Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) Yes. Just reschedule. It's that simple. It's not about "what a gentleman should do" . It's your time your so your it's your call to agree to wait around or reschedule. Personally I don't play hurry-up-and-wait games. However I would not be upset, just reschedule. Edited February 6, 2021 by Wiseman2 1
basil67 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 I think it could be argued that he assumed you'd cleared your evening, so rather than having to figure out a whole new day, he wanted to try and meet you when you were free. @girlnextdoor2020 You didn't give us the end of the story! What was the end result? Did you meet up with him later that night, reschedule or ditch him?
Wiseman2 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 4 hours ago, World Peace Guy said: , to put a limit of how much slavery we will endure, but occasionally making us stay late is not so bad. If you expect a guy to not even do that, you may end up with a poor guy, No one is a slave when they get paid. He could have had another meeting set up and figured he'd call her if that didn't pan out, who knows? In any case it's not about slavery or poor/rich men, globalized weltschmerz,etc. It's as simple as "ok, let's reschedule when things aren't as hectic". 1
Acacia98 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 13 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: At 4:30pm he sends me a message saying he would have to stay longer at work, didn't know how long and he would update me regularly... The positive is that he communicated. He didn't just show up late. But the idea of asking someone, a relative stranger, to just hang out somewhere waiting indefinitely... No. That's a no-no. I assume people value their time and have things they need to do. I wouldn't ask that of anyone. And if I did, that would say something about me. I've had a large variety of interactions with people over the years. And I've observed that the most accurate predictor of what dealing with a person will be like (in my experience) is how they manage their own time and treat other people's time. So you won't get any flack from me on this specific situation. 1
Blind-Sided Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) Not going to read through all the posts... because... well... I don't need to. He called, and said he was going to be late. (That's the proper thing to do) He also agreed to your suggestion about just rescheduling. (the proper thing to do) Since you got upset because he did as you requested... and you got upset anyway... IT'S ALL ON YOU. What I mean is... you were going to be upset, and complaining about it here regardless of the way he handled it. AND, I'm sure because of that... you will be negative on the date whenever you do meet up. My GF has to stay late at work all the time. Generally it's only 20 or 30 min. Maybe this guy does the same... and knew he wouldn't be that late to your date... and that's the reason he didn't cancel originally. Anyway... if you want to be happy... you need to let go of the petty stuff. Edited February 6, 2021 by Blind-Sided 6
Emilyinroses Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 28 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: Not going to read through all the posts... because... well... I don't need to. He called, and said he was going to be late. (That's the proper thing to do) He also agreed to your suggestion about just rescheduling. (the proper thing to do) Since you got upset because he did as you requested... and you got upset anyway... IT'S ALL ON YOU. What I mean is... you were going to be upset, and complaining about it here regardless of the way he handled it. AND, I'm sure because of that... you will be negative on the date whenever you do meet up. My GF has to stay late at work all the time. Generally it's only 20 or 30 min. Maybe this guy does the same... and knew he wouldn't be that late to your date... and that's the reason he didn't cancel originally. Anyway... if you want to be happy... you need to let go of the petty stuff. Exactly, your girlfriend! In this case, it was a first date. Yes he let the OP know he was running late and that’s considerate and the right thing to do, but what I don’t agree is asking for her to wait indefinitely because he doesn’t know what time he will get there. That’s a no from me too. But at the end of the day this is not about who is wrong or right, it seems they both are different and manage things differently. If the OP agreed on waiting for him that day, she is communicating to him that is ok to do and setting the stage for that to happen again and again, which is something she doesn’t like. I would tell him I don’t like to wait indefinitely and will arrange another meeting with him another day and see how he does.
Blind-Sided Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Exactly, your girlfriend! In this case, it was a first date....... You make it sound like my GF is the only person in the world who ACTUALLY stays late, and everyone else just lies about it to get out of a date. ?!?!?!?! Well.... we have only been together for year. So... a year ago... I was in the same place. There were several times, when we were first dating, where she called and said she had to stay late at work. I said... "Fine, just let me know when you are done." And yes... there was a few times where she had to stay longer than expected. And since she works a rather industrial job... she can't just leave work and meet up with me. (She needs to go home, shower, and get ready) Since OP doesn't really know this guy yet... she doesn't know if he was being honest, or just being a jerk. So... she needs to not be upset. If he cancels a second time... or stops talking to her... the case of many OLD... then she has the right to come here and complain. When you don't sweat the details... life runs smoother. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 16 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Am I being picky or this was just rude of him? Thank you! The former. Do you have a habit of creating problems where none necessarily exist?
