Mrin Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 16 minutes ago, fred123 said: yes but she was the one also messaging me a lot so didnt she come off as needy? why is it needy if i do tje same? Short Answer: you're the dude 1
peach302 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 2 hours ago, fred123 said: yes but she was the one also messaging me a lot so didnt she come off as needy? why is it needy if i do tje same? So did i. I would also message guys back who would message me a lot. Then after a while stop. Because it would become too much...too boring. The men who women get hooked on are usually the ones who talk but also can be mysterious at times. Not ones who are available at their beck and call.
basil67 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 4 hours ago, fred123 said: yes but she was the one also messaging me a lot so didnt she come off as needy? why is it needy if i do tje same? One person's 'needy' is another person's 'enthusiastic'. It all depends on how much the recipient wants to respond. 1
basil67 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) On 1/28/2021 at 1:28 PM, fred123 said: what if you cant meet because of pandemic or distance? I understand women lose interest if a guy doesnt ask them out but what if dates are not possible due to covid or distance? What would then be a reason why a girl comes on strong and all flirty and then turns lukewarm? what else are the reasons you women changed your behaviour? If you can't meet, then texting is a complete and utter waste of time. Why would a woman turn lukewarm? Most obvious answer to me is that she gets to know him better and decides he's not her type. Boring/Monotonous/Know it all/Can't hold up their end of a conversation/Only interested in talking about themselves....No different to if a guy loses interest in a girl. Edited January 29, 2021 by basil67
littleblackheart Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 5 hours ago, fred123 said: what if i did show interest and did try to move things to phone? what changed that made a girl go lukewarm after high interest? any other ideas? also im assuming i read these girls interest as high interest right? Fred, we can't know this. It's between you and them, and only they know why they didn't/don't want to move things to phone. We would also be assuming by giving you any kind of answer to this. Neither of you was/is 'needy' - you feel a spark, you explore it, unless it's an out of this world magical spark (and even then) it needs maintaining with some level of communication you are both comfortable with until you meet up in-person. Maintaining it can also mean letting it ebb and flow so it's not too intense all the time, but the main thing is to let each other know where you're at. Speaking for myself, I tend to falsly assume stuff when clear communication is missing, which unsettles me. Not because I am totally attached to a particular outcome - I just prefer someone tell me themselves they have moved on or are ambivalent rather than me having to figure it out with 'clues'. I wouldn't know what to recommend here, other than ask them plainly what their deal is, and hope for an honest reply.
Author fred123 Posted January 29, 2021 Author Posted January 29, 2021 3 hours ago, peach302 said: So did i. I would also message guys back who would message me a lot. Then after a while stop. Because it would become too much...too boring. The men who women get hooked on are usually the ones who talk but also can be mysterious at times. Not ones who are available at their beck and call. im not sure how that helps? if. girl is messaging me a lot and initiating and im also showing interest by texting back why would you stop when you are the one who was doing all the texting?
basil67 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) Possibly she’d stop because she was doing all the initiating. Or many of the other suggestions I made above Edited January 29, 2021 by basil67
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 1 hour ago, basil67 said: One person's 'needy' is another person's 'enthusiastic'. It all depends on how much the recipient wants to respond. ^^^^This. if she is into you she will love and look forward to every communication and even expect more. If she is not into you a message a day may be too much and she will label you clingy and needy. Also people are all different with different needs and expectations. Some like to keep people at a distance, others can never be close enough. The trick is to be able to suss out the true level of interest and act accordingly. Volume is no substitute for the quality of the messaging.. With Covid in the mix, then there needs to be some level of getting to know her, else hundreds of "How are you babe?" and the like is not going to maintain her interest. You seem to place a lot on her apparently high interest level, but without you doing much to keep it going, then it just dies. 1
peach302 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, fred123 said: im not sure how that helps? if. girl is messaging me a lot and initiating and im also showing interest by texting back why would you stop when you are the one who was doing all the texting? How does it not help. Its quite clear in my answer. It gets boring. At first its exciting but then gets boring quite quickly. Also a woman doesn't want to always be the one initiating. There's only so much you can say via a text message anyway. Speaking from experience. Even if my interest level is high. It can go from high to low pretty quick if the man is always readily available because it shows me they don't have a life..friends/ambitions/hobbies/passions..you name it. This is especially during the early stages. When you don't know one another too well But then again it depends on the person. That is from my perspective one possibility. I have a friend who cant stop texting the men she's interested in...and i mean every five minutes ..she also used to text me the same way and it just got irritating that i stopped messaging back.. If you really want to know though..give her a call. Edited January 29, 2021 by peach302
