snowboy91 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 1 hour ago, JimGje77 said: Guys!!!I can't let her destroy her life. All these are very dangerous for her. As I said from the beggining of the discussion, she is 1 year younger, and she said me that she may quit school, like the most of her friends! She doesn't realise the size of the problem! Don't you think that the idea that she's "destroying her life" is a bit of an overreaction? I mean, you're extrapolating a little. So she hangs with her friends on the street, so what? Do you think a girl needs to stay at home her whole life? So she has some different music taste to you, so what? One person's "abhorrent" satanic music is another's preferred art form. So she drinks sometimes. I know the drinking age in Sweden is 20, and it's 18 here, but a significant number of people have gotten drunk underage. I don't condone it, but it's not out of the ordinary. Sure, the bit about cannabis is concerning, but there are much worse substances out there (and keep in mind it is legal in some parts of the world). I think you don't realise you're making this a much bigger problem than it is - and you're projecting exactly what you want onto this poor girl. Unfortunately the reality is she has a very different lifestyle to the one you want to live - and you can't change that. She has to be the one to decide she wants to change.
World Peace Guy Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 46 minutes ago, JimGje77 said: Yes but the cops will understand what is happening, I will explain them, I am not so fool to go to the police and say "hey I'm a cannabis user guys, arest me", also one of them is my dad's best friend so he will surely believe me. But read and the other text I wrote, to understand better the whole story NO!!! The cops will arrest you for that. Cops are not understanding or caring. You are nothing but a job to them. Sure there are a few good cops that might listen to you, but most of them would throw you in jail. Even if he's your dad's best friend, that does not make him trustworthy. In his mind, your making him choose between the law and a friend, and he's a cop, so he may choose the law. Also, the girl will not respect you for this. She'll hate you. You have no right to control her and make decisions for her.
michaelwilson Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) The best decision would be to tell her parents about this situation but it can badly influence at your relationship. Actually, you at least may try to help her to change the people she communicates with maybe it will solve the problem. Edited February 5, 2021 by michaelwilson
Author JimGje77 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 1 minute ago, michaelwilson said: The best decision would be to tell her parents about this situation but it can badly influence at your relationship. Actually, you at least may try to help her to change the people she communicates with maybe it will solve the problem. If they go to jail they will never talk to her again, so we will be free to live our love!!!
Author JimGje77 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 35 minutes ago, snowboy91 said: Don't you think that the idea that she's "destroying her life" is a bit of an overreaction? I mean, you're extrapolating a little. So she hangs with her friends on the street, so what? Do you think a girl needs to stay at home her whole life? So she has some different music taste to you, so what? One person's "abhorrent" satanic music is another's preferred art form. So she drinks sometimes. I know the drinking age in Sweden is 20, and it's 18 here, but a significant number of people have gotten drunk underage. I don't condone it, but it's not out of the ordinary. Sure, the bit about cannabis is concerning, but there are much worse substances out there (and keep in mind it is legal in some parts of the world). I think you don't realise you're making this a much bigger problem than it is - and you're projecting exactly what you want onto this poor girl. Unfortunately the reality is she has a very different lifestyle to the one you want to live - and you can't change that. She has to be the one to decide she wants to change. If she wants to quit her school, she can do it, no problem. I am ungry because she says that she will do it because her friends did!!! it is like she feels weak, their friends smoke, she smokes too, their friends drink, she drinks too, their friends listen to black metal, she listens black metal too. Just....ENOUGH!!! Edited February 5, 2021 by JimGje77
Fletch Lives Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 Some young girls like to party! So find a more mature woman. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 18 hours ago, JimGje77 said: I didn't do something yet. But it is the perfect plan I think You are going to get caught. The friends are going to beat the snot out of you (or worse) & the cops will never believe you. Also the cops will not be able to prosecute you because there will be no chain of evidence. You telling the cops where you got the weed is not enough. Do not mess with drug users & leave the crime solving to the police. Responding to the police with kick boxing, martial arts or other acts violence violence will definitely land YOU in jail for assaulting a police officer. The penalty for that is far more severe then possession of a little weed. You & this girl are not compatible. She will resent you trying to rescue her. She will HATE you for getting her friends in trouble. This is not a love story. It's a tragedy waiting to happen. Edited February 5, 2021 by d0nnivain 1
SumGuy Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 On 2/4/2021 at 8:16 AM, JimGje77 said: what do you mean man? from when it is part of the swedish culture to drink so much alcohol, to have for friends some bad guys who go every day on the central square and smoke for hours and listen to satanic music?These things are no culture, are bad habits. I'm sorry man but I love her, and I think I'm the only person who can take her away from these s***. When is it part of Swedish culture to drink so much alcohol..."“I remember that time when mead was flowing,..." I'm thinking is has been there since at least 800 A.D.; but agree there is certainly drinking to excess and glad in the 21st century we tend to drink, far, far, less. Even if it is part of Swedish culture, it is not for you...that's the more important part. Cigarettes are pretty addictive, smoking them for hours is pretty common if you are near a pack a day habit. Frankly find cigarettes a more horrible habit personally than drinking. Last I was in Greece a few years back, cigarette smoking was still pretty big. Still, just because someone smokes cigarettes doesn't make them bad, though to me it gives them very bad breathe. Satanic music? Hate to say that sounds very judgmental, do you mean Jazz, or Zoot, or maybe Big Band music? Wait, or do you mean Rock & Roll? All were called music that corrupted the moral fiber of our youth, if not outright satanic...ala the satanic panic. I find it hard to believe it truly is satantic if you listen to the substance. Again though to each their own, if she is a satanist then that is a religious difference, and she is not for you. Word of warning though, in my view there are plenty who call themselves christians (and the like), whose actions (in my view) show they really worship mammon. Drinking, smoking, listening to heavy music (I suspect it is just heavy metal), is not for you. No problem. But to think you need to save her just because of this, seems a little judgmental. 1
SumGuy Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 20 hours ago, JimGje77 said: oh for God's sake!!! but if something bad will happen to her? then what? who will be really responsible? that IF can't leave alone. Oh my god, so beautiful and sweet. Like an angel outside, be now I have to "repair" her beauty inside. I don't want to leave her. The story must have a happy end. I will take with me all my crew from university if it needs to deal with her "cool" friends. She is not your possession. Edited February 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed inappropriate comment
Author JimGje77 Posted February 8, 2021 Author Posted February 8, 2021 On 2/5/2021 at 8:33 PM, SumGuy said: When is it part of Swedish culture to drink so much alcohol..."“I remember that time when mead was flowing,..." I'm thinking is has been there since at least 800 A.D.; but agree there is certainly drinking to excess and glad in the 21st century we tend to drink, far, far, less. Even if it is part of Swedish culture, it is not for you...that's the more important part. Cigarettes are pretty addictive, smoking them for hours is pretty common if you are near a pack a day habit. Frankly find cigarettes a more horrible habit personally than drinking. Last I was in Greece a few years back, cigarette smoking was still pretty big. Still, just because someone smokes cigarettes doesn't make them bad, though to me it gives them very bad breathe. Satanic music? Hate to say that sounds very judgmental, do you mean Jazz, or Zoot, or maybe Big Band music? Wait, or do you mean Rock & Roll? All were called music that corrupted the moral fiber of our youth, if not outright satanic...ala the satanic panic. I find it hard to believe it truly is satantic if you listen to the substance. Again though to each their own, if she is a satanist then that is a religious difference, and she is not for you. Word of warning though, in my view there are plenty who call themselves christians (and the like), whose actions (in my view) show they really worship mammon. Drinking, smoking, listening to heavy music (I suspect it is just heavy metal), is not for you. No problem. But to think you need to save her just because of this, seems a little judgmental. no, of course she isn't a satanist(satanism isn't religion but I don't want to discuss it now)!!! She is just an atheist. But ok I don't care about her religion. Actually after 4 days of thinking about this I believe that I will just let her remain the shame. Maybe I will argue a little with my father who is really stick in the mud, but I know that everything will be fine in the end. We will continue to be lovers without trying to change each other. Everyone is different in this world!!!thank you for helping me guys. Good luck and be carefull. The things are getting worse in this world after the pandemic we must be ready for everything. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 8, 2021 Posted February 8, 2021 3 hours ago, JimGje77 said: I will just let her remain the same. Excellent. Leave her alone. Focus on your school work, your own family and friends and your own tastes in music, lifestyles and interests. There's plenty of girls you can have a crush on or date. Try to find one you have something in common with and who your mother and father approve of. 1
spiderowl Posted February 10, 2021 Posted February 10, 2021 (edited) At the moment, she has chosen her friends and she is choosing what she wants to do - smoke, drink, listen to satanic music, be around those who are into cannabis. You want to save her but it is not up to you to save her. You are looking at yourself as someone who 'knows better' than her and will 'show her the right way'. That suggests she is immature. She is a teenager so I guess she is going through teenage rebellion and trying to mix with the 'cool' people. If you want to be with this girl, then let her choose where she wants to be. Do not interfere in her choice of lifestyle. You want to know she is with you for the right reasons, because she chose to spend time with you rather than them. She needs to mature and make good choices. It does not mean you or your uni friends need to save her. If you do try to do that, then what are you 'saving'? A child? Someone weak who cannot make wise choices? Believe me, if she is someone who needs strong guidance now to put her on the right track, that is not likely to change. You do not want to be having to correct your wife at the age of 40 because she is out clubbing and having affairs while you are being the sensible one. Other posters are right, if you 'shop' (tell authorities about) her friends and their drug use, you will be classed as a 'snitch'. This is a really dangerous position to be in and, while her friends might just be users, their suppliers could get to hear about you and then your life could even be at risk. Leave them be - it is up to the authorities to pursue them. The police will already know about low-level users and tend to refrain from acting because they look for the dealers and pushers instead. Yes, she is very beautiful. She is fun and charming because she is a bit wicked and non-conformist. I can see why she fascinates you. You will find that all that glitters is not gold, not every pretty woman is a nice person. Being a bit wild can be fun and adventurous but if it continues when you need stability and security, it can be an annoying pain that holds you back in life because you are always trying to rescue your alcoholic, wild, drug-using, flirtatious partner from their own misdemeanours. Why not just find a lady who is more like you and has a more serious nature? I would guess at this age, pretty means everything to you and you are too dazzled by it to see how immature this girl is at this stage. She will say sweet and charming things to you. She is pretty; she is used to having the attention of men. Men will put up with a lot of rubbish from pretty women. Edited February 10, 2021 by spiderowl 1
