Two guys told me this on OLD!

[Emilyinroses]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm glad you've found what works for you.   

I guess the answer for the guy's behaviour is that some people are just rude and mean.   Try not to take it to heart.

I found it quite rude and mean yes.

I find lots of guys who just want sex and casual and I stop talking immediately because I am not into that, so having a guy accusing me of just wanting sex and casual because I take long to respond is just hilarious.

Edited February 3, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[poppyfields]

47 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

Because they were telling me off for talking to several men at the same time, and that’s none of their business to be honest!

They are not my boyfriends, I don’t own them explanations or exclusivity!

Absolutely!  Lord, what is up with some men, jeez!   lol

>>That I take too long to message back, so it seems I am talking to a lot of guys at the same time and so just looking for something casual! And that if I want a relationship I have to focus on the conversation with one guy!

If a man I had begun chatting on line with said this^ to me, it would be an immediate block and delete.  They're just anxious and insecure because you're not falling all over them, but you better believe it's exactly what they're doing!

I would never get involved with a guy who said this to me, it's controlling af, can you imagine actually dating a guy like this?  Who makes these sorts of demands right off the bat, before even meeting?

Good lord, just block and delete, be done, next.

 

Edited February 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, Backinthesaddleagain said:

Complaining is an instant turn off for me as well. So is garbage communication. It's not like you owe any of these guys anything (paraphrasing you) but that is kind of a bad attitude. It's called respect and there is nothing wrong with sending a quick "im at work ttyl" or something to let them know you are busy and will get back to them later. Based on their response from that, it will also give you a feel for their patience and maturity levels- added bonus! 

 

Good luck 

I agree on that, I can let them know I am working and talk later. But not doing that does not give then the right to be rude either.

[Emilyinroses]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Absolutely!  Lord, what is up with some men, jeez!   lol

>>That I take too long to message back, so it seems I am talking to a lot of guys at the same time and so just looking for something casual!

And that if I want a relationship I have to focus on the conversation with one guy!

If a man I had begun chatting on line with said this^ to me, it would be an immediately block and delete.  They're just anxious and insecure because you're not falling all over them, but you better believe it's exactly what they're doing!

I would never get involved with a guy who said this to me, it's controlling af, can you imagine dating a guy like this?

 

Yes I had that same feeling! You would have to walk on eggshells around a guy like this, otherwise he would tell you off left and right. 

Yes very controlling and entitled.

[Backinthesaddleagain]

9 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said:

I agree on that, I can let them know I am working and talk later. But not doing that does not give then the right to be rude either.

If this ruffles your feathers, just wait! The internet has no bounds for rudeness and obnoxious people. You can either start a new thread every hour about the next rude thing that happens (and it will, just look at this response I'm typing!  ) , or you can take control of your situation and fix it. Start by communicating better, and you will find better men. Garbage in---->Garbage out

[StrongHands]

What's so wrong with just BEING NORMAL, BEING A DECENT GUY, and treating a WOMAN LIKE A LADY....surely, it is not that difficult or maybe it has become difficult.  

"Gentleman, HOW CAN WE EXPECT TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY IF WE INSIST ON TREATING HER LIKE A WOMAN?  TREAT HER LIKE A LADY"

[Miss Spider]

I think they’re just trying to be cute/flirty and get you to respond faster...I don’t think it’s cute, personally, but if you like them just laugh it off... 

 

There’s a zillion reasons why someone might not answer right away on a dating app.. doesn’t necessarily mean they’re talking to others, but yes it should be assumed that most people you’re just chatting with on dating apps are talking to others.. even if they respond right away. 

[peach302]

1 hour ago, Emilyinroses said:

I am seeking answers because I always heard that women should talk with several men so they do not get attached quickly to one guy, and then I have these guys complaining.

I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong and I shold focus on one at a time. Confused now.

You're not wrong.

People have different  methods. Some like talking to a few at the same time. Others talk to one person at a time.

With OLD you should keep your options open anyway..until you've both decided on some form of exclusivity. 

With regards to these men it probably  just hurts their ego as opposed to really being into you. Since they don't know you that  well right.

[poppyfields]

I just think they're insecure, anxious and annoyed because you're not jumping like a puppy and keeping them waiting.  You haven't even met these men yet for goodness sake.  They need to chill!

You have a life, you have options, so what if you don't immediately respond, do they not have a life?  Are they not chatting with other women as well?  They should be, at least until you meet and click, and begin dating.

We don't know the context within which it was said, whether they were trying to be cute or whatever, but the way you wrote it, it sounded serious to me, and there are men like this.  

Don't even be bothered by it.  Just delete is my advice.

 

Edited February 3, 2021 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

What these guys did was not right I agree. 

On the other hand why not be considerate and when you chat with someone while you work, or do something else, you can warn them you might be slow, it's just a considerate thing to do. 

[dramafreezone]

Why is a guy talking about a relationship when you haven't even met?

Maybe this is cynical, but I just assume that all single women I talk to are talking to 3-4 other guys.  I just know of all of the options that are available to them these days and I don't care really.  I don't even know if I like her and I'm keeping my own options open.

Edited February 4, 2021 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

28 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

On the other hand why not be considerate and when you chat with someone while you work, or do something else, you can warn them you might be slow, it's just a considerate thing to do. 

I typically say that once I begin dating a man.  But before meet when you're chatting with a bunch of different men (or women if roles were reversed)?  I could see how that might get quite exhausting.

