Boyfriend hasn't said I love you yet

[dramafreezone]

OP, why do you just go and talk to him and get it over with?  All you're doing on here is getting your mind twisted and turned when you can just go to the source and get your answer one way or the other.

This has been hashed, dissected, flipped and turned every way possible.  As far as I can tell you talked about this ONE TIME months ago and you're drawing all kinds of conclusions from that conversation months ago.  You were 6 months into the relationship at the time right?  That's perfectly reasonable for someone to say that they're not at the love phase yet.    You also have no idea what he thinks now because you haven't even asked him again, right?  So why assume anything, just go get it over with.

[Glam]

39 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

OP, why do you just go and talk to him and get it over with?  All you're doing on here is getting your mind twisted and turned when you can just go to the source and get your answer one way or the other.

This has been hashed, dissected, flipped and turned every way possible.  As far as I can tell you talked about this ONE TIME months ago and you're drawing all kinds of conclusions from that conversation months ago.  You were 6 months into the relationship at the time right?  That's perfectly reasonable for someone to say that they're not at the love phase yet.    You also have no idea what he thinks now because you haven't even asked him again, right?  So why assume anything, just go get it over with.

Yes I have asked him recently. I stated that somewhere in this thread already. Which is when he wouldn’t give an answer at all. So that was recently. Yes 6 months in I asked him too and he said he wasn’t ready then so I guess I have asked him twice In our relationship. So you’re right I have no idea how he feels now because he wouldn’t tell me, not because I haven’t asked or spoke to him about it. 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Glam
More info

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Glam said:

Yes I have asked him recently. I stated that somewhere in this thread already. Which is when he wouldn’t give an answer at all. So that was recently. 

Oh! I was under the impression he would not answer at all 6 months in, so it's 15 months in that he shut you down with no answer! That's a huge red flag. My guess is he's emotionally unavailable for what ever reason. This relationship survived 15 months because you don't spend much time together, it would not have made it this far otherwise. 

What is your plan?

[Alpacalia]

14 hours ago, Glam said:

That is what I find strange too, i would honestly be okay with either way he feels, I just want to know and not be left in the dark about it. 

Well, it is obviously an issue that matters to you. That’s important, and you should be honest about it, and see whether the two of you can work through it together. But if you find yourself constantly spinning your wheels, well, that's not good.

[StrongHands]

Glam, if it's important to you then it should be important to him. It's really that simple.  Your feelings matter and you deserve to know one way or the other. 

[elaine567]

12 hours ago, Glam said:

Yes I have asked him recently. I stated that somewhere in this thread already. Which is when he wouldn’t give an answer at all. So that was recently.

You need to just take the hint, I am sorry to say. 
Some men are ridiculously avoidant of all negative interactions and will hang on in  there despite not really feeling much for the woman they are hanging on in there with. 

[StrongHands]

I LOVE YOU....short, sweet, simple three words....why are they so hard to say? 

[peach302]

The fact you asked twice and hes essentially ignored you or not given a positive response says it all.

This proves my earlier post where i said when one person is already in love and the other isn't ...6 months in ..there won't always be a happy ending.

I just dont think he feels the same way about you. And this happens ALL the time. Where two people see each other but there's a lack of feeling from one. But they continue as its comfortable and convenient for them to do so.

Edited February 4, 2021 by peach302

[BC1980]

14 hours ago, Glam said:

Yes I have asked him recently. I stated that somewhere in this thread already. Which is when he wouldn’t give an answer at all. So that was recently. Yes 6 months in I asked him too and he said he wasn’t ready then so I guess I have asked him twice In our relationship. So you’re right I have no idea how he feels now because he wouldn’t tell me, not because I haven’t asked or spoke to him about it. 

You can figure out how he feels if he stonewalled you and wouldn't give an answer. 

[BC1980]

I think the fact that 15 months in, he won't talk about his feelings for you is reflective of a relationship that is not moving forward. After 15 months, he stonewalls you when you ask how he feels about you, only sees you twice a week, and there is no talk of the future. You say this the best relationship you have ever been in, but, to me, you have set the bar very low bar. 

