peach302 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I met this guy on an online dating site, we texted for about a week and spoke on the phone. Things were going well so we decided to meet yesterday at 6pm to go for a walk after work. At 4:30pm he sends me a message saying he would have to stay longer at work, didn't know how long and he would update me regularly... I didn't like it and I told him is better if we cancel it and we rearrange for another day when I don't have to be here waiting and waiting and I can't even go do other stuff because I am waiting for him... He said ok he understands and we can meet another time, but to be honest I didn't like this. Of course I understand sometimes we need to stay longer at work, but I think a gentleman would say something like "I have to stay longer at work, don't want to keep you waiting so maybe we can meet another day". Then it would be up to me to tell him ok or that I don't mind to wait. But saying he doesn't know how long he's gonna take and wanting for me to just wait? On a first date? I don't want to be picky or annoying, but this doesn't sit well with me. I would never make a person I have never met wait for me like this. Am I being picky or this was just rude of him? Thank you! It really depends. On one hand at least he's letting you know and provided he wouldnt make you wait a ridiculous amount of time (i.e longer than 30 to 45 minutes) it would have been ok. And he did say he was going to update you. On the other hand Poppy brought up a good point. What if he was wanting to cancel and that was his way of doing so. Both scenarios have happened to me before but it really depends on who this guy truly is. Either way i can see it from your pov gnd and how it could be annoying for a first date. Edited February 6, 2021 by peach302 1
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 OP: Just treat others the way you'd like to be treated. One day it will be your turn to run late and it'll be out of your control. You'll then be happy your date is flexible and gives you the benefit of the doubt.
peach302 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: OP: Just treat others the way you'd like to be treated. One day it will be your turn to run late and it'll be out of your control. You'll then be happy your date is flexible and gives you the benefit of the doubt. To be fair she did suggest to reschedule which is also fine. 1
poppyfields Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: We usually interpret things based on our personal experience. In my case I know I finish at 5h but I can have a last minute request from my boss or, I've seen it in the past, some lawyers or bank manager drop by the office at 5h. Then not only I am delayed but I cannot start texting my online date to warn him in front of our bank manager that's not professional. Same, but it was an hour and a half before the scheduled time to meet, not last minute. I also know when something is important to me like making a good impression on a first meet, I am able to say to my boss "I'm meeting someone at 6:00, can this be done tomorrow"? Again, I have no idea and SH is right, I'm over-thinking, overanalyzing, as per usual.
Miss Spider Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) Well, I agree with you, girlnextdoor . And actually I think that if someone is this busy that they have to put off dating someone until they have more time in their life. If you make a plan, you do not wait until an hour and a half before that plan to say that you don’t know if and when you can show up. I think that’s pretty inconsiderate of the other persons time and what they may have had going on that day. It doesn’t make a good first impression, to say the least . But you know what, I don’t really buy it much? I think that he is stalling. And you seem to have this pattern of these guys who flake and stall on you on OLD. I know that people say that is quite common, but I don’t remember it being much of a problem. I don’t know what is up, but I think that’s what needs to be examined. Like why you’re attracting these people who are blasé or inconsiderate. I don’t think it should be a difficult thing to find time to meet someone for an hour or two, especially in time of corona. If it is, don’t date. Edited February 6, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Well, I agree with you, girlnextdoor . And actually I think that if someone is this busy that they have to put off dating someone until they have more time in their life Perhaps you and those who agree with you on this thread should only date unemployed losers who live in their parent's basement. They're got all the time in the world. 2
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 3 hours ago, poppyfields said: Same, but it was an hour and a half before the scheduled time to meet, not last minute. I also know when something is important to me like making a good impression on a first meet, I am able to say to my boss "I'm meeting someone at 6:00, can this be done tomorrow"? Again, I have no idea and SH is right, I'm over-thinking, overanalyzing, as per usual. Obviously, I could be entirely wrong and the dude was indeed inconsiderate. I suppose I was just attempting to give him the benefit of the doubt
peach302 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Perhaps you and those who agree with you on this thread should only date unemployed losers who live in their parent's basement. They're got all the time in the world. If he was telling the truth and not trying to flake then it's fine. But it is also annoying for the person who is going to wait. I.e. gnd. I've had people tell me this and I've ended up waiting an extra two hours..past the time that was scheduled. In some cases the person has said lets meet another time after making me wait. It really depends on the guys intentions. Edited February 6, 2021 by peach302 1
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Perhaps you and those who agree with you on this thread should only date unemployed losers who live in their parent's basement. They're got all the time in the world. I don’t think this ^^ is fair nor do I think this is how any of us should react to SSLL’s post.