I am a very polite person, but I don't see why that's necessary before a meet when it should be a given you're chatting with a few.  Even I did that and I am 100% a "relationship person," I don't date casually.

These guys are out of line imo and need to chill.  Especially when most likely they are doing the same thing, which is to be expected and fine before a meet.  They just don't like to be the ones feeling anxious, that's all this is imo.  Does not bode well for when/if you do start dating.

[StrongHands]

Could it possibly an EARLY form of CONTROL?  Just A Thought

[smackie9]

I think there are a lot of messed up guys and women, that do have trouble irl, so too many turn to OLD. So an normal innocent person looking for love is going to run into this crap a lot.

[Ami1uwant]

You can talk to multipke men. Both sides do it.  They just don’t say they are.

 

if you like thrm ask thrm about dating

 

thr grneral rule...if you are local and you have some decrnt banter, thrn meet face to face ASAP.  Don’t talk much between then snd the date so you have stuff to talk about.

[StrongHands]

I wonder if some people turn to OLD because they LACK the confidence for in person interaction.  As far as the OP goes, she does NOT need to be controlled by ANY man or have your behavior dictated by them. 

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, Emilyinroses said:

I have been chatting with guys on a OLD App and two guys said this same thing to me.

That I take too long to message back, so it seems I am talking to a lot of guys at the same time and so just looking for something casual!

People want instant gratification & people think others are obligated to get back to them within 1-2 minutes.  Those folks also think the phone is more important than everything else & if there's a new message the world needs to stop so that device can be tended to.  They are short sighted, immature & impatient.  All in all they make bad partners if they can't wait 24 hours for a response.  You can't just pester somebody all day every day.

So my advice:  don't worry about the guys that said this to you.  Be happy they self selected out of your life. 

[Gaeta]

I will play devil's advocate here. 

The goal to be on a dating site is to make contact with someone you'd be interested in meeting face to face. You are on there to have an initial conversation to judge if you go next or you make plans to meet. If you don't have time to put things aside to have a decent conversation maybe you shouldn't log in and instead concentrate on your work instead. The way you conduct yourself online is a reflection of how you conduct yourself out there. 

We have a saying in my language If you chase too many rabbits at the same time you'll catch none.

@StrongHands: Has nothing to do with confidence, this is how society has evolved. People don't really approach each other in real. Once you're out of college you don't have the benefit of a large social group.

[Gaeta]

13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

All in all they make bad partners if they can't wait 24 hours for a response.  

I don't think it's in that context. 

I think she means she starts having a conversation live with these men and she takes 4-5 minutes sometimes more to answer a simple 'what you do for fun', then another 5-6 minutes to answer 'what you do for living'. And if she answers only 2-3 words at a time with 4-5-6 minutes between her shorts answers personally I'd drop her. 

[d0nnivain]

5 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

 If you don't have time to put things aside to have a decent conversation maybe you shouldn't log in and instead concentrate on your work instead. The way you conduct yourself online is a reflection of how you conduct yourself out there. 
 

Depends on the time of day.  I would not stop work every time some guy off the internet messaged me during the day. 

That said, if you have time for a 2-5 minute chat you need to sign off definitively with something like -- thanks for checking in.  I need to get back to work.  I'll reach out later.  Is there a time better for you?  so they know why you stopped responding. 

Still time tracking somebody else's response only makes you crazy 

Edited February 4, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Gaeta]

You will never find someone interesting if you're scattered all over the place and racing to answer 2-3 words to 6-7 men at the same time. How can you decide if a man is interesting if you don't stop and give some real attention to what he says. 

Now if this is something men have to deal with all the time it can get frustrating and at some point they lash out on the next woman. I know I've been there. I got so tired of getting initial messages with *hey sexy* that at some point I took my frustration out on the next guy that did it. 

Of course it's not right to lash out at people but we're just human and it will happen. Instead of telling OP there is nothing wrong in her attitude why not she uses that critic to twitch her attitude online a little, it might give her better results. 

[StrongHands]

I agree with Donnivain why in the world would you track how long it takes to respond.  If I am working or something of the sort, I am not immersed in my phone or than listening to music.  I still think that it is a control thing and who wants to control someone else....NOT ME it's simply too exhausting 

[peach302]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You will never find someone interesting if you're scattered all over the place and racing to answer 2-3 words to 6-7 men at the same time. How can you decide if a man is interesting if you don't stop and give some real attention to what he says. 

Now if this is something men have to deal with all the time it can get frustrating and at some point they lash out on the next woman. I know I've been there. I got so tired of getting initial messages with *hey sexy* that at some point I took my frustration out on the next guy that did it. 

Of course it's not right to lash out at people but we're just human and it will happen. Instead of telling OP there is nothing wrong in her attitude why not she uses that critic to twitch her attitude online a little, it might give her better results. 

I didn't  read everything here but i do think if the OP takes a whole day or more to respond she shouldn't be on there in the first place. There are some men who are genuinely looking for a relationship. 

On the other hand if she replies within a reasonable time frame or politely lets them know she's not a texter or gets busy with work then it should be ok. 

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, StrongHands said:

I agree with Donnivain why in the world would you track how long it takes to respond.  If I am working or something of the sort, I am not immersed in my phone or than listening to music.  I still think that it is a control thing and who wants to control someone else....NOT ME it's simply too exhausting 

Setting aside control issues. One could argue why match with people and then not give them the time of day.

In that case just don't date online

[StrongHands]

12 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Setting aside control issues. One could argue why match with people and then not give them the time of day.

In that case just don't date online

You are probably right Ms Peach..........good advice