[Gaeta]

14 hours ago, Glam said:

Yes I have asked him recently. I stated that somewhere in this thread already. Which is when he wouldn’t give an answer at all. So that was recently. Yes 6 months in I asked him too and he said he wasn’t ready then so I guess I have asked him twice In our relationship. So you’re right I have no idea how he feels now because he wouldn’t tell me, not because I haven’t asked or spoke to him about it. 

I am sorry Glam, you DO know how he feels, you just don't want to face it.

6 months in: Sorry I am not there yet it takes me time

15 months in: Would not even acknowledge the question

[BC1980]

OP, you're only 24. Don't waste your younger years on a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Especially if you want to get married and start a family. A lot of young women make this mistake and waste their 20s in dead end relationships only to wake up in their 30s and realize they have limited time left to have children. The best relationship you could have will not be one where you don't know if your partner loves you. 

[Allupinnit]

21 minutes ago, BC1980 said:

OP, you're only 24. Don't waste your younger years on a relationship that isn't going anywhere. Especially if you want to get married and start a family. A lot of young women make this mistake and waste their 20s in dead end relationships only to wake up in their 30s and realize they have limited time left to have children. The best relationship you could have will not be one where you don't know if your partner loves you. 

Yeah I know a woman who dated a guy for a couple of years who couldn't say I love you back.  They even broke up over it but got back together.  They ended up breaking up for good and he married someone else a few years later.  I'm sure he tells his wife he loves her.

[dramafreezone]

 

On 2/4/2021 at 8:24 AM, Allupinnit said:

Yeah I know a woman who dated a guy for a couple of years who couldn't say I love you back.  They even broke up over it but got back together.  They ended up breaking up for good and he married someone else a few years later.  I'm sure he tells his wife he loves her.

Maybe he does, maybe she's not one that needs verbal validation.  Some women have been in enough bad relationships to just appreciate a man that is loving through his actions.

[amygirl908]

9 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Maybe he does, maybe she's not one that needs verbal validation.  Some women have been in enough bad relationships to just appreciate a man that is loving through his actions.

OP is not asking for the world. Sure maybe she's asking for validation but it's not like she's asking for him to start saying it to her all the time. She has asked a simple question and deserves an answer. Evading a question like a child does not show love for her through actions. It's inaction and it's borderline manipulative. It's not like they have been together for 15 weeks they have been together for 15 MONTHS... as in more than a year!!! Poop or get off the pot man.

[dramafreezone]

2 minutes ago, amygirl908 said:

OP is not asking for the world. Sure maybe she's asking for validation but it's not like she's asking for him to start saying it to her all the time. She has asked a simple question and deserves an answer. Evading a question like a child does not show love for her through actions. It's inaction and it's borderline manipulative. It's not like they have been together for 15 weeks they have been together for 15 MONTHS... as in more than a year!!! Poop or get off the pot man.

What I'm saying is that this guy is what he is.  At this point it's just about accepting him for who he is or moving on.

If he were acting one way to begin the relationship and evolved into what he is now then that would be one thing.  OP hasn't indicated that he's ever changed.  I don't understand why this guy is the villan here for just being exactly who he's been the entire time.  Oh, and the OP says it's the best relationship she's ever had.  Did she notice this early on and say what a lot of women say, oh I'll fix him and he'll be this extremely expressive personality in no time?

[Allupinnit]

2 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

What I'm saying is that this guy is what he is.  At this point it's just about accepting him for who he is or moving on.

If he were acting one way to begin the relationship and evolved into what he is now then that would be one thing.  OP hasn't indicated that he's ever changed.  I don't understand why this guy is the villan here for just being exactly who he's been the entire time.  Oh, and the OP says it's the best relationship she's ever had.  Did she notice this early on and say what a lot of women say, oh I'll fix him and he'll be this extremely expressive personality in no time?

He's not a villain he probably just isn't in love with OP.  When you're in love you can't wait to say it.

[dramafreezone]

7 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

He's not a villain he probably just isn't in love with OP.  When you're in love you can't wait to say it.

Women in generally are far more adept at expressing feelings than men.  I for one have never been one to spontaneously say it, but at the age of 41 I do know now that women do need to hear it from time to time.  But that's just it, I'm 41, this guy is 24.  People need to give him a break.

[amygirl908]

5 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

What I'm saying is that this guy is what he is.  At this point it's just about accepting him for who he is or moving on.

If he were acting one way to begin the relationship and evolved into what he is now then that would be one thing.  OP hasn't indicated that he's ever changed.  I don't understand why this guy is the villan here for just being exactly who he's been the entire time.  Oh, and the OP says it's the best relationship she's ever had.  Did she notice this early on and say what a lot of women say, oh I'll fix him and he'll be this extremely expressive personality in no time?

We don't know the intricacies of their relationship and what OP is ok and and not ok with. I wouldn't treat anyone the ways he's treated her and OP has accepted this behavior. Whether it's about love or not who talks to someone and says "I just don't talk about feelings"?? But that's his prerogative to feel that way (ironically).

I think a lot of guys think women are trying to fix them when they're not. She's not asking him to be an extremely expressive person. She just wants an answer... a crumb not the whole loaf of bread. I find that men often think in extremes and instead of just simply addressing what has been presented. I once had a guy tell me he couldn't be my boyfriend because he wasn't ready to be my husband and didn't want to remodel the closet and I was like bro I just wanna grab dinner together next Tuesday. I'll leave my stuff at my house and let's not get married.

[amygirl908]

6 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Women in generally are far more adept at expressing feelings than men.  I for one have never been one to spontaneously say it, but at the age of 41 I do know now that women do need to hear it from time to time.  But that's just it, I'm 41, this guy is 24.  People need to give him a break.

He's gotta learn sometime and 24 is plenty of time to be adult enough to answer a question.

It's been 15 months ain't nothing spontaneous about that. My male friends tell me they love me more often than every 15 months.

OP just wants an answer not a sonnet.

Edited February 5, 2021 by amygirl908

[peach302]

Why's  this discussion still on. Its quite simple. His feelings are most likely not mutual. He's being evasive for that reason. 

The op either deals with it or moves on. At the same time continually asking someone if they love you probably comes across a little desperate. 

Edited February 5, 2021 by peach302

[dramafreezone]

6 minutes ago, amygirl908 said:

He's gotta learn sometime and 24 is plenty of time to be adult enough to answer a question.

It's been 15 months ain't nothing spontaneous about that. My male friends tell me they love me more often than every 15 months.

OP just wants an answer not a sonnet.

Well, she had other men to tell her that they love her, and she says this guy has treated her better than all of them.  Obviously there isn't an absolute correlation between saying it and backing it up with action.

[peach302]

3 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, she had other men to tell her that they love her, and she says this guy has treated her better than all of them.  Obviously there isn't an absolute correlation between saying it and backing it up with action.

Why does  that matter.

She's quite clearly not satisfied.

[dramafreezone]

11 minutes ago, peach302 said:

Why does  that matter.

She's quite clearly not satisfied.

Well at what point does she need to do some self-evaluation and dig down to the root of her insecurities?  We all have them, so maybe she can start with acknowledging and and addressing them.

It's almost always "well, if you're completely happy you need to find someone else."  Maybe she does, or maybe that person is also contributing to how the relationship plays out. If that person never acknowledges their role for how things have transpired in their relationships how will they ever expect a different result?  

All I'm hearing is that this guy needs to work on his insecurities/weaknesses, yet I don't see any discussion about how she needs to work on hers.

Edited February 5, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Allupinnit]

8 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

Well, she had other men to tell her that they love her, and she says this guy has treated her better than all of them.  Obviously there isn't an absolute correlation between saying it and backing it up with action.

Just because he's not a total assholoe doesn't mean she should also deal with not hearing that.  We don't have to settle when our emotional needs aren't being met.