Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 Just now, Glam said: but I get a bad feeling it’s just he doesn’t love me yet. If he doesn't love you yet, then he will never. It doesn't take 15 months to fall in love. 8
Alvi Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 I wonder how he views your relationship. Did you two talk about it? Does he sees it as a serious, long lasting one? Or he thinks the two of you are just casual? Did he ask you to be in a committed relationship or you sort of assumed that you are in one since you've been dating for a while now? Did he ever mention that he wants to be in a relationship with YOU and only YOU? Did you discuss moving forward together to some degree? Like taking trips together in the future, things you like to go together some time down the road, possibly moving in together, getting engaged, having kids together (not maybe one day with someone), etc.? How often do you meet, spend time with each other? 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 2 minutes ago, Glam said: Still go with the flow , we haven’t really discussed the future. We’ve been on trips together. Before covid. And we have talked about going away again after it but other than that , no. If there is NO talk of a future together, in any type of form, not even moving together at some point? I say he's not 100% in it, even if he is a good boyfriend. 1
Alvi Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Glam said: Still go with the flow , we haven’t really discussed the future. We’ve been on trips together. Before covid. And we have talked about going away again after it but other than that , no. Oh, I see. Well, if you haven't discussed a future after 15 month, that is not a good sign I am afraid. How important is love to you? Would you be OK to settle? Or to know that someone has settled for you? 2
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Alvi said: I wonder how he views your relationship. Did you two talk about it? Does he sees it as a serious, long lasting one? Or he thinks the two of you are just casual? Did he ask you to be in a committed relationship or you sort of assumed that you are in one since you've been dating for a while now? Did he ever mention that he wants to be in a relationship with YOU and only YOU? Did you discuss moving forward together to some degree? Like taking trips together in the future, things you like to go together some time down the road, possibly moving in together, getting engaged, having kids together (not maybe one day with someone), etc.? How often do you meet, spend time with each other? Okay so I have a good bit of information. He definitely doesn’t think it’s casual. He asked me to be in a committed relationship with him. In fact he was the one way more into me at the start, he literally couldn’t wait me to make me his girlfriend. He did tell me he wants a long term serious relationship and actually asked me if I was on the same page. This was like 3 months in and shortly after he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. He has introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend. He has said he only wants me , yes. We haven’t discussed the future that way yet. We see each other like twice a week due to work schedules. 2
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Gaeta said: If there is NO talk of a future together, in any type of form, not even moving together at some point? I say he's not 100% in it, even if he is a good boyfriend. Hmm that makes sense, I just don’t understand why he’s still with me. It was his idea to even have a relationship with me, he wanted it way before I did. 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Glam said: We see each other like twice a week due to work schedules. That's very little to allow a relationship to grow. Do you spend weekends together? Even if your schedule don't coincide why not spend nights at each other's place? Edited January 31, 2021 by Gaeta 1
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: That's avery little to allow a relationship to grow. Do you spend weekends together? Even if your schedule don't coincide why not spend nights at each other's place? We do spend nights together when we can but we both live with housemates that are fussy about us staying over so it’s harder 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Glam said: It was his idea to even have a relationship with me, he wanted it way before I did. Nothing is frozen in time. My ex pursued me very strongly and still cheated on me. Relationships evolve or regress along the way. People become confortable in a relationship, it gives them companionship, security, even if they don't feel it 100%. 3
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Nothing is frozen in time. My ex pursued me very strongly and still cheated on me. Relationships evolve or regress along the way. People become confortable in a relationship, it gives them companionship, security, even if they don't feel it 100%. Still doesn’t really make sense to me. Wouldn’t he rather someone he is into and can love rather than someone he doesn’t? He’s wasting his own time too ? He is really such a kind guy, the best boyfriend in every other way. 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Glam said: Still doesn’t really make sense to me. Wouldn’t he rather someone he is into and can love rather than someone he doesn’t? He’s wasting his own time too ? He is really such a kind guy, the best boyfriend in every other way. That's your logic, he has his. We read about relationships like this often on here. I'm not saying it's your case but I think you have to concider every possibility. You're only 24 so I imagine you're not in a hurry to move in, get a commitment, talk future. 1
sushiandtacos Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 23 minutes ago, Gaeta said: So you're suggesting she plays his game and they continue another 2-3-4-5 years with no ILY? The status Quo will only bring her more of what she's getting now. No idk if you read my other posts but I told her the lack of communication points to their incompatibility especially when she wants words of affirmation and he's not giving it to her. She's clearly said that she loves him and he knows this but instead chooses to not say it back for a reason. Saying ILY to him multiple times will only cause pressure and reef especially if he isn't ready to say it. Obviously if they are not on the same page then its best to part ways if OP is not happy in the relationship. 2
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 Just now, Gaeta said: That's your logic, he has his. We read about relationships like this often on here. I'm not saying it's your case but I think you have to concider every possibility. You're only 24 so I imagine you're not in a hurry to move in, get a commitment, talk future. Yes I’m not in a hurry for that, but I also still don’t want to waste my time. I don’t see the point of staying with someone for years if you don’t love them, but I guess everyone is different it’s just so strange to me. 1
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 6 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: No idk if you read my other posts but I told her the lack of communication points to their incompatibility especially when she wants words of affirmation and he's not giving it to her. She's clearly said that she loves him and he knows this but instead chooses to not say it back for a reason. Saying ILY to him multiple times will only cause pressure and reef especially if he isn't ready to say it. Obviously if they are not on the same page then its best to part ways if OP is not happy in the relationship. That’s the thing, I’m happy in the relationship apart from this issue. It’s frustrating cause he’s the only one I want to be with and I want him to love me and say it , just once!! He’s treated me so well, it sucks 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 4 minutes ago, Glam said: Yes I’m not in a hurry for that, but I also still don’t want to waste my time. I don’t see the point of staying with someone for years if you don’t love them, but I guess everyone is different it’s just so strange to me. At 15 months you should be able to tell him exactly that. Meanwhile you have to decide if you can live with someone that never says ILY, compliments you, shows verbal care. 2
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 2 minutes ago, Gaeta said: At 15 months you should be able to tell him exactly that. Meanwhile you have to decide if you can live with someone that never says ILY, compliments you, shows verbal care. It’s frustrating because he’s literally done so much for me, he definitely shows he cares. 1
lana-banana Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) I think it's perfectly possible to be a not-very-verbal person, even one who struggles with saying things like "I love you", without leaving your partner to wonder whether they're loved. It's the OP's fear that he doesn't love her back that stands out here. If he is into her and just having a hard time articulating his emotions, he'll stick by her and she'll eventually feel silly for asking. If this guy really isn't into it, the relationship will run its course without her having to do anything. 27-29 is when a lot of guys end "training wheels" or other long-term relationships for some random barista. I don't see any reason for the OP to do anything just yet---I think this will resolve itself one way or another. Edited January 31, 2021 by lana-banana 2
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 (edited) OP hurts over her boyfriend not communicating his feelings. She in return will not communicate her fear and worry. How is that going to carry them further? Glam, lead by example. Tell him in a non-accusatory way that you're at a crossroad, you need to know if he's in love with you as you are with him. He can reply 'yes' without having to say the horrific words ILY. It will give you an answer but be ready for that answer, what if he replies 'not yet'. ? Which is 'no'. Edited January 31, 2021 by Gaeta 2
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 16 minutes ago, Gaeta said: OP hurts over her boyfriend not communicating his feelings. She in return will not communicate her fear and worry. How is that going to carry them further? Glam, lead by example. Tell him in a non-accusatory way that you're at a crossroad, you need to know if he's in love with you as you are with him. He can reply 'yes' without having to see the horrific words ILY. It will give you an answer but be ready for that answer, what if he replies 'not yet'. ? Which is 'no'. I’ve asked him to even say yes or no and he refuses to talk about it. Just says he doesn’t like talking about those things. I literally can’t get an answer.. that definitely means he doesn’t 1
sushiandtacos Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Glam said: I’ve asked him to even say yes or no and he refuses to talk about it. Just says he doesn’t like talking about those things. I literally can’t get an answer.. that definitely means he doesn’t Silence is an answer too. 6
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Glam said: I’ve asked him to even say yes or no and he refuses to talk about it. Just says he doesn’t like talking about those things. I literally can’t get an answer.. that definitely means he doesn’t And I’ve said it’s okay whichever way he feels, I just doesn’t understand why he won’t say either way. Bizarre. 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Glam said: I’ve asked him to even say yes or no and he refuses to talk about it. Just says he doesn’t like talking about those things. I literally can’t get an answer.. that definitely means he doesn’t That is beyond ridiculous. So if going forward you end up having children he'll never say ILY to them. 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 5 minutes ago, Glam said: And I’ve said it’s okay whichever way he feels, I just doesn’t understand why he won’t say either way. Bizarre. I can only speculate. You cannot assume he thinks like you. If he says no then he knows you won't stick around for long, he'll lose companionship and sex supply. He may be happy just the way things are, casual, no pressure, no commitment. ILY is a commitment a notch above gf/bf 2
Author Glam Posted January 31, 2021 Author Posted January 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That is beyond ridiculous. So if going forward you end up having children he'll never say ILY to them. It’s so bizarre I really don’t understand why he refuses to let me know any answer. What the hell! 1
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2021 Posted January 31, 2021 1 minute ago, Glam said: It’s so bizarre I really don’t understand why he refuses to let me know any answer. What the hell! You have to seriously concider he cannot express something he doesn't feel. Notice, he was able to pronounce the word 'love' talking about his ex. She was his first love. 1
Recommended Posts