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 47 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: So... she needs to not be upset. If emotions were so easily controlled and voluntarily we wouldn't need therapists and forums like these. 1
mortensorchid Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 I'm sorry this happened to you. I have been there more times than I care to think about anymore, especially in the recent past. People have come down on me a lot for my standards, attitudes, etc. But I stand my ground with certain things, one of them is that the guy should have some basic courtesy. Granted, you do not know this person, but I agree that someone should say "I'm sorry I have to work / I'm running late, would it be okay if we reschedule?" But it's not very considerate to do this to someone in general. Recent examples? I was to have an OLD with someone and I texted him during the day if we were still on, he said he was at a neice/ nephew's birthday party. And he had to help tear down. A few hours later he said this is taking longer than I thought, I asked are we still on or do you need to reschedule? He only responded "This is taking longer than I thought it would". Personally I would have said to the party hosts "Would it be okay of I bow out? I am doing this other thing tonight." But he didn't. And we never met. Done.
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Here we have this hardworking guy running late at work, clearly he's employed, has responsibilities and work ethics. He lets her know he's running late, but because he still wanted to keep the date, rather than rescheduling he's being crucified by a handful of women who think he's being inconsiderate, rude and clueless and furthermore some of them actually feel sorry for the Op having to be subject to such mal-treatment! I would never date any of the women who think this guy was in the wrong, and I know just from reading their posts that I would have dodged a bullet. 3
Versacehottie Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) I'll take a stab at how this might have happened. They probably both agreed to "let's meet after work". "What time do you usually finishf?" He says around 6pm and she says something similar or "that will work". Some people speak more loosely about this and think giving updates is fine and part of being in touch whereas OP has proven time and time again that she is immovable/inflexible. So he probably reached out to say he had to work a little later and thought they were still going and it was just more the way people manage time when they have absolute priorities in their lives (like work) that perhaps they have little to no control over and that they keep each other informed for when this "getting off work time is" but the point is they would be spending that night with each other when each person's work was over. OP is rigid and doesn't play like that. I can almost guarantee if HE had suggested a reschedule that she'd be here absolutely flipping out and probably calling him a ghoster. To be fair to the guy, he probably tried to keep the date albeit at a later time to demonstrate that he wasn't a typical online dating flake and sincere---as "reschedule" is often code for the guy isn't that into you and will probably disappear. The OP just keeps proving also that a person just can't win with her. How is that working out for you, GND? *oops the only thing that could have changed is perhaps don't schedule a first date right after each other's work. Things come up at work; there can be traffic; all of which don't allow for the inflexibility. Edited February 6, 2021 by Versacehottie 1
BaileyB Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 4 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: I can almost guarantee if HE had suggested a reschedule that she'd be here absolutely flipping out and probably calling him a ghoster. I too wondered about this... He wouldn’t win either way. 2
trident_2020 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 11 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I too wondered about this... He wouldn’t win either way. Well he could have left work even if he didn't finish his tasks but she'd probably say I met this guy he's very nice and was punctual for our date but he's very irresponsible and has a poor work ethic.
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 I would not risk my job and my reputation at work to please a fussy dater. I imagine he expected to be late but no more than an hour. There is no time wasted here. OP's time was already booked so she had cleared her agenda for that evening. There is 1000 ways to kill 1 hour in a productive way. Use that time to pay your bills, answer your emails, post in LS, call your mom or friend for a chat, read your favorite blog, clean your desk drawers. Time is wasted when you waste it. 1
Acacia98 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 3 hours ago, trident_2020 said: If emotions were so easily controlled and voluntarily we wouldn't need therapists and forums like these. Yep.