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Just now, peach302 said: If he was telling the truth and not trying to flake then it's fine. Well it would naturally follow that if the guy is a liar and a flake then the arguments in his defense would not apply.
Miss Spider Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Perhaps you and those who agree with you on this thread should only date unemployed losers who live in their parent's basement. They're got all the time in the world. That’s kind of a reduction to absurdity, isn’t it? You know, there is a middle ground. My bf has full-time job + a myriad of hobbies tyvm and he never had a problem with finding time for me. I prefer to date people that are considerate and actually have an hour in their day. 1
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, StrongHands said: I don’t think this ^^ is fair nor do I think this is how any of us should react to SSLL’s post. Sorry I'm just annoyed at all the posters who are crucifying a guy who appeared to do the considerate responsible thing and try to balance work with dating.
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: That’s kind of a reduction to absurdity, isn’t it? You know, there is a middle ground. My bf has full-time job + a myriad of hobbies tyvm and he never had a problem with finding time for me. I prefer to date people that are considerate and actually have an hour in their day. Just as absurd as suggesting a person who has to unexpectedly work late from time to time shouldn't be dating. Edited February 6, 2021 by trident_2020
Miss Spider Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Be annoyed all you want, but no one with options should waste time with flakes, for any reason. 1
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Be annoyed all you want, but no one with options should waste time with flakes, for any reason. Who says this guys a flake? There's nothing in the description of what happened that suggests this guy is anything but a hard working guy who got stuck later at his job than he expected.
peach302 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Just as absurd as suggesting a person who has to unexpectedly work late from time to time shouldn't be dating. He should have stuck to a weekend..basically a time He wont be rushing and under other obligations. 1
peach302 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Who says this guys a flake? There's nothing in the description of what happened that suggests this guy is anything but a hard working guy who got stuck later at his job than he expected. Another poster suggested maybe it was his way of getting out of the date.
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Sounds to me like it was unexpected. Maybe his boss dropped a file on his desk that needed to be addressed before he left, who knows? He's supposed to reserve only weekend nights for a first meetup because he might be handed some extra work or a project might take longer than expected? No, he does his job, lives his life and if something comes up that will delay him he gives the person he is supposed to meet a good amount of notice and life goes on.
Miss Spider Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, trident_2020 said: Just as absurd as suggesting a person who has to unexpectedly work late from time to time shouldn't be dating. That’s not what I said, though. This guy knows his job. If there’s a possibility he may have to work overtime, he plans for a day he knows he’s open. And if he cannot find any time that is open, he should not be dating. That’s what’s considerate of another person and their time/plans, anyway. You certainly don’t ask them to wait. That’s rude. I said that I didn’t believe his excuse one bit. That’s my opinion and you’re entitled to disagree. 1
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Just now, peach302 said: Another poster suggested maybe it was his way of getting out of the date. Yes there are a lot of crazy theories being thrown around on this thread. Maybe he was abducted by space aliens but was embarassed because of the full body probe and by the time they released him back to earth he realized he would be late but didn't want to admit what happened. 1 1
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: That’s not what I said, though. This guy knows his job. If there’s a possibility he may have to work overtime, he plans for a day he knows he’s open. And if he cannot find any time that is open, he should not be dating. entitled to disagree. No, you said a guy this busy shouldn't be dating.
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, peach302 said: He should have stuck to a weekend..basically a time He wont be rushing and under other obligations. I agree with this Peach. I am not sure that we have entirely enough information about exactly what transpired at this point. 7 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: That’s kind of a reduction to absurdity, isn’t it? You know, there is a middle ground. My bf has full-time job + a myriad of hobbies tyvm and he never had a problem with finding time for me. I prefer to date people that are considerate and actually have an hour in their day. I also agree with this and will say that WE ALL MAKE TIME for what's important to us. I think it comes down to your priorities 7 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Sorry I'm just annoyed at all the posters who are crucifying a guy who appeared to do the considerate responsible thing and try to balance work with dating. Nothing to be sorry about. SSLL has a valid point and from her perspective it was rude and wasting the OP's time..... 1
peach302 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, trident_2020 said: Yes there are a lot of crazy theories being thrown around on this thread. Maybe he was abducted by space aliens but was embarassed because of the full body probe and by the time they released him back to earth he realized he would be late but didn't want to admit what happened. Its not a crazy theory though. Its quite possible. But since we don't know what happened after...can't really prove anything. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Maybe he was abducted by space aliens but was embarassed because of the full body probe and by the time they released him back to earth he realized he would be late but didn't want to admit what happened. This is more plausible than he was working late or meeting plan A first to see if that panned out. 1 1
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 You'd think there would be proof of a full body alien probe. I don't know, marks from a clamp or restraining straps or whatever.
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