Wiseman2 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 8 hours ago, fred123 said: What if i did show interest and did try to move things to phone? Fred, these are all nonsense lateral moves going from one app or modality to the next. The bottom line is that you texted too much, regardless who initiated. Get off the phone. Start talking to girls in real life The answer is: messaging too much simply gets boring when people are busy with thier real lives. 1
BaileyB Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, fred123 said: if girl is messaging me a lot and initiating and im also showing interest by texting back why would you stop when you are the one who was doing all the texting? There is a million reasons why she would fall off Fred, as evidenced by the responses in this discussion. Only she really knows... But here’s the thing, it’s hard to develop a relationship by texting. Relationships need to progress and this happens when you meet and then develop the relationship in real life. If this is not an option, texting is a nice distraction but a complete and total waste of time. And the bottom line, people can and will decide to end relationships at any given time for any given reason. This is a very common occurrence when dating, particularly when you are “dating” online. Edited January 29, 2021 by BaileyB
Fletch Lives Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 Ask for the womans' phone number the second day of messaging.
Miss Spider Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) Maybe her ex came back. maybe she went back to her ex. Maybe she met a new guy. Maybe she met five new guys. Maybe she got a new hobby. Maybe she decided she only wants to date locally. Maybe she had a sexual awakening and discovered she’s a lesbian. Maybe she decided that when she really thinks about it, she doesn’t really like your shade of hair. Maybe she didn’t like the conversation. Maybe she the conversation bored her. Maybe she gave up hope you’d ever meet/ Maybe you talked about [insert anything]and she hates [insert anything]. Maybe you said something that offended her. Maybe she likes to be offended and you work too nice to her. Maybe she has become really busy with this invention she’s been working on. Maybe this. Maybe that. Even if you ask her, chances are you will never really know the true answer. So best to just move forward and accept a loss of interest for what it is. She lost interest Edited January 29, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3
Lotsgoingon Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) Texting, lots of texting, constant texting, non-stop texting, sexy texting, texting day and night, texting with witty lines and flirtatious lines and great emojis, texting with humor, texting with seemingly honest answers and self-reveals ----all of that means nothing. People text because it's fun. Texting is fun even if you have no plans to really meet someone. Texting is NOT a sign of interest or intention or desire to meet or desire for a relationship. I'm sorry lots of folks, and it seems to be a lot of young folks, really take texting seriously. I remember when I would text women I had no real interest in, because the instant back-and-forth just created all kinds of dopamine hits. It's a high. So when someone disappears after texting, it doesn't mean they have lost interest. Because texting--no matter how many rounds over how many days--says nothing about their interest in the first place. Text briefly to set up a meeting and go from there. Edited January 29, 2021 by Lotsgoingon 1
peach302 Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 (edited) 51 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Texting, lots of texting, constant texting, non-stop texting, sexy texting, texting day and night, texting with witty lines and flirtatious lines and great emojis, texting with humor, texting with seemingly honest answers and self-reveals ----all of that means nothing. People text because it's fun. Texting is fun even if you have no plans to really meet someone. Texting is NOT a sign of interest or intention or desire to meet or desire for a relationship. I'm sorry lots of folks, and it seems to be a lot of young folks, really take texting seriously. I remember when I would text women I had no real interest in, because the instant back-and-forth just created all kinds of dopamine hits. It's a high. So when someone disappears after texting, it doesn't mean they have lost interest. Because texting--no matter how many rounds over how many days--says nothing about their interest in the first place. Text briefly to set up a meeting and go from there. I don't find texting fun at all but i only text because its a way to keep in touch with ppl and i dont always have the time to have lengthy conversations with everyone. And i find it even less fun when its someone i may never meet. That's totally pointless. Dont think ive done it really I never understand people who do that Edited January 29, 2021 by peach302
MeadowFlower Posted January 29, 2021 Posted January 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: Texting is NOT a sign of interest or intention or desire to meet or desire for a relationship. Well I disagree with this.. Speaking for myself that is.
dramafreezone Posted January 30, 2021 Posted January 30, 2021 (edited) On 1/28/2021 at 7:24 PM, fred123 said: yes but she was the one also messaging me a lot so didnt she come off as needy? why is it needy if i do tje same? You're too available. When women like you they want all of your attention. But the conundrum is if all of sudden you give them all of your attention, they lose interest. They like easy for a little while, then it gets boring. It's like anything else, if it's abundant then it doesn't have a lot of value. If you give her all of your time, then that means your time is not that valuable, and she won't value it. Add what ShortSkirts said. It could also be a million other things on her end that have nothing to do with you. But you didn't help your case by being available all the time. I don't think it's always a conscious thought; she may not know why she lost attraction. But I am here to tell you that women can't respect a guy that's always available. Be different than the other 5 guys she's texting. That doesn't mean deliberately take too long to text her, but actually be busy with stuff. Edited January 30, 2021 by dramafreezone
Kaarek Posted January 30, 2021 Posted January 30, 2021 (edited) One thing you should learn about women or let's say the majority is that they DO prefer mysterious men. Now, don't get this wrong, when I say mysterious, I mean men that have a life and they're constantly busy with their life, not by being a douche. Why? Because it makes them wonder: "What is he doing?" "Is he talking with other women?" etc.. I'm sure some women might disagree with me in this post and that's completely fine. But based on my personal experience and after meeting/dating different women, I can assure you NO woman likes clingy, Yes-men, always there ready to reply every single message and do anything for them. It looks needy and it gets boring quickly, this happened to me as well, I've met a super awesome girl that I hanged out daily with, shared thoughts and whatnot. Then it eventually became a boring chore, because we ran out of topics, every single day was the same, and she was extremely needy emotionally speaking. Now, let's get back to your main concern. I'm not sure what your age is and that doesn't matter either way. But if you want women to actually stick around, be interested, and want you, whatever your goal is, my best suggestion is to take care of yourself, focus on You, and don't be constantly available, otherwise, it's obvious you've got nothing in your hands, and all you do is wait on every single message she sends to you. P.S. Unless you're dating, don't dedicate yourself to a single woman, speak with several people at the same time. Give priority accordingly to those that do it as well, and most importantly MEET in real life if you can, I know this Covid thing is a little bit crazy at the moment. But I can't stretch enough how important is to meet the girl. Talking online and meeting in real life is way different, you need to see how they behave with others, walk, talk, and so much more, things you won't be able to determine simply through an app or selfie. I hope this helped you out, don't get discouraged, there ARE many lovely women out there. Peace out Edited January 30, 2021 by Kaarek
littleblackheart Posted January 30, 2021 Posted January 30, 2021 11 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Texting, lots of texting, constant texting, non-stop texting, sexy texting, texting day and night, texting with witty lines and flirtatious lines and great emojis, texting with humor, texting with seemingly honest answers and self-reveals ----all of that means nothing. People text because it's fun. Texting is fun even if you have no plans to really meet someone. Texting is NOT a sign of interest or intention or desire to meet or desire for a relationship. I agree that texting can be fun when you're just started interacting with someone new, and I agree it doesn't always mean you are particularly invested one way or the other at the start, though it can translate into genuine interest as time goes by. It's not as black and white as what you are portraying it to be even if I agree with the fun / dopamine highs part. The bolded wouldn't be meaningless to me, just a fun way of building a connection, but others might see it differently. Not sure I'd want to invest a lot of time and energy for dopamine highs only. In pandemic times specifically, when simply texting to set up a meeting is not practical or even possible depending on where you live, it's the equivalent of harmless flirting. When distance and restrictions are involved or people can't actually meet for whatever reason (like in Fred's case), two genuinely interested parties will keep it going in other more creative or meaningful ways until a time they can meet. 11 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: So when someone disappears after texting, it doesn't mean they have lost interest. They may want something more meaningful after too much texting, or they may in actual fact have lost interest. Basically, we don't know - too many variables involved to draw generalities. It depends on the situation and the individuals involved.
chillii Posted January 30, 2021 Posted January 30, 2021 On 1/29/2021 at 6:58 PM, basil67 said: One person's 'needy' is another person's 'enthusiastic'. It all depends on how much the recipient wants to respond. Exactly . Others will be disappointed if he's not as keen as , they're looking for it wanting that.
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