Emilyinroses Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I would not risk my job and my reputation at work to please a fussy dater. I imagine he expected to be late but no more than an hour. There is no time wasted here. OP's time was already booked so she had cleared her agenda for that evening. There is 1000 ways to kill 1 hour in a productive way. Use that time to pay your bills, answer your emails, post in LS, call your mom or friend for a chat, read your favorite blog, clean your desk drawers. Time is wasted when you waste it. OP said in her post he didn’t know how long he was going to be late, it wasn’t just an hour. To me there’s a difference between ‘I’ll be an hour late’ and ‘Just keep waiting indefinitely I’ll keep you updated’. Major difference to me. Edited February 6, 2021 by Emilyinroses 1
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 6 hours ago, Acacia98 said: The positive is that he communicated. He didn't just show up late. But the idea of asking someone, a relative stranger, to just hang out somewhere waiting indefinitely... No. That's a no-no. I assume people value their time and have things they need to do. I wouldn't ask that of anyone. And if I did, that would say something about me. I've had a large variety of interactions with people over the years. And I've observed that the most accurate predictor of what dealing with a person will be like (in my experience) is how they manage their own time and treat other people's time. So you won't get any flack from me on this specific situation. I get that it's a no-no to NOT ask someone to wait unless it's say 5 or 10 minutes but I still say the guy was at the very least considerate on some level. When you step back and look at dating IN TOTAL, it's not an easy endeavor.
Acacia98 Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, StrongHands said: I get that it's a no-no to NOT ask someone to wait unless it's say 5 or 10 minutes but I still say the guy was at the very least considerate on some level. When you step back and look at dating IN TOTAL, it's not an easy endeavor. Sure. He was considerate in the sense that he let her know, and that gave her the opportunity to opt out or in (according to her preference). 1
poppyfields Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 20 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: At 4:30pm he sends me a message saying he would have to stay longer at work, didn't know how long and he would update me regularly... I didn't like it and I told him is better if we cancel it and we rearrange for another day when I don't have to be here waiting.... New day, new opinion, and also trying to empathize with GND. First paragraph. This does sound quite ambiguous. I mean their date was at 6:00, 1.5 hours from when he texted, but yet he has no idea how long he's going to be and will keep her updated? Sounds fishy to me and wondering if his purpose was to prompt her to want to cancel and reschedule versus him doing so and thus being seen as the typical run of the mill OLDing flake? Second paragraph. Precisely what he hoped would happen. I actually have no idea, just trying to consider all sides and how I might have felt in that situation. GND, can you return and update? Did you in fact reschedule? Edited February 6, 2021 by poppyfields
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: New day, new opinion, and also trying to empathize with GND. First paragraph. This does sound quite ambiguous. I mean their date was at 6:00, 1.5 hours from when he texted, but yet he has no idea how long he's going to be and will keep her updated? Sounds fishy to me and wondering if his purpose was to prompt her to want to cancel and reschedule versus him doing so and thus being seen as the typical run of the mill OLDing flake? Second paragraph. Precisely what he hoped would happen. I actually have no idea, just trying to consider all sides and how I might have felt in that situation. GND, can you return and update? Did you in fact reschedule? Is it possible to over analyze a fairly simple situation? Also, should WE not give someone “the benefit of the doubt” initially at least until they have a course of behavior that would say otherwise? Just Asking Edited February 6, 2021 by StrongHands 4
poppyfields Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 1 minute ago, StrongHands said: Is it possible to over analyze a fairly simple situation? Not sure how simple it is, but of course, just trying to put myself in her shoes and see her side of things, which I didn't do yesterday. And on second read on a new day, I had a different take, possibly, that's all. I mean you gotta admit, it does sound a bit fishy; I work in an office setting with deadlines and at 4:30 I'd have at least some idea how long it would take me to finish. But who knows, it'd be nice to get an update!
poppyfields Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 24 minutes ago, StrongHands said: Is it possible to over analyze a fairly simple situation? Also, should WE not give someone “the benefit of the doubt” initially at least until they have a course of behavior that would say otherwise? Just Asking To be clear, I am not accusing him of any wrongdoing, again I'm simply trying to see all sides, and empathize with the OP. And yes of course give him benefit of the doubt, that goes without saying. Edited February 6, 2021 by poppyfields 1
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 We usually interpret things based on our personal experience. In my case I know I finish at 5h but I can have a last minute request from my boss or, I've seen it in the past, some lawyers or bank manager drop by the office at 5h. Then not only I am delayed but I cannot start texting my online date to warn him in front of our bank manager that's not professional.
Recommended Posts