Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 I have been chatting with guys on a OLD App and two guys said this same thing to me. That I take too long to message back, so it seems I am talking to a lot of guys at the same time and so just looking for something casual! And that if I want a relationship I have to focus on the conversation with one guy! Well I am indeed talking to several guys, and why not!? I am not attached to any guy, so why do I have to talk to only one? And no I am not looking for anything casual, I do want a relationship, but I have been on OLD for some time and I don’t take it seriously when we are only texting. I text in a casual way and if I feel a nice vibe I text more and want to meet in person and THEN I might focus on that guy. Not when we are only texting online. I know many guys text very casually because they are superficial and don’t want anything serious and I’m sure many women do it too, but I just don’t want to focus and invest too much on someone before meeting in person, and yes want to talk to several men. Isn’t this ok? Why are these guys so annoyed!?
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 And how has that been working for you so far? 2 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: And how has that been working for you so far? What do you mean?
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Well, chatting with multiple men and having them wait 4 minutes between each sentence, how is that working for you? getting good dates? men asking you out again?
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Well, chatting with multiple men and having them wait 4 minutes between each sentence, how is that working for you? getting good dates? men asking you out again? Sometimes they have to wait longer as I am working or doing other stuff, not glued to the phone. I am now chatting on Whatsapp with one guy I did feel a good vibe and actually we have been keeping in touch regularly during the day without any problem on how long it takes to respond back. We are going to meet too. But that happened organically.
basil67 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) If you're finding plenty of great men who want to date you despite you being caught up messaging with others, then don't worry about the criticisms. If what you're doing is working for you, then stick with it. As for why they are bothered, they likely feel like you're wasting their time. They probably feel that you're just adding them to the pile of other men you're speaking to and so don't bother with you. This is their prerogative as much as multi dating is yours. Edited February 3, 2021 by basil67 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: If you're finding plenty of great men who want to date you despite you being caught up messaging with others, then don't worry about the criticisms. If what you're doing is working for you, then stick with it. As for why they are bothered, they likely feel like you're wasting their time. They probably feel that you're just adding them to the pile of other men you're speaking to and so don't bother with you. This is their prerogative as much as multi dating is yours. Well sometimes I feel that with some men too. But I give them the benefit of the doubt first, see if they can have a conversation that makes sense or they are just not into that. Sometimes it can be that they are working, have kids, etc, not that they are talking with multiple women and only what casual. But both of these guys told me this just minutes after we started chatting online! They didn’t even ask me why I take so long. And I was taking long because I was working, nothing else. I understand some guys can feel that way and get bothered, but why not asking first before making assumptions and telling you off!? Edited February 3, 2021 by Emilyinroses
basil67 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 If the truth is that you were busy working, why did you open the thread about why you're talking to several men and want to date more than one at a time? Anyway, when you couldn't respond because you were busy, did you respond with "great to hear from you busy at work right now, will message when I have a break"? If so, they would have known what was going on and not assumed. It's all about communication. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 1 minute ago, basil67 said: If the truth is that you were busy working, why did you open the thread about why you're talking to several men and want to date more than one at a time? Anyway, when you couldn't respond because you were busy, did you respond with "great to hear from you busy at work right now, will message when I have a break"? If so, they would have known what was going on and not assumed. It's all about communication. Because they were telling me off for talking to several men at the same time, and that’s none of their business to be honest! They are not my boyfriends, I don’t own them explanations or exclusivity! I didn’t say I was busy working because I never thought that could be an issue, that would take me some time to respond. I didn’t know they were glued to the phone expecting a conversation immediately. 1
basil67 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Are you seeking answers or just having a rant to get it off your chest? 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 2 minutes ago, basil67 said: Are you seeking answers or just having a rant to get it off your chest? I am seeking answers because I always heard that women should talk with several men so they do not get attached quickly to one guy, and then I have these guys complaining. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong and I shold focus on one at a time. Confused now.
central Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 As a man, I think you should be talking to as many men as you can handle doing so while keeping them straight in your head. Once you have MET some of them in person (no doubt some won't be worth meeting), you can decide after a few dates if you want to focus on ONE and stop chatting with the others. They're only complaining because they probably don't have as many options for dating, and want to limit the competition. IMO, any man who's worth dating will soon stand out and you should focus on those few who do and not worry about the rest. 1
smackie9 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Nothing wrong with chatting with many men on OLD. They know you are and so are many other women, so they can't fuss about it. it is what it is. If they want to rise about the pack then they need to step up their game and ask for a date/ set up dates, and take it from there. It's how it works. I agree you shouldn't be texting a guy for weeks at a time....it's a dating site, people are looking for someone to date duh. So yes there is no point in investing in a chat buddy...invest in a man that enjoys your company OUT ON DATES. Then you can invest in one guy if you are on your 3 date, ....dating and messaging is consistent, etc.
sushiandtacos Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 13 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Because they were telling me off for talking to several men at the same time, and that’s none of their business to be honest! They are not my boyfriends, I don’t own them explanations or exclusivity! I didn’t say I was busy working because I never thought that could be an issue, that would take me some time to respond. I didn’t know they were glued to the phone expecting a conversation immediately. Why do you care what they think? Im kinda confused as to why you're worked up about guys you don't even know...
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, central said: As a man, I think you should be talking to as many men as you can handle doing so while keeping them straight in your head. Once you have MET some of them in person (no doubt some won't be worth meeting), you can decide after a few dates if you want to focus on ONE and stop chatting with the others. They're only complaining because they probably don't have as many options for dating, and want to limit the competition. IMO, any man who's worth dating will soon stand out and you should focus on those few who do and not worry about the rest. Thank you! If a man stands out I gladly go on a date IRL with him and even text him more, but that happens because he is interesting and I like the dynamic. Guys that start off complaining when we just started chatting is a big turn off to me. Edited February 3, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Backinthesaddleagain Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 I had this happen to me quite a bit. It's super annoying to chat with someone who is obviously too busy to carry on a conversation... It's ok to talk to as many people as you like, but I suggest setting aside some time to talk to each, so you don't have 6 different conversations going on at the same time. It also gets confusing and hard to tell them apart when first getting to know them. It sounds like you are spamming a ton of dudes while at work, and then getting mad when they lose interest with the long texting games. Your results will be based on your approach. If you are working and can't text, then don't respond to the match until you get off work. It's called being a responsible adult, the dating app will still be there later tonight. Good luck FYI- Most people will want an instant conversation upon matching so as not to waste time in the fiery hell known as online dating. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Nothing wrong with chatting with many men on OLD. They know you are and so are many other women, so they can't fuss about it. it is what it is. If they want to rise about the pack then they need to step up their game and ask for a date/ set up dates, and take it from there. It's how it works. I agree you shouldn't be texting a guy for weeks at a time....it's a dating site, people are looking for someone to date duh. So yes there is no point in investing in a chat buddy...invest in a man that enjoys your company OUT ON DATES. Then you can invest in one guy if you are on your 3 date, ....dating and messaging is consistent, etc. Yes agree, thank you. My attention to a man is gradual and more based on IRL dates, not texting. 1
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 When l was dating l was having conversations with more than one man but not all at the same time in text!! You can't concentrate and get a feel of them if all you do is hurry to answer everyone, you got to be logic with this. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Backinthesaddleagain said: I had this happen to me quite a bit. It's super annoying to chat with someone who is obviously too busy to carry on a conversation... It's ok to talk to as many people as you like, but I suggest setting aside some time to talk to each, so you don't have 6 different conversations going on at the same time. It also gets confusing and hard to tell them apart when first getting to know them. It sounds like you are spamming a ton of dudes while at work, and then getting mad when they lose interest with the long texting games. Your results will be based on your approach. If you are working and can't text, then don't respond to the match until you get off work. It's called being a responsible adult, the dating app will still be there later tonight. Good luck FYI- Most people will want an instant conversation upon matching so as not to waste time in the fiery hell known as online dating. Although I chat with different guys, I don’t chat with a lot of different guys at the same time because it gets me confused. These two guys I matched with them and said hi and a few sentences because I was on my lunch break. It was very casual so I didn’t feel the need to say I was going to work and talk later and then later they were annoyed. They didn’t even ask me why it took me so long, they just started complaining! To me that is a red flag. Will they start arguing every time I do something they don’t like!? Edited February 3, 2021 by Emilyinroses
