Not sure about meeting this guy

[Lovesoul]

Met this guy online, we started to chat, moved to Whatsapp and also talked on the phone and are now planning to meet up but I am not sure about it.

He didn’t mention sex per se, but said he has a holiday home next to the sea and one day we can go there, also said for us to meet on a Friday or Saturday when we don’t have to go to work the next day (despite the fact we were planning a coffee around 6pm). Was he expecting us to stay together until late on our first date!?

Also, the way he talks, we both like to tell jokes and laugh, and he said on the phone when we get together we’ll be like two clowns together.

To be honest that made me cringe. What woman likes to be called a clown?? 

What do you think about all this?

Edited February 3, 2021 by Lovesoul

[Alpacalia]

Some people prefer weekend dates. Just meet in a public place. 

 

[princessaurora]

2 hours ago, Lovesoul said:

Also, the way he talks, we both like to tell jokes and laugh, and he said on the phone when we get together we’ll be like two clowns together.

To be honest that made me cringe. What woman likes to be called a clown?? 

I think you're taking this too literally. All that means is that ya'll are going to make each other laugh a lot. Guys who have a great sense of humor and check off all the other boxes as well are hard to come by. So if you're attracted to him, I would definitely give him a fair chance. 

[d0nnivain]

I think you are over analyzing this

While he probably would be open to some fun & games a 6 pm coffee date is hardly scandalous.  You can finish your beverage & be home in your PJs alone by 8 pm if that is what you want.

His mention of the house by the sea is a bit of bragging.  It's his way of flaunting the fact that he has money. 

I agree with @princessaurora  The "clown" reference was just an expression that he thinks you two will laugh together & enjoy each other's company.  He was not calling you a clown in an insulting way. 

Are you sure you are emotionally open to dating?  The flags you claim to see here, when there are none, indicates that you are very fearful about this & looking for excuses not to go.

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like you are looking for things to consider "wrong" before you've even met the guy.  These are really very little, insignificant things.  Maybe when you talked on the phone with him, you just didn't like his personality that much and now you aren't excited about meeting him.  Don't waste your time or his.

[smackie9]

You have complete control over what happens on this date. You can say no to going over to his place....and not feel obligated to go simple as that.

[Backinthesaddleagain]

22 hours ago, Lovesoul said:

Met this guy online, we started to chat, moved to Whatsapp and also talked on the phone and are now planning to meet up but I am not sure about it.

He didn’t mention sex per se, but said he has a holiday home next to the sea and one day we can go there, also said for us to meet on a Friday or Saturday when we don’t have to go to work the next day (despite the fact we were planning a coffee around 6pm). Was he expecting us to stay together until late on our first date!?

Also, the way he talks, we both like to tell jokes and laugh, and he said on the phone when we get together we’ll be like two clowns together.

To be honest that made me cringe. What woman likes to be called a clown?? 

What do you think about all this?

This sounds like the reason that OLD is so awful. Why not just go out on a date somewhere public before nit-picking every little thing? It sounds like you have talked enough to pre-screen him, put on your big girl pants and go on a date!

Oh yeah, and quit being such a clown.  

[Lovesoul]

7 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

I think you are over analyzing this

While he probably would be open to some fun & games a 6 pm coffee date is hardly scandalous.  You can finish your beverage & be home in your PJs alone by 8 pm if that is what you want.

His mention of the house by the sea is a bit of bragging.  It's his way of flaunting the fact that he has money. 

I agree with @princessaurora  The "clown" reference was just an expression that he thinks you two will laugh together & enjoy each other's company.  He was not calling you a clown in an insulting way. 

Are you sure you are emotionally open to dating?  The flags you claim to see here, when there are none, indicates that you are very fearful about this & looking for excuses not to go.

Well I don’t know really. Yesterday we were talking about meeting this Friday and we said let’s go for a walk in a park where I live and we can meet at the park.

Now today we were again talking about the meet on Friday and he asks me if he will come meet me at my house!?  

I’m not seeing imaginary red flags, this to me is a red flag.

[d0nnivain]

15 minutes ago, Lovesoul said:

Now today we were again talking about the meet on Friday and he asks me if he will come meet me at my house!?  

I’m not seeing imaginary red flags, this to me is a red flag.

It's not a red flag.  It's a function of Covid.  Nothing is open.  

Just say no, you'd prefer to meet in public.  If he doesn't take no for an answer & arrange a public date where you can get coffee then go for a walk, that would be a red flag.  

[Lovesoul]

Just now, d0nnivain said:

It's not a red flag.  It's a function of Covid.  Nothing is open.  

Just say no, you'd prefer to meet in public.  If he doesn't take no for an answer & arrange a public date where you can get coffee then go for a walk, that would be a red flag.  

Well I did that, I told him I prefer to meet in the park and he was ok with it, so we are doing that tomorrow. Let’s see how it goes.

[Alpacalia]

I tend to agree with d0nnivain but I understand your concern. I'm sure there are some men that will purposely try to arrange a date close to where you live in the hopes that you will invite them back to your place. One can never be sure so best to stick with public settings for the first few dates.

[d0nnivain]

Great.  Go on the walk.  When you circle back to the starting point, say good bye & go home separately.  It's fine.  

If he asks you to come to his house or tries to invite himself to your house, say maybe some other time after we get to know each other better if you like him.  If you didn't enjoy his company, say no, I don't think this will work out & never talk to him again. 

It's all within your control.  

[smackie9]

Ya you never let a guy know exactly where you live that you have just met. Public settings where there are people around yes. Women do have to be careful when meeting strangers.