Author JimGje77 Posted February 10, 2021 Author Posted February 10, 2021 2 hours ago, spiderowl said: At the moment, she has chosen her friends and she is choosing what she wants to do - smoke, drink, listen to satanic music, be around those who are into cannabis. You want to save her but it is not up to you to save her. You are looking at yourself as someone who 'knows better' than her and will 'show her the right way'. That suggests she is immature. She is a teenager so I guess she is going through teenage rebellion and trying to mix with the 'cool' people. If you want to be with this girl, then let her choose where she wants to be. Do not interfere in her choice of lifestyle. You want to know she is with you for the right reasons, because she chose to spend time with you rather than them. She needs to mature and make good choices. It does not mean you or your uni friends need to save her. If you do try to do that, then what are you 'saving'? A child? Someone weak who cannot make wise choices? Believe me, if she is someone who needs strong guidance now to put her on the right track, that is not likely to change. You do not want to be having to correct your wife at the age of 40 because she is out clubbing and having affairs while you are being the sensible one. Other posters are right, if you 'shop' (tell authorities about) her friends and their drug use, you will be classed as a 'snitch'. This is a really dangerous position to be in and, while her friends might just be users, their suppliers could get to hear about you and then your life could even be at risk. Leave them be - it is up to the authorities to pursue them. The police will already know about low-level users and tend to refrain from acting because they look for the dealers and pushers instead. Yes, she is very beautiful. She is fun and charming because she is a bit wicked and non-conformist. I can see why she fascinates you. You will find that all that glitters is not gold, not every pretty woman is a nice person. Being a bit wild can be fun and adventurous but if it continues when you need stability and security, it can be an annoying pain that holds you back in life because you are always trying to rescue your alcoholic, wild, drug-using, flirtatious partner from their own misdemeanours. Why not just find a lady who is more like you and has a more serious nature? I would guess at this age, pretty means everything to you and you are too dazzled by it to see how immature this girl is at this stage. She will say sweet and charming things to you. She is pretty; she is used to having the attention of men. Men will put up with a lot of rubbish from pretty women. Yeah that's right!!I decided to continue with our relationship. But ok I don't know if I can trust her a lot. I love her so much, but now I understand that there some things that can't change. I'll have sooo many opportunities in my life (I'm very beautiful too :)). I have to finish my studies now, and when I thought about it more clearly I realised that I have all I need for a good life. There are many fishes in the sea I suppose, so the girls will come in the near future. So I don't care anymore if our relationship came to an end. Thank you
winny Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 All I see is a toxic obsessive relationship built on flimsy foundation. She is your GF, not your child. You can make suggestions to her about changing her lifestyle but you are not responsible to make the change. She is. She should be allowed to make decision as to what she wants. Maybe she wants this. Who are you to decide whats right or wrong for her? You are not her parent or guardian. So back off. Either accept her the way she is and wait for her to change. Or stop dating her. You are pretty controlling and insecure yourself. 2
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2021 Posted February 11, 2021 (edited) She's a teenager....teenagers (lots of them not all) drink and party, and might hangout with unsavory friends. It's part of her growing up. I did it, all my friends did it. We turned out just fine. You are not her dad, and if you tried anything, she's just gonna facepalm you anyways. If you don't approve, then this girl is not for you, so stop seeing her and find a girl that doesn't party all night. Edited February 11, 2021 by smackie9 2
mortensorchid Posted February 12, 2021 Posted February 12, 2021 A lot of teenagers (boys and girls) go through that Bad Boy or Bad Girl phase of life. You think that makes you cool to do a lot of things (drinking, smoking, drugs, sex). Eventually you grow out of it and you settle into adulthood, which does not include those things as much as you think it does. Unfortunately there are some out there who don't. You two are teenagers now, there is a lot ahead of you and you are both going to change and learn a lot. This may not be the only relationship in your entire life either. 2
Author JimGje77 Posted February 13, 2021 Author Posted February 13, 2021 Thank you for helping me guys!!!I feel much better now. The problem has solved before 2 days, when I talked to her. I said that I love her for what she is. And she's a perfect girl, those bad habits are just a sign that she tries to discover herself. We have so many things in common that I can't describe to you now but I feel like a "new" person after that. I hope all of you to solve your problems in your lifes without losing the control and find the solution that fits better to you, thinking about all the possible things that will happen after taking this decision. Keep calm and never give up!!! 1
Recommended Posts