d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 13 minutes ago, peach302 said: why match with people and then not give them the time of day. There is a big difference between giving somebody the time of day & them expecting you to be at their beck & call for every minute of every day. Just because somebody sends you a message does not obligate you to respond immediately. 4
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: There is a big difference between giving somebody the time of day & them expecting you to be at their beck & call for every minute of every day. Just because somebody sends you a message does not obligate you to respond immediately. Again, it's not about getting a message. It's about delaying during a conversation. I realize you're not familiar with dating app. Yes you get messages but they also have messaging app for people that are online at the same time. If you get a good old message sure you can take 3 days to reply no big deal but if someone sees you online and sends you a hello on the messaging app, you reply hello then you are engaging in a 'live' conversation. If during that live conversation you delay 5 mins between answers because you're too busy, and you only reply minimum info then you'll get dropped, I would drop a man that messages me live and don't take the time to concentrate on a conversation with me. 2
peach302 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 26 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: There is a big difference between giving somebody the time of day & them expecting you to be at their beck & call for every minute of every day. Just because somebody sends you a message does not obligate you to respond immediately. Yeah obviously an immediate response is impossible. I simply said within a reasonable amount of time. I don't think one day or more than one day is reasonable. I would then say that person doesn't have time to dedicate in getting to know someone so why bother in the first place. It just wastes the other person's time when they could be talking to others. Edited February 4, 2021 by peach302
poppyfields Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 I think it's important to be polite and considerate. Responding within a few hours is reasonable unless it's a question that requires an immediate response. Especially during the day when people are at work, in meetings or just busy with life. Once you begin having a conversation, waiting is impolite and rude imo but we don't know the context of the texts or how long the OP waited to respond. I got the impression these guys wanted an immediate response and became angry and frustrated when that wasn't happening, but I could be wrong about that. I recall one guy who did expect an immediate response, and got frustrated when that didn't always happen; one time he called and left me an angry voice mail because as he put it "why aren't you ever around??!!!!" I had not even met this man yet, and after that voice mail, I didn't want to. Delete. 1
SumGuy Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 20 hours ago, Emilyinroses said: ... Isn’t this ok? Why are these guys so annoyed!? Of course it is OK. 2 out of how many guys said this? Also, it really is a matter of preference and style at this stage and even in a full blown relationship.
Versacehottie Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Haven't read all the responses but I think you are fine to talk to several guys at once in these initial stages. Also to set a pace for messaging that works for you. No way, would I let a guy that I hadn't even met monopolize my time or try to dictate how I used it. They can voice what they would like, I guess, and if it's reasonable, work with them. I didn't notice the timeframe you are taking to respond but if it's not excessive, to me, you don't need to feel guilty or change anything. How long are you taking to respond? Gotta keep in mind the kind of guy who would be likely to say something like that, as well as insist you only talk to one guy at a time when you've met through an app and haven't met in person yet. It's a little unreasonable, as well them monitoring how long you take to respond. I guess more details about that part would help to make sure you aren't been unreasonable or making it seem like you are not really that interested or being dismissive toward them.
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: Again, it's not about getting a message. It's about delaying during a conversation. I realize you're not familiar with dating app. Yes you get messages but they also have messaging app for people that are online at the same time. If you get a good old message sure you can take 3 days to reply no big deal but if someone sees you online and sends you a hello on the messaging app, you reply hello then you are engaging in a 'live' conversation. If during that live conversation you delay 5 mins between answers because you're too busy, and you only reply minimum info then you'll get dropped, I would drop a man that messages me live and don't take the time to concentrate on a conversation with me. I get that & you should not start a conversation unless you have a few minutes to devote to it when you have your device in your hands & are willing "to talk." Squeezing it in while multi-talking or juggling multiple conversations is bad if you are not good at it. 2
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 Guys, I took only 5 minutes to respond to these guys! And I have just met both of them online! It felt like many women did take too long to respond and they were taking it on me. I didn’t say ‘I’m working talk later’ because I only took 5 minutes to respond! But yes if it takes me longer I will say something. I find that controlling and very very rude to say the least. 2
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 22 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: How long are you taking to respond? She said 4 minutes or more. We're not talking messages here but a chat device offered in all dating sites that you use when both online. It's like talking on text or skype. If I have to wait 4-5-6 minutes in between each questions I'd drop the person.
