Realized I (37f) have feelings for my friend and now roommate (28m)

[Idiota77]

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. We met a year and a half ago at work. We pretty much immediately started hanging out as we had the same circle of friends. We then started sleeping together. Neither Of us was wanting anything serious it was purely casual. We both had recently gotten out of long-term relationships. We have created a strong bond between us and I consider him a good friend. To the point where when we both needed a new place to live we decided that we would move in together to help each other. it was originally going to be three of us in the apartment. Him and I and one of his friends. 

That is not what happened. We ended up getting a two bedroom just me and him. We have had numerous discussions on how we both wanna keep it professional if we will be living together. I completely agreed not knowing How i really felt at that time.

The sexual relationship ended a few months before we moved in together. Since moving in at the end of January (so not that long); there of been some extremely awkward and sexual tension related moments. Which I completely ignored knowing full well that this could end badly. I know I’m not crazy, I know he felt it too. He can be extremely flirtatious at times and I get mixed readings on certain situations. 

 

Anyways cut to tonight where he brings a girl over to the new place. they are all f***ing over each other immediately in front of me. That’s when it hit me. 

I tried to act super casual and nice to the girl. I’m literally sitting on the couch and they’re all f***ing over each other next to me. He would kiss her and look at me. Wtf is that? I felt like a f***ing idiot. I got sick to my stomach, which is when I realized that I have feelings for him. She went to the bathroom and he was asking me how I felt about her. Asking me for advice?! WTF! Then they went upstairs and I died inside. The next morning he kept asking me if I was upset or angry with him. Anytime you text her or calls her in front of me he’ll ask me if I’m OK. I am just sitting there I’m not acting any differently not saying anything. It’s like he internally feels guilty. But also doesn’t give a s*** clearly. 

I know that I cannot say a word. He clearly does not see me as anything but a friend and roommate and that’s ok. 

I know that there is absolutely no way in hell I can ever tell him or anyone how I actually feel. It will ruin everything and we just moved in. I know I need to just move on and push these feelings away.  Idk why he is asking me for advice and this ain’t the first time he’s done that either. Wish I could just flip a switch and not feel this way about him. 

More has happened since I originally wrote this post. I guess I had some type of Epiphany tonight and realized I need to just focus on myself. It’s not the end of the world. I am truly happy for him if this is what he wants in this new girl. Maybe we are just meant to be friends.

Edited February 2, 2021 by Idiota77

[d0nnivain]

Been there.  My roommate & I ended up dating but it took a similar incident for me to confess my feelings.  I was fully prepared to move out in 1 months time if he didn't reciprocate.

You have to tell him that you want to date him.  That is all there is to it  You can't have these other women in your house.  It will make you nuts. 

Problem is if he doesn't feel the same way, you may not be able to get out of the lease quickly in the pandemic. 

 

[Wiseman2]

Roommates is a financial and business arrangement. It's best to keep it that way.

Control your emotions. Have a discussion about guests, common areas and overnight guests.

Keep it businesslike and fair.

You as well can have your BF over. Just agree with the roommate, who entertains the people they're dating and where.

Every roommate situation needs ground rules about guests and common areas. Also about costs, errands, chores,etc.

Once you have ground rules in place, things will run a lot smoother.

[Miss Spider]

“Friend” hooohkay...

Edited February 3, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes