or flight response is more a response to a direct physical threat, which an unhappy marriage or friendly attention from a new person are not. However, there are definitely some neurotransmitters getting activated in both situations, that is certainly true. The WS and BS acronyms are standard around here. Hovering your mouse will provide definitions, although I'm not sure about how that works with phones. not on this Mac 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2021 Posted February 10, 2021 12 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said: Fight or flight mechanism. Let's keep the TLA's to a min. plz. Agree. It's difficult to sift through it all. However it's been explained.
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 10, 2021 Author Posted February 10, 2021 opinions are what they are
littleblackheart Posted February 10, 2021 Posted February 10, 2021 6 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said: opinions are what they are Quoted for truth. I disagree with your whole stance however, and think you should court your wife.
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 The “pick me dance” puts you at a distinct disadvantage. It sounds like she’s already picked.
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 11, 2021 Author Posted February 11, 2021 20 hours ago, littleblackheart said: Quoted for truth. I disagree with your whole stance however, and think you should court your wife. Stance? Its really not a platform
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 11, 2021 Author Posted February 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Marc878 said: The “pick me dance” puts you at a distinct disadvantage. It sounds like she’s already picked. she picked me
littleblackheart Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 6 minutes ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said: Stance? Its really not a platform [confused emoji that I won't actually use because I don't want anyone to interpret it in a negative way, but I really want to use it because I like emojis and because I am confused] Point still stands: show your wife a good time before it's really too late.
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 11, 2021 Author Posted February 11, 2021 5 hours ago, littleblackheart said: [confused emoji that I won't actually use because I don't want anyone to interpret it in a negative way, but I really want to use it because I like emojis and because I am confused] Point still stands: show your wife a good time before it's really too late. k 1
Marc878 Posted February 12, 2021 Posted February 12, 2021 12 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said: she picked me 1. We are not on the same page 2. You look old 3. New Hair Color & Style 4. Increased Office Hours 5. Feels Taken for Granted by me. 6. On her phone until 3 AM at times. 7. Wants to Travel Alone Did these change? If not she’s picked him.
Marc878 Posted February 12, 2021 Posted February 12, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE said: k 13 hours ago, littleblackheart said: [confused emoji that I won't actually use because I don't want anyone to interpret it in a negative way, but I really want to use it because I like emojis and because I am confused] Point still stands: show your wife a good time before it's really too late. Bad advice. You are going to reward her bad behavior? Why? That will enable it further. Most BH’s who come here do 2 things 1.Swear she wouldn’t cheat or it’s just an EA. Because they can’t or don’t want to deal with the truth. 2.They jump into the “Pick Me Dance” and try nicing them back. Because it’s non confrontational, easy to do and they are afraid of pushing them away ( she’s already gone). Reread your first post. download and read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by glover. Its a free pdf and short. Edited February 12, 2021 by Marc878 1
IslandSanctuary Posted February 14, 2021 Posted February 14, 2021 (edited) She just sounds like a B. Lavish her with attention? Lol That is a recipe for disaster. If you reward her treating you like s***, what do you think will happen? She'll stop treating you like s***? I think your marriage is over and I think she is higher up the narcissistic spectrum than most. How would you describe your wife? Caring, empathetic, good communicator, lots of affection, decent human being to others, strong sense of morality, comes from good family? Or childish, manipulative, gets her own way, loads of fun, relationship moved fast in the early stages, loads of guy friends, great in the sack, social drinker? Lol. I've been around the block with the latter a lot when I was younger and after lots of work on myself realized it was my fault for being attracted to these types of women and I had unresolved issues from my childhood. Edited February 14, 2021 by IslandSanctuary
basil67 Posted February 14, 2021 Posted February 14, 2021 @HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Your posts here indicate that you may lack the ability to have meaningful conversation and exchange of ideas. I can't help but wonder if you're the same with your wife - it could explain a lot of her disconnect from you. How would you describe your conversations with your wife?
Author HusbandtoaYOUNGERWIFE Posted February 14, 2021 Author Posted February 14, 2021 On 2/12/2021 at 1:18 AM, Marc878 said: 1. We are not on the same page 2. You look old 3. New Hair Color & Style 4. Increased Office Hours 5. Feels Taken for Granted by me. 6. On her phone until 3 AM at times. 7. Wants to Travel Alone Did these change? If not she’s picked him. Well he never showed up to wis her away
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