I have major girl trouble

[ZHguy]

So I'm bisexual. For some reason, I can't date girls. I push them far far away before they can consider me as a potential love interest. I met this girl online from my online college and we were never friends before. I can tell she's into me but all I want do is put her off from me. I don't want to see the disappointment in her when we return from quarantine in march, and we meet, and I'm not a muscular guy.

I'm attractive and good looking and positive and great with people. I know I'm sexy but for some reason there's an ugly guy inside of me who is allergic to rejection inside of me and will do anything to protect himself from it. 

Edited January 31, 2021 by ZHguy

[basil67]

29 minutes ago, ZHguy said:

I push [girls] far far away before they can consider me as a potential love interest. ......I can tell she's into me but all I want do is put her off from me. I don't want to see the disappointment in her when we return from quarantine in march, and we meet, and I'm not a muscular guy.

This bit is contradictory - can I clarify?   If she already sees you as a love interest, why do you need to push her away for her to see you that way?    I feel like there's a typo in here somewhere

Is it lack of muscles which you're concerned about?   Are you aware that the majority of women don't give a toss about how much muscle a guy has?    The whole 'getting fit at the gym before dating' thing is more about building your own confidence - it's not about the women you're going to date.

 

Quote

I'm attractive and good looking and positive and great with people. I know I'm sexy but for some reason there's an ugly guy inside of me who is allergic to rejection inside of me and will do anything to protect himself from it. 

You're bisexual, but only writing about fear of rejection from women.   How do you go with men?  Are you also afraid of their rejection?  If not, what is the difference?

Also, how old are you and how much dating experience do you have?

Edited January 31, 2021 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, ZHguy said:

So I'm bisexual. For some reason, I can't date girls. I push them far far away before they can consider me as a potential love interest.

All you need to do is be honest with yourself and others. Tell girls you're more into guys.

[spiderowl]

If this girl likes you, she won't care whether you have been working out down the gym or not.  She will just want to get to know you.

Do you like her and want to date her?  If not, just tell her you are more interested in men.  She might be surprised but she will understand.

You say you are bisexual but are you attracted to women and do you want to date them?  There is no shame in admitting to yourself if you are not interested in women.

 

 

[d0nnivain]

16 hours ago, ZHguy said:

I can tell she's into me but all I want do is put her off from me.

 

That would be you self sabotaging & pushing her away.  Stop doing that. 

[ZHguy]

On 1/31/2021 at 10:06 PM, basil67 said:

1. This bit is contradictory - can I clarify?   If she already sees you as a love interest, why do you need to push her away for her to see you that way?    I feel like there's a typo in here somewhere

2. Is it lack of muscles which you're concerned about?   Are you aware that the majority of women don't give a toss about how much muscle a guy has?    The whole 'getting fit at the gym before dating' thing is more about building your own confidence - it's not about the women you're going to date.

 

3. You're bisexual, but only writing about fear of rejection from women.   How do you go with men?  Are you also afraid of their rejection?  If not, what is the difference?

4. Also, how old are you and how much dating experience do you have?

1. I need to push her away, because when we go back to in class lessons / college in a couple months, she'll see how thin I am. And hence a disappointment. Like, she's a girl (older than the rest of the class) so she needs a man. 

2. Yes. 

3. In the gay world, I can be a sexy 10/10 Twink. That's the difference.

4. 22 yo. not much dating xp

[ZHguy]

On 2/1/2021 at 12:54 AM, spiderowl said:

1. If this girl likes you, she won't care whether you have been working out down the gym or not.  She will just want to get to know you.

2. Do you like her and want to date her?  If not, just tell her you are more interested in men.  She might be surprised but she will understand.

You say you are bisexual but are you attracted to women and do you want to date them?  There is no shame in admitting to yourself if you are not interested in women.

 

 

1. You're forgetting the fact that everyone else has more muscles than me. Like, there are so many sexy guys. Imagine if me and her are walking down the road, holding hands, and two sexy guys are walking past. She's going to want to be with him obviously. 

2. I want to start dating women, because in gay community, they like casual sex. I need a relationship. I've done men. I want to do women now. I could like her, but I keep telling myself 'no, there's no point, protect yourself from rejection please, be great friends instead  , so stop thinking of yourself as boyfriend material' . 

 

Edited February 18, 2021 by ZHguy

[ZHguy]

On 2/1/2021 at 1:38 PM, d0nnivain said:

That would be you self sabotaging & pushing her away.  Stop doing that. 

Yeah. I need to learn how to get that place in my life where I don't push away.

Edited February 18, 2021 by ZHguy

[spiderowl]

It's just not true that women only go for men with muscles.  Muscles can be attractive but too much muscle is not.  Woman are not all the same - some will like muscles, some will go for nice eyes, others for financial security, some for intelligence, etc.  If you assume women will drop you for the next man with muscles that appears on the scene, this is not only untrue but a distortion of reality on your part.

Edited February 18, 2021 by spiderowl

[basil67]

42 minutes ago, ZHguy said:

1. I need to push her away, because when we go back to in class lessons / college in a couple months, she'll see how thin I am. And hence a disappointment. Like, she's a girl (older than the rest of the class) so she needs a man. 

2. Yes. 

3. In the gay world, I can be a sexy 10/10 Twink. That's the difference.

4. 22 yo. not much dating xp

I had to google 'twink'.   I got many hits for boy bands and young actors, including young Leo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp.   I'm thinking that Christian Slater in Heathers was also a twink and he was super hot - much more than the jocks.  Where did you get the idea that girls don't find slim young men attractive?  

Edit: for the other oldies who aren't up on the phrase: a twink is a young, attractive gay man with a slim, boyish appearance.   Take out the gay part, and you'll find that many young women do like a young, attractive man with a slim boyish appearance.   Just as in the gay community, the straight community all like different things.  

Edited February 18, 2021 by basil67

[ZHguy]

On 2/18/2021 at 1:55 AM, basil67 said:

I had to google 'twink'.   I got many hits for boy bands and young actors, including young Leo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp.   I'm thinking that Christian Slater in Heathers was also a twink and he was super hot - much more than the jocks.  Where did you get the idea that girls don't find slim young men attractive?  

Edit: for the other oldies who aren't up on the phrase: a twink is a young, attractive gay man with a slim, boyish appearance.   Take out the gay part, and you'll find that many young women do like a young, attractive man with a slim boyish appearance.   Just as in the gay community, the straight community all like different things.  

Yeah you're basically right. That gives me some confidence.

[JRabbit]

Plenty of women hate muscles.  I personally like thin slim guys.

Have you dated women before?

[ZHguy]

On 2/24/2021 at 4:30 PM, JRabbit said:

Plenty of women hate muscles.  I personally like thin slim guys.

Have you dated women before?

No, I have not dated women before. And now I don't know how to flirt with them.