Why do men do this?

[ThereSheGoes]

So, I'm in my OLD travels.

And have noticed quite a few gentlemen who have pictures in their profile, with them and a gaggle of women. Attractive women.

Now these women can be their family members, friends, co-workers or cheerleaders from a sports team. (which I seem to come across a lot). One time, the guy was at a p*rn convention, and was posing with some well known p*rn stars.

What's the point of posting those pictures on an online dating app? Is it supposed to make the female viewer feel jealousy? Or make himself look like he's able to be accepted by beautiful women?

Usually what happens, for ME is: I see his profile, I may be interested from the bio and his display picture, I scroll through the rest of his pictures, come across that picture, and then automatically swipe left. It comes across like he's a pig who objectifies women, and places a high value on the physical attractiveness of a woman. Also, I'm a single woman looking for a partner. Why would I want to see a potential match surrounded by women?

What if it was reversed? What if it was a woman, at a bar with a bunch of her attractive male friends, cheesing in to the camera? Would it still have the same effect, whatever effect that these men think they're giving?

Edited January 31, 2021 by ThereSheGoes

[d0nnivain]

Who cares?  You know you don't like those group pictures so it's an easy way to determine that you probably won't like those men.  Just scroll on by.  No harm, no foul. 

I suspect they post them because they think it makes them seem more desirable. 

[ThereSheGoes]

4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Who cares?  You know you don't like those group pictures so it's an easy way to determine that you probably won't like those men.  Just scroll on by.  No harm, no foul. 

I suspect they post them because they think it makes them seem more desirable. 

 

Absolutely. I'm just curious as to why they think those pictures would help them be successful in finding a woman to do.....well, anything with them. I've heard some women say that they were totally down to have casual sex with a man, but a lot of men either talk their way out of it, without even knowing. They're sabotaging themselves.

[Cookiesandough]

Yea I think it’s one of those things that is supposed to make them seem more attractive, but mostly makes them seem like a d*uche. I will say it’s a little better than the ones where they paste emoji heads on everyone. Or they are in a huge group of guys and the least attractive one. Or worst of all, they’re in a huge group and you have to study to tell which one of they are supposed to be.

... but not much... 

Edited January 31, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[dramafreezone]

It's based on the concept that women value social proof.  If you see that other women want him, then you'll want him.  In it's purest form, it's a valid concept, but not just with women, with everyone.  You are more likely to like someone if you see that others like him or her.  At the very least, it makes you more curious, as if "what's this person got going for them?"

This can backfire if it appears that they're doing this deliberately (which is the case here).  If it looks as if he's trying to show this high value, it can have the opposite effect, as if to say I have to show you how good I am because you might not see it otherwise.   Deliberately trying to demonstrate social proof shows insecurity or approval seeking tendencies, which is weak behavior.

It it kind of dumb on their part, because if they could get those type of women and they're in abundance, why would they need OLD?  If someone is very popular, it actually works better to downplay it rather than try to highlight it.

Edited January 31, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Cookiesandough]

I’ll take the guy  that’s flexing with the  Ex/ friend/random girls at the club/sister / mom that’s way hotter than I’ll ever be so why should I even bother over the guy standing next to the luxury car or fanning a stack of hundreds

Edited January 31, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[chillii]

Haaaa, no idea l certainly would've have back in the day but l will say one thing. Because as usual the same once again seems to go both ways . During my little online stint back in the day there were 100s of women with pics including men , some even cuddling or holding hands , l'd think wtf, others with all their kids , the dog , the works , gee thanks mum .

l use to think guys in their pics we're like saying she's popular n not desperate- or something like that, might be similar for the guys . 

[Shining One]

While I haven't used OLD in a years, I only started using pictures with women in my profile after receiving advice from female friends. They also advised me not to overdo it and never to use them as the primary profile picture. The most liked picture on my OLD profile, by a significant margin, was me dancing with the maid of honor at a friend's wedding. I did receive better OLD results when I started including a few pictures with women.

[chillii]

17 hours ago, Shining One said:

While I haven't used OLD in a years, I only started using pictures with women in my profile after receiving advice from female friends. They also advised me not to overdo it and never to use them as the primary profile picture. The most liked picture on my OLD profile, by a significant margin, was me dancing with the maid of honor at a friend's wedding. I did receive better OLD results when I started including a few pictures with women.

My reply was meant to say l certainly "wouldn't",  but eh , there ya go then what would l know eh these guys must've heard the same stuff.

That's pretty funny really and soooooo female isn't it.  lf l'm ever back on one l'll have to try it haha, but then actually if l am ever back on one , just shoot me .

Edited February 2, 2021 by chillii

[Ruby Slippers]

I always disregarded/ignored those guys. I'm not interested in dating that kind of guy.

[Alpacalia]

Maybe he wants to be like Fonzie, aaayyy?

Edited February 2, 2021 by Alpaca

[Shining One]

It would be interesting to see a study on this. It's clearly unappealing to some women and appealing to others. The real question is whether it's a net positive or negative. As I mentioned before, it was a positive for me years ago. However, it could be a negative if I tried it now as my target group of women will likely be a bit older. I'm sure there will be plenty of experimentation with this and other aspects of my profile to figure out what works now.

[verhrzn]

4 hours ago, Shining One said:

It would be interesting to see a study on this. It's clearly unappealing to some women and appealing to others. The real question is whether it's a net positive or negative. As I mentioned before, it was a positive for me years ago. However, it could be a negative if I tried it now as my target group of women will likely be a bit older. I'm sure there will be plenty of experimentation with this and other aspects of my profile to figure out what works now.