StrongHands Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 I think that most people “make time” for what they deem to be important 1
Alpacalia Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 If it puts you off then just stop communicating with them. 4
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 14 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Guys, I took only 5 minutes to respond to these guys! And I have just met both of them online! * * * I find that controlling and very very rude to say the least. So why keep bothering with them? I agree with you. These guys were pushy jerks who thought they were entitled to more of your time then you were rightly willing to give a stranger. Just next them & be done with it. Don't worry about @Gaeta & me. She's just trying to educate me about the functionality of the on-line dating system which I didn't understand. 2
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Are you on there to meet men or not?? If you are then put time aside to chat with them for 15 minutes then say good bye and go chat the next one!! 2
poppyfields Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) I actually think waiting a bit (5 minutes?) is a great way to weed out the psychos. Yeah it's a shyt test which men employ too, we all do. This one is necessary. Any man who's gonna get that bent because a woman he just met on-line takes 5 minutes to respond is not a man you should want to meet or god forbid date. There is simply no excuse for that type of nonsense, no matter how long you took, you do no need men like this in your life. They will drain you emotionally, BTDT. I don't disagree with Gaeta, if you're interested, take 15 to chat and develop a rapport. However, shyt does happen sometimes and we cannot always respond back immediately. These men were 100% out of line, "pushy jerks" as D0nnivain so eloquently described them. You did absolutely nothing wrong and I would advise you to keep doing what you're doing. Next time this happens, and a man goes off on you like these two clowns did, don't even be bothered about it, do what I did, just delete and carry on chatting and meeting other men. Edited February 4, 2021 by poppyfields 4
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Are you on there to meet men or not?? If you are then put time aside to chat with them for 15 minutes then say good bye and go chat the next one!! Please! It took me 5 minutes to respond to these guys after we just met! I could have gone to the toilet, answer a phone call, answer the door because a neighbour wants to talk to me, etc, etc. A normal person does not behave like them and I’m glad they are off. Next. 2
littleblackheart Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) Never mind. I totally misread the situation. Edited February 4, 2021 by littleblackheart 2
StrongHands Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 14 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I actually think waiting a bit (5 minutes?) is a great way to weed out the psychos. Yeah it's a shyt test which men employ too, we all do. This one is necessary. Any man who's gonna get that bent because a woman he just met on-line takes 5 minutes to respond is not a man you should want to meet or god forbid date. There is simply no excuse for that type of nonsense, no matter how long you took, you do no need men like this in your life. They will drain you emotionally, BTDT. I don't disagree with Gaeta, if you're interested, take 15 to chat and develop a rapport. However, shyt does happen sometimes and we cannot always respond back immediately. These men were 100% out of line, "pushy jerks" as D0nnivain so eloquently described them. You did absolutely nothing wrong and I would advise you to keep doing what you're doing. Next time this happens, and a man goes off on you like these two clowns did, don't even be bothered about it, do what I did, just delete and carry on chatting and meeting other men. Men should NEVER EVER “go off” on a woman about anything certainly not dating. Clowns is a very good word describe these guys. OP, OLD should not be any different than traditional dating. In other words, the same decorum and etiquette should be adhered too 3 1
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 27 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I could have gone to the toilet, answer a phone call, answer the door because a neighbour wants to talk to me, etc, etc. You're changing your story. You don't delay once 5 minutes. As you explained you delay 5 minutes in between each sentence.
peach302 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 I once spoke to someone who got annoyed and unmatched me after i didn't respond after one hour. I thought that was bad enough..but 5 minutes . That's craziness. Ott. 1
peach302 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 8 minutes ago, StrongHands said: Men should NEVER EVER “go off” on a woman about anything certainly not dating. Clowns is a very good word describe these guys. OP, OLD should not be any different than traditional dating. In other words, the same decorum and etiquette should be adhered too They don't thats the problem . There is a lack of etiquette overall. And those who engage in old nowadays know this!
poppyfields Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) I think the point is not how long Emilyroses took to respond, but rather how these men responded to it. We can debate that she should have responded sooner, but that does not negate the fact these men had no right to go psycho on her! They had not even met in person yet and even if they had, that still does not give them the right to go off on her like that. It's flat out unacceptable, period, the end. It was a huge red flag, one that should not be ignored, regardless of how long it took you to respond. Mature grown up men with their shyt together do not behave this way. Choose wisely from the getgo and avoid emotional insanity later. Edited February 4, 2021 by poppyfields 2
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 38 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You're changing your story. You don't delay once 5 minutes. As you explained you delay 5 minutes in between each sentence. No, I delayed 5 minutes to respond to one message, not in between sentences.
Gaeta Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 12 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: No, I delayed 5 minutes to respond to one message, not in between sentences. Then I misunderstood your story, I apologize. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: She said 4 minutes or more. We're not talking messages here but a chat device offered in all dating sites that you use when both online. It's like talking on text or skype. If I have to wait 4-5-6 minutes in between each questions I'd drop the person. oh sorry missed that. Anyway, well goes to show people are calibrated very differently. I think if you are mid-conversation 4-6 minutes is a little long (if it is because she can't think of how to respond and keeps revising her answers or is trying to manipulate things with the guy to make it feel like she is busy)... but more importantly the guy has no idea what she is doing on the other end. She could be driving, at work, in the middle of something for fun, life, on the phone with a company, 100 things that involve taking care of your daily life. If you need to grab something from your car or change a load of laundry, that takes 4 minutes or so. I just wouldn't let some guy that i don't really know and has no official place in my life yet tether me to his timeframe. If OP says she is doing nothing and the time has been set aside in a way for them to chat, well yeah that's a little lame on her part. And yes I meant the "message" function in dating apps=chat device. I don't know if there is something different or a different sort of protocol on match, okcupid online or eharmony---most of my friends do the apps. Which for those, it's basically the same as receiving a text message, which is why I think the OP should treat it as a text message unless her chat device is different/different protocol. Lol, i kid you not people here would absolutely think it's normal to respond in 24 hrs (even more sometimes). Edited February 4, 2021 by Versacehottie
peach302 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said: No, I delayed 5 minutes to respond to one message, not in between sentences. Why do you care so much. Just move on if it bothers you. There are bound to be many things you find offputting about Online men but just carry on instead of ruminating on small things. I've come across strange behaviour like this too but wouldnt put this much thought in to it. Edited February 4, 2021 by peach302 2
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