Author sushiandtacos Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) I have two dates again with the same guys I talked about previously, one who I facetimed with and the guy who this thread is about. So the guy I facetimed with set everything up and made reservations for Saturday which was so nice of him, making sure everything is good on my end. But the guy who this thread is about and asked to get drinks last minute yesterday just chose a day and didn't put effort into finding a place or time. I kept asking to plan and he just agreed with whatever I messaged. I had to find a place and just made reservations doing most of the work. Just wanted to know your thoughts on this? Edited February 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed request for personal contact.
StrongHands Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) On 2/3/2021 at 8:18 PM, sushiandtacos said: I have two dates again with the same guys I talked about previously, one who I facetimed and the guy who this thread is about. So the guy I facetimed with set everything up and made reservations for Saturday which was so nice of him. But the guy who asked to get drinks last minute just chose a day and didn't put effort into finding a place or time. I had to find a place and just made reservations doing most of the work. Just wanted to know your thoughts on this? That's INSANE that guy #2 IS NOT going to plan the date. To me (old fashioned perhaps), it is HIS PLACE to not only plan the date but TAKE YOU ON THE DATE. This does NOT require a great deal of effort and HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU NOT BEING CAPABLE of arranging the date. Edited February 5, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed quoted deleted comment. 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 3 minutes ago, StrongHands said: That's INSANE that guy #2 IS NOT going to plan the date. To me (old fashioned perhaps), it is HIS PLACE to not only plan the date but TAKE YOU ON THE DATE. This does NOT require a great deal of effort and HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU NOT BEING CAPABLE of arranging the date. Yeah exactly! Especially since last week he asked me out then didn't message me until the day of with a flaky text so I thought he would put more effort this time around. Now I feel bad doing all the work!! lol
StrongHands Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 1 minute ago, sushiandtacos said: Yeah exactly! Especially since last week he asked me out then didn't message me until the day of with a flaky text so I thought he would put more effort this time around. Now I feel bad doing all the work!! lol There's a saying in it's so appropriate for this particular DUDE............... "Treat Her Exactly How She Deserves To Be Treated Or Watch Someone Else Do It" 1
winny Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Just wanted to add that guy making effort is no guarantee that he is good either. So don’t think too much of the guy who made reservations. Take it a day at a time. I had a guy calling texting make all kinds of efforts for 5 months to just simply ghost me later. 2 1
winny Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, StrongHands said: There's a saying in it's so appropriate for this particular DUDE............... "Treat Her Exactly How She Deserves To Be Treated Or Watch Someone Else Do It" They have not even met once.. to be making any assumptions about anything at this point. 1 1
poppyfields Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 15 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: But the guy who this thread is about and asked to get drinks last minute yesterday just chose a day and didn't put effort into finding a place or time. I kept asking to plan and he just agreed with whatever I messaged. I had to find a place and just made reservations doing most of the work. Just wanted to know your thoughts on this? Too late now and jmo (which I may get blasted for) but next time do not ask him to do anything. And certainly do not go finding a place and making the reservations, that's how guys become lazy, when the woman starts off doing all the work. He asked you out, chose the day, let him follow through with the plan. You observe. If he doesn't do anything, he's lazy, unmotivated, uninspired. Best to next him. I know a lot of people will say it's 2021, it should not just be up to the guy. I say it is if he asked her out. Let him show her what he's made of. A man who follows through with a plan or a lazy ass who sits back and lets the woman do the work. Once you begin regularly dating (IF you begin dating) then it becomes more reciprocal with both of you asking and doing the planning and paying. But for heaven's sake this is a first meet! Just me, but I wouldn't bother with him, seriously. Major turn off. Edited February 4, 2021 by poppyfields 3
Author sushiandtacos Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Too late now and jmo (which I may get blasted for) but next time do not ask him to do anything. And certainly do not go finding a place and making the reservations, that's how guys become lazy, when the woman starts off doing all the work. He asked you out, chose the day, let him follow through with the plan. You observe. If he doesn't do anything, he's lazy, unmotivated, uninspired. Best to next him. I know a lot of people will say it's 2021, it should not just be up to the guy. I say it is if he asked her out. Let him show her what he's made of. A man who follows through with a plan or a lazy ass who sits back and lets the woman do the work. Once you begin regularly dating (IF you begin dating) then it becomes more reciprocal with both of you asking and doing the planning and paying. But for heaven's sake this is a first meet! Just me, but I wouldn't bother with him, seriously. What a turn off. Yeah I know I thought the first meet should be simple and go smoothly but the hoops this guy made me jump through after he initiated wanting to go out IDK why I let myself do the work even though I told myself I would watch to see if he put in the work. 1