I'm not sure if your situation was really the same. While it was you in a picture with another woman, yes, it was 1) showing off a specific activity (dancing) and 2) there was a "reasonable" explanation for the woman being there, since it was a wedding and you were hardly going to waltz with yourself. You dancing with a maid of honor at a wedding isn't displaying the same effect that the guys mentioned by the OP is going for; that you're desirable and surrounded by women who want you. Instead, it shows you can dance (attractive!) and have enough confidence to do so in public. I think that's what made the picture/you attractive, not the fact that another woman was nearby. 

[basil67]

I've had conversations with my daughter which could shed a little light on this:  Men who have female friends are guys who are comfortable with women.   To be clear, I'm not talking about female BFFs who call him with their woes.  Seeing him with other women shows that he's not the guy who has only male friends and doesn't see the point in women other than to date.

Of course, a photo of him in a mixed gender group (the 'proof that I have friends photo') would achieve the same goal.  
 

Edited February 3, 2021 by basil67

[World Peace Guy]

I would not do this, so I can only theorize. My guess is has nothing to do with what they think will attract a woman. Rather, I think they are trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. My brother was just saying recently that people often brag about having an affair, when talking about their breakups. Which is another odd thing to do. You'd think a person would be ashamed, and not want others to know, but instead they seem to brag about it.

It may attract some women, those who just want sex. Probably does, actually. Probably makes them more popular even with women who think they are looking for a long term relationship, but have trouble with commitment. I believe such people try to avoid serious relationships, and subconsciously, when they see such pictures, they immediately see that this guy is not marriage material. That makes them interested.

You've heard the old saying "nice guys finish last". That is what that comes from. The same is true with women. Those who are good marriage material, are almost always very unpopular.

So... the lesson to be learned from this, is if you want a good guy or girl, start by looking from someone who's unpopular.

Edited February 3, 2021 by World Peace Guy

[Wiseman2]

They wish to come off as playboys, like Hugh Heffner posing surrounded by playboy bunnies.

They want you to think women find them irresistible.

[BaileyB]

On 1/31/2021 at 11:09 AM, ThereSheGoes said:

One time, the guy was at a p*rn convention, and was posing with some well known p*rn stars.

No, no, no, no...

I used to really love the photos that men would post online. I’m not sure why they think it’s attractive, but a photo of a man without his shirt, holding a fish, or riding a motorcycle did nothing for me...

A photo of a guy surrounded by a group of women or heaven forbid, posing with porn stars would also turn me away... 

Personally, I think it comes from a place of insecurity. He is overcompensating. 

[Trail Blazer]

On 04/02/2021 at 12:58 AM, BaileyB said:

No, no, no, no...

I used to really love the photos that men would post online. I’m not sure why they think it’s attractive, but a photo of a man without his shirt, holding a fish, or riding a motorcycle did nothing for me...

A photo of a guy surrounded by a group of women or heaven forbid, posing with porn stars would also turn me away... 

Personally, I think it comes from a place of insecurity. He is overcompensating. 

Equally, for women, who'd pose with drugged tigers or riding elephants.  

[dramafreezone]

On 2/3/2021 at 6:28 AM, BaileyB said:

No, no, no, no...

I used to really love the photos that men would post online. I’m not sure why they think it’s attractive, but a photo of a man without his shirt, holding a fish, or riding a motorcycle did nothing for me...

A photo of a guy surrounded by a group of women or heaven forbid, posing with porn stars would also turn me away... 

Personally, I think it comes from a place of insecurity. He is overcompensating. 

Eh, everyone has insecurities and most guys are overcompensating for them in some way. 

When I see a woman with a tight dress that looks painted on to her body, I'm thinking she has to get those eyes looking at her because she's not feeling that great about herself.  Once she gets the looks, then she feels desired.

I get why it's a turn off though.  Any guy that has to make a clear effort to appear sexually desired is also making an implicit comment that if you don't see this photos, you won't see me as sexually attractive.

But most people compensate for insecurities in their own ways.

Edited February 7, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Snow_Queen]

I used to see this a lot back the day. Men of all attractiveness levels posting photos with hoards of beautiful women. I always passed them up because I felt like I couldn’t meet their insane standards of beauty.

It’s interesting you mention that women who are marriage material are unpopular. I found this to be true. Many of my friends had even told me this was why I got turned down more than I had dates . When I met my husband, he wasn’t exactly popular with the opposite sex, either. We clicked right away and both found the partners of our dreams.

On 2/3/2021 at 4:38 AM, World Peace Guy said:

It may attract some women, those who just want sex. Probably does, actually. Probably makes them more popular even with women who think they are looking for a long term relationship, but have trouble with commitment.

You've heard the old saying "nice guys finish last". That is what that comes from. The same is true with women. Those who are good marriage material, are almost always very unpopular.

So... the lesson to be learned from this, is if you want a good guy or girl, start by looking from someone who's unpopular.

[SumGuy]

22 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Eh, everyone has insecurities and most guys are overcompensating for them in some way. 

When I see a woman with a tight dress that looks painted on to her body, I'm thinking she has to get those eyes looking at her because she's not feeling that great about herself.  Once she gets the looks, then she feels desired.

I get why it's a turn off though.  Any guy that has to make a clear effort to appear sexually desired is also making an implicit comment that if you don't see this photos, you won't see me as sexually attractive.

But most people compensate for insecurities in their own ways.

Well there is also hubris, high libido and wanting people to see what they are getting....or could get (which also attracts some and repels others).  There is tasteful, there is tasteless, each to their own tastes...there are ways to signal to those who feel the same, who get it, and those who never will.  A little goes a long way usually.