JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Hello guys, I was born in Greece but now I live with my family in Stockholm. I'm 18 and I started a relationship with a 17 year old Swedish girl. Like many girls in Sweden she is very beautiful and sexy, and the truth is that many of my friends say that I'm very lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend. Unfortunately she has some very bad habits. She smokes a lot, drinks beers and before 2 days she slept in my house because she was too drunk. Also some of her friends have very bad behaviour, something like street persons. And the worst is that her parents have no idea what is happening. I am so worried about her!!!
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 It's sweet that you are worried about her but you aren't going to be able to change her. The best you can do is lead by example & not drink around her. I suppose it's good that she didn't try to drive or otherwise be unsafe once she became intoxicated. As beautiful as she may be on the outside she may be more trouble then she is worth because her values & choices don't seem to align with yours. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, JimGje77 said: . She smokes a lot, drinks beers and before 2 days she slept in my house because she was too drunk. Also some of her friends have very bad behaviour, something like street persons. You don't have to worry about her. She has friends and family and lives in her home country. It seems like a rebellious stage. What you do have to do is respect someone and thier friends rather than be so judgemental. Stop trying to impress your friends that you found some pretty girl, when in fact you write with zero respect for her or her culture. 2
Author JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You don't have to worry about her. She has friends and family and lives in her home country. It seems like a rebellious stage. What you do have to do is respect someone and thier friends rather than be so judgemental. Stop trying to impress your friends that you found some pretty girl, when in fact you write with zero respect for her or her culture. what do you mean man? from when it is part of the swedish culture to drink so much alcohol, to have for friends some bad guys who go every day on the central square and smoke for hours and listen to satanic music?These things are no culture, are bad habits. I'm sorry man but I love her, and I think I'm the only person who can take her away from these s***. Edited February 4, 2021 by JimGje77
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, JimGje77 said: what do you mean man? from when it is part of the swedish culture to drink so much alcohol, to have for friends some bad guys who go every day on the central square and smoke for hours and listen to satanic music?These things are no culture, are bad habits. I'm sorry man but I love her, and I think I'm the only person who can take her away from these s***. NO. No. No. You are brand new teenage BF. You haven't known her long enough to love her & you are not responsible for her well being. You also don't have the skill set or the leverage to save her from her own bad choices. This may be a rebellion thing. Many 17 year old girls go through a bad boy phase where they test their boundaries but they eventually grow out of it. It may be something more deep seated & you are catching her at the beginning of a long downward spiral that will ruin her life. Only time & her choices will tell. You can't lose yourself trying to fix her when she doesn't even think she's broken. But stop with the hero complex. You are her new BF, not her savior. Learn about something called White Knight Syndrome & stop trying to rescue her. She will resent you for trying to change her. She won't change & she may become entrenched just to spite you. If you don't like her choices, her music or her friends get a new GF whose values are more in line with yours. 1 1
Author JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: NO. No. No. You are brand new teenage BF. You haven't known her long enough to love her & you are not responsible for her well being. You also don't have the skill set or the leverage to save her from her own bad choices. This may be a rebellion thing. Many 17 year old girls go through a bad boy phase where they test their boundaries but they eventually grow out of it. It may be something more deep seated & you are catching her at the beginning of a long downward spiral that will ruin her life. Only time & her choices will tell. You can't lose yourself trying to fix her when she doesn't even think she's broken. But stop with the hero complex. You are her new BF, not her savior. Learn about something called White Knight Syndrome & stop trying to rescue her. She will resent you for trying to change her. She won't change & she may become entrenched just to spite you. If you don't like her choices, her music or her friends get a new GF whose values are more in line with yours. Omg. I agree that I have that "white knight syndrome". The beauty of this girl is my "weak point" and makes me trying to be very protective with her. I'm worried about her health, her studies, her thoughts when she is away from me. She is not an ordinary girl, not for me, I have to show her the right way, because I know she loves me, and I want to prove her that I'm much more than a good boyfriend, I want to be the perfect man for her. Who knows what their bad friends are planning to do in the near future???