[Versacehottie]

19 hours ago, Lovesoul said:

Well I don’t know really. Yesterday we were talking about meeting this Friday and we said let’s go for a walk in a park where I live and we can meet at the park.

Now today we were again talking about the meet on Friday and he asks me if he will come meet me at my house!?  

I’m not seeing imaginary red flags, this to me is a red flag.

If you look at it like this, you are wanting him in some ways to be a perfect mind reader and speak to you in a perfect way for you--made even harder due to the fact that you barely know each other and TBH, it doesn't sound like you are great at expressing yourself. Instead of looking for red flags when he doesn't speak like you perfect imaginary guy, try to think about it more like this: whatever he presents is a suggestion for the two of you to NEGOTIATE on.  Basically, when it comes to comfort level of meeting some guy for the first time, you need to ADVOCATE for what you feel comfortable with.  He's going to suggest what he feels comfortable with and if you don't speak up to make the date what is good for you, that's really on you.  Stop looking for mind reader people and learn how to use your voice.  

Only do or go where you want to go, it's as simple as that.  If he's a good guy, he will respect that and be willing to put in the effort to earn you being more comfortable with him over time.

Regarding the clown comment, I think you are nitpicking.  This is not that serious.  Again, it's a version of you expecting this fantasy guy who does and says everything as you have in your imagination.  Leave some leeway and an open mind for the REAL person who shows up.  You might be pleasantly surprised.

Edited February 5, 2021 by Versacehottie

[Miss Spider]

I don’t see a problem. Re. Clown, I think he just meant silly people... was just joking. Maybe you have slightly incompatible sense of humor. But tbh my bf’s sense of humor kind of irked me when he first met. You guys can act certain way ie try a little too hard especially at the beginning.Just go on the first date. You might like him/ 

[Wiseman2]

On 2/4/2021 at 3:37 PM, Lovesoul said:

he asks me if he will come meet me at my house!?  

Red flag, yes.

[BaileyB]

On 2/4/2021 at 2:55 PM, Lovesoul said:

Well I did that, I told him I prefer to meet in the park and he was ok with it, so we are doing that tomorrow.

Good plan. You don’t want to meet a stranger at your home. Some men don’t get this...

Hope it goes ok. Just take it one step at a time. Set the boundaries that feel good to you. And, see how it goes...

[Gaeta]

On 2/4/2021 at 3:37 PM, Lovesoul said:

I’m not seeing imaginary red flags, this to me is a red flag.

Yes it's a red flag, covid or not. 

A man knows it's improper to invite himself to a woman's house when he's never been there, he has to wait for the first invitation to come from the woman. 

This guy is not clueless, he knows all this, he's trying to see if you're naïve and desperate enough to say yes.

That being said, if you live in a area where coffee shops and everything else are closed and it's impossible to date properly then what do you expect from dating? Right now the dating sites are full of men using the opportunity to find desperate women that will let them in their home. Why not concentrate on something else for now and go back to dating in May or June when restaurants will re-open and spring will be here. 

Edited February 7, 2021 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Good plan. You don’t want to meet a stranger at your home. Some men don’t get this..

They know...they know...Most men were raised by women (parents) who taught them to say please and thank you, to take their shoes off when they come in, and to not invite themselves to people's house. 

Women put the bar so low for men now. I know I did it too when I was dating.

[roseears]

23 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Yes it's a red flag, covid or not. 

A man knows it's improper to invite himself to a woman's house when he's never been there, he has to wait for the first invitation to come from the woman. 

This guy is not clueless, he knows all this, he's trying to see if you're naïve and desperate enough to say yes.

That being said, if you live in a area where coffee shops and everything else are closed and it's impossible to date properly then what do you expect from dating? Right now the dating sites are full of men using the opportunity to find desperate women that will let them in their home. Why not concentrate on something else for now and go back to dating in May or June when restaurants will re-open and spring will be here. 

She can continue dating. Try to tell guys online you don't meet in person at the moment, and only do video chat and getting to know each other. You only meet after lockdown or perhaps you can meet but only for a walk outside. See how many men will say ok and actually keep talking to you.

I think right now is a great opportunity to differentiate between the guys who only want one thing and the guys who truly want to connect. 

Edited February 8, 2021 by roseears

[BaileyB]

On 2/7/2021 at 9:43 AM, Gaeta said:

They know...they know...Most men were raised by women (parents) who taught them to say please and thank you, to take their shoes off when they come in, and to not invite themselves to people's house. 

Yes, as far as good manner go. I’m talking about safety, I don’t generally understand the safety precautions by which women tend to live their life. The men in my life have no worries inviting a stranger from Facebook marketplace to the house to buy/pickup some electronics while that totally freaks me out! It’s my opinion, but I just don’t think they are quite as cautious as most women... 

 

[Interstellar]

I understand where you’re coming from with the clown term, which term would you prefer court jester? guys don’t really understand the subtleties of the english language because that’s how most men are wired. biologically, we’re not the best with words or communicating. although centuries of evolution  made us pretty good at going to wars, hunting giant sabre toothed tigers and slaying dragons that will feed our family for a week.

if your gut tells you to not go, listen to it.

Edited February 10, 2021 by Interstellar

[mortensorchid]

I don't see any red flags in what you just shared about this situation.  The mention of the holiday house was just a conversation piece as far as I could see, he was not boasting about how much money he does/doesn't have.  The clown comment was just that you two can and will make each other laugh.  Otherwise it seems alright.  Hope you meet up and have a good time.  Or if you have already, how did it go?