basil67 Posted February 2, 2021 Posted February 2, 2021 On 1/31/2021 at 11:33 AM, Glam said: I did ask him about his feelings for me and he replied with he doesn’t like to talk about feelings, he finds it uncomfortable. Thinking on this further, can he talk about his feelings when you've had a disagreement? For instance, if you or someone else has said something which has made him upset or mad? Does he talk about how he feels about work or stuff going on in his life? Does he tell you about his feelings regarding current issues? (for example, pretty much everyone has a view on COVID related stuff - has he expressed feelings about that?) I'm wondering if it's just romantic things which he won't talk about or if he's closed up about everything? 1
Author Glam Posted February 2, 2021 Author Posted February 2, 2021 1 hour ago, basil67 said: Thinking on this further, can he talk about his feelings when you've had a disagreement? For instance, if you or someone else has said something which has made him upset or mad? Does he talk about how he feels about work or stuff going on in his life? Does he tell you about his feelings regarding current issues? (for example, pretty much everyone has a view on COVID related stuff - has he expressed feelings about that?) I'm wondering if it's just romantic things which he won't talk about or if he's closed up about everything? No, if he is mad or upset he doesn’t really say it he just takes some time and gets over it by himself. He does talk about work and stuff going on in his life. He has talked about covid but more in a blunt way, he’s very practical so doesn’t get upset. 1
dramafreezone Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 59 minutes ago, Glam said: No, if he is mad or upset he doesn’t really say it he just takes some time and gets over it by himself. He does talk about work and stuff going on in his life. He has talked about covid but more in a blunt way, he’s very practical so doesn’t get upset. That sounds pretty consistent then. Men are taught that we have to be tough, deal with our issues ourselves, not talk about our feelings. Right or wrong, many of us grow up with that idea and we're not just going to break out of it because someone asked us to. I know I pride myself on being the rock, the one that's calm cool and collected in the relationship. Rocks don't talk about their feelings. Edited February 3, 2021 by dramafreezone 3
StrongHands Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 1 hour ago, dramafreezone said: That sounds pretty consistent then. Men are taught that we have to be tough, deal with our issues ourselves, not talk about our feelings. Right or wrong, many of us grow up with that idea and we're not just going to break out of it because someone asked us to. I know I pride myself on being the rock, the one that's calm cool and collected in the relationship. Rocks don't talk about their feelings. I think that you can be a "rock" and still express your feelings and show true emotion. Feelings are tiny pieces of your ourselves which make us who we are. You are no LESS of man because you choose to express those feelings. Just my Two Cents......... 1
basil67 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 3 hours ago, Glam said: No, if he is mad or upset he doesn’t really say it he just takes some time and gets over it by himself. He does talk about work and stuff going on in his life. He has talked about covid but more in a blunt way, he’s very practical so doesn’t get upset. Ha, you could be describing my husband. Who, for the record, has no trouble expressing love. I have to say, as much as I think my husband is the bomb, I would never have settled down with him and established a family had I not been confident that my love for him was mutual, and part of that for me is the ability to express love. 4
StrongHands Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Loving is a blessing that is simply too important to ever let fade away or not express. Saying I love you does not make someone LESS masculine maybe it makes THEM MORE MASCULINE. Love Matters and warms like the perfect blanket. 4 1
poppyfields Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 3 hours ago, dramafreezone said: Men are taught that we have to be tough, deal with our issues ourselves, not talk about our feelings. Right or wrong, many of us grow up with that idea and we're not just going to break out of it because someone asked us to. Bolded, why not though? If it's important to your partner why not challenge yourself, stretch your emotional muscles? Break out of the stereotypical mold? No one is suggesting you pour your heart and soul out but expressing your feelings, displaying some vulnerability? That's how you build emotional intimacy with your partner. Being a rock and being able to be vulnerable with your partner are not mutually exclusive. Speaking for myself, I need that from a man. Most women do. I sense Glam does. Sadly, I don't think she's gonna get it from him so she has a decision to make. Edited February 3, 2021 by poppyfields 2
StrongHands Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 ^^^Why are you vulnerable because you express your feelings? You can be a "rock" and still express yourself in the most intimate and loving ways possible. 2
poppyfields Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, StrongHands said: ^^^Why are you vulnerable because you express your feelings? You can be a "rock" and still express yourself in the most intimate and loving ways possible. I didn't say you cannot be a rock, I said just the opposite. Read Brene Brown, anything you can get your hands on. In her books, she describes vulnerability as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." It's that unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone or do something that forces us to loosen control. If you don't feel vulnerable expressing your feelings to a woman, good for you. Many men do. So do many women! Including myself. Edited February 3, 2021 by poppyfields 1
StrongHands Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 I have The Gifts of Imperfection I cannot believe you mentioned her books....WOW 2
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Glam: when we hear ILY from the man we love and our eyes lock for a fraction of a second time stops and nothing else in the universe exist. It"s a moment important to bond and renew that bond each day. Don't deny yourself this gift. 5
MihiranCG Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 On 1/31/2021 at 6:03 AM, Glam said: My boyfriend (27) and I (24) have been officially in a relationship for 15 months. This is pretty much the best relationship I’ve ever had. He’s kind, very physically affectionate, texts me everyday. We’ve literally texted everyday bar like a few days here and there for the whole relationship. I have met his friends and family, I get along with all of them. He’s met my family , they all like him. Everything is good. I’m very much in love with him. I told him this at 6 months of us being together. I just could not hold it in any longer I wanted him to know. He said at that time he’s not there just yet and it takes him longer to fall in love. So now, at 15 months, he still hasn’t said it. I also haven’t brought it again because I don’t want to pressure. I did ask him about his feelings for me and he replied with he doesn’t like to talk about feelings, he finds it uncomfortable. So I still don’t know how he feels about me and it’s making me a tad insecure. I’m worried he doesn’t love me or will never if he hasn’t said it by now. I’m also worried he doesn’t have any feelings for me cause he never expresses anything but then stop myself because why would someone spend 15 months with a person they had no feelings for ? This is the first time I’m with a guy that has waited this long. He’s not emotional at all or romantic, but really physically affectionate. I’m quite emotional. I’m planning on saying I love him again, possibly on Valentine’s Day but I’m worried he won’t reply to it. I have a feeling he will acknowledge it but not say he loves me back. Help! Is this normal ? A bad sign? Any advice on what I should do would be appreciated. I don’t want to break up with him I’m crazy about him. Do you know his past? Any sign he didn't face a serious breakup earlier?.. What about his first true love?, are you the lady ??
Miss Spider Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 2 hours ago, StrongHands said: Loving is a blessing that is simply too important to ever let fade away or not express. Saying I love you does not make someone LESS masculine maybe it makes THEM MORE MASCULINE. Love Matters and warms like the perfect blanket. 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: Glam: when we hear ILY from the man we love and our eyes lock for a fraction of a second time stops and nothing else in the universe exist. It"s a moment important to bond and renew that bond each day. Don't deny yourself this gift. Awwwwww 1
World Peace Guy Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 I would point out, that he probably hasn't asked you to marry him yet either. If a person is truly honest with the words, one should not say "I love you" without being ready and willing to get married. That is what the words are supposed to mean. 'Course, very few people use the words in this way. On the other hand, 15 months is a very long time. Dating for a long time does not make for lasting relationships, because people the people who date for long times are either afraid of commitment or don't want it at all. Neither of those is good for marriage. One way option you might consider, is giving him an ultimatum. To either get married, or leave him. 'Course, you have to decide if that option is right for you in your situation and what you want.
Alpacalia Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 It's odd that when asked, he won't offer a definite yes or no. The only thing I can think of is that he connects it with expectations that he is not ready (or able) to satisfy, or that he is not genuinely in love with you. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 8 hours ago, Glam said: No, if he is mad or upset he doesn’t really say it he just takes some time and gets over it by himself. He does talk about work and stuff going on in his life. He has talked about covid but more in a blunt way, he’s very practical so doesn’t get upset. Unfortunately he's shutting you out. No one has to (or wants to) talk about feelings all the time. However you should be able to get a straight answer. Not giving you a straight answer is passive aggressive power tripping. So is simply shutting you out of his world. Maybe he's nice on the surface but many people who behave in passive aggressive manners have unspoken resentments. Being in a relationship and knowing where you stand shouldn't be like root canal digging for a straight answer.
spiritedaway2003 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately he's shutting you out. No one has to (or wants to) talk about feelings all the time. However you should be able to get a straight answer. I agree with this. Non one needs to talk about feelings all the time. But not even getting a straight answer (yes or no) is problematic, after 15 months. He may have been burned with his first love, but he should have worked through that process. Those consequences and his fear of getting hurt again (or his ability or inability) to express his love should not have fallen on your shoulders. 1 1
michaelwilson Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 Maybe you should try to talk with him about that? 15 months is a really big period so I guess it might be any problems with your relationship. On the other hand, he brought you to his parents so I guess he wouldn't do that if he didn't have any plans for this relationship so it's a big step already. Don't be afraid to talk seriously with him about it if you are really worried as it is your life!
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 8 minutes ago, michaelwilson said: Maybe you should try to talk with him about that? 15 months is a really big period so I guess it might be any problems with your relationship. On the other hand, he brought you to his parents so I guess he wouldn't do that if he didn't have any plans for this relationship so it's a big step already. Meeting the parents don't mean the same thing for everyone. It certainly do not mean you're in love or you plan a future together. It means here is the lady I am dating right now. 5
Author Glam Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 9 hours ago, Alpaca said: It's odd that when asked, he won't offer a definite yes or no. The only thing I can think of is that he connects it with expectations that he is not ready (or able) to satisfy, or that he is not genuinely in love with you. That is what I find strange too, i would honestly be okay with either way he feels, I just want to know and not be left in the dark about it.
Author Glam Posted February 3, 2021 Author Posted February 3, 2021 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately he's shutting you out. No one has to (or wants to) talk about feelings all the time. However you should be able to get a straight answer. Not giving you a straight answer is passive aggressive power tripping. So is simply shutting you out of his world. Maybe he's nice on the surface but many people who behave in passive aggressive manners have unspoken resentments. Being in a relationship and knowing where you stand shouldn't be like root canal digging for a straight answer. Hmm unspoken resentments , do you think he resents me?
michaelwilson Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Meeting the parents don't mean the same thing for everyone. It certainly do not mean you're in love or you plan a future together. It means here is the lady I am dating right now. Yep, you are right. My family is very religious and I used to think that when my parents and girlfriend have a dinner together it means so much
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 3 hours ago, Glam said: That is what I find strange too, i would honestly be okay with either way he feels, I just want to know and not be left in the dark about it. Glam: you don't really mean that. You're trying to get the truth out of them so you say a 'no' would be ok, but you cannot possibly be ok with him telling you he does not love you. Why would you continue giving your heart and time to a man that doesn't love you? He knows by saying no, it's over. He knows this better than you do. You can pretend you'll be ok with it but it will catch you so fast. 1
Wiseman2 Posted February 3, 2021 Posted February 3, 2021 3 hours ago, Glam said: Hmm unspoken resentments , do you think he resents me? No, probably a chip on his shoulder that he came with. 1
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