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 5 hours ago, JimGje77 said: I have to show her the right way, because I know she loves me, and I want to prove her that I'm much more than a good boyfriend, I want to be the perfect man for her. Who knows what their bad friends are planning to do in the near future??? They are planning on being kids. Your version of what the "right way" is may be is not hers. You can't superimpose your will or your morals on her. Because your values differ so much, you will never be the perfect man for her. You want to control her. You want to change her. You are not accepting her as she is. What you think is being protective because you care, she's going to view as smothering & controlling. This is not going to last. 1
Author JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 26 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: They are planning on being kids. Your version of what the "right way" is may be is not hers. You can't superimpose your will or your morals on her. Because your values differ so much, you will never be the perfect man for her. You want to control her. You want to change her. You are not accepting her as she is. What you think is being protective because you care, she's going to view as smothering & controlling. This is not going to last. oh for God's sake!!! but if something bad will happen to her? then what? who will be really responsible? that IF can't leave alone. Oh my god, so beautiful and sweet. Like an angel outside, be now I have to "repair" her beauty inside. I don't want to leave her. The story must have a happy end. I will take with me all my crew from university if it needs to deal with her "cool" friends.
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 If something bad happens to her, it's her life. She is not your responsibility. You taking your university friends to deal with her & her friends is a horrible idea. Seriously you need to talk to your parents or a counselor at school before you overstep your bounds. She's going to hate you if you continue this. You are not her parent. You have zero say in her choices. 1
basil67 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 @JimGje77 As the parent of young adults, please allow me to reassure you that she's nothing more than a standard teenage delinquent. Nothing you describe here is particularly out of the ordinary when it comes to teenage rebellion, however I do suspect you're exaggerating when you describe their music as Satanic And even if it is Satanic music (whatever that is) she'll grow out of it. Yes, she's pretty and has positive traits too and this is why you care. However, she's going to have to grow out of this phase when she's ready. And if her behaviour isn't what you want in a girlfriend, it's time to move on. 2
Author JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: If something bad happens to her, it's her life. She is not your responsibility. You taking your university friends to deal with her & her friends is a horrible idea. Seriously you need to talk to your parents or a counselor at school before you overstep your bounds. She's going to hate you if you continue this. You are not her parent. You have zero say in her choices. if it hadn't been my responsibility I wouldn't be her boyfriend. We already know that some of her friends have cannabis and we know where they stay, so we stole their stuff and go to the city's police department and bingo my friend. They are in jail. And after that me and she will live a happy life together, and she will be getting better day by day!
Wiseman2 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 9 hours ago, JimGje77 said: smoke for hours and listen to satanic music? What, exactly is "satanic music"? Yes, smoking and excessive drinking are not good habits but it's not your job to be her parent. 1
basil67 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 20 minutes ago, JimGje77 said: if it hadn't been my responsibility I wouldn't be her boyfriend. We already know that some of her friends have cannabis and we know where they stay, so we stole their stuff and go to the city's police department and bingo my friend. They are in jail. And after that me and she will live a happy life together, and she will be getting better day by day! You stole her friend's cannabis and they went to jail? Doesn't make sense.
Author JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 12 minutes ago, basil67 said: @JimGje77 As the parent of young adults, please allow me to reassure you that she's nothing more than a standard teenage delinquent. Nothing you describe here is particularly out of the ordinary when it comes to teenage rebellion, however I do suspect you're exaggerating when you describe their music as Satanic And even if it is Satanic music (whatever that is) she'll grow out of it. Yes, she's pretty and has positive traits too and this is why you care. However, she's going to have to grow out of this phase when she's ready. And if her behaviour isn't what you want in a girlfriend, it's time to move on. No I can't move on, because of her beauty. You haven't seen her man!!!believe me. If you see her you will understand why it is so difficult for me. Many boys loved her, but she has chosen me because deep inside she knows how much I can help her. As you said most teens believe that being a "street person" is cool, but no man, it is ridiculous. Sometimes I believe that she will die....I can't sleep thinking of her. Oh my Lord just help me!