basil67 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Ok, thanks for clarifying - I didn't want to try and give answers if it wasn't what you were seeking There is no rule. Some people want to multi date and some people don't. It's OK either way. The people who do multi date are most comfortable with those who have the same approach and the ones who don't want to multi date are also seeking people like them. Because people are seeking like minded others, it actually is their business if the person they are dating doesn't have the same outlook on dating. And if you're busy working and can't text (which is an entirely different topic), I believe it's courtesy to let the person know. 1
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: When l was dating l was having conversations with more than one man but not all at the same time in text!! You can't concentrate and get a feel of them if all you do is hurry to answer everyone, you got to be logic with this. I don’t do that either. I chat with different men at different times.
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: Ok, thanks for clarifying - I didn't want to try and give answers if it wasn't what you were seeking There is no rule. Some people want to multi date and some people don't. It's OK either way. The people who do multi date are most comfortable with those who have the same approach and the ones who don't want to multi date are also seeking people like them. Because people are seeking like minded others, it actually is their business if the person they are dating doesn't have the same outlook on dating. And if you're busy working and can't text (which is an entirely different topic), I believe it's courtesy to let the person know. I used to be like that in the past, chat with one guy at a time, and that made me create a fantasy of him in my head, and then when I went on a date, I was already wearing rose tinted glasses and thinking he is the one. Someone advised me to multi date and so that stopped completely. Talking with several men makes me keep things in perspective and be realistic. Also makes me not invest too much too soon. So it does help me. But that does not mean I want something casual. These guys accused me of talking superficially with a lot of men to only have sex with them. And that is very judgemental and not what I want or am doing. Yes I agree I can tell them I am working and talk later. Edited February 3, 2021 by Emilyinroses
Author Emilyinroses Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 17 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: Why do you care what they think? Im kinda confused as to why you're worked up about guys you don't even know... I care because I was never accused that I am in there just looking for sex. That was something new to me.
basil67 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 3 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: I used to be like that in the past, chat with one guy at a time, and that made me create a fantasy of him in my head, and then when I went on a date, I was already wearing rose tinted glasses and thinking he is the one. Someone advised me to multi date and so that stopped completely. Talking with several men makes me keep things in perspective and be realistic. Also makes me not invest too much too soon. So it does help me. But that does not mean I want something casual. These guys accused me of talking superficially with a lot of men to only have sex with them. And that is very judgemental and not what I want or am doing. Yes I agree I can tell them I am working and talk later. I'm glad you've found what works for you. I guess the answer for the guy's behaviour is that some people are just rude and mean. Try not to take it to heart.
Backinthesaddleagain Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 9 minutes ago, Emilyinroses said: Although I chat with different guys, I don’t chat with a lot of different guys at the same time because it gets me confused. These two guys I matched with them and said hi and a few sentences because I was on my lunch break. It was very casual so I didn’t feel the need to say I was going to work and talk later and then later they were annoyed. They didn’t even ask me why it took me so long, they just started complaining! To me that is a red flag. Will they start arguing every time I do something they don’t like!? Complaining is an instant turn off for me as well. So is garbage communication. It's not like you owe any of these guys anything (paraphrasing you) but that is kind of a bad attitude. It's called respect and there is nothing wrong with sending a quick "im at work ttyl" or something to let them know you are busy and will get back to them later. Based on their response from that, it will also give you a feel for their patience and maturity levels- added bonus! Good luck
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