winny Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Just now, sushiandtacos said: Yeah I know I thought the first meet should be simple and go smoothly but the hoops this guy made me jump through after he initiated wanting to go out IDK why I let myself do the work even though I told myself I would watch to see if he put in the work. I know you will still meet him though. You are too invested in him 1 1
Author sushiandtacos Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 1 minute ago, winny said: I know you will still meet him though. You are too invested in him I hate that you are right winny, I think the mental instability this man made me go thru is working 1 1
poppyfields Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 8 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I hate that you are right winny, I think the mental instability this man made me go thru is working Sushi if a man causing mental instability works for you, you are in big trouble. But good luck, let us know how this plays out. 1 1
Alpacalia Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 Either he's very inept, he's got too many pots on the stove, or he's simply low on interest. Twice now, he's flaked. And this is supposed to be a first date? Good riddance. 2 1
Watercolors Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 38 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: I hate that you are right winny, I think the mental instability this man made me go thru is working Girl, why are you even giving #2 so many chances?! He's shown you with his inaction, that you're just not even a priority to him. Why on earth would you want to even date a guy who is showing you that you're not a priority to him for even the first date?! Guy #1 whom you have a date with this Saturday sounds far more reliable and reasonable. He's doing everything he's supposed to be doing. Why not just dump #2 guy and focus on #1 guy instead? 2
Author sushiandtacos Posted February 4, 2021 Author Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Watercolors said: Girl, why are you even giving #2 so many chances?! He's shown you with his inaction, that you're just not even a priority to him. Why on earth would you want to even date a guy who is showing you that you're not a priority to him for even the first date?! Guy #1 whom you have a date with this Saturday sounds far more reliable and reasonable. He's doing everything he's supposed to be doing. Why not just dump #2 guy and focus on #1 guy instead? So true! I think I'm giving guy #2 chances because we've been talking longer, which I know isn't the best, and I find him a little more attractive than guy #1 Honestly I'm curious in meeting him if he acts this way IRL or if he's better in person. Edited February 4, 2021 by sushiandtacos 1 1
Watercolors Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 56 minutes ago, sushiandtacos said: So true! I think I'm giving guy #2 chances because we've been talking longer, which I know isn't the best, and I find him a little more attractive than guy #1 Honestly I'm curious in meeting him if he acts this way IRL or if he's better in person. Eeek. Looks are not everything. Try this: go by a man's actions, not his words (or appearance). You can't judge a book by its cover, dear! So what if he's cuter. I've dated plenty of plain looking guys throughout my life, who I grew attracted to once I got to know them. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Wow, I'm full of advice idioms tonight! He's not going to change just because you meet him in person. He's shown you who he is, and where you fall on his interest-level meter. But you clearly don't seem to recognize that actions speak louder then words. You need to believe people, when they reveal their true character to you - not give them infinite chances to disappoint you, which is what you're already doing with guy (or loser) #1. You've done all the legwork already just to try to get him to meet you for a first date. That is a HUGE red flag on your part and his. Red flag for you, b/c it shows me that you are willing to forgo any boundaries just to please the other person. Red flag for him, b/c he's shown you repeatedly now, that he's just not that interested in meeting you through his inaction of following through on a first date arrangement on his part, b/c you'll do it for him. He's not worth you wasting your time for. He is a flake. He will not suddenly stop flaking on you, just b/c you finally get him to meet you face to face. Those types of people never change. They are who they are. Advantage-takers. 1 1
josedelamuerte Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 At the risk of being unpopular - I'm for guy #2. I think you're making more of an effort with him because you have a strong intuition about him. Butterflies and all that. I'd trust that over any of the dating advice cliches I hear dropping here. Also - this whole "It's the guys job to ask you out, set the date, make the reservations, bring flowers and hold the door" thing is so old fashioned. Downright outdated if you ask me. It makes the whole setup feel like a battle. He has to do this, he has to do that, and then if he doesn't you get angry and judgemental about tiny inconsequential stuff. You have a common goal of getting together. Help each other out. Think about it as a team effort. 2
winny Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 6 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: I hate that you are right winny, I think the mental instability this man made me go thru is working A lot of these guys watch YouTube videos on how to play with women... and these techniques work unless you have really high self esteem and you get turned off by such stuff quickly. 2
winny Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 5 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: So true! I think I'm giving guy #2 chances because we've been talking longer, which I know isn't the best, and I find him a little more attractive than guy #1 Honestly I'm curious in meeting him if he acts this way IRL or if he's better in person. I am glad that you are being honest. Looks and physical attraction are very important to me. Just don’t ignore the actions. I would say that meet him once and then go from there. But because of how much he has messed with your mind (or how much you have allowed him to mess with your mind) be a little cautious and don’t get too carried away, if he is all sleek and suave and flirty in the date. 4
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 On 2/2/2021 at 5:54 PM, sushiandtacos said: Hey guys so the guy who was flaky when we were supposed to meet asked to get drinks tonight but isn't it such LATE NOTICE?! This sets off alarm bells for me. Your 1st date was discussed days in advance but on the weekend day of he said it was too last minute. Now he's offering a let's meet right now spontaneous date. Sounds to me like something better came up over the weekend so he ditched you but now he's bored so he thought you would jump. I'd pass. 10 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: So the guy I facetimed with set everything up and made reservations for Saturday which was so nice of him, making sure everything is good on my end. But the guy who this thread is about and asked to get drinks last minute yesterday just chose a day and didn't put effort into finding a place or time. You value the thoughtfulness of the planner. The guy this threads about doesn't care enough about you to put in the effort. I am not saying all last minute spontaneous invites are bad but this one is because of what I said above. 9 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: So true! I think I'm giving guy #2 chances because we've been talking longer, which I know isn't the best, and I find him a little more attractive than guy #1 Honestly I'm curious in meeting him if he acts this way IRL or if he's better in person. Talking longer is not a good enough reason to ignore the red flags that are popping up. He may be kind & polite in person but his actions show that he doesn't value you very much. No matter how cute he is, that won't make up for the lesser way he treats you. 1
jspice Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 I’m was with you in the beginning when you spoke of your “standards”. Now though it doesn’t seem like you do in fact have any. 2 1
poppyfields Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, josedelamuerte said: You have a common goal of getting together. Help each other out. Think about it as a team effort. I don't disagree, especially once you start regularly dating. But there was no "team" effort. He did nothing forcing sushi to do it all - think of places to meet, secure the time and make the reservation. While he sat back probably playing video games or something. For some reason, his elusiveness and evasiveness turns her on and gives her butterflies. sushi, I would explore that as it's not the best or healthiest reason to base your attractions to men on unless you go for chaotic and unstable dating experiences and relationships. No judgment, I had to learn this myself. Edited February 4, 2021 by poppyfields 1
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) Me...maybe I'm old fashioned well because I'm old, but to me first impressions count! In my books a man has to put his best foot forward for a first date, etc. That just reflects who he is, and how he carries himself. If he's gonna act like a lazy sot, then go for the one that has his ducks in a row, that sets up a date on a prime date night, treating you like a lady because he's being a gentleman. Edited February 4, 2021 by smackie9 1
StrongHands Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 31 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I don't disagree, especially once you start regularly dating. But there was no "team" effort. He did nothing forcing sushi to do it all - think of places to meet, secure the time and make the reservation. While he sat back probably playing video games or something. For some reason, his elusiveness and evasiveness turns her on and gives her butterflies. sushi, I would explore that as it's not the best or healthiest reason to base your attractions to men on unless you go for chaotic and unstable dating experiences and relationships. No judgment, I had to learn this myself. This ^^^ is from a very insightful and bright lady. OP, I would read the above post more than once 2 1
peach302 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 13 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: So true! I think I'm giving guy #2 chances because we've been talking longer, which I know isn't the best, and I find him a little more attractive than guy #1 Honestly I'm curious in meeting him if he acts this way IRL or if he's better in person. Whats was last interaction with him? What did he say..what did you say etc. A lot of the other posters made some great points to think about. HOWEVER ....i still think you should meet him at least once and figure the rest out later. Nothing beats seeing the person face to face. You will find out much more than both of you simply sitting behind your screens and texting. Im not saying jump into a relationship with him. But just give it a chance and see him once. Attraction is built on actual dates, not through the odd text message. Perhaps he hasnt shown lots of interest according to the others..but he doesn't know much about you and hasn't felt the potential attraction he would if he saw you in person. Just my opinion. And also you seem to like him better than the other guy. Either way you would know if there is anything there. Edited February 4, 2021 by peach302 1
peach302 Posted February 4, 2021 Posted February 4, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, sushiandtacos said: Yeah exactly! Especially since last week he asked me out then didn't message me until the day of with a flaky text so I thought he would put more effort this time around. Now I feel bad doing all the work!! lol I didnt read this before my last post. So you organised everything? Ok well my advice now is meet him still, you may aswell. But for next time let him do the organising. Don't allow him to be lazy again. Edited February 4, 2021 by peach302 1
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