basil67 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Beauty is only skin deep. Being pretty doesn't make a person a worthy partner. Did she tell you that she knows how much you can help her? If not, then you're just imagining it. Most likely, she chose you because she likes you. But she won't like you for much longer if you try to control her behaviour. 1
Author JimGje77 Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 1 minute ago, basil67 said: You stole her friend's cannabis and they went to jail? Doesn't make sense. yes you are right!sorry I meant we "steal". I didn't do something yet. But it is the perfect plan I think
basil67 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) You mean that you want to steal their cannabis and report it to the police so that they get sent to jail? Problems with this plan: 1. you'll be committing a break and enter to steal it. This is a crime and you will get in trouble with the law 2. You'll have stolen cannabis, which means you'll be in possession of an illegal substance. This will also get you in trouble 3. If you've got the cannabis, the other guys can't be charged with possession because they won't have it on them 4. You'll be snitching on your girlfriend's mates. She may get mad and let them know that you're the snitch and you will have gained enemies Edited February 4, 2021 by basil67 4 1
trident_2020 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 I see several problems with you plan to steal their weed and bring it to a police station and have them arrested so they will be gone and you and her can live happily ever after. But go ahead and let us know how it works out for you. 1
snowboy91 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 3 hours ago, JimGje77 said: oh for God's sake!!! but if something bad will happen to her? then what? who will be really responsible? 2 hours ago, JimGje77 said: if it hadn't been my responsibility I wouldn't be her boyfriend. No no no, if something happens to her that is wholly her responsibility, not yours. She is not some kind of innocent corruptible angel who needs someone to save her. She is a whole person with her own preferences, friends, social life, etc. For her, even though she may not know it, this is a typical rebellious phase that a lot of young people go through. It's a part of who she is right now - and you can take it or leave it. 11 hours ago, JimGje77 said: what do you mean man? from when it is part of the swedish culture to drink so much alcohol, to have for friends some bad guys who go every day on the central square and smoke for hours and listen to satanic music?These things are no culture, are bad habits. It's a sort of youth subculture. It's common in a lot of countries - a lot of people of that age experiment with alcohol, drugs and various genres of art. That's just life - and if you don't agree with it you don't have to be in a relationship with this girl. 3 hours ago, JimGje77 said: if it hadn't been my responsibility I wouldn't be her boyfriend. We already know that some of her friends have cannabis and we know where they stay, so we stole their stuff and go to the city's police department and bingo my friend. They are in jail. And after that me and she will live a happy life together, and she will be getting better day by day! I guarantee you it will not work this way. If you get to the point where her friends are in jail, she will be very angry at you for causing that to happen. They are her friends, whether or not you like them, and you don't get any control over who she can and can't be friends with. 1 1 1
Author JimGje77 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, basil67 said: You mean that you want to steal their cannabis and report it to the police so that they get sent to jail? Problems with this plan: 1. you'll be committing a break and enter to steal it. This is a crime and you will get in trouble with the law 2. You'll have stolen cannabis, which means you'll be in possession of an illegal substance. This will also get you in trouble 3. If you've got the cannabis, the other guys can't be charged with possession because they won't have it on them 4. You'll be snitching on your girlfriend's mates. She may get mad and let them know that you're the snitch and you will have gained enemies I can't think something else, I'm sorry. But I don't think I won't have the problems you said. I will take their cannabis to the police and I will say who possesses it. I know exactly what time to go and where I can find it. Also I know their names. My university crew is willing to help me so now it's just a dilemma for me. Edited February 5, 2021 by JimGje77
Author JimGje77 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 Guys!!!I can't let her destroy her life. All these are very dangerous for her. As I said from the beggining of the discussion, she is 1 year younger, and she said me that she may quit school, like the most of her friends! She doesn't realise the size of the problem! I know her 6 months and before a month we decided to come more close to each other, I really have fun with her, she is a very interesting person, and she always tells me everything she keeps secret from others. It's the first time I feel so familiar with a foreign girl(a Greek boy falls in love with a Swedish girl, so sweet story!!), every time I talk with her about more philosophical issues she always shares her opinions, and I have to say that her opinions are very similar with mine. I know that deep inside her she wants to change, but something "pulls her back". But the most important is that we use to say that boys try to attract girls, but in this story she did the first steps, one day she just came and said "Jim, do you know something, I don't want to be your friend anymore, I want to be your lover, I need someone who can deeply understand me and to make me happy everyday" and then I said yes, and I kissed her. I will never forget that. Those words are my movement to continue my fight!!! I'm Greek my friend, I can't give up
basil67 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 2 hours ago, JimGje77 said: I can't think something else, I'm sorry. But I don't think I won't have the problems you said. I will take their cannabis to the police and I will say who possesses it. Mate, YOU will be the guy possessing the cannabis.
Author JimGje77 Posted February 5, 2021 Author Posted February 5, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, basil67 said: Mate, YOU will be the guy possessing the cannabis. Yes but the cops will understand what is happening, I will explain them, I am not so fool to go to the police and say "hey I'm a cannabis user guys, arest me", also one of them is my dad's best friend so he will surely believe me. But read and the other text I wrote, to understand better the whole story Edited February 5, 2021 by JimGje77
Wiseman2 Posted February 5, 2021 Posted February 5, 2021 3 hours ago, JimGje77 said: . I will take their cannabis to the police and I will say who possesses it. Actually YOU are in possession of it when you walk into the police station. . Your plans are criminal and seem like there may be thought disorders going on. Leave this girl alone, she is simply not that interested in you Talk to your parents about your thoughts and ask them to take you to a doctor to evaluate your views on things. 1
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