girlnextdoor2020 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 I met this guy on an online dating site, we texted for about a week and spoke on the phone. Things were going well so we decided to meet yesterday at 6pm to go for a walk after work. At 4:30pm he sends me a message saying he would have to stay longer at work, didn't know how long and he would update me regularly... I didn't like it and I told him is better if we cancel it and we rearrange for another day when I don't have to be here waiting and waiting and I can't even go do other stuff because I am waiting for him... He said ok he understands and we can meet another time, but to be honest I didn't like this. Of course I understand sometimes we need to stay longer at work, but I think a gentleman would say something like "I have to stay longer at work, don't want to keep you waiting so maybe we can meet another day". Then it would be up to me to tell him ok or that I don't mind to wait. But saying he doesn't know how long he's gonna take and wanting for me to just wait? On a first date? I don't want to be picky or annoying, but this doesn't sit well with me. I would never make a person I have never met wait for me like this. Am I being picky or this was just rude of him? Thank you!
Menara Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 It's hard to tell if you never met the person in real life. He could be full of s***, disrespectful etc. Or he could have genuinely been busy at work, and wanting to meet you so badly that he was hoping you wouldn't have to reschedule. I have had many first dates who showed up late for various reasons, and I have also shown up late to first dates for various reasons. I don't think it necessarily means a lack of interest, or disrespect. Sometimes things just happen. If you feel that you might hit it off in person, I would definitely reschedule and give him a second chance.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 He thought he was trying to be nice & salvage meeting. In his mind he was showing eagerness & interest. It didn't work for you & you told him that, which is fine. I would not have liked the vague open-endedness either. I would have been OK with -- hey I have to work late; can we push this back 2 hours? or something along those lines but the I'll let you know / update you think was problematic. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: He thought he was trying to be nice & salvage meeting. In his mind he was showing eagerness & interest. It didn't work for you & you told him that, which is fine. I would not have liked the vague open-endedness either. I would have been OK with -- hey I have to work late; can we push this back 2 hours? or something along those lines but the I'll let you know / update you think was problematic. Yes exactly. I wouldn't mind if he said something like that, can we push it back 1h or so? That would give me time to do something else, or go somewhere else. But wanting me to just sit and wait for him not knowing how long? That is just wasting my time. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 12 minutes ago, Menara said: It's hard to tell if you never met the person in real life. He could be full of s***, disrespectful etc. Or he could have genuinely been busy at work, and wanting to meet you so badly that he was hoping you wouldn't have to reschedule. I have had many first dates who showed up late for various reasons, and I have also shown up late to first dates for various reasons. I don't think it necessarily means a lack of interest, or disrespect. Sometimes things just happen. If you feel that you might hit it off in person, I would definitely reschedule and give him a second chance. Wow, I never showed up late for a first date and wouldn't wait for a man that shows up late. Total lack of respect for me and my time. But yes exactly, he was thinking about himself and not gave a shyt to make me wait.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Wow, I never showed up late for a first date and wouldn't wait for a man that shows up late. Total lack of respect for me and my time. I've been a few minutes late as have a date or two. If there is communication & it's less than 15 minutes, the benefit of the doubt is acceptable. If it's a habit that is a problem. But being prompt is ideal
amygirl908 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Wow, I never showed up late for a first date and wouldn't wait for a man that shows up late. Total lack of respect for me and my time. But yes exactly, he was thinking about himself and not gave a shyt to make me wait. People are late sometimes and there's a difference between waiting and wondering. He communicated with you and told you what was going on so IMO not really waiting. People who don't show up or don't communicate and leave you wondering... those are the people you want to cut off. Life happens and he wasn't intentionally being disrespectful to you. He notified with you with adequate time. Others have suggested this and I agree - he likely was very excited to meet you and didn't want to cancel or wait another day to meet you! Edited February 5, 2021 by amygirl908 3
Lorenza Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) Mine is the kind of job that has a pre-determined schedule, but can be delayed anytime, even at the very last minute and there would be no telling how late I would finish - 5 min, or an hour. And just like your guy, I had to postpone a date last minute which resulted in a cancelation from my date's side. He wasn't eager to reschedule, probably thinking the same way you do - that I was rude, not interested, flaky. Pity, cause I really wanted to meet him. Moral of the story - don't be so quick to judge. Having standards for youself doesn't equal never being flexible. Don't always expect people to be able to word things perfectly for you either, as they have no idea that you prefer one thing to another until you express it. That he didn't suggest to reschedule by himself doesn't automatically mean he's rude, maybe he just didn't get to think it through and realise he's asking you to sit and wait for an indefinite amount of time. Edited February 5, 2021 by EternalClarity 5
TooManyDates Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) "can you wait" means he wants to meet. "Gotta stay at work, have the reschedule" means you'll never see him again. Edited February 5, 2021 by TooManyDates 2
Wiseman2 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I told him is better if we cancel it and we rearrange for another day Excellent. Did either you or he reschedule?
Crazelnut Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 Gosh, you are acting like a real princess here. It's not like he was a no show. He probably thought he wouldn't be too much longer at work. He WAS being considerate. He let you know and reiterated that he's still interested in seeing you as soon as possible. Change your mindset about this whole scenario. 9 1
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Wow, I never showed up late for a first date and wouldn't wait for a man that shows up late. Total lack of respect for me and my time. This is very black & white thinking an usually that doesn't bring you positive outcomes. There are all sort of reasons why people may be delayed that is out of their control. The important thing is to be in touch with the person, that's consideration and respect. On my way out of the house for a 1st meeting I came across the roof repair guy, I had completely forget he was dropping by to make an estimate. I called the man I was suppose to meet for the first time, I explained the situation and said I was going to be late and not sure how. He said he wanted to wait. As per you he should have dropped me. Anyway I met him and he was the kindest man I had come across in my dating years, patient, a true gentleman and we ended up dating. Edited February 5, 2021 by Gaeta 2
dramafreezone Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Yes exactly. I wouldn't mind if he said something like that, can we push it back 1h or so? That would give me time to do something else, or go somewhere else. But wanting me to just sit and wait for him not knowing how long? That is just wasting my time. So why didn't you just suggest it? 1
Emilyinroses Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I met this guy on an online dating site, we texted for about a week and spoke on the phone. Things were going well so we decided to meet yesterday at 6pm to go for a walk after work. At 4:30pm he sends me a message saying he would have to stay longer at work, didn't know how long and he would update me regularly... I didn't like it and I told him is better if we cancel it and we rearrange for another day when I don't have to be here waiting and waiting and I can't even go do other stuff because I am waiting for him... He said ok he understands and we can meet another time, but to be honest I didn't like this. Of course I understand sometimes we need to stay longer at work, but I think a gentleman would say something like "I have to stay longer at work, don't want to keep you waiting so maybe we can meet another day". Then it would be up to me to tell him ok or that I don't mind to wait. But saying he doesn't know how long he's gonna take and wanting for me to just wait? On a first date? I don't want to be picky or annoying, but this doesn't sit well with me. I would never make a person I have never met wait for me like this. Am I being picky or this was just rude of him? Thank you! I think he probably only thought about himself and how much he wanted to meet you. He didn’t think about making you standing there waiting for him without knowing how long he’s gonna take. Not a good sign of a potential good partner, it can be a red flag or just poor date management. Either way, not a good sign for a first date where things should happen smoothly and easily. 2
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 He wanted to meet but obviously got caught up at work. You are a big girl, you could have stepped up yourself and say sounds like bad timing lets make it another time. "How about Sunday say 11am?" Calm, chill, flexible. 7
BaileyB Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: This is very black & white thinking an usually that doesn't bring you positive outcomes. This. Your panties are in a knot because of a man that you have not even met. I can appreciate that you were not impressed, but what’s with the judgment? You have already decided that he is a rude and disrespectful man because he didn’t respond the way YOU would have responded... my advice would be to take a step back and take a deep breath. Edited February 5, 2021 by BaileyB 5
poppyfields Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: I think he probably only thought about himself and how much he wanted to meet you. He didn’t think about making you standing there waiting for him without knowing how long he’s gonna take. Bolded, given your second sentence, you say this like it's a bad thing. Seriously shaking my head. This is what she should want! A man who can't wait to meet her, who is excited to meet her, but who got caught up at work, running late and respectfully let her know. Second sentence. there is no reason why girlnextdoor, you or any woman should be "standing there waiting for him," go do other things! You've got your cell, when he's done with work, he will text or call and you can go meet him. GND, I seriously don't understand why you're so bothered by this. I and I think most women would have been more bothered if he had wanted to cancel and suggested meeting another day because that would suggest he's not all that excited to meet you. It also gives him and you the opportunity to meet someone else in the meantime. An interested man is excited to meet you and he wants to do so ASAP to avoid the possibility of you becoming enthralled with someone else. Right now, he's probably thinking you are not all that interested, in fact he may believe he just weeded out a woman with very low interest. I'm sorry and jmo but you and some others have it all arse-backwards. Edited February 6, 2021 by poppyfields 7
dramafreezone Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 32 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Bolded, given your second sentence, you say this like it's a bad thing. Seriously shaking my head. This is what she should want! A man who can't wait to meet her, who is excited to meet her, but who got caught up at work, running late and respectfully let her know. Second sentence. there is no reason why girlnextdoor, you or any woman should be "standing there waiting for him," go do other things! You've got your cell, when he's done with work, he will text or call and you can go meet him. GND, I seriously don't understand why you're so bothered by this. I and I think most women would have been more bothered if he had wanted to cancel and suggested meeting another day because that would suggest he's not all that excited to meet you. It also gives him and you the opportunity to meet someone else in the meantime. An interested man is excited to meet you and he wants to do so ASAP to avoid the possibility of you becoming enthralled with someone else. Right now, he's probably thinking you are not all that interested, in fact he may believe he just weeded out a woman with very low interest. I'm sorry and jmo but you and some others have it all arse-backwards. Between this thread and the last thread, I'm wondering if this is her pattern, GND just finds one flaw and crosses the guy out. 3
Versacehottie Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 wow, talk about taking it to 100 I suggest you add FLEXIBILITY to your repertoire of tricks. Your first response about "let's do it another time" was good/fine but you didn't really like that road either. It's way too black and white thinking on your end. Different' guys but the same sorts of problems you are bringing to each scenario as on your other threads. If you REALLY believe he's a a** and lying, then count your lucky stars you didn't waste any time and move on mentally. You hold onto stuff. It's like one can feel your anger and resentment with all these encounters and your retelling of them. Something that won't go over well when you actually get to date one. Have you ever considered that your inflexibility is part of the reason you struggle to make it to date one? Or much beyond that? 5
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 This will probably not be the most popular post but I DO NOT think the guy was being rude. Granted, I have never had to work in an office setting so I am not sure what did or could come up but maybe it was something out of his control. Maybe, his job depended on him finishing a task or something of the sort. My vote PICKY 3
poppyfields Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 6 minutes ago, StrongHands said: This will probably not be the most popular post but I DO NOT think the guy was being rude. Granted, I have never had to work in an office setting so I am not sure what did or could come up but maybe it was something out of his control. Maybe, his job depended on him finishing a task or something of the sort. My vote PICKY SH, to the contrary, your post is the popular opinion, give or take a few. Of course he was not rude or disrespectful, just the opposite. Anyway, girlnextdoor hasn't responded in awhile so perhaps they met for that walk after all. I hope she will return and update! 1
Alpacalia Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 It's considered that he sent you a notice that he'd have to work late. So, yes, rescheduling would probably be the best option for both involved. 1
StrongHands Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: SH, to the contrary, your post is the popular opinion, give or take a few. Of course he was not rude or disrespectful, just the opposite. Anyway, girlnextdoor hasn't responded in awhile so perhaps they met for that walk after all. I hope she will return and update! PF, I COULD go on and on and ON........where you are concerned and not sure it would ever fully be enough but thank you and I also hope the OP gives the guy another chance 1
World Peace Guy Posted February 6, 2021 Posted February 6, 2021 Seems to me this should be an easy decision. It comes down to whether you want a guy who will make money or not. Being your first date is irrelevant. Workers are slaves. It is a very competitive environment, and if we don't give our bosses what they ask for, they find someone who will. So we each pick a different place to draw the line, to put a limit of how much slavery we will endure, but occasionally making us stay late is not so bad. If you expect a guy to not even do that, you may end up with a poor guy, or you need to find a guy in a different profession. 1
